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27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship - Romance - Nairaland

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27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Emusan(m): 8:59am On Mar 10, 2013
1. Courtship is not about playing, doubt, or uncertainty. In this stage, you are about getting married. Only enter courtship when you are ready to marry.

2. A courtship doesn’t have to develop into marriage because a couple can decide theyare not for each other and simply remain friends, which is perfectly OK.

3. In courtship, you are both praying together and seeking God to lead the relationship in the right direction.

4. Courtship will not happen many times in your life, assuming you are approaching relationships from a healthy perspective. Remember, courtship is where you are exploring a deeper relationship with marriage being the goal. So, you will not be doing this often if you are approaching the dating stage with healthy boundaries.

5. Dating is a temporary place and should be a safe place for getting to know someone. Courting is for a loving and secure relationship.

6. Courtship is not for the spiritually and emotionally immature.

7. Sex is not for courtship. Sex should be a gift of marriage.

8. Courtship is for positive intentions.

9. Courtship is done with the goal of having a future spouse.

10. You should not enter into a courtship until you can be happy alone and not attempting to heal emotional wounds through a relationship.

11. Courtship is a selfless relationship. If youare a selfish person, you should not even have a serious relationship until you are mature enough to share life with someone without seeking to gain something for yourself.

12. Selfishness should not drive a marriage,nor should it be the driver of your courtship. (Philippians 2:3)

13. For the men who are reading this, your focus should be on becoming an Ephesians man. (Ephesians 5:25)

14. You should treat the man or woman you are in a courtship with as your brother or sister. (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

15. If you can’t see yourself marrying the person you are dating, delay the courtship. Only enter into courtship with someone youwould consider marrying.

16. Courtship is when you should meet and spend time with each other’s family.

17. Courtship requires the couple to be honest and transparent so both can make achoice about life together.

18. A successful courtship requires love, prayer, patience, and oneness.

19. You should avoid hiding your feelings during courtship.

20. The habits you form during your courtship will bleed over into your marriage.

21. A healthy courtship should bring the best out of you.

22. A healthy courtship has strong communication.

23. Courtship is where you can become best friends. We all know the best relationships or marriages happen when couples are best friends.

24. Pray for discernment concerning your courtship and the potential for marriage.

25. When in courtship take time to discern God’s will. No rushing…..

26. Courtship will help a couple determine if they should get married.

27. Only enter courtship with someone youwould consider marrying.

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Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by DExplorer1: 4:09pm On Mar 10, 2013
Good stuff

2 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 4:38pm On Mar 10, 2013
Liked!
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 4:52pm On Mar 10, 2013
@Op; Wonderful points...
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by LoveAmaka88(f): 6:00pm On Mar 10, 2013
Great points, there is some repetition in this list, but I thought it was worth sharing:

20 Courtship Tips for Women


1. Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage. Until that time-foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.

2. Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying. A woman might consider "just" dating any guy that she's attracted to as long as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The problem arises when she's grown attached to him after a period of time and can't bring herself to breaking off the relationship, even when it's not good. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher-only court with a man you'd consider marrying.

3. Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man.
Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider marriage yet, then don't enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!

4. Take time through prayer to discern God's will. You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know God's will without prayer.

5. Base your courtship in the family: As much as possible, spend time with each other's families. This is so important-for if you do end up married, you'll want to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about you!) Family sees things we don't always see. Love can be blind at times-family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship. (If you do not live near your family refer to the article "What If My Family Lives Far Away?".)

Items 6 - 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship. (If you're starting over-changing from a dating relationship to a courtship model-then begin now with guidelines.) The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines.

6. Emotional Intimacy: Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately-just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. The problem with "dumping" on each other emotionally early on in a relationship is that if you later discern that you are not called to marriage you could have many regrets over having shared those intimate thoughts and secrets with someone who will not be your husband. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away. As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies.

7. Physical Intimacy: [/b]Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage-every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time-you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally. And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting.
[b]
8. To kiss or not to kiss:
Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not!

9. Saving that first kiss: Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their relationship-as kissing has the power to ignite their passions. They choose to wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past relationships-where they are struggling to keep control over their passions. They might be coming from a position of never having been kissed before, and now that they've waited this long-they want to go all the way with it! There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path.

10. Saving that "next" kiss: Other couples, who have allowed for kissing in their relationship, sometimes decide to cut it out and wait to have their "next" kiss at the altar-which could be quite a wait! But they've seen how kissing is stirring passions that are making it harder for them to stick to their goal of staying pure in their relationship.

