davidylan:

sorry but i fail to see how that is a "hole". It is fairly common that women use children and the threat of police accusations in contentious divorce and child support cases. .

That may be. But we don't know for sure that was the case here since the OP has not provided the circumstances leading up to the divorce. A simple, she left him because she wanted to be with her richer boyfriend for instance would suffice. It would also help me gauge what the OP truly knows.

What she stood to gain? Preventing her husband from having any form of visitation rights whatsoever.

Why though? And what does she stand to gain from that?

ileobatojo:
Why though? And what does she stand to gain from that?

duh, to make his life miserable! is that not the usual modus operandi all over the world? women hi-fiving one another whenever they managed to be a pain in their men's neck?

coogar:

in the man's shoes, what would you have done?

Probably take some time to regroup and build a strong case for myself. If I'm truly innocent. Perhaps the stress of it all would make me cut back on the visits but I would not cut off my children completely. I certainly understand how stressful and risky it is for the man but even if it means only calling them weekly and seeing them once in 6 months, I would stay in touch with my kids. I would take measures to fortify myself against false claims as much as possible. I would remain one step ahead of the ex wife.

ileobatojo: Why though? And what does she stand to gain from that?

You want to say you dont know women go to any lenght just to punish an ex? She is getting child support denying him any rights to the kids and even wouldnt hesitate to land him in jail

So its until she goes BokoHaram on him before we realize this is a woman trying to ruin her ex husband

ileobatojo:

Probably take some time to regroup and build a strong case for myself. If I'm truly innocent. Perhaps the stress of it all would make me cut back on the visits but I would not cut off my children completely. I certainly understand how stressful and risky it is for the man but even if it means only calling them weekly and seeing them once in 6 months, I would stay in touch with my kids. I would take measures to fortify myself against false claims as much as possible. I would remain one step ahead of the ex wife.

How would he call when the phone he gave the kids was thrown away by the wife?

How would he fortify himself against claims of child abuse other than staying away from the situation?

No one can have access to a child if the woman/mother doesnt want it. Unless he wants to land in jail

He is already doing his best paying Child Support if he wasnt doing that then he can be accused of child neglect and abandonment and called names.

Since we have found evidence that OP lives in US Does this add or remove anything from the issue?

ileobatojo:
Probably take some time to regroup and build a strong case for myself. If I'm truly innocent. Perhaps the stress of it all would make me cut back on the visits but I would not cut off my children completely. I certainly understand how stressful and risky it is for the man but even if it means only calling them weekly and seeing them once in 6 months, I would stay in touch with my kids. I would take measures to fortify myself against false claims as much as possible. I would remain one step ahead of the ex wife.

there's no case to be built here.....think about it carefully! the kids are quite young and i doubt they have mobile phones the man can reach them on. we don't know if this woman has changed the number on the housephone......if a woman does not want a man to reach out to the kids, it's easy peasy lemon squeezy! women have been using this method for eons!

then again, for the woman to have succeeded in getting a restraining order against the husband she must have lied about something serious against him so what exactly can this man do from this point? risk going to prison or what? i am afraid, the man is powerless until the kids become fully-grown. in the man's shoes, i would do the same thing as well - stay off for a while until the kids grow up and understand the situation!

dayokanu:

You want to say you dont know women go to any lenght just to punish an ex? She is getting child support denying him any rights to the kids and even wouldnt hesitate to land him in jail

So its until she goes BokoHaram on him before we realize this is a woman trying to ruin her ex husband

Call me naive if you will but I don't know this to be a thing among Nigerian woman. I can understand going for full custody instead of joint so she receives child support payments. (I didn't say I agree o) However, I really hesitate to believe she's trying to completely cut him out of his children's lives just for her vindictive entertainment.

ileobatojo:

Probably take some time to regroup and build a strong case for myself. If I'm truly innocent. Perhaps the stress of it all would make me cut back on the visits but I would not cut off my children completely. I certainly understand how stressful and risky it is for the man but even if it means only calling them weekly and seeing them once in 6 months, I would stay in touch with my kids. I would take measures to fortify myself against false claims as much as possible. I would remain one step ahead of the ex wife.

