Pls no insults frm u, cos am heartbroken now. So i need matured and sincere advise frm u alll. It all started wen i had not gotten admission, den things wia so rough and tight for me. So i met dis man who was assisting me wt almost all my problems wc he was also advising me wen d need arises. But he was a married man and it got to a point he started asking me out for a relationship wc i refused, he kept insisting while i also pleaded wt him to stick to his wife, i did everything within my power as to make dis man get his mind off frm wat he was asking frm me but it all fell on deaf ears. Finally i agreed and d relationship started, he promised he wud protect me frm d environment and his wife wc he did while we wia together. He paid for my jamb form and did all d necessary things, he was also giving me money to pursue my admission and finally i got admitted into one of d poly's, i noticed i missed my monthly flow during my clearance but i overlooked it thinking it wud come out cos my monthly flow was not regular and i had all d signs and symptions of mentruation but on d long run it didnt show up so i informed him abt it and he asked me not to abort wc i kicked against cos i jst got admitted and wt d stress. I told my mum abt it wc she said i shuld abort it cos he's married though witout issue yet. We have pleaded wt him but its not working, my mum has talked wt him but he refused saying dat i shuld keep his baby and he has even threatened us dat if we try aborting d pregnancy wtout his consent dat we will knw d kind of person he is. I have given him my reasons, his wife will surely attack me but he said he vowed to protect me and d baby wc am still not yet satisfied wt. I knw he gave me almost all d money for my admission and accommodation but dats not enof reason for me to keep d baby cos i dont want to b a second wife or pple will definately think i only wanted to destroy sombody's home. He comes to see me in sch almost every weekend but it doesnt end dia. My mum is even tired of pleading wt him and am d only child my mum have. I cant even concentrate on my studies anymore. Pls i need advise frm u all and no insults pls.... Thnks.

It's ok dear. You don't even have a problem. I won't just blame you because everybody wants to survive especially when it's very clear to you that you are on your own. You'll want to do everything to survive. Well, like you said that things were very rough for you at the beginning so this man came and you couldn't turn him down but accepted due to circumstances, find, now he wants you to accept him due to circumstances as well that he has found himself in. That's simple! Your life already took a different turn when you discovered that you were helpless. So, bear with him. Keep the pregnancy, continue your education and let him continue sponsoring you as well. Don't listen to friends. Don't be shameful. Don't try to be wise now. Just be yourself. Be strong and continue with your life. Don't blame yourself either though you made some mistakes in the relationship. It's late now and there has to be no regrets. Just remain focus and ride on. But no matter what happens, stay with your mum even after delivery. Goodluck.

@ Eyencalaba, thnx so much for d advise, i really appreciate. Though its not bin easy for me cos my frnds are all saying so am goin to b a second wife, den am also thinking of wat my uncles will say and hw will dey take me, i knw wen i needed help, they weren't dia but dat wont b remembered anymore by them., i know i was d well preserved, decent and quite type, i was always indoors not becos i was d pretending type, dats hw i was brot up, i neva made too many frnds and we see once a while cos i knew wia i was coming, it was d circumstances around dat led to dis. D most painful part is dat i was born out of wedlock, wont pple say am jst like my mum and d funniest of it all is dat my mum is putting presure on me to go for D & C wtout his consent.

My Sister, though blames need to be apportioned here. You should not have told him you were pregnant for him, since you knew right from day one, you were not going to be a second wife. But since you ve made the mistake, the best bet is to go ahead and abort the child, regardless of his threats because in the eyes of the law, he is not legally married to you. So you got your body to play with. I can assure if you keep that baby, you will live to regret it later....the guilt, the shame(especially if you are from the eastern part), the stress, the explanations. Just think about it! Disconnect from the dude and save your life. Imagine what would happen to the other woman, if gets to hear this. Follow your mum's advice and do the needful. My 20 cents!

D fact dat u av a baby for him does not mean u shld marry him nau... Dont take unnecessary risk...

From d look of things d man can afford to take care of u and d baby... U made a mistak but dont complicate it by addin murder to it...

Clerverly: My Sister, though blames need to be apportioned here. You should not have told him you were pregnant for him, since you knew right from day one, you were not going to be a second wife. But since you ve made the mistake, the best bet is to go ahead and abort the child, regardless of his threats because in the eyes of the law, he is not legally married to you. So you got your body to play with. I can assure if you keep that baby, you will live to regret it later....the guilt, the shame(especially if you are from the eastern part), the stress, the explanations. Just think about it! Disconnect from the dude and save your life. Imagine what would happen to the other woman, if gets to hear this. Follow your mum's advice and do the needful. My 20 cents!

What if she dies during the process or she never bears a child again?

temi4fash: D fact dat u av a baby for him does not mean u shld marry him nau... Dont take unnecessary risk...