11. Kissing with limitations: Some couples allow for kissing-but they limit how and when and where-which is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those passions that can be so easily ignited.

12. Hugging:
Are you allowing for hugging-and in what context? Hugging is a completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love. However, prolonged hugging-while all alone and at times when you might be feeling weak (like late at night)-can stir passions. Just be careful that you are guarding the context well so that it doesn't begin to undermine your good intentions.

13. How, where and when you spend time alone: During courtship you obviously will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is weakened. It's best to find time alone together while doing something-going for a walk, cycling, canoeing, playing sports, taking in a show or going out to a restaurant, etc.

14. Avoid the near occasion of sin. This is not to say that a couple who is courting will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together . . . as if to say the only reason they resisted temptation is because they never went near temptation. But there is a teaching that exhorts us to "avoid the near occasion of sin". We should not deliberately put ourselves in temptation's way. Hopefully, any couple who makes these resolutions-even if they were given the opportunity to break them-wouldn't break them, because they are persons of integrity! But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment of weakness (and be sure Satan will be watching for it) for you to make a mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.

15. Don't give rise to scandal. But what if we're not being tempted? Why wouldn't it be alright to be off, alone, in isolation together-for example staying late over at one or the other's apartment alone? This is where we get into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The problem a couple faces here-even if they are strong enough to resist all temptation-is the impression they are giving to others. "So what?" You may ask. "Let them gossip-what do we care? We know we're not doing anything wrong!" When others perceive you to be leading an impure life, it gives others a sense of it being okay to not embrace purity in their own relationships. They'll be thinking, "After all, they're doing it and they're a nice Christian couple. Obviously it doesn't make any difference if we do or don't." Even though you had been embracing purity, you still misled others to believe you weren't. In this way you would not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather, through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have inadvertently led others to sin. It is our sense of responsibility in the body of Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others when we decide not to give rise to scandal.

16. Accountability:
We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing-if you are keeping your resolutions-and you need to be able to answer them honestly.

17. Mentoring: Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couples-ideally that would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. These couples should be well-versed in the Church's teachings on marriage and the sacraments. They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to marriage: finances (especially tithing), family networking, Natural Family Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and so on.

18. Time to pray and time to play:
Obviously prayer time is important for a couple who is courting-as they are trying to discern God's will for their relationship. But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time! Have fun. This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure. Don't forget to make time to play.

19. Keep the romance alive: Remember that courtship is a time of romance. Don't cheat yourselves out of that. Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romance-true romance-is about blessing the other by giving of self . . . and that's what true love is about, too. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very point-because physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship. By converse, couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other and together-blessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as often as they can.

20. Be active in your faith community: Courtship is a great time to grow in faith together-and to spend time together in your faith community. In this way your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship. We cannot live in isolation-we need that community to be there for us, which means, we need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons . . . and are great opportunities to dedicate your time and talents to the Lord.

11 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Mynd44: 7:12pm On Mar 10, 2013
All these is caused by the inventor of copy paste

4 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by 234GT(m): 8:27pm On Mar 10, 2013
This one na courtship 101 o. Good stuff though.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Pelummy(f): 8:31pm On Mar 10, 2013
Mynd_44: All these is caused by the inventor of copy paste
so?

5 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 8:31pm On Mar 10, 2013
No 2 beats all, because that's the mentality of most ladies.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by toluleke(m): 8:35pm On Mar 10, 2013
Wow great stuff from a wise heart

1 Like

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by huninaija(f): 8:38pm On Mar 10, 2013
Courtship is of the devil, resist, flee and let the devil be ashamed!

Say no to Courthship! I don talk my own oo lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Temkins: 8:42pm On Mar 10, 2013
Wonderful...indeed na courtship 101
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 8:43pm On Mar 10, 2013
Good one! some ladies think courtship must lead to marriage. it is actually a time to see if marriage will work.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 8:46pm On Mar 10, 2013
Bookmarked...
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Orpelin: 8:55pm On Mar 10, 2013
noted!!!!!
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 9:00pm On Mar 10, 2013
No time to read all those. Night y'all.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by wazobiaforu(m): 9:04pm On Mar 10, 2013
Ok YOUR own is 27, motigbo ooo, i have seen 10,15,20,17 even 30 on NL


Everybody don turn teacher




BUT you make GOOD POINTs - thanks

1 Like

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by bcomputer101: 9:07pm On Mar 10, 2013
Nice point to be consider...

