Modified

I happen 2 fall within d category of those doing d long distance rlatnshp thing. I got a call from my grlfrnd, and was shocked @d tone of her voice (cryin). After much taught about what cud av happened, i still cudnt bring myself 2 undrstnd her reason 4 crying.

I was suprizd when she started giving me series of apologies about how she has offend'd me and needs me 2 forgive her for a silly mistake she made...

We got talking, when she plugged n amplifier 2 my ear all of the sudden. I went numb, Jaw dropped and there goes the awkward moment of silence.
I mean, what do I say when my so called grlfrend whom @least I knew was a virgin told me she was molested & got defiled by a
"known stalker" due 2 her own selfishness...

D only thing I was able 2 ask her was how n where it happened, I cudnt be more suprizd when she told me she paid him a visit on her way home from work due 2 the fact that he's been pstrn her 2 do so 4 quite a while now which she never told me until the whole saga wet down...


I know NL is not the best place 2 seek an advice, but I just cudnt keep this 2 myself as its burning so deep in2 my heart.
Please pardon ma writing mode once again...

I sincerely need help on what 2 do and how best 2 react about the whole issue... Thnx

Like seriously, what schools did u finish from? We aLl know dat abbreviatn is d in thing bt damn We aren't ur guy, guy or girl, girl people, start ur thread with proper english if u need our help!!!!!

Maybe,just maybe she was never a virgin in the first place.
If she visited someone who has made his intention known to her and it happened den it's was not defilement but maybe a moment of stupidity.

who we go blame na?d gal no try o

She should report to the police na. What would we do about it here?

Mynd_44: She should report to the police na. What would we do about it here?

tz nat abt wah u quyz shud do rqrdn d issue, she haslf shud knw d bst step 2 tak cuz she brot it on haslf... Tz abt trust nw::: d fct dt she tuk haslf 2d quyz place hz placed a huqe doubt on d rlatnshp. I dnt wna mak a mistak makin a decisn based on wah hapnd, I jes wna knw hw 2 deal wiv d emotnal pain of a quy whuz qrl wz molest'd or wahevr appearz 2b d truth of d whole story.. Thnx sire!

Odunharry: who we go blame na?d gal no try o

m nat tryna point accuzin finqrz,,, I jes dunno wah 2do. Daz all

Popowaa: Maybe,just maybe she was never a virgin in the first place.
If she visited someone who has made his intention known to her and it happened den it's was not defilement but maybe a moment of stupidity.

yea! True, she mit nat b a V, buh dt stil wunt mak ny differnce. Wah hz hapnd hz hapnd rqrdlez of wah ha V status is,

Sapphire86: Like seriously, what schools did u finish from? We aLl know dat abbreviatn is d in thing bt damn We aren't ur guy, guy or girl, girl people, start ur thread with proper english if u need our help!!!!!

NL community hiqh skul:::: tz funny u pickd d skul ah went 2 as a subjct of ur rply... Doz d form wich ah wrote ma post mattr as lnq as pple cn read n undrstnd d msq m tryna pass acroz, thn crucifyn me 4 abbrev8n z nat ril d wae 4wd... Thnx 4 ur coment nywaiz

I am done reading this ooo. My eyes hurt

Popowaa: Maybe,just maybe she was never a virgin in the first place.
If she visited someone who has made his intention known to her and it happened den it's was not defilement but maybe a moment of stupidity.

^^^^ This is exactly what I was thinking..

If I - as a female - label somebody as a "stalker" then that means that I do NOT like that person because of their creepy behaviour and I would NOT go into any sort of visit with them. What the hell was she thinking?

Jibwillz: Dunno wah 2 do...

As m typn diz wiv anqer written all ovr me...

I happen 2 fall in d cateqory of those doin d lnq distnce rlatnshp thnqy, so I qt a cal 4m ma qrlfrnd 2nyt, n wz shocked @d tone of ha voice (cryin). Aftr mch tot abt wah cud av hapnd, ah stil cudnt brinq maslf 2 undrstnd ha reasn 4 cryin.
I wz suprizd whn she startd qivn me series of apoloqies abt hw she hz offend'd me n nidz me 2 4qiv ha 4 a silly mistake she made...

We qt tlkn, whn she pluqed n amplifier 2ma ear all of d sudden. I went numb, Jaw dropp'd n der qoez d akward moment of silence.

I mean, wah do I say whn ma so cald qrlfrend whom @least I knew wz a virqin tld me she wz molested & qt defiled diz evenin by a known stalker due 2 ha own selfishness... D onli thnq I wz able 2 ask ha wz hw n wer it hapnd, I cudnt b mre suprizd whn she tld me she paid him a visit on ha wae ome 4m wrk diz evenin due 2d fact dt he'z bin pstrn ha 2 do so 4 quite a wyl nw wich she nvr tld me until d whole saqa wnt dnw...