From d look of things d man can afford to take care of u and d baby... U made a mistak but dont complicate it by addin murder to it...

Nice. Supported.

^^^^^^^You are right to the extent that she visits quack doctors or hospital , but in as much it is done in professional way, no harm.

Sister, i believe you're still kinda young...say below 23yrs..maybe. Don't marry him, keep the baby, when the child is grown to about two yrs, continue your life and education, accept whatever the man has to support you and your baby (financially). If the wife later finds out, be apologetic, because she won't be happy with you (imagine if you're in her shoes!).

Avoid sexual relationship with anyone dat isn't your husband henceforth (u don't need to be told this). if you can get a small job, do.

In essence, pick up your life, be strong and determined to make things better! You can be happier than this.

Prettypresh: @ Eyencalaba, thnx so much for d advise, i really appreciate. Though its not bin easy for me cos my frnds are all saying so am goin to b a second wife, den am also thinking of wat my uncles will say and hw will dey take me, i knw wen i needed help, they weren't dia but dat wont b remembered anymore by them., i know i was d well preserved, decent and quite type, i was always indoors not becos i was d pretending type, dats hw i was brot up, i neva made too many frnds and we see once a while cos i knew wia i was coming, it was d circumstances around dat led to dis. D most painful part is dat i was born out of wedlock, wont pple say am jst like my mum and d funniest of it all is dat my mum is putting presure on me to go for D & C wtout his consent.

Pls, don't listen to people. I know they can say a lot. I know what friends can say. I know a lot of advise would be coming to you now. I know the psychological trauma you may be going through. Just be strong. Challenges are not really the issue but how we approach them. Don't let challenges sink you down. Start celebrating ur [unborn] baby boy. Lol.

JUST GO AHEAD WITH THE MAN, ITS UR DESTINY... SOMETIMES WE HAVE OUR PLANS BUT GOD HAVE ANOTHER PLAN FOR US... SO IT'S BETTER YOU FOLLOW HIS PLANS... YOUR CASE IS NOT THAT CRITICAL, IMAGINE WHEN I HAVE MY FIRST CHILD WITH MY GF THEN, I WAS STILL IN 200LEVEL AND I TRIED ALL POSSIBLE BEST TO ABORT THE PREGNANCY FOR HER INCLUDING SPIRITUAL AND PHYSICAL (D AND C, 4-TIMES), BUT ALL NA FRUITLESS EXCERSISE AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME ABOUT TRYING IT AGAIN! IF I TRIES IT, THE GIRL WILL DIE... SO WHAT I HAVE LEFT IS THE DELIVERY OPTION... WHICH IS WHAT IS MAKING ME HAPPY TODAY, I'M HAPPY SHE IS 7YRS, AND I DONT AV TO RUSH INTO ANY MARRIAGE LIKE MY MATES NOW, BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF FRNDS GETTING MARRIED LAST YEAR AND WILL BE HAVING THEIR FIRST KID'S THIS YEAR, WHILE MINE IS 7YRS... I'M ADVANTAGED WITH THAT SINGULAR ACT! WHAT WILL HAVE HAPPENED TO ME IF I HAVE KILLED MY FIRST BORN YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT EVEN MONEY NOW! ITS THE IMAGINARY ENEMY IN THE WIFE YOU ARE AFRAID OF! WELL, SHE MIGHT NOT BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK!

JUST GO AHEAD WITH THE MAN, ITS UR DESTINY... SOMETIMES WE HAVE OUR PLANS BUT GOD HAVE ANOTHER PLAN FOR US... SO IT'S BETTER YOU FOLLOW HIS PLANS... YOUR CASE IS NOT THAT CRITICAL, IMAGINE WHEN I HAVE MY FIRST CHILD WITH MY GF THEN, I WAS STILL IN 200LEVEL AND I TRIED ALL POSSIBLE BEST TO ABORT THE PREGNANCY FOR HER INCLUDING SPIRITUAL AND PHYSICAL (D AND C, 4-TIMES), BUT ALL NA FRUITLESS EXCERSISE AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME ABOUT TRYING IT AGAIN! IF I TRIES IT, THE GIRL WILL DIE... SO WHAT I HAVE LEFT IS THE DELIVERY OPTION... WHICH IS WHAT IS MAKING ME HAPPY TODAY, I'M HAPPY SHE IS 7YRS, AND I DONT AV TO RUSH INTO ANY MARRIAGE LIKE MY MATES NOW, BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF FRNDS GETTING MARRIED LAST YEAR AND WILL BE HAVING THEIR FIRST KID'S THIS YEAR, WHILE MINE IS 7YRS... I'M ADVANTAGED WITH THAT!