My girl and I went to see Jack and the Beanstalk Jack the Giant Slayer last night and it was more entertaining than I had anticipated (Though I never noticed any female giants, which begs the question, 'How on earth were such a mythical army of 'males' born in the first place?). We arrived in good time, bought the calorie-adding popcorn and fizzy drink, plus we were the third couple to walk into the screening room, allowing us to pick choice seats. Unfortunately there was one critical factor we were completely unprepared for and had no way of predicting - the unpredictability of Nigerian cinema goers. *flexes fingers*

1. Talking on their phones. Whilst we watched Fee Fi Fo Fum confront Jack, I had to hold myself from not confronting the buffoon on my row who was answering a mobile phone call. He made no attempt to whisper - you could hear every single word he was saying (so much so that I heard him say he would call back in 10 minutes when he knew fully well that the movie had another hour to go! Seriously?!!). He must have talked for a good 3 minutes with no interruptions - not even a 'shush' from anyone in the audience...bizarre. I know what I was thinking of telling him (To know what that was, click here only if you're 18 or older).

2. Putting their feet up on the seat in front. Despite the fact that the seats in Silverbird Cinemas Ikeja can be reclined (just like you have on airplanes) some movie goers here still feel the need to milk every possible position of comfort. Not only is putting your feet up on someone else's seat bad manners but it also makes the poor person sat in that chair look like a bunny rabbit with dirty ears! (imagine the soles of two shoes on top of someone's head).

3. Bringing babies under 1 year. I'm no expert on babies but I'm pretty sure that exposing their tiny eardrums to thunderous explosions aptly amplified by Dolby surround speakers (just for good measure) would not aid hearing development. I can understand the challenges of finding a trustworthy babysitter or persuading a relative to watch over the baby. However, there's always the earplugs option, the rent-a-DVD option or the wait-till-the-movie-comes-out-on- DVD option. For God's sake, prioritize! baby first, giants later!

4. Talking to the cinema screen. We all get carried away sometimes. But when there are other people around you there should be limits. At what point would a movie watcher realize that all his warnings and pockets of advice are not being ignored by the movie characters - THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE IT IS ONLY A MOVIE! Or maybe they just feel the people around them are probably so dim that we need an indirect explanation to bring us up to speed >> 'Thanks but I watched the movie synopsis, I'm familiar with this sort of mythological theme and story-line, and most importantly I have over 25 years of movie-watching experience!' Keep your commentary to yourself and STFU refer to the link in point 1.

5. Standing up minutes before the movie ends. Some Nigerians just don't get the full value of what they pay for simply because they lack patience. Take for instance the blockbuster movie The Avengers which had some added movie footage after the credits. Other notable movies with added footage include, THOR and Fast Five. It wouldn't hurt to just sit tight for another 3 minutes just to be sure that you haven't missed a sneak preview into any possible sequels. Or don't they even want to know the name of that really good actress with the nice butt and sexy accent or the hunk with the biceps and piercing blue eyes? (for example). I frankly don't care if they stay or go but they usually disrupt my viewing pleasure as they make no attempt to crouch as they pass in front of me - inconsiderate bunch of *#@%?!!

Alas, I have come to the end of my intended rant. If you've been a victim then I'm sure you can relate to this article. If you have other annoying things people (not necessarily Nigerians) do in the movie theaters then please spill the magic beans

Unnecessary screaming
If u know u can't take d heat, y nt jst simply watch in ur house

dyt i see ur part of the bunch, real mannerless idiots.

Clapping for the protagonist when he does sumtin super human. My God! Thats what he was instructed to act mehn

asking silly questions like "did you see that"? "Did they just shoot him"? Madam, i'm watching the movie just as you are

Jeeezzz...@ op you are so right. Just twice to the cinemas and I felt like I was rather amongst locals who has seen what they watch in the movies. It was so annoying. Some of them are Latecomers obscuring the screen, incessant talkers as you mentioned, and worst of all, back-of-the-seat knee jammers.

Crunching on popcorn and rustling packets loudly is the second biggest annoyance, followed by public displays of affection (PDAs).
It has been released after a survey showed that 65 per cent of people did not feel confident enough to tell off fellow cinema-goers about their bad behaviour. Very annoying. I remembered going to the Cinemas in Port harcourt and OMG, it was so stuffy and smelly I thought I entered the wrong room. And because the movie was yet to start, people were having loud chit-chats.

