Dont leave me behind,pls,remember all those good moments we shared together,pls de children need u i also need u she cried.
He looked up and saw her tears,it melted his heart but he couldnt stay,he really had to go but he wished he could stay.he looked into her eyes with soo much love and said to her i knw u can do this urself,pls be strong.the gods has spoken and i must obey alwz remember u re n ll alwz be de love of my life.he closed his eyes never to open them again.
She cried out with heavy heart filled with sorrow n her cries could be through de night.she held on to him and kissed his cold lips n she let de tears flow freely,hw was she going to face de world that fought against their love,who was she going to turn to,her parents who disowned her because she chose to follow her heart,she placed her head on his chest n remembered when they met;
she was de prettiest girl in de her town.her body slender than that of de snake and her skin smoother than velvet and darker lyk chocolate,she was tall and her hair darker than soot.she was very brave n was able to stand up to de man whom everybody feared her father,her father hated it when she challenged him but he really loved her n she never ever thought her father will disown her one day.she was every man's dream but every man was afraid to approach her,till she met him near the stream,she knew he wanted her and she also wanted him from de moment they saw each other
i'm Femi the hunter,princess of Yomiland.i heard u re fierce like a wounded tiger when angry but i ve never believed it cos u look too beautiful to ve such a heart.
She looked up and smiled,ppl talked she said and u dont believe dat do you,she smiled and her set of white teeth that shown melted his heart.
She walked up to him n said i will lyk u to meet under the fig tree this evening and she rushed off just lyked de wind without recieving any answer,he looked at her as she rushed off,what a woman?but he had already made up his mind to meet her.ready to woo her to be his.

As de dusk fell she left home clad in two piece of cloth,one that covered her firm bossoms n de one firmly covering her huge buttocks that had been decorated with de most expensive bead.smeared de bottled of de most seductive perfume on her.
As she got to the fig tree she saw his shadow n whistled his name,he turned sharply and was taken aback she was looking soo delectable and he immediately felt a burning sensation in his groin,he moved closer n hugged her n he whispered in her ears,i want u,she immediately shoved him aside n asked hw can u want me.he moved closer to her and touched her hand she didnt resist so he decided to plant a kiss on her lips,she felt chills through her spine as his lips touched her n he drew her close into his bossoms when she did not resist.his hands found its way to de knot of de cloth dat covered her bossoms,he uncladded and held de firm bossom rubbing it gently till he touched her hardened nipp.les,she groaned as his hand massaged her bossoms slighthly moving down through her spine to her buttocks.as their lips were still locked he played with her beads n moves on to her soft and firm buttocks he held on to them like his life depended on them.
She realizes what is going on as his hands found its way to her womanhood,she picks up her cloth n rushed off as and leaves him startled,but he was determined to make her his own.

Interesting.........

Fumi got home very excited,she almost gave her pride away to smbody she barely knew had she not run off in tym,she made up her mind to avoid him because her father would be very angry when he found out she was even friends with a hunter.
As she UnCloth she heard a soft tap on her door
Is my princess in her father called out
U can come in my love,she replied
I ve been here twice and didnt meet u here where did u go?her father asked.
I went to de river to see de sun set and hunt for some bird.
In de dark?her father asked angrily.she shd start behaving like a full grown woman cos u ll be married soon
she turned sharply and asked to who father?
The prince of Wonaland came here today to ask for ur hand in marriage?
Whattt!she exclaimed i ll rather marry a commoner dan marry dat arrogant prince.
Dat is hw ppl with royal blood flowing through their veins shd behave not as u go around hunting and going on dat useless escapades.u ll behave like a princess from nw on,i ll groom u to be the respectable queen before u marry,i ll not wait for u to disgrace me.
He stormed out of room angrily,but she had made up her mind already she was not going to marry dat arrogant prince who carried himself like he was some sort of god.
Nothing ll make me marry him,dat ll be over my dead body.

please can you update atleast,3times a day?

wizkris: please can you update atleast,3times a day?

i ll try my best,i was very busy today

Popowaa: i ll try my best,i was very busy today

3 Times is too much ooo. Pace yourself and take your time but not too long so you will be able to give us some good stuff. If you go by people's words, you might not develop your story well

Femi got home feeling very excited but he could not ignore de pain in his groin,hw could he forgot her,the scent of her perfume had made him want her and those firm bossoms could drive any man crazy,her skin felt very smooth to touch,is it love or passion i'm feeling,he asked himself.
I ll meet Fumi tomorrow,just her guts turns me on.i really want her he said to himself.
But things were not going to rosy and he knew it.he was a common hunter and she was de princess of the land,the eyes of the king but he was determined to go on this journey and the idea of it not been achievable even made him more determined.