He bought a phone for precisely that and his wife destroyed it. what else do you want him to do? Call by magic?

dayokanu:

How would he call when the phone he gave the kids was thrown away by the wife?

Come on now! Stop being petty.

How would he fortify himself against claims of child abuse other than staying away from the situation

Some suggestions have previously been giving. He should also use his gumption.

He is already doing his best paying Child Support if he wasnt doing that then he can be accused of child neglect and abandonment and called names.

Riiight! He is paying the child support out of the goodness of his heart. Not because he is ordered to pay it by law or because he could go to jail for nonpayment.

Since we have found evidence that OP lives in US Does this add or remove anything from the issue

What's that got to do with me? Did I say anything about where the OP lives?

dayokanu:

How would he call when the phone he gave the kids was thrown away by the wife?

How would he fortify himself against claims of child abuse other than staying away from the situation?

No one can have access to a child if the woman/mother doesnt want it. Unless he wants to land in jail

He is already doing his best paying Child Support if he wasnt doing that then he can be accused of child neglect and abandonment and called names.

Since we have found evidence that OP lives in US Does this add or remove anything from the issue?

Nah they just ignore the evidence and plough further with their preconceived ideas. The man must be found guilty at all costs. It is the rule of the game here.

ileobatojo:

Call me naive if you will but I don't know this to be a thing among Nigerian woman. I can understand going for full custody instead of joint so she receives child support payments. (I didn't say I agree o) However, I really hesitate to believe she's trying to completely cut him out of his children's lives just for her vindictive entertainment.

that is your opinion. It has nothing to do with the facts of the matter as stated by the OP. If she wants the man access to his kids, why did she destroy the phone he bought for that precise purpose?

davidylan:

He bought a phone for precisely that and his wife destroyed it. what else do you want him to do? Call by magic?

Really?! Is he legally allowed to speak to his kids on phone as part of his visitation rights? Then how he can reach them would have been planned out. If she is repeatedly hindering him from calling he has the option of addressing it in the courts.

davidylan:

that is your opinion. It has nothing to do with the facts of the matter as stated by the OP. If she wants the man access to his kids, why did she destroy the phone he bought for that precise purpose?

What's my problem with what she wants in this instance. It's what allowable to him by law that's more relevant.

By the way, the OP has not given us any facts as to why she continued to make reports against him.

I don't blame the man for staying away oh.
He is probably dealing with the shock and pain of the whole saga and is trying to avoid more traps.
He wants to jejerly manage his life and obey court orders before he is thrown in jail on some trumped up charges.
That is the problem when the laws are tilted too much to one side. Down here we have the laws tilted to favor men in marriage, the law and the culture hence someone gets up throws his wife out and moves in a younger woman, no fight no questions asked.
Down there a woman can get up and do the same and the law will back her and make the man pay on top of all he has lost.

My advice to the Poster and family members, please let the man be, if she gets him thrown in jail and he losses his job no be una go feed him, pay his rent.
He has lost so much already, he is a smart man, trying to readjust and rebuild his life.

As for her, the truth about life I have learnt is that you will never find happiness by making others unhappy.

Poster, please let the man be, when he has put the right things in place he will fight for his kids, legal fees in US is not beans

debrief08: I don't blame the man for staying away oh.
He is probably dealing with the shock and pain of the whole saga and is trying to avoid more traps.
He wants to jejerly manage his life and obey court orders before he is thrown in jail on some trumped up charges.
That is the problem when the laws are tilted too much to one side. Down here we have the laws tilted to favor men in marriage, the law and the culture hence someone gets up throws his wife out and moves in a younger woman, no fight no questions asked.
Down there a woman can get up and do the same and the law will back her and make the man pay on top of all he has lost.

My advice to the Poster and family members, please let the man be, if she gets him thrown in jail and he losses his job no be una go feed him, pay his rent.
He has lost so much already, he is a smart man, trying to readjust and rebuild his life.

