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Mothers Day: The Pain - Family - Nairaland

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Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 11:43am On Mar 10, 2013
Today is mothers day in the UK and for me its very painful because everyone is so excited and thankful for their mother. However me on the other hand i have disowned my mother (noone should preach to me because i have my reasons).

I love my mother just like anyone else out there but she disappointed & betrayed me. Il tell you guys the little about me & my mother.

I was born in Ibadan my mother came to the UK when i was age 5. I joined her age 9. Since i have been with my mother all she cared about is her family i.e her married 3sisters and their children. I never knew my dad and noone in my family made any effort to connect me with my father as the story i was told is that he rejected me from conception. Please remember there are 2 sides to a story, i myself realised that because of what i am currently going through in the hands of my mother and her family. My father died 10years ago so running to him or his family is out of the question as i dont know them.


Back to my mother, i brought home a guy that i wanted to marry but things happened me and him brokeup as he wasnt serious and his family insulted my family. My mum took his side and his family side which frankly doesnt make sense. So i left london for another town in the UK to do my masters. Throughtout my masters my mum gave me no peace regarding this guy to the point one of his friends a friend of mine called me to say my mother called this guy and asked him to bring a picture of himself and she has my picture and she will take it somewhere and i will come back and marry him. This broke my heart because a mother doesnt do that i couldnt ask my mum because she will deny it as she has always denyed she calls the guy to beg him to hold on that i will come back to him. My mother doesnt listen to me at all she rather listen to her sister who are married and only want her money.

I am so hurt and traumatised regarding my mother and er family that i have had to cut everyone off because of security reasons to top it off my mums sisters attack me spiritually because they want to inherit my mum as i am the only child thy want me out of the way. I know what my mother is doing and how she is behaving is not normal.


Well i leave Them all to God but it is painful. I am hurt and heartbroken regarding my life but i have accepted it and i believe there are better days ahead.

But i just want to know is there anyone out there that has had to cut of their mother due to certain reasons on the mothers part?

I need to know as i feel like the whole world loves their mothers and i am the one one that have cut off my own mother.

Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by dhanmccoy: 11:47am On Mar 10, 2013
Kpele. Sorry.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 6:46pm On Mar 10, 2013
The whole world doesn't love their mother,in as much as I won't say much online but just know that your plight is not unusual.Let your mother live as she choose and focus on being a better mum when you start having kids.I can identify with your issue more than you will ever know,Just live your life.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 7:59pm On Mar 10, 2013
@byvan

Thanks for you kind words atleast someone understands.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 8:17pm On Mar 10, 2013
lovemimi: @byvan

Thanks for you kind words atleast someone understands.





Got your message,for privacy sake,I rather have your BB pin.My Email account has lost its privacy,
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 9:48pm On Mar 10, 2013
Hahahahaah @email account lost its privacy.

I dont have a bb #teamiphone
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by biolabee(m): 2:36am On Mar 11, 2013
You are not the first person to have cut off their mother or be cutoff by their mother

Sorry about the situation you find yourself in but cutting off because your mum and you differ over the choice of a partner or that your aunts are intrusive; cutting off is too drastic

#yourcall

Ish
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by eforce: 4:08am On Mar 11, 2013
You said it all poster, that your mother behaviour is not normal, so she is acting under satanic influence. You need to forgive her and be at peace with her and continually pray for her, that her senses would be restored and that she would be delivered from the influence that she is under, you also need to pray to protect yourself from a vices of your immediate family trying to harm you. You have to step up for the family or karma might disappoint you.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by baby124: 5:02am On Mar 11, 2013
Ontop boyfriend? Shege! OP, how old are you that you are letting an ordinary boy come between you and your mum? Even believing a total strangers dem say dem say. I think your real beef with your mum is her depriving you of a relationship with your dad and your aunties ulterior motives. Your mum is like any other mum out there. They are always meddling in your life, doing things they think is best for you. Even when you are old enough to decide for yourself, she won't stop. That is just the attribute of a mum. Until you make her understand that you are grown up and can make decisions regarding things like your future husband and other things about your life. As an only child, I imagine her oversabi will even be more. Just create boundaries that both of you are comfortable with. About the rumour of her taking your names to a "pastor". A lot of Nigerian parents do this. They believe so much in their babalawo pastor's. Sad but true. Nothing fetish, but I am sure she is trying to do the best she can for you. If you show her you are a grown up, she will back off and you both will become more of best buddies. Then you will be in a position to restrict bloodsucking relatives and really begin closure on the issues you have about your dad. As you are older, reach out to your dad's people, you may need them when getting married. You need to tell her to quit with that guy, she may like him, but you don't. And its your choice that really matters on a future spouse, just her advice and balanced view is necessary. You only have one parent o. Don't let any useless boy come in the middle.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Ivynwa(f): 5:39am On Mar 11, 2013
Yeah, you have to look at the motive behind her action. She is just doing stuffs some mum do, if they are not nagging you to get married---they are match making you etc. You can discuss that with her to find out where she intended to take the pictures to just for you to know what goes on in her mind and how she operates with prayer houses/pastors/diviners, this si to enable you get her off the clutch of people that may mislead her and put her life and yours in danger. You need to communicate more with her not cut her off okay. Tell her to respect your wishes on not wanting to get on with the young man and she may understand, cool off and everything be be alright between both of you.

