Just sharing with you all some basic tenets of wisdom. Some infallible truths and observations from my life...freely given.

I'm sure to some of you, not compromising comes easy (You have your own set of problems). But to those apt to compromising, there are always those instances where doing so would serve no purpose other than to devalue your self worth...but you went ahead with it anyway.

This Usually results in soliloquy sessions with you talking to and hating yourself for allowing yourself to be used and disrespected once again. Your integrity is reduced. You have less respect for yourself. etc

For those who suffer from this, you must take serious steps, going to the other side of the extreme if necessary...because your natural tendencies will eventually balance things out to a healthy medium anyway. But for now this is about Treatment...

- In the words of Jesus Christ, LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO.

You should be principled. Let your yes come from a place of a genuine, deep, unregrettable desire to help the person and NOT from a place of compulsion or sob-story-ism. But before that...

- CONSIDER EVERYTHING.

Before saying that yes, respect yourself by demanding the time for yourself to consider everything. This is why it is absolutely necessary that you...

- TELL THEM TO BRING THIS UP WITH YOU AT A LATER TIME.

I didn't say to tell them "I will get back to you"...because that itself is a commitment. Instead leave your contact details with them and LET THEM bring it up with you again. This removes the responsibility of reinitiating the follow-up from your shoulders and places it squarely on theirs.

Most people will often instead move on to the next sucker on their list who will say yes than to waste time trailing you about.

You will find that a lot of people just want to place their responsibilities on the shoulders of another as soon as they get it and the sooner they do it, the sooner they can move on from it so that if anything happens, they can simply point their fingers your way and say "I thought you had it covered"...for what really would have been none of your business in the first place had you simply respected yourself.

You have enough responsibilities of your own and don't need to get burdened with theirs if they are not even serious about it.

This is a good way to respond to people who want you to help them do something time consuming:

"Can you bring this up with me later? I cannot make any promises right now as there are things I will need to consider before making that commitment. [Here's my number]."

If the person is on to you, and are the manipulative type, they may start insisting or increasing the magnitude of the sob-story-ism. This would then be a perfectly great opportunity to...

- JUST SAY NO!

If they need speedy replies of servitude then they should move on and find a slave. You have a calendar and a schedule to consult (even if all you do is sleep all day) because you RESPECT YOUR TIME.

It is important after that NO to not turn the response to this particular request instance into a YES as that would simply take you back to square one. It's the principle of the matter.
The goal here is to show yourself that you can commit to the words that come out of your mouth and thus have better respect for yourself and improve your integrity.

Also, this is how you train people to be careful how they approach you with requests. They will be less manipulative the next time they have to ask you for something. I assure you, someone who you force to undergo and remember training before engaging you, is a person who would have (whether they like/are aware of it or not) gained the utmost respect for you. Realize something here...

- PUSHY PEOPLE HARDLY EVER INCONVENIENCE THEMSELVES FOR OTHERS

As far as they are concerned, that's your job.
This is something I have noticed with life.
So never allow yourself be guilted by manipulative people. And here is something very important...

- IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE MANIPULATED, YOU LOSE RESPECT

You lose respect for yourself and you lose respect in their eyes, as you make a grand entry into their list of "approval seekers" whom they can hand over any task to. They will likely not respect your time and will consider you to be the "low-risk" option if they must piss someone off. They expect the YES to be a forever thing. All of a sudden acting like you are the villian when you get tired of being used by them and tell them to leave you alone.

Better not have put yourself in that position of bridled servitude as a yesling in the first place than this almost certain result. Please understand...


- THE APPROVAL YOU HOPE TO GAIN FROM PEOPLE BY BEING A YESLING IS SUPERFICIAL

Better to have just said NO or make them work for that YES in the first place so they realize "this is a person with principles who will certainly NOT give me their time again if I abuse it. I better give them a gift for helping". If you were nothing but just a free, easy yesling, you are likely not to take up any mental real-estate in the mind of the person after the fact. To the point of not even being remembered when an opportunity this person knew you are interested in comes and goes and yet never bothered to let you know....because in their mind, bullshit aside, you really are nothing.

Which goes without saying...

- AFTER HELPING LET THEM KNOW THEY OWE YOU

I used to watch movies where I see a lot of people saying "You owe me one " after helping or agreeing to help someone.
Not until certain experiences in life did I come to see the wisdom in this action.

Think about it. You gave this person your most precious, most unrenewable resource that you will never, ever get back....your time . Best get over the mental barriers. It is not a crime to tell someone they owe you