As for her, the truth about life I have learnt is that you will never find happiness by making others unhappy.

Poster, please let the man be, when he has put the right things in place he will fight for his kids, legal fees in US is not beans

I agree with much of this except that so far we don't know if the man ever plans to come for his kids. Not everybody has the mental and financial fortitude to be constantly embroiled in legal matters. So I can't necessarily blame him for his own personal weaknesses.

ileobatojo:

Really?! Is he legally allowed to speak to his kids on phone as part of his visitation rights? Then how he can reach them would have been planned out. If she is repeatedly hindering him from calling he has the option of addressing it in the courts.

lol shebi you can "plan" things with someone who is reasonable and not looking to put you in jail.
Legally he is allowed to speak to his kids but we all know that a woman can block that if she so chooses. Seen it happen many many times, all it takes is to switch your number or not even pick your calls chikena. How will he address the issue in court? We keep raising this court as if it costs only $10. If he has to fight for every right in court with a lawyer costing in the realm of $300/hr, where will he get money to pay child support and still save for the futures of those same kids? Let us get real here.

ileobatojo:

What's my problem with what she wants in this instance. It's what allowable to him by law that's more relevant.

By the way, the OP has not given us any facts as to why she continued to make reports against him.

That's applicable in an ideal world. But we live in the real world ma'am. If the woman says he cant see his kids then he doesnt see them regardless of what the judge says. He can go to court all he wants but what's to stop the woman saying she cut visitation because the kids were sick? Who will demand for doctors notes from her?

ileobatojo:

I agree with much of this except that so far we don't know if the man ever plans to come for his kids. Not everybody has the mental and financial fortitude to be constantly embroiled in legal matters. So I can't necessarily blame him for his own personal weaknesses.

and the basis for this conjecture is?
I tire for people sha... nothing a man does is ever right?

Eh madam Debrief... THANK YOU for bring sanity to the thread. At last a woman who has some perspective.

ileobatojo:

I agree with much of this except that so far we don't know if the man ever plans to come for his kids. Not everybody has the mental and financial fortitude to be constantly embroiled in legal matters. So I can't necessarily blame him for his own personal weaknesses.

If he doesnt plan to come back for his kids that means he would have decided to neglect or abandon them

NOW WHY WOULD HE BE PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORTS IF THATS THE CASE?

dayokanu:

If he doesnt plan to come back for his kids that means he would have decided to neglect or abandon them

NOW WHY WOULD HE BE PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORTS IF THATS THE CASE?

What?? you're asking for objectivity? No way jose!

Say after me - the man is always wrong regardless!

I agree that if he had malicious intent he will stop paying child support and she will be the one to head to court and he will raise his own issues and complains as not being allowed to see the kids.
I see a man who just wants to play safe.

If he didn't want the kids he would skip payments and let her be chasing him around.
He supports his kids yet needs to avoid trouble.

People who live in peace with sane partners no fit understand some things.

No Gender has monopoly of abuse of power. Women abuse power just as much as men if the law sides them
We can only pray and shine our eyes so we won't end up with bad people or people who will taste power and love it a little too much

ileobatojo is a misandrist!

dayokanu:

If he doesnt plan to come back for his kids that means he would have decided to neglect or abandon them

NOW WHY WOULD HE BE PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORTS IF THATS THE CASE?

Because he is required by law to pay it! As long as he is in the US he pretty much risks jail by not paying it. If you're trying to tell me he's regularly sending her $1000 every month out of the goodness of his heart then you should go find some newborn baby to tell that to.

debrief08: I agree that if he had malicious intent he will stop paying child support and she will be the one to head to court and he will raise his own issues and complains as not being allowed to see the kids.
I see a man who just wants to play safe.

If he didn't want the kids he would skip payments and let her be chasing him around.
He supports his kids yet needs to avoid trouble.

People who live in peace with sane partners no fit understand some things.

