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Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? - Family - Nairaland

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Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 5:09pm On Feb 03, 2013
i had a brief argument with my husband about him always wanting me to associate with his family members and not associate with my family members.the argument heated up to a point that i told him that a woman's family is always there to assist when help is needed more than a man's family but to my shock a man i have been married to for a year plus now, told me that i wish for his downfall so he can come running to my family.this is a man i pray with every morning and night for God to bless his career and us as a family,so how can i possibly wish his downfall?this is weird.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Jellitah: 5:45pm On Feb 03, 2013
*sighs*
Only one year and you are complaining of such a triviality.
No wonder no barry wanno h-answer ya thread.
Wait till the man begin call you 'ashawo'! grin
Mu he he he he he

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrm. . . when you have received ya fOrst slap. . . please return. kiss

Y'awl just warming up for 'spring' training in marriage.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh!
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 6:21pm On Feb 03, 2013
Jellitah: *sighs*
Only one year and you are complaining of such a triviality.
No wonder no barry wanno h-answer ya thread.
Wait till the man begin call you 'ashawo'! grin
Mu he he he he he

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrm. . . when you have received ya fOrst slap. . . please return. kiss

Y'awl just warming up for 'spring' training in marriage.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh!
nawa for you o.haba! how can you say such crap to a woman that is feeling emotionally hurt and confused.will she come here and type this if all was well with her marriage.if you dont have anything reasonable to say to her,the best you could have done for her or to her was to ignore this thread,anyway poster,my advice to you is to calm down and avoid unnecessary and petty arguements with your husband especially when its of no significance.am sure you want a peaceful,blissful and happy marriage,to attain this avoid arguements,confrontations and exchange of words as much as possible except when you need to adress serious minded issue.at least its better to loose an arguement than loose your peace in a marriage.there are so many things you have to ignore and let go to enjoy your husband.strive to make a friend out of him instead of an arguementator or competitor,please!

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Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 6:26pm On Feb 03, 2013
pweetymama: i had a brief argument with my husband about him always wanting me to associate with his family members and not associate with my family members.the argument heated up to a point that i told him that a woman's family is always there to assist when help is needed more than a man's family but to my shock a man i have been married to for a year plus now, told me that i wish for his downfall so he can come running to my family. this is a man i pray with every morning and night for God to bless his career and us as a family,so how can i possibly wish his downfall?this is weird.

That is so bizarre that the 3 things that immediately come to my mind are:
1. He is a paranoid schizophrenic.
2. A 'prophet' of some sort told him exactly the bolded and so he is acting it out to you.
3. He has a serious complex about your family. Is your family considerably richer than his?

Number 1 being the least likely since you haven't mentioned other signs of mental illness.


Again, not saying these are definitely the reasons o, these are just the possibilities that come to my own mind.
Good luck.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by slimyem: 6:36pm On Feb 03, 2013
This is a simple misunderstanding and your husband seems to be a very sensitive person.
Maybe you should more careful with your choice of words.
..and i don't understand why he doesn't want you associating with you family..
He is feeling threated by them perhaps?
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 6:56pm On Feb 03, 2013
Thanks kulyie,slimyem and ileobatojo.@jellitah,my hubby will neva hit a woman.like slimyem said,i believe its a misunderstanding.maybe cos he had a tough time with some relatives when he came to make his intention of marrying me known to them.but all that is past now and they always come to visit us  help out when i need somewhere to drop my baby. they have even forgotten abt that but he keeps bringing it up and hates d thought of me going to see them and forgets it was same house he saw me b4 he married me.he is from a wealthy family.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by OkikiOluwa1(m): 7:10pm On Feb 03, 2013
Just a misunderstanding. Pray 4 peace & try 2 make him see ur reasons without quarell.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 7:18pm On Feb 03, 2013
We are not quarelling.i told him if that is what he thinks of me,it's okay.i try my best not to quarell with him even when there should be one,i avoid it by keeping quiet.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Jellitah: 7:33pm On Feb 03, 2013
pweetymama: @jellitah,my hubby will neva hit a woman.

You already told me what I need to know. When an OP jumps out to address others on PAGE 1, it means it is a desperado-thread. wink

Nice to know that you ALREADY can predict your husband's temperament down the road from less than the first 2 years of marriage.