Thank you for the copy and paste...
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by nekaa(f): 9:19pm On Mar 10, 2013
Yay!! I read it to the end.

1 Like

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Ngenge(m): 9:30pm On Mar 10, 2013
Ask God nd d married to advise u. No kiss,no hug 4 conscience sake

1 Like

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 9:36pm On Mar 10, 2013
WHAT ABT THE FINANCIAL ANGLE? IN NAIJA IF U DONT HAVE MONEY 2 SPLASH ON HER -MONEY 4 KFC, MR. BIGGS, SHAWARMA, ICE CREAM, SUYA ,HANDBAG, SHOE,FIXING WEAVE ON ETC COURTSHIP NEVER START

3 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by onitj: 9:48pm On Mar 10, 2013
Nice one...anyway 17th 2 comment sha...
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by delors(m): 9:55pm On Mar 10, 2013
Well, since everyone is now a teacher, let me preach mine too.
128 COURTSHIP THINGS FOR 'COURTSHIPPERS'
1. Watch and shadow
2. read each other like Hadley Chase novels
3. Be weary of Nollywood films, nt all is about love!
4. Watch less of Bollywood films, it unnecessarily prolongs your courtship
5. Watch less of hollywood films, otherwise u guys will yansh each other die and will never get married eventually
6. Protect your social media passwords
7. Expect the worse when u come home late from work
8. Dont trust the word 'trust' especially when money is involved
9. Run from Mr. Biggs, TFC, etc someone is hiding her poor cooking skills
10. If You must LOVE UR NEIGHBOUR AS YOUR SELF', at least make sure she is better than ur partner
11. 'THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER' only features in cartoons. Don't be deceived
12. Check your spellings, dont type 'I hate this 'WIFE' when u actually meant 'I HATE THIS LIFE'. It is always unexplainable
13. Dont ask about your pasts...he could have had it with ur younger sister in the days of his 'unknown'.
14. Just be ready to spend money either way, because woman is synonymous to money, and man is synonymous to ATM
15.....
16...
17....
18....
19....
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.
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.
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.
.
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..
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.
....
126...
127. Always test drive ur 'machines' at least every weekend. Its for ur own security o
128, finally, remember it is better to be happily single than to be sadly married.


Oya, talk your own! grin

8 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by iammodel(m): 10:01pm On Mar 10, 2013
Too many rules to adhere to nowadays. No thanks! No rules about love my dear. If you love someone truly and want to settle wit d psn (pipo dnt knw until they see, i.e u ll knw ur true luv wen u see him/her) guys just try and convince her, if she's being stubborn and you r sure of your intention prove it by force just like my Dad did to my Mum and they r living happily ever afta.
I doubt if my Mum n Dad read stuffs like these but their marriage is very successful of which I am an evidence.
The people writing this, do they have history of successful marriage?
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by rill: 10:10pm On Mar 10, 2013
Why 27, u shud av just made it 30. Coming up wt my list pretty soon.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by TUMIC(m): 10:14pm On Mar 10, 2013
WE NOW HAVE SO MANY TEACHERS ON NAIRALAND.
Na who talk say TEACHER nor be work.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 10:37pm On Mar 10, 2013
...
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Nobody: 10:51pm On Mar 10, 2013
smiley
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by rezzy: 10:55pm On Mar 10, 2013
If you are about entering into courtship, i advice you to read, 'Boy meets girl, say hello to courtship' by Harris Joshua and Rules for love, cant remember the author now. They are nice books that can help.
Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by Encoredme(m): 10:57pm On Mar 10, 2013
Emusan:
7. Sex is not for courtship. Sex should be a gift of marriage.
I wish more intending couples will keep to this more. It's difficult to do so in a day and age where there's too much celebration of sex and looseness, an overhyping of coolness...smh
Btw, what's d place of the female partner cooking for the dude during courtship? At least he should have a clue what are culinary skills are like.

2 Likes

Re: 27 Things You Need To Know About Courtship by kajoula(m): 11:08pm On Mar 10, 2013
Temkins:
25. When in courtship take time to discern God’s
will. No rushing…..
26. Courtship will help a couple determine if they
should get married.

Good write-up, but....Make dem know oooo,
If ur relationship doesn't lead to marriage,its not the end of the world.
Dating is not the only bussines a woman can/will do.........I don talk my own ooo

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