Meanwhile,Fumi was struggling with sleep,tossing and turning,thinking what she can do to prevent this marriage.runaway,to where,and leave her daddy behind,no she could not bear it.it was not a good idea.
She thought hard,get pregnant,dat was de only solution,but with who,just who?
She picked a cloth and covered her unclothedness,rushed off,to where?she knew not,but she run with wind,her speed like dat of de cheetah,and her mind clouded with thoughts not knowing if her decision was right.she kept on running till she got to de river where she stopped for breath.she walked straight to de river and went in straight.
But what she saw frozed de blood flowing through her veins.what eyes could not see,and mouth cannot explain.
She tried to shout for help but her voice was gone,she tried again but she couldnot hear voice,she broke down in tears,what was dat she saw that made her lose her voice.hw can she explain dis to de priest when her voice was gone,hw ll she knw what she saw.
She cried her heart and did not when sleep came,for she woke in de bed of the man she nearly lost her pride to.

Sad! Tearz! Wonderful

Thanks

natkel1: Sad! Tearz! Wonderful

This is some nice stuff here

Thanks,but thinking of ways to increase de suspense

Mynd_44: This is some nice stuff here

Popowaa: Thanks,but thinking of ways to increase de suspense

Do some character development.....go back to their past and write stuff on what made them turn out the way they are.....introduce some scandals too.

Lyk hw,what scandals,i dont want de story to be too predictable

Mynd_44:
Do some character development.....go back to their past and write stuff on what made them turn out the way they are.....introduce some scandals too.

Popowaa: Lyk hw,what scandals,i dont want de story to be too predictable

I will mail you

Thanks soo much,i apreciate

Mynd_44:
I will mail you

Am an aspiring author, you v got to still learn how to write , am doing same to . U r not building suspense, I can tell where ur story is going . U choose to write about everyday thing , ur suspense shud make it new . Learn more

I ll try to change de direction,dats my aim

omidhe: Am an aspiring author, you v got to still learn how to write , am doing same to . U r not building suspense, I can tell where ur story is going . U choose to write about everyday thing , ur suspense shud make it new . Learn more

The priestess of Yomiland was a very petite woman de flesh on her body was very dry and wrinkly like all water has been squeezed out of her and years had not dealt leniently with her either,walking through de evil forest for so many months and going on for days without food,what else would u expect.but she was de eyes and ears of the gods and was respected in Yomiland and de neighbouring villages becos she alwz says exactly what she saw and spoke exactly what she heard.
But she has not alwz been lyk dis,all wrinkly and dried up,she was not born a priestess,but de gods loved her,she had alwz been their favourite.her parents were poor farmers who could barely feed themselves a three square meal but all that changed when she wa born,she came with so much luck but she herself was unlucky in life.
She married at de age of fifteen,den a very beautiful and vibrate young woman to the richest man in de village who already had three wives.Although she never lyked de man who were u to oppose ur parents back den and if there was happiness in marriage she never knew what it was.she was maltreated in her own home by de husband and was alwz sent back anytime she run back to her parents.she never knew hw it felt to carry a baby and her sorrows never seemed to end but gods had seen her woes and had already chosen her as their mouth piece.
She went to de farm oneday,never to return to her matrimonial home for she kidnapped by dwarfts into de deepest forest where it was forbidden to go where she was trained not only as de mouth piece of de gods but also to be able to cure with herbs,herbs dat she has never seen before .After soo many years when ppl had presumed her dead and brokenheartedness had taken her parents to de land of the ancestors she resurface,but she had changed a great deal.
For her hair was locked in dreads and her beauty had faded,but she was now de chosen one,de eyes of gods.at first de villagers were scared of her,thinking she was a ghost but dat changed when a young man who had been struck with a terrible skin disease was healed by her.she later begun to see and explain things dat could not be even explained by de wisest once in de land and gradually she had gain de trust,love and admiration by her ppl.
But dis this night what she was seeing was not good,she had to warn de hunter to thread catiously cos what she was seeing if it came to pass could be very disastrous not only to him but de entire village,she had to warn him fast.
I ll go to house first thing tomorrow morning,she said to herself.This must not happen,it should never happen.