Well, since you have such a gift, you should have been able to decode the meaning of your exchanges without coming to NL abi? grin

Thanks for your time. kiss

TIME FOR SUPERBOWL 47!!! Later NL. . . . . . See ya soon. Warmest regards to Pyguru! wink

Next please.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 7:44pm On Feb 03, 2013

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Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by nitlad: 7:46pm On Feb 03, 2013
Your huzi is man-bittcch. undecided Simples. tongue
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 7:55pm On Feb 03, 2013
pweetymama: Thanks kulyie,slimyem and ileobatojo.@jellitah,my hubby will neva hit a woman.like slimyem said,i believe its a misunderstanding.maybe cos he had a tough time with some relatives when he came to make his intention of marrying me known to them.but all that is past now and they always come to visit us  help out when i need somewhere to drop my baby. they have even forgotten abt that but he keeps bringing it up and hates d thought of me going to see them and forgets it was same house he saw me b4 he married me.he is from a wealthy family.


Tough time with a lady's relative prior to marriage is something that a few men can't let go of.Please apologise to your hubby on their behalf and let him realise that the past belongs to the past.People say words they ll regret in the heat of passion.He probably doesn't mean what he said,most men can say anything to drive home a point.Thank God you know that silence is the key,don't bother arguing with him.Whatever happens,your family will always be your family and he can't stop you from associating with them.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by ferhyntorlah(f): 11:47pm On Feb 03, 2013
slimyem: This is a simple misunderstanding and your husband seems to be a very sensitive person.
Maybe you should more careful with your choice of words.

..and i don't understand why he doesn't want you associating with you family..
He is feeling threated by them perhaps?

Poster, please pay close attention to the bolded. In my opinion, men are sensitive creatures, so you have to choose your words carefully when conversing with him.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by saintvc(m): 3:49am On Feb 04, 2013
The heart of a woman is extremely wicked
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by greatgod2012(f): 5:03am On Feb 04, 2013
From my own point of view, i dont think your hubby really mean those words he said, he only used those words to score points, some men are like that, they seems to be so sensitive to d extent of using cheap blackmail to score points, even though, that tendency of not having forgotten what happened b4 you two became married might be there, but believe me, he wants d best for you, its you that should understand d type of man you have, if he's always using very harsh words each time there is disagreement, then try as much as possible to calm yourself down, and dont argue back,till his better mood, when you can calmly express how you felt.
My dear sister, marriage no be beans, it requires a lot of patience and wisdom, which you have to constantly ask God for.
BTW, your marriage is still young, d disagreement might seems very frequents now, but its an avenue for d two of you to know yourselves better.
Just do something for me, always learn from what might cause any disagreement, so that, there wont be its repetition again, with that, within 2-3 years of your marriage, you would have exhausted what might be causing disagreements in your marriage, and dont always forget to apologise to him after disagreement(even when you know you are right), all men love that ego.
Back to d topic, apologise to him and let him realise that what he said wasnt d case and that you and God forbid it happening. Then that settles it.
Sorry my dear, it is well with you and your marriage.
May God help us all.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 10:53am On Feb 04, 2013
greatgod2012: From my own point of view, i dont think your hubby really mean those words he said, he only used those words to score points, some men are like that, they seems to be so sensitive to d extent of using cheap blackmail to score points, even though, that tendency of not having forgotten what happened b4 you two became married might be there, but believe me, he wants d best for you, its you that should understand d type of man you have, if he's always using very harsh words each time there is disagreement, then try as much as possible to calm yourself down, and dont argue back,till his better mood, when you can calmly express how you felt.
My dear sister, marriage no be beans, it requires a lot of patience and wisdom, which you have to constantly ask God for.
BTW, your marriage is still young, d disagreement might seems very frequents now, but its an avenue for d two of you to know yourselves better.
Just do something for me, always learn from what might cause any disagreement, so that, there wont be its repetition again, with that, within 2-3 years of your marriage, you would have exhausted what might be causing disagreements in your marriage, and dont always forget to apologise to him after disagreement(even when you know you are right), all men love that ego.
Back to d topic, apologise to him and let him realise that what he said wasnt d case and that you and God forbid it happening. Then that settles it.
Sorry my dear, it is well with you and your marriage.
May God help us all.


@Greatgod,I usually agree with u but this part of your post "(even when you know you are right)"get as e be.

Apologise even when she is rightfor how long will she apologise??till she drops dead??I think apologising whenever you are wrong is more like it.Not arguing with him is enough massage to his ego,so apologising to his wrong doings is uncalled for.