I knw NL is nat d bst place 2 seek an advice, buh I jes cudnt kip diz 2maslf as tz burnin so deep in2 ma hrt.

Plz pardon ma writn mode n qrammatical blunderz, m nat perfct...
Criticism n e-bashn z wlcm,,, buh I sincerly nid u quyz opinion n commentz 'MORE' as 2 wah 2do n hw 2qo abt diz... Thnx

lesson. Say no to long relationshp

this is d best tym to prove your luv. Forgv her,with tym u wil build d trust bck

SniperInADiaper:

^^^^ This is exactly what I was thinking..

If I - as a female - label somebody as a "stalker" then that means that I do NOT like that person because of their creepy behaviour and I would NOT go into any sort of visit with them. What the hell was she thinking?

jes ma tot... Buh d quy ask'd ha 2 cme ovr 2 clarify thnqz n promize nvr 2 buq ha nymre 1ce dt is dne (wah she tld me)

mumumugu: lesson. Say no to long relationshp

so ve heard 4m so mny pple. Buh do I cal 2 brkup wiv ha jes cuz shez far awae She wz 2 blockz awae 4m ma crib whn we startd d8n b4 thy moved 2em' own hse...

Roseey0: this is d best tym to prove your luv. Forgv her,with tym u wil build d trust bck

as it is nw, ion knw if I cn trust ha nymre... if d rlatnshp meant smfin 2ha, she wudnt av takn such stepz dt leadz 2ha bein takn adv of, so ma luv 4ha shudnt b put 2 test @d xpense of ha own mistake. 4qivnez dznt cme eazy wiv me knwin fully wel she brot d travailz upon haslf. Buh imma try n do dat... Thnx

Clarify what?that is foolishness there is moe to the story

Jibwillz: jes ma tot... Buh d quy ask'd ha 2 cme ovr 2 clarify thnqz n promize nvr 2 buq ha nymre 1ce dt is dne (wah she tld me)

My guy dat one no be anytin. After all my girl told me same story but dats not my problem. When dia will be problem is when she stops giving 2 me real hot, I mean sizzling hot!

Jibwillz: Dunno wah 2 do...

As m typn diz wiv anqer written all ovr me...

I happen 2 fall in d cateqory of those doin d lnq distnce rlatnshp thnqy, so I qt a cal 4m ma qrlfrnd 2nyt, n wz shocked @d tone of ha voice (cryin). Aftr mch tot abt wah cud av hapnd, ah stil cudnt brinq maslf 2 undrstnd ha reasn 4 cryin.
I wz suprizd whn she startd qivn me series of apoloqies abt hw she hz offend'd me n nidz me 2 4qiv ha 4 a silly mistake she made...

We qt tlkn, whn she pluqed n amplifier 2ma ear all of d sudden. I went numb, Jaw dropp'd n der qoez d akward moment of silence.

I mean, wah do I say whn ma so cald qrlfrend whom @least I knew wz a virqin tld me she wz molested & qt defiled diz evenin by a known stalker due 2 ha own selfishness... D onli thnq I wz able 2 ask ha wz hw n wer it hapnd, I cudnt b mre suprizd whn she tld me she paid him a visit on ha wae ome 4m wrk diz evenin due 2d fact dt he'z bin pstrn ha 2 do so 4 quite a wyl nw wich she nvr tld me until d whole saqa wnt dnw...



I knw NL is nat d bst place 2 seek an advice, buh I jes cudnt kip diz 2maslf as tz burnin so deep in2 ma hrt.

Plz pardon ma writn mode n qrammatical blunderz, m nat perfct...
Criticism n e-bashn z wlcm,,, buh I sincerly nid u quyz opinion n commentz 'MORE' as 2 wah 2do n hw 2qo abt diz... Thnx

Thank God you aren't writing an exam and i'm not ur lecturer.You would've failed even if you wrote d correct thing.
(thinq,lnq).mtscheeeeeeeeew!

Pls, try and write better and you might get pple to talk to you!
This ur writing is beyond "i'm sorry for any grammatical blunders". It's almost 'unreadable'.