How did you know that your aunties are attacking your spiritually? Better be sure that you have your facts right, I know that relations from one's mother's side are the closest and always wants the best for their sister's kids (people are different though). Don't feel too sad okay, when I saw your thread I thought it was a case of a person whose mum has passed away and is feeling sad over that on a mother's day. She is still alive and your relationship with her can be improved on with solutions to the disagreements that exist. You don't solve a problem by running away from it.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by greatgod2012(f): 9:26am On Mar 11, 2013
Eeya!! Sorry o, make up with her, that will enable you to be closer to her and be able to tell her your mind, as for your aunties, by d time they discover that you and your mum are now closer, they will definately back off.
There are two instances you may likely regret in d future if you dont make up with her now...........
1. When you start having kids, i tell you, you will shed tears for not being close with her after realising what she had gone thru for you to live.
2. If she dies, without yuo duo reconciling, im telling you, you will as well cry and shed tears for not making up with her b4 her demise, and since nobody knows when d time is, its better to make up with her now to avoid unnecessary and avoidable regret in d future.

How to go about it.........
She is your mother, go to her and kneel down, ask her to pls forgive you all what you did that made her to be angry with you, then tell her you are ready to be a good child to her.......start from there, i know she will be happy to see you coming back to her and will embrace and welcome you back, as you are back together, ensure you are closer with her than b4, so that you will be able to convince her that you know what you want for yourself, that she should always allow you to take decision, and that what you need from her now is her words of encouragement and her prayers, tell her what you dont really like about d guy that caused your misunderstanding, she will definately reason with you.


And as for d guy, find a way of getting in contact with him and let him know that he's not settling down with your mum, and that you have your reasons for not getting married to him, he should leave you alone and leave your mum alone as well as your family members.
May God help you.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 10:22am On Mar 11, 2013
biolabee: You are not the first person to have cut off their mother or be cutoff by their mother

Sorry about the situation you find yourself in but cutting off because your mum and you differ over the choice of a partner or that your aunts are intrusive; cutting off is too drastic

#yourcall

Ish

I know its drastic thats why it is painful but God know i have tryed to reason with her but she doesnt listen to me at all.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 10:47am On Mar 11, 2013
eforce: You said it all poster, that your mother behaviour is not normal, so she is acting under satanic influence. You need to forgive her and be at peace with her and continually pray for her, that her senses would be restored and that she would be delivered from the influence that she is under, you also need to pray to protect yourself from a vices of your immediate family trying to harm you. You have to step up for the family or karma might disappoint you.



I have pray pray pray pray and over prayed gan self for my mum and the family but same noni.... The reason i had to cut her off was for my own life she is putting my own life in danger by not listening to me and only listening to her sisters. Her sisters only care about the money she drops for them and as far as her sisters are concern they dont want me in the way so they are happy me n my mum dont talk so noone to disturb them in collecting as my mum is not married n am the only child. I have forgiven my mum in my heart but am hurt cuz she doesnt listen i have talked talked talked talked talked she doesnt not listen at all. I have begged begged begged and talked talked talked but she doesnt listen. You said i should keep praying for her well me i have stopped praying for her as heave helps those who help themselves my mum has lived her life the way she wants to live it n me i have to live my life now because i have tried my best for my mum she just doesnt listen to me n doesnt care about my feelings this has been going on for 26 years and no change at all so i had to cut her off.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by biolabee(m): 1:01am On Mar 23, 2013
Any update on this
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 4:03am On Mar 23, 2013
lovemimi:

I know its drastic thats why it is painful but God know i have tryed to reason with her but she doesnt listen to me at all.


Such mums never listen,the more you try to reason with them,the more you provoke them.Just backoff and focus on being a better mum yourself.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 4:36pm On May 27, 2013
Thank you for understanding...... I pray to be a much better mother to my kids.

The only update is that everything is good for me and now my mum is going round asking pple to call and beg mr but yet she refuse to change!
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 8:19pm On May 27, 2013
Just keep praying for her and live your life.Don't make the mistakes she made with your own kids.just don't think much about it, she mustn't be your role model you know.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 6:26pm On May 28, 2013
God forbid role model ke i reject that IJN.
Yday she txed me bare abuse after she asked me why i cut her off and i reply them she txed me abuse i dint bother replying. She then said wen i wanna get married i should go n rent a mother cuz my dad is dead.

Well my current bf is from a good family and i told him all about my mum and he said he aint going no where that he will marry me with or without my mum, we have been together for a year exactly. My bf's family are rich and my bf looks after me alot but am very independent i got my own things eg car, job, money and i pay my own rent.