@Poster,If you are going to apologise for his errors,be ready to suck his big toe for the rest of your life.How will he know he is wrong when you are Akon"put the blame on me"?You can't force a man to apologise and mehn is not your job to apologise for his errors.Apologise when you are wrong,ofcourse if you are ready to apologise all through your life,then you can apologise for his bullshits as well.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 11:12am On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: the argument heated up to a point that i told him that a woman's family is always there to assist when help is needed more than a man's family .

Wait a minute, were you drunk or high on weed when you told him the above? How can any sane woman who has only been married for a year tell her husband indirectly that his family won't be there for him during hardship? Whoever told you that it's your call to make? and you expect him not to react? How old are you? 16?

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Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by 9lifes(m): 11:40am On Feb 04, 2013
Go and apologies to the man,2 years is too short to forget what families put men through in the name of marriage.People just talk anyhow and yet she is the one playing the victim here. Try to understand his feelings about your family,his reaction is a sure sign he is locking something up and it will overwhelm him one day,and a bigger wahala dey come if u don't dig deep enough.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by biolabee(m): 12:48pm On Feb 04, 2013
In your context no
I think he is just a bit ruffled by the closeness of the maternal side to his family
It is a huge asset to him and he should realise this but if from the body language he does not like it, then step away and reduce affliations for marital peace

On your q, yes it is possible for a woman to wish bad for her hubby
A less empowered man is easier to control.. THIS IS AFRICA
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 3:58pm On Feb 04, 2013
jennykadry:

Wait a minute, were you drunk or high on weed when you told him the above? How can any sane woman who has only been married for a year tell her husband indirectly that his family won't be there for him during hardship? Whoever told you that it's your call to make? and you expect him not to react? How old are you? 16?
maybe u r d one high on weed.b4 you make a comment,you ask questions about something you don't understand.i made that comment cos i know my extended family is more closely knit than his.for example-i can call on any relation of mine and request 100k and it will be given to me bt if he calls a relation aside his immediate family and request only 10k,no one will come to his aid.besides,that is not the case here because we are financially comfortable.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 4:01pm On Feb 04, 2013
A very big thank you to all for your responses.i have learnt a lot here. smiley
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 4:14pm On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: for example-i can call on any relation of mine and request 100k and it will be given to me bt if he calls a relation aside his immediate family and request only 10k,no one will come to his aid.besides,that is not the case here because we are financially comfortable.

Now, you're talking. So it's basically problem number 3 from my previous post. (I suspected it because you kinda slyly evaded answering my question).

Anyway, there are guys like that, I know a guy who just cannot handle the closeness of his wife's family because his family is not that close and insecurity/jealousy rears it's head. Anyway, now you know he is insecure with how close and generous your family is, you just have to find a way of managing things without appearing to rub it in his face. Sorry you are being put in such a situation. I really don't think it's fair to you that you now have to tiptoe around your husband and your family. But it is what it is. Hopefully, some day, he will warm up to the situation.

Statements like what you said to him though will not help matters though. I know it was in the heat of an argument, but he looks at it as you trying to rub your family's good fortune in his face. Basically, he interpreted it as you saying, "my family is in a better position to help us than yours if we ever need help".

Anyways, good luck to you! These things are part of the trials of marriage!
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 4:36pm On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: maybe u r d one high on weed.b4 you make a comment,you ask questions about something you don't understand.i made that comment cos i know my extended family is more closely knit than his.for example-i can call on any relation of mine and request 100k and it will be given to me bt if he calls a relation aside his immediate family and request only 10k,no one will come to his aid.besides,that is not the case here because we are financially comfortable.

I repeat my question, are you 16? I understand perfectly well but If you could not read between the lines in my post then you will never get it. It's like a woman telling her husband that his mum is a witch. Learn to read my lips, you don't tell your husband what you said no matter what, it does not matter if they help him out or not, what you did was mock him and his family, learn to act wise in your husbands house. A man that loves and cares about his family will not take that comment of yours lightly. Rubbing it in his face like he comes from a very unreliable family.