Some thoughtful approach will help make it better
1. Keep talking to a minimum – save the chat for after the film.

2. Enjoy your treats quietly – keep rustling to a minimum.

3. No PDAs – keep public displays of affection until after the film.

4. No mobile phones – keep all mobile phone use until after the film including texting, social networking and internet surfing. All phones should be switched off or turned to silent so they don’t interrupt others mid-film.

5. Keep feet off chairs – remember your fellow cinema-goers have to sit in them.

6. Don’t disturb your fellow cinema goers – arrive on time/no getting up to go to the toilet.

7. No removing of shoes – keep your foot odour confined to your shoes.

8. No littering – take your leftovers with you and no popcorn fights.

9. No plot spoilers – don’t ruin the movie ending for others by posting on social media.

10. Allocated seating – no sitting in other peoples booked seats.

cigar icon: Clapping for the protagonist when he does sumtin super human. My God! Thats what he was instructed to act mehn

asking silly questions like "did you see that"? "Did they just shoot him"? Madam, i'm watching the movie just as you are

Lol...yea, so right.. Cinema wahala

Thats Nigerian Style for u

Then why are you in nigeria? You shouldn't xpect sumtin less

U no get work abi. Iranu U no get work abi. Iranu

.

You are on a long thing

the one that annoy me is that talkin loud and making phone calls

me wey never go cinemas well god go provide? ?

I witnessed a girl take at least 3 pictures of herself with her
. . .wait for it
. . .whatelse could it be
. . .BLACKBERRY!

I was already seething with anger as the guy next to me came with his family and yep
. . .You guessed right
. . .They were talking like they were in there living room. And for whatever reason dude sat right next to me as if the theatre was running out of seats.

One more thing. . .
Will nigerians turn their bloody phones off! Or put the damn thing on 'vibrate'.

As you mention pop-corn so,hunger don begin dey hammer me

I always make sure I go to the extreme seat where I don't get disturbed.

I remember my visit to the cinema at Sabo (can't even remember the name now). During the movie, you would hear some shout in yoruba "Waaaseeerrreeee!!!". I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Quite sad.

The management of cinemas should help with this. I think its the Nigerian mentality of once you've paid for something, you can do whatever you like irrespective of how the next person feels (forgetting that he/she has also paid the same amount).

Asking me to take you the movie and reaching there to say you had seen all the movies..........sickness of the lymphs

OMG...Didn't know there were Cinemas in Nigeria.

Time to leave my cave.

5. Standing up minutes before the movie ends. Some Nigerians just don't get the full value of what they pay for simply because they lack patience. Take for instance the blockbuster movie The Avengers which had some added movie footage after the credits. Other notable movies with added footage include, THOR and Fast Five. It wouldn't hurt to just sit tight for another 3 minutes just to be sure that you haven't missed a sneak preview into any possible sequels. Or don't they even want to know the name of that really good actress with the nice butt and sexy accent or the hunk with the biceps and piercing blue eyes? (for example). I frankly don't care if they stay or go but they usually disrupt my viewing pleasure as they make no attempt to crouch as they pass in front of me - inconsiderate bunch of *#@%?!!

Alas, I have come to the end of my intended rant. If you've been a victim then I'm sure you can relate to this article. If you have other annoying things people (not necessarily Nigerians) do in the movie theaters then please spill the magic beans [/quote]

i agree with all except this. Credits Like srzly?

Jollof: 5. Standing up minutes before the movie ends. Some Nigerians just don't get the full value of what they pay for simply because they lack patience...

Na which one come be ur business with this one o ...sebi na my money?

farting, silently and smellingly

OP.. I don't realy know wht to say..

But I so much love your "Article". Good grammar, nice composition, perfect choice of words.

I Found it interesting that I forgot its was a complain.

Niger cinema wif deir problem.

Niger cinema wif deir problem

This is what happened in a crowdy place, so not surprised. Ve never been to the cinema here in naija cos i know how "my pple" behave.

kokoye:

Na which one come be ur business with this one o ...sebi na my money?

Cuddling a girl in the front row
c'mon there are darker out-of-sight seats around. I paid for the 'hunger games', not for 'bold 5 babes'