Popowaa: Clarify what?that is foolishness there is moe to the story

no doubt, buh I hope she'z satisfied wiv d outcme of her actionz. buh diz is rily nat d tym 4 me 2 play God n judge ha

cricifixo: My guy dat one no be anytin. After all my girl told me same story but dats not my problem. When dia will be problem is when she stops giving 2 me real hot, I mean sizzling hot!

srzly Rmbr itz nat errbdy whu findz emslf in such predicament wil succum 2ur own choice of approach "we differnt"...

yusufcarez:
Thank God you aren't writing an exam and i'm not ur lecturer.You would've failed even if you wrote d correct thing.
(thinq,lnq).mtscheeeeeeeeew!

alutacontinua: Pls, try and write better and you might get pple to talk to you!
This ur writing is beyond "i'm sorry for any grammatical blunders". It's almost 'unreadable'.

m addict'd 2 abbrev8n, buh I promize 2 write btr if derz qna b a nxt tym... Thnx y'all

Roseey0: this is d best tym to prove your luv. Forgv her,with tym u wil build d trust bck

I did same, it did nt change anytin, once a cheat, always a cheat. Beware!

Sapphire86: Like seriously, what schools did u finish from? We aLl know dat abbreviatn is d in thing bt damn We aren't ur guy, guy or girl, girl people, start ur thread with proper english if u need our help!!!!!

I know, I was about to say the same thing. Though I understood what she was saying but it's too much work.

She should be handled gently, irrespective of whatever, cos the wrong response from you could add to the psychological effects of the ordeal she suffered. She...not you.
Of cos, your feelings may not necessarily match hers right now, but commenting about how the assault affects you, rather than her, the victim, may not only make her feel like it's her fault, but that she has to worry about or take care of you.

Just do not judge her or criticize what she did or how she's coping. Do not be egocentric by asking questions like "how could u have done this to us?" Believe her and don't second guess what she must have done before or during the attack. Only she knew what it took to survive and survival is the biggest thing that matters.
Be supportive of whatever decisions she makes. That is the key to helping her through the assault...which is everything that someone who truly cares would do.

Rocktation: She should be handled gently, irrespective of whatever, cos the wrong response from you could add to the psychological effects of the ordeal she suffered. She...not you.
Of cos, your feelings may not necessarily match hers right now, but commenting about how the assault affects you, rather than her, the victim, may not only make her feel like it's her fault, but that she has to worry about or take care of you.

Just do not judge her or criticize what she did or how she's coping. Do not be egocentric by asking questions like "how could u have done this to us?" Believe her and don't second guess what she must have done before or during the attack. Only she knew what it took to survive and survival is the biggest thing that matters.
Be supportive of whatever decisions she makes. That is the key to helping her through the assault...which is everything that someone who truly cares would do.

U don't really bliv it was an assault, do you
Which girl walks into a stalker's house with her 2 legs and come out to complain that she was assaulted
It should be better put as "THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND"....i don't bliv anybody assaulted her.
@op, see it 4rm dis perspective, maybe I should try and paint the real picture to you.
A guy was disturbing her and she was enjoying the attention plus she likes the guy a lil bit. She wasn't gonna go out with him because of you but still wanted the attention and/or affection from the guy. Most likely, the guy was about to stop disturbing her and she didn't want him to stop. She then decided to pay him a visit to tell the guy to still hang in there. Getting to the guy's place, the guy decided not to dull himself and starts making moves. The girl puts up a lil resistance but the guy thinks it's normal 'lil shakara' dt girls do and continues to press the button. The rest, they say is history.
Now, read that over and over and decide on whatever you wanna do with the lady.

NB: I wasn't der, so, i can't say the above illustration is 100% true but i can bet it's 98% true!
Good luck!

^^^^ gbam!!!

Sapphire86: Like seriously, what schools did u finish from? We aLl know dat abbreviatn is d in thing bt damn We aren't ur guy, guy or girl, girl people, start ur thread with proper english if u need our help!!!!!

seconded jare.this write up took me an hour to finish reading and even comprehending

alutacontinua:

U don't really bliv it was an assault, do you
Which girl walks into a stalker's house with her 2 legs and come out to complain that she was assaulted
It should be better put as "THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND"....i don't bliv anybody assaulted her.
@op, see it 4rm dis perspective, maybe I should try and paint the real picture to you.
A guy was disturbing her and she was enjoying the attention plus she likes the guy a lil bit. She wasn't gonna go out with him because of you but still wanted the attention and/or affection from the guy. Most likely, the guy was about to stop disturbing her and she didn't want him to stop. She then decided to pay him a visit to tell the guy to still hang in there. Getting to the guy's place, the guy decided not to dull himself and starts making moves. The girl puts up a lil resistance but the guy thinks it's normal 'lil shakara' dt girls do and continues to press the button. The rest, they say is history.
Now, read that over and over and decide on whatever you wanna do with the lady.

NB: I wasn't der, so, i can't say the above illustration is 100% true but i can bet it's 98% true!
Good luck!

