1. "I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
George Best.
2. "The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi."
Denis Leary.
3. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
Homer Simpson.
4. "I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."
Bill Hicks.
5. "A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her."
WC Fields
6. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
Dean Martin.
7. "What contemptible scroundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"
WC Fields
8. "I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."
Mark Twain.
9. "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."
Diogenes.
10. "I always keep a stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
WC Fields

11. "The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."
Arthur Lewis.
12. "I don't like people who take drugs, Customs men for example."
Mick Miller.
13. "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
Rodney Dangerfield.
14. "Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk."
Christopher Howse.
15. "Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold."
Jerry Vale
16. "Prohibition is better than no liquor at all."
Will Rogers.
17. "The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV."
Homer Simpson.
18. "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
Robin Williams.
19. "I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
Robert Benchley.
20. "I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
WC Fields

Cool

All hail Thug the Agberu!

*goes off to mama kelechi for a bottle of whiskey/gulder*

**Flies inside her handbag. I no wan miss mama kelechi isi ewu**