Dear Mum, (…to the mothers we lost)


Emotions are meant to be expressed but I can bet every one of us have a particular emotion attached to an event in our lives that we hardly want to talk about. We smile when people share stories similar to ours and when we witness event that reminds us of that special event in our lives we just walk away the scene or smile like what we see has no effect on us.

I visited a friend recently and we got talking about the usual things guys talk about. Money, the girls in our lives and “hustle skills”…We suddenly found ourselves discussing the importance of our mothers to us, a topic I hardly discuss because of its emotional effects on me, he was so touched by his mother’s recent activities on how his life will improve and he started showering accolades on her, he gave me a lot of gist about how wonderful she is and told me stories of her uncommon love for him right from his childhood.

This is not the first time I will be in such situations and I kind of don’t mind such discussions, it is just the after thoughts I do that get me below my usual happy-funny guy mood, I have seen guys of my age and older guys sef hug their mothers and tell her how much love they’ve got for her, several times when we go broke back at the university I hear pals tell me “if popsy lock-up, I go follow mumsy yarn she go unlock him jo”, For me what I miss must about my Mum is her closeness to GOD and the singular fact that when things gets tough I will have an extra sack of confidence that “Mama Dare” is somewhere praying for her son.. That how my mum was… And that’s how every mother should be.

I wrote her a letter sometime back and every time I try to publish it, it gets to me on my weak side, her demise is an event I hardly want to discuss and I don’t fancy the idea of self pity or soliciting for pity due to an act of God, I just want to be me, the son of Mama and Baba Dare, that funny guy with the grace of God as his Only weapon, living, loving and learning as much as I can while also trying to manage whatever I have in; my emotions, experience, talent and skills to the best of my ability.

I just wrote her another letter and I want to send it to her through your minds, if you are reading this and if you will be kind and patience enough to help me read to the end, you would have helped me fulfil a dream and I will be forever happy because you would have definitely known how wonderful she was and that is plus one person wishing her a peaceful heavenly rest… Thanks in anticipation.

“Maami,

Quite a while abi? Probably you even thought I have forgotten about you since these years, ehn…? Olohun maje…! No day goes by without the serious thoughts of you in my head. How could I ever…? You know your son now… Things were just a little rough after you left but the thoughts of you and the love God has shown me kept me going. I know you are resting peacefully in the blossom of the lord and that again is another source of joy and happiness for me to forge ahead.

Do you know I dream of you often? In my dreams I see you in that beautiful place that the Almighty has provided for you. I even feel you smiling down to me sometimes saying everything will be okay, but seriously Mum , it’s been difficult without you around but I always pray and pray for you too, I miss you every day and my heart still hurts like it was yesterday. I and my siblings talk about you anytime we get together, at Bukola’s wedding we sat through the night and shared stories from our secret archives about you and your uncommon love; we teased ourselves with your angry motherly voice and said some prayers for you too. How nice it would have been to have you around to witness the great day… But it’s all good, we love you but God loves you more.

Maami, I miss you o, I miss coming to you for solutions to problems I caused and some that I was clueless about, I just realised that you did not have solutions to all those problems too but you made them your problems and told me not to worry that everything will be fine, I believed then and I felt better hearing those words. I miss the way you read the bible in Yoruba fluently and coined it into prayer points to pray for me and my siblings, I missed you standing up for me whenever I was to be cheated and I remember your words daily just like you said them back then… “Dare, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are nobody, everybody is either somebody now or going to be somebody someday, so walk with your chest high, your head up and remember the child of whom you are…” After which you will give me a pat on the head, hand me my lunch pack and pace to your shop while I run behind to catch up with your giant strides.

I miss your smile, I miss your special delicacies like, Yam porridge with vegetables in it, the rich “Efo riro” and that Beans and the well fried palm oil sauce to go with it… You still remain the best cook ever… I miss the way you just seem to know the answer to every question and I miss your advice and the way you scold me. I miss those Christmas chicken and those special moment when you are frying the Chicken and you pick one to taste then I look at you and smile sheepishly with series of winks, you act like you don’t notice me then you take another bite of the chicken just to spite me and pass the rest to me with a teasing smile even when I was no more a kid, you see..? I still remember.

Dearest mum, I have changed o, I am not stubborn again… okay, I am less stubborn now, I am not suppose to lie to you, I’m sorry but I still stammer sha… (Lol), so sometimes when I try to talk fast and I stutter people say I am getting angry and you know that is what gets me angry o. I have this picture of you and me at my graduation party at New Era Nursery and Primary School Ilorin, every time I look at that picture I hold back tears, that was the year I got my “Double promotion”, even though we were not the richest and didn’t wear the best of cloths, you stood my me, gave your best smile and showed the world you have a promising son in me. Even my class mistress had to ask if I was your only child then, I told her “No”, but that is how proud you are of each one of kid’s achievements, I hope she learnt from you that day.

I was with your husband recently in Ilorin and we got talking, he warned me not to marry two wives and prayed for me not to ever experience the loss of a wife, he told me how he met you and how both of you built something out of nothing. It is obvious he still misses you, he spoke passionately about your love for God, praised your strength, emphasised your courage and admired your business prowess. He told me to seek those qualities when I decide to take a wife too… And that is exactly what I am doing, I will be getting married soon and I won’t disappoint you with my choice of a daughter in-law… I will surely write to tell you about her and send you a pictures sef…

We are all fine, though it is not yet Uhuru but all your pretty daughters are fine and your handsome sons are doing good, we are all working now except for Bukola that just graduated and the twins your babies that are still undergraduates, I know those boys miss you dearly. It is a confirmed gist that they both have a picture of you in their wallets and they look at it at uncountable intervals. As for all your grand kids, they will never know in person what they missed in grandma but we are all doing a great job telling them your stories and they love you for sure…

I thank Almighty God everyday for giving me a mother like you and I want to thank you too mum, thank you for allowing me be a reality, I have heard the story of my birth, now I know I am here for a real reason, thank you for the advice and the lovely meals. Thank you for the joy, happiness and companionship you gave me on those special days when the whole world seem wicked and I felt alone, thank you for standing by me on days when I did bad things and I felt no one will stand for me but I ran to you and you stood up for me, though I later got the beating of my life behind closed doors. Thank you for encouraging and believing in me when the whole world thought I could not come out of my challenges a winner, thank you for the doggedness, the beautiful heart, and the conscience I inherited from you and Dad. Mum, thank you for the beautiful memories you left behind, thank you for everything… Thank you.

I have stopped trying to hold back the tears in my eyes as I write this letter, I will just let them flow, fall and spread on my writing pad, then I will keep it forever as a piece of my undying love for you and an invaluable treasure, I will read it often and God willing I will show it to my kids.. I love you mum, there is no way I can pay you back for all you did for me but I will continue praying for your gentle soul to rest in perfect peace.

Maami, Iya Bose,
Iya Bola, Iya Ibeji…
obinrin bi okunrin,
omo ijesha osere onile obi,
ijesa tio’ridi ishana’
ile lomo owa ti n mu na’roko,
omo owa, omo obokun,
aya Olanrewaju,
iyawo iyeru okin olofa majo,
Abake lede yoruba,
Meimunat lede hausa,
Beatrice lede oyinbo,
Wura temi…
May your gentle soul continue to rest in perfect peace.