I cudn't agree more... Truth be told, I stil dnt knw wat 2 do (I've been avoidn her callz)

Rocktation: She should be handled gently, irrespective of whatever, cos the wrong response from you could add to the psychological effects of the ordeal she suffered. She...not you.
Of cos, your feelings may not necessarily match hers right now, but commenting about how the assault affects you, rather than her, the victim, may not only make her feel like it's her fault, but that she has to worry about or take care of you.

Just do not judge her or criticize what she did or how she's coping. Do not be egocentric by asking questions like "how could u have done this to us?" Believe her and don't second guess what she must have done before or during the attack. Only she knew what it took to survive and survival is the biggest thing that matters.
Be supportive of whatever decisions she makes. That is the key to helping her through the assault...which is everything that someone who truly cares would do.

The rlatnshp has been compromized d very minute she decided 2 pay him a visit, my confidence in her has now been replaced with a huge toll of doubt. Putin your comment into considration and acting 2wardz it is "living in pretence" when my heart reacts differntly, E Go Hard Ooo... Thnx 4d luvly piece doh! Wud move it up a notch on my 2do list til when I can finally let it go and mayb revert 2diz.

nytwolf:
I know, I was about to say the same thing. Though I understood what she was saying but it's too much work.

obo389:
seconded jare.this write up took me an hour to finish reading and even comprehending

Aftr so mch bully, guess I don't have a choice ohtr than 2 modify d post.

I think you should confront her with what you think is the truth. Let her know dt you think der was a part of her that wanted it and if she's able to come out clean to you and apologize sincerely, just sound her a serious note of warning and try to forgive.
But if she's giving u d crap of she was raped and u're not considerate bla bla bla....you can be sure that she's just starting her journey to plenty plenty cheating. Good luck. And yes, u writing better makes it easier to reply!

Confused

alutacontinua: I think you should confront her with what you think is the truth. Let her know dt you think der was a part of her that wanted it and if she's able to come out clean to you and apologize sincerely, just sound her a serious note of warning and try to forgive.
But if she's giving u d crap of she was raped and u're not considerate bla bla bla....you can be sure that she's just starting her journey to plenty plenty cheating. Good luck. And yes, u writing better makes it easier to reply!

I've tried dat, she's tryna play the innocent cardz wiv me. And yes, I was truly tagged as not being consider8 and caring cuz I cudnt sympathize with her avin gone thru her ordeal... I might be able 2 forgive her, but how do I do that when she's not even willing 2 accept d fact that it was all her fault, let alone apologise
Seemz i got a lonq wae 2go________________________

Guy, first of all, u have to go back to school and learn how to write properly.

Anyway... I doubt if you're ever getting back together with her; visiting a stalker and getting banged by him doesnt seem like prospective-wife behaviour to me. But you could still be nice - talk gently, dont be so accusatory and harsh - and aid her (if you can) in getting her molester arrested or whatever. For the sake of what you two once shared, at least.

I will never be a fool. Ladies themselves here (not even guys oh) Have told you how it happened and that the girl is not innocent and you're still here trying to be all considerate and whatever.. Okay well be Nice to her calm her down get her through the trauma then after 3 weeks where everything is over and she thinks all is back to normal. You break up with her.. The girl has no excuse for going to the guy's house. I myself will not accept any rubbish reason given the circumstances she told you..
Brother girls can lie very very well. You might even be surprised to know that she is still visiting the guy or atleast picking his calls. Forget being unselfish, was she considerate of you when she went to the guy's house. Don't be a fool oh. Do away with what must be done away with. Girls themselves will not accept this kind of excuse from you, so don't listen to anyone telling you to try and forgive. Leave that to her next boyfriend..
Ask yourself this what stops her from going to another guys house sometime after everything has calmed down and the difference this time is that she won't tell you. A word is enough for the wise

We are supposed to run away from stalkers, not willingly walk into their traps.
If they become a nuisance we report, just in case anything happens.

Hmmm! Am short of words.

@op
Please answer these questions then from there i will add my 1 cent advice.
1. Have u made love with her before
2. Did she tell you she was a virgin?
3. When did she say that the incident happened
4. What was her actions?

kay9: Guy, first of all, u have to go back to school and learn how to write properly.

Anyway... I doubt if you're ever getting back together with her; visiting a stalker and getting banged by him doesnt seem like prospective-wife behaviour to me. But you could still be nice - talk gently, dont be so accusatory and harsh - and aid her (if you can) in getting her molester arrested or whatever. For the sake of what you two once shared, at least.

Thnx sinior!... But I've been calm and very accommodating since d whole issue... Even tried 2 make her see reasons why she must get justice dne, bt she'z hell-bent on kippn it 2 herself, sayn she's gna make "him pay dearly on her own accord". Dat which has fully arouse my suspicion abt her even more... SHE CNT B TRUST'D