By Karis ‘Tunmbi Kayode for plotsandhouses.com

It isn’t a new thing for people to lodge indefinitely with relatives or friends. It seems like culture. Living together can be a pleasant experience for both householder and lodger; the memories of a ‘made in heaven’ relationship could live on and be told to generations to come. But, there are also the horror stories of strife, broken trust and resentment, at the mildest.

When I was growing up, I think it was pretty much expected that a family would have to take someone in at some point. There was always a relative or stranger in need of help, shelter or food. You ended up with adopted relatives from every continent of the world in your house (well, I exaggerate but do see my point!).

Parents, aunties and uncles didn’t think twice about the obvious lack of space or money to cater for everyone; they just happily clobbered everyone together like sardines in a tin.

However, times have changed. Modern folk might think more logically about space, commitments, bills, personality differences, etc. Some would hyperventilate if they had to take in a lodger without prior notice and till an unknown ‘time T’. They’d nervously ask, ‘So-o, when did you say you are leaving?’

I’ve learnt from both my lodger and householder experiences that a few ground rules go a long way to help maintain harmony and peace. Many householders (including me) would reluctantly introduce ground rules. But, while it may feel painful or anti-cultural maybe it’s just a small price especially if the lodger is going to be there for considerable time.

So, if you choose to set ground rules here are a few things to think about...

Follow our link below for the full story.

http://www.plotsandhouses.com/HouseRulesHowToGetAlongWithHouseGuests.aspx


Karis ‘Tunmbi Kayode is a personal performance coach and corporate communications professional. She writes and speaks on a range of topics notably confidence, communication, leadership and personal development.

Follow her on Twitter @workplaceglory and find her at http://uk.linkedin.com/in/kariskayode

If you have an interesting story you'd like to share then email it to us at info@plotsandhouses.com. For the latest properties for sale/to rent in Nigeria, visit www.plotsandhouses.com. You can keep in touch by following us on twitter @plotsandhouses, facebook.com/plotsandhouses & pinterest.com/plotsandhouses.

I dont even like the idea of staying in a married relative's house.if i have to go to another state or town for wedding, functions, or anything,i'll rather lodge into a hotel or stay with my unmarried girlfriends.many married folks are very paranoid when single ladies stay in their house.the husband will be acting edgy while the wife will be watching you very closely with so many amusing tricks and guise as if you want to snatch her husband.you wont even be comfortable or feel at home.you cant even act like you are in your real home or with friends,you have to come back at so so time.abeg,i dont like those craps jare.infact i remember years back when i was doing my nysc,my dad asked me to stay with one of his cousins who is married with young kids,i said am not intrested,i stayed with my coper friends and i didnt mind contributing money to pay house rent instead of someone asking me where are you going,what time are you comming,your friends cant even come and visit,even if they come,they will be edgy,they will use that opportunity and be sending you to go and pick one child from school,you have to eat what everybody is eating or what the mother of the house cooked and not what you feel like eating at that particular time.abeg i dont just subscribe to living with relatives jare.yorubas say you respect someone who is afar,but when you start living with aunties,relatives etc,infact it is a license for either the husband or wife to talk to you any how and do whatever they please,afterall you are living under their roof and eating their food,plus if am married sef i will discourage families from living with me not only because i did not live with anyone aside my parents and friends,i love my privacy and freedom

^^ So the summary of your post is: familiarity breeds contempt. True that

@Poster, in answer to your question: Yes. There should be set rules. That way, lodgers/ all concerned do not over step boundaries.

@kulyie - Thanks for reading our blog http://www.plotsandhouses.com/HouseRulesHowToGetAlongWithHouseGuests.aspx. Your comments made me chuckle because I can think of several stories I've heard that fit your vivid description. Then we see it in films too - they're mostly based on what happens in real life. I empathise with people who have nowhere to go and would put up with anything to have a roof over their head.

But, what do you have to say about the poor householder whose lodger becomes trouble? Sometimes the householder is reacting because of a past experience they've had or seen.

Best wishes

@efemena_xy - Thanks for your comments. I think it's 'abuse' of familiarity that breeds contempt. Some people would avoid anything that might upset their householder/landlord out of deep felt gratitude or out of fear of being kicked out.