Well me and my boo decided we are relocating back to abuja as his fam house and his house is there, next year am so glad am leaving uk for my mum to eat it.

She is now dead to me!

Thanks alot for your kind words x
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 8:35pm On May 28, 2013
Double p
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 5:40am On May 29, 2013
Ummmm,interesting.
Poster,u r soo hurt.very hurt.it is well.I've bn there.at times its necessary to cu off,give gap but still hv d persons best interet at heart.it will also help u to focus a bit cos its sooooo demoralising.
I also had a bad aunty.she made my mum to turn her back on me at a point.it drove me mad.nearly ended my life.I was advised to cut off.
D hardest decision I hv ever made. But it helped me.she sent for me, I went home and she broke down. Told me how her sis manipulated her to go against me.when I cut off,she felt it and has to stand for me against her pple.
Bottom line,they were JEALOUS.
Don't ever hate her.its important.
Give gap,if u can,no communicazn,
Continue to pray for her and think positively towards her.it will help u.
Keep ur ear to d ground.
As for her pple,ignore them.
I tell u she will come around at d right time.
If u r used to sending her gifts,pls continue but from far. U 2 will become d best of pals at d right time.
Sighs.things dey happen o.

1 Like

Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 8:51am On May 29, 2013
A woman does not give another woman out in marriage traditionally, it is the duty of your dad's brothers to give you out in marriage or any surviving male member of your dad's family.i mean in my own custom shaaaa.just make sure you are traditionally married according to customs,so it won't be used against you one day.

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Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 9:28am On May 29, 2013
Things are seriously happening.
I am past the hurt and angry stage am at the i dont give a **** stage haha
Well i am t peace without her cuz all my live i never felt peace with my mum and her controling 3 sisters. Also from the respnse of her tx to me its pretty obviously she is never ever going to change she still thinks she is in the right an i should bow down and be worshipping her which will not happen. Tbh i dont want her to change i want o live my life get maried and have all my kids then she can change if she likes thats her own cup of tea.

I am happy that your situation turned out well because as for my situation i dont see any hope ite now and i dont want it to even get better because i am enjoying my peace of mind and sane mind.

Also my dads fam are useless they all said i should do as my mum said but i dot blame them since they dont live with her so dont know what i faced with that woman.

But me and my boo are having a mini boo in the next few months and our trad and court wedding i on the cards very soon. I will be doing my trad with another family that have always been there for me and seen eveything my mum has done and they have agreed to take the bride price and the trad to take place at their house. My boo doesnt care as long as me and him are together and his mini me is ok thats all he cares about and thats all i are about too.

I have left my mum to continue living her life cuz i intend on living my life o he fullest. But i must say everything goo happening to me now i down to God cuz ever since i made that decision God has been sooooooooooooooooo good and sooooooooooo faithful and i will not let anyone spoil the work of Go in my life at this cross road that i stand.
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 10:03am On May 29, 2013
Hhaaahahahaha!turned out better ke?am enjoying my mIL,my FIl and my father grin.at some point I made this decision you just made and am grateful I did.if change comes in the future good,if it doesnt,i don't care. Luckily for me,i am still enjoying my dad,he is a darling.


My MIL has been great too,a very lovely woman.The kids ain't lacking in Granny love department at allllll!!!

1 Like

Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 9:55pm On May 29, 2013
Sooooooooooooo happy for you, like i always say my mum has lived her life, so i will live MY life too.

I no fit shout!

Awwww really happy bout your inlaw and kids atleast you have peace of mind which is important.

My inlaws are real sweet my fil calls me from naija and my sis inlaw also calls me and my mil is a nice woman.

The most important thing is that my hubby to be loves his family but would never allow any family in our business or to control him or us.

My mum will be alright i already said it il only go home to burry her because of naija culture that a child burry's their parent so il gladly put sand on her coffin without sheding a tear cuz she chose to live her life they way she wanted to.

Simples!
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 10:25pm On May 29, 2013
I really wish you fulfillment in your new found life.Don't let your life experiences make you an emotionally dependent person,instead ,let it make you a very strong And resilient woman,people will always hurt others but always be ready to move on.


The blessings that have been heaped on me by several elderly women I have been nice to is inestimable,the ones my dad gave me when I was getting married will last me for several life times,it really doesn't take maternal love for the world to go round.

1 Like

Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by lovemimi(f): 11:00pm On May 30, 2013
Thanks alot sis you gave me some hope tbh. Lets just say today has been easy, i know some days are easy and some hard but in life you win some and lose some.

Thanks for the advise cuz ur so rite, ama keep it moving always kinda person inc when someone falls my hand big time.


I am so happy for you and your experience encourages me, so thanks alot for responding God bless you sis x
Re: Mothers Day: The Pain by Nobody: 9:53am On May 31, 2013
May it be well with you dear,God ll grant you a fulfilling life.

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