No Gender has monopoly of abuse of power. Women abuse power just as much as men if the law sides them
We can only pray and shine our eyes so we won't end up with bad people or people who will taste power and love it a little too much

Spot on.I read abi is it heard somewhere (dont get why i will be married and thinking of seperation though)that dont marry or have kids with someone who you think could become nasty in a seperation.Bush women who are nit confident in who they are as people and then get to america and say chai na law be this.So i can say he should jump and the law says how high .

I absolutely hate it when mature adults use lil kids as pawns in their own sick and egocentric games.I know its difficult to be civil in a divorce but fortunately or unfortunately when you have kids you are tied together for life.So think of the kids and just be civil.

Its the same in Nigeria on the side of the men.My friends dad(prominent politcian)banned the mother from her God given role at her wedding and wanted his wife to be the mother of the bride.Trust some greedy kids who are waiting for inheritance and cos he was paying agreed.What kind of sick humiliation is that?I should sit at the back while another woman acts as my child mother when am alive.Tufiakwa.Me i sha know that i would have told my Dad where to stuff his money and his irritant trophy wife.

coogar: ileobatojo is a misandrist!

Of course.....Yeye!

davidylan:

and the basis for this conjecture is?
I tire for people sha... nothing a man does is ever right?

What is the basis for your assumption that he plans to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are we not taking it at face value anymore? Do we only take the parts that fit your own opinions at face value?

ileobatojo: Because he is required by law to pay it! As long as he is in the US he pretty much risks jail by not paying it. If you're trying to tell me he's regularly sending her $1000 every month out of the goodness of his heart then you should go find some newborn baby to tell that to.

You think a man who doesnt want to pay Child Support needs to think of it?

How long would it take him to quit paycheck job and start a business, Tax filing, Car selling etc where no one would know how much he makes.

He would declare he makes $500 per month after expenses and child support from that might be $73 per month

I have seen people who do this regularly. A man who sold his business to his cousin and the cousin "Employed" him to make $7 per hour and the man still drives Lexus all over town

ileobatojo:


Because he is required by law to pay it! As long as he is in the US he pretty much risks jail by not paying it. If you're trying to tell me he's regularly sending her $1000 every month out of the goodness of his heart then you should go find some newborn baby to tell that to.

But what if he truly is? How do you know? Do you live with the OPs cousin too? you seem to know something we dont...
Men skip on child support every day and nobody puts them in jail. There are plenty of ways around it...
He can relocate to another state, move to nigeria, relocate to canada. He can change jobs that does not require him to file anything with the IRS... plenty of ways around it. You act as if paying child support is some holy grail. I personally know of folks who make way over $1500 a month and pay $25 in child support all by lying to the court.

ileobatojo:

What is the basis for your assumption that he plans to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are we not taking it at face value anymore? Do we only take the parts that fit your own opinions at face value?

What is YOUR assumption that he does not plan to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are you simply making stuff up as you go along?

ileobatojo:

What is the basis for your assumption that he plans to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are we not taking it at face value anymore? Do we only take the parts that fit your own opinions at face value?

For him to be paying Child support of $1000 per month shows he cares

$1000 is what some people make in a whole month anyone who doles that amount of money out is still interested in their welfare. He can as well quit working.

WHy do you think some Akata men dont work? Because of overwhelming Child support

ileobatojo:
What is the basis for your assumption that he plans to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are we not taking it at face value anymore? Do we only take the parts that fit your own opinions at face value?

why is he paying child support if he does not intend to come back? why did the woman get a restraining order against the man if not for the fact that she knew he would come back? he can easily relocate to another state or another country - so the child support schitzo is not "that" mandatory! ileoba, get some perspective and quit this marriage solicitor antics.......

ileobatojo:
Of course.....Yeye!

don't deny it - it always shows in your comments........

davidylan:

What is YOUR assumption that he does not plan to come back for them? Did the OP say so? Or are you simply making stuff up as you go along?

We really could do this all day. I'm going to stop replying you now. Apparently what baby said about you is true.