If my husband made that kind of comment in my presence, he is in trouble. What you need to learn in marriage is to choose your words wisely and also learn to shut your mouth when you have nothing intelligent to say. You don't less-appreciate your husband's family members because of money. Like I said, "it's not your call to make"
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 5:21pm On Feb 04, 2013
jennykadry:

I repeat my question, are you 16? I understand perfectly well but If you could not read between the lines in my post then you will never get it. It's like a woman telling her husband that his mum is a witch. Learn to read my lips, you don't tell your husband what you said no matter what, it does not matter if they help him out or not, what you did was mock him and his family, learn to act wise in your husbands house. A man that loves and cares about his family will not take that comment of yours lightly. Rubbing it in his face like he comes from a very unreliable family.

If my husband made that kind of comment in my presence, he is in trouble. What you need to learn in marriage is to choose your words wisely and also learn to shut your mouth when you have nothing intelligent to say. You don't less-appreciate your husband's family members because of money. Like I said, "it's not your call to make"
i think the reverse is the case here and u are the under aged one or you won't be talking carelessly to people you have never met.you really need to learn how to address people.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 5:23pm On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: i think the reverse is the case here and u are the under aged one or you won't be talking carelessly to people you have never met.you really need to learn how to address people.

I am glad my message got to you loud and clear.

Enjoy
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by StateOfMind: 6:07pm On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: i think the reverse is the case here and u are the under aged one or you won't be talking carelessly to people you have never met.you really need to learn how to address people.

Please calm down and re-read her last post..it makes a whole lot of sense, focus on the message and not the 'messenger'. I was also drawn back reading that statement of yours (my family will be more willing to help than your family bla bla)..and you don't seem to see anything wrong with it. Only jenny pointed it out and I think ileobatojo also mentioned it too.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 6:22pm On Feb 04, 2013
StateOfMind:

Please calm down and re-read her last post..it makes a whole lot of sense, focus on the message and not the 'messenger'. I was also drawn back reading that statement of yours (my family will be more willing to help than your family bla bla)..and you don't seem to see anything wrong with it. Only jenny pointed it out and I think ileobatojo also mentioned it too.
its not like i don't understand what she was trying to point out.yes,i have apologised for the comment and everything is back to normal but that does not give jenny the right to insult me.like i said,it was in the heat of an argument.thanks all d same
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by Nobody: 6:27pm On Feb 04, 2013
pweetymama: its not like i don't understand what she was trying to point out.yes,i have apologised for the comment and everything is back to normal but that does not give jenny the right to insult me.like i said,it was in the heat of an argument.thanks all d same

What i did was give you a "constructive criticism" and if it came out as an insult I am sorry. You came here asking a question and all I wanted to do was find out why your husband would say such a thing to you. If you hadn't made that comment he wouldn't have said that and truly I would have thought same way if someone said that to me.

Like someone said focus on the message and not the messenger. I grew up with a dad who talked like CC and always had a nice way of getting his point across, on the other hand my mum is a typical me who would go straight to the point without holding hands or patting my back. Grow a tough skin already
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by baby124: 6:38pm On Feb 04, 2013
There are guys like this. They take that marrying into the mans family very seriously. I once dated someone that wanted me to pretend like my family didnt exist. And this was before marriage o. But he will force me to get to know all his family, and force me to get along with everybody. You did not fall from the sky. Your family cannot just disappear like that. He has to let go of past resentments and move on. Every family has reservations about anyone we marry anyway, so that shouldnt really carry on into the marriage. After all you married him. I am more worried about his inability to let things go, and say hurtful things just to get a point across though. Seems quite childish and a recipe for many issues in the future. You would really have to be careful with offending this one. He has a very long memory.
Re: Can A Woman Actually Wish The Downfall Of Her Husband? by pweetymama(f): 6:49pm On Feb 04, 2013
baby_123: There are guys like this. They take that marrying into the mans family very seriously. I once dated someone that wanted me to pretend like my family didnt exist. And this was before marriage o. But he will force me to get to know all his family, and force me to get along with everybody. You did not fall from the sky. Your family cannot just disappear like that. He has to let go of past resentments and move on. Every family has reservations about anyone we marry anyway, so that shouldnt really carry on into the marriage. After all you married him. I am more worried about his inability to let things go, and say hurtful things just to get a point across though. Seems quite childish and a recipe for many issues in the future. You would really have to be careful with offending this one. He has a very long memory.
yeah.i really try to choose my words carefully around him.if not for that argument,he would not have heard this.sometimes i feel he pushes me a little too hard to hear me say these things cos ordinarily i won't talk.

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