At the first crow of the cock,the priestess set off to the house of femi,as she walk through the village the wind that blew accross showed evidently dat it ll bring the rain to visit very soon,it was cold but she was far from feeling cold,what she had seen and what was about to happen made her blood boil,she ll try hard to stop it.
She was lost in thought dat she did not notice neither did she hear de greetings of the hunters and farmers and they were scared cos de priestess always responded to their greetings,whatever it was that on her mind might be very serious.
As she walked on the birds could he heard chattering and singing praises to their maker,but she had too much on her mind to appreciate it.When she got to Femi's doorstep,she said in a loud voice,
I came this early morning not for a visit,but to warn you to keep off the woman that lies on ur bed cos she belongs to the gods,what u plan in ur head ll bring sorrow not only to her but to all of us in dis village,the gods has spoken to her she shall regain her speech,but be careful what u do,cos ur love and passion ll bring nothing but calamity to all of us.the gods has spoken,let him hear he who has ears.
So what i'm i to do,he asked.
I know not i only say what i ve been sent to say,nw ur fate,datof woman who lies in ur room and de entire village lies in ur hands.u ve been warned.
She walked away briskly and Femi was left confused standing rooted to where he stood as he watch her disappear.He must take the princess back to her father,when he entered the princess had left using de back door.
It was better this way but he was still confused,as he thought hard the cock crowed again and the darkness the other night had brought slowly began to rise and the wind that was blowing had become very strong but in it walked princess of Yomiland thinking about what the priestess had said and also feeling dejected.

Hmmm

Is it getting better

Mynd_44: Hmmm

Popowaa: Is it getting better

Watch the punctuations and please spell your words out fully. Other than that, great stuff

Kk,thanks for advice *noted*

Mynd_44:
Watch the punctuations and please spell your words out fully. Other than that, great stuff

Watch ur punctuation, and nice work.

Thanx

Damex333: Watch ur punctuation, and nice work.

I've decided to finish reading the story before commenting on it; and these are my observations:
* You have a poor syntactic arrangement -but this doesn't mean you have a poor story;
* punctuation is another important tool which seemed to be missing out of this story; and
* You need to spell your word(s) completely.
* My criticism is not aimed at discouraging you; it is aimed at improving your writing. I don't want to say much, but i think you have a very nice story. Keep it up!

I'm not discouraged,i ll try my best to work on de punctuation,i appreciate ur criticism,i'm not offended,thanks very much

Agbo O, G:
I've decided to finish reading the story before commenting on it; and these are my observations:
* You have a poor syntactic arrangement -but this doesn't mean you have a poor story;
* punctuation is another important tool which seemed to be missing out of this story; and
* You need to spell your word(s) completely.
* My criticism is not aimed at discouraging you; it is aimed at improving your writing. I don't want to say much, but i think you have a very nice story. Keep it up!

The villagers were putting their goats in their pens,and fowls run around as they refused to be caught,women rushed to remove their cloths from their lines since the wind was not looking friendly and the rain threathening to punish anyone who refused to stay indoors but in it walked the princess.Her thoughts clouded with what she just heard,she had many questions she needed answers to.She decided to rush to the priestess house ignoring the drizzles of water that was already pouring.She turned and walk briskly to the priestess house and when she got there she was soaked to her skin and was shivering from both cold and fear.She knocked gently on de door but no one answered she knocked again and when there was answer she let herself in.It was very dark and there was this strange feeling that hang over her,she took a few steps but froze when she heard a voice,she gathered courage and walked towards the direction from which the voice came and there she was standing with her back facing her.
I know what brings u here cos i see beyond today,but what i see is not pleasant at all.I see a lot of sorrow,misery and remorse.You were ordained as the eyes and mouthpiece of the gods even before u were born.You are not suppose to lay with any man bcause the wrath of the gods will visit anyone who touches what belongs to them.You disobey them at your expense,because happiness will elude just like sleep eludes the child who will not let the mother sleep at night.
Fumi opened her mouth but her voice failed her.she tried again and again but gave up when she realised it was not working.She walked up to the priestess and shook her violently and then pointed at her mouth.
Your speech will come when the gods pleases,go home and rest but remember you can not run away from your fate because it will always find ways to catch up with you.
As she stepped out of her house she was more confused.What was she going?Only time will tell.

As her feet touched the cold soil it sent shivers through her body,her wet clothes were not helping matters too and she felt ill.The wind was a little gentle now and the birds could be heard singing while the trees swayed gently to the tunes of the song.As she got closer to the river she felt a strong urge to go there again but she was scared to see that apparition again.But maybe,just maybe i might see it again and beg him to give me back my speech,she thought.So she went pass the fig tree and slowly made her way to th banks.She stood for a while starring into de waters before she decided to go farther.Shivering with cold and fear she moved deeper into the water and tried to talk but her voice failed her again.Very desperate to talk to the river god she rushed out of the water and as if possesed her feet began to move slowly while the beads on her waist gave her rythm as she wind her waist.Her head moved left and right and then to and fro as her hands flew wildy in the air.She was dancing the dance of river gods,provoking them to come to her aid.She kept on dancing till the cloth that was around her waist fell,but she didnt notice because now the river god had taken possession of her body and her eyes and ears were closed and shut from the mortal world.The river god had been pleased by her dance and so he had decided to give her back her voice as he left her body and she fell unconciously to the ground.

Ehmmm..nice story