Hearsay, superstitions and myths cradle fictional love. Unfortunately, it gets mixed up with real love. What then are the truths about love? This article attempts to lay down some general truths about it.
Indeed, the clichés of human aesthetical productions; the flesh of poems and the bones of songs embody love. It has become an ever floating abstraction which human has been trying to grasp, to define, to materialize and to immortalize for so long. Why? Simply because it energizes human aspirations and defines being human - albeit paradoxically. As Viktor Frankl expressed it, "Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire."

But romance fictions in different media i.e. movies, television, storybooks and even music seemingly claim realistic presentations of love with much emphasis on destiny, pretty girl-handsome guy tandem, the "live happily ever after", the "you and me against the world", the "knight in shining armor and damsel in distress" and yes, Cupid's arrow as if love is but a stray dart striking a victim. A person "in love" when asked about it readily says, "I feel like I am in heaven. I am happy when I am with him. It is like the world could never break us." What is this love which paints rainbows in the sky and makes the butterflies dance? Many would say that this is too broad to define that it just needs to be felt as it is beyond uttered words. Is it really?

Too many lies, superstitions and myths mystified love from its true form. The gift of language should have given us the ability to define the basic truths of love that would enlighten us. Here they are:

Love is not an emotion...

In the defined 5 basic human emotions i.e. fear, sadness, happiness, anger and shame; love is not included. People talk about emotions as if they are the equivalence of being in love.

"If you are happy when you are with her, then you are in love."
"You get easily jealous if you found out that he's with other woman, then it must be love."

Take note though that even if the person is not "in love", the above basic emotions and their sub-emotions are still felt by her/him. The sudden influx of feelings when struck by Cupid's arrow in a sort of "love at first sight" is just an overrated superficial attraction when someone perceives something pleasurable from the other. Emotions do not rationalize as they are primarily being controlled by the hypothalamus, which is a small part of the brain. Love involves decisions, analysis, memory, planning and problem-solving which are the domains of the thinking brain, the cerebrum.

You do not feel love. You decide it. You analyze it. You solve it. You create it. You do it. The feelings are the consequences of doing it.

Love is an activity...

Since it is a process that undergoes a state of nonlove to consummate love and vice versa, it requires work from the participants. It is a function of their actions as it is created by them. One could not say he loves the other, if he is not doing anything to seed and grow it. You do not say you love the person because that is what you feel. Rather, you love the other because it summarizes the things that you do for him i.e. you care, protect, understand, know, share and dignifies him.

Romance fictions would tell you to wait for love to come along. This is passive wherein you deactivate yourself from creating it. Without nourishment, connections, encounters, familiarity, time, resources, energy and effort, love would return to nonlove, the absence of love.

Love is giving 100%...

You hear people say: "You should not give your 100% but save a part for yourself." This would be like fragmenting yourself, quantifying how much you could share a part of you. There goes the ridiculous problem of: How to know how much to give? Should it be 10% or 40%? Who deserves the 10% or the 40%? This advice just complicates love further. It renders an unfair and self-centered relationship.

When you love, you give everything i.e. time, heart, effort, resources and energy that the relationship deserves. You give whole not part and parcel. When you promised a two-hour quality time with a friend, you should give it whole without reservations. When you get committed with a girlfriend, you give the whole heart, not a half. When you love, you give your 100% as you are capable of doing it. You have lots of 100s of percentage to give i.e. 100% of family love, 100% of platonic love, 100% of romantic love and 100% of Godly love.

Love is a choice...

Romance fictions are flooded with themes of destiny or meant to be, "love at first sight" and "soulmates". These are myths misleading seekers of love. They tell you to wait, be passive and unselective, the very opposite of love. A first sight is like seeing just the surface, the gift wrapper and it does not tell you accurately whatever is inside. You see the countenance of the person but not the whole of him. The whole package involves his background, past, present and everything else. This requires work and investment of time and other resources which could not be possible at first encounter.

John Powell said, "We do not fall in love; rather, we stand up for love." "Falling in love" implies the passivity, helplessness and involuntariness of the activity. "Falling out of love" would then be an easy excuse as this is implied to be beyond anybody's control. If this is true, how sad it is to know that neither the woman nor the man could do anything to make a partner (involuntarily) stay in love. It is therefore reasonable to agree with Powell, "we stand up for love" and this is made possible by free will and not by destiny. Fated soulmates do not exist.

Love is a matter of choice. It cannot be forced. You choose to love and the person to love. If you desire it, your "heart" could be taught. It would be more heartwarming to hear someone telling you: "I love you because I willingly chose you as the one for me." Rather than the fictional punch line: "I love you because I could not help it. It is unintentional." This would be the same as "My love for you is an accident where I am an innocent victim."

Love is multifaceted...

It is not all about man-woman thing. People talk about loveless single or "zero love life" as if we could quantify love. Anybody could be in love even outside romance. A person could still be engaged in this activity even if unreciprocated. The real thing does not necessitate mutual relationship.

There are basically 4 kinds of love i.e. romance (Eros), filial (Philia), Godly (Agape) and familial (Storge). Romance is the most hackneyed and capitalized that it has since become overrated. Filial love refers to love of neighbors and other fellow humans outside the natural and spiritual family. This makes it possible for us to forgive and accept our enemies. Godly love is known to be the most noble and extraordinary but it is commonly dismissed and misunderstood. This explains the tight bond among spiritual brotherhood and sisterhood. Family love is the thickness of blood of mother and child, siblings, cousins or father to son relationships. These are the other facets of love which are sometimes being taken for granted.

Love is a human tool...

It is a powerful tool which entirely depends upon its user. It is originally and potently good. If misused could be life-threatening and destructive. If properly utilized could change lives for the better, and could empower humans to do good things. Like a knife with its proper use is functional but improperly used could hurt others.

Love is reasonable and is not blind...

So there goes another myth, that is, love being blind. Blindness would imply denial or refusal to see the other sides of the relationship or the significant other. This could also be that the other refuses to honestly show the whole of him/her thus undermining trust development. Activated love could very well see and rationalize. A person who loves sees but accepts the flaws and strengths of the other while reasoning that the aptness and nobility of love make it possible for the imperfect relationship to prosper and survive.

If love is blind, it is harmful since it could not properly guide the journey of the two persons in love. If the flaws could not be seen, obviously, the relationship will not be able to grip and address the problems arising along the way and this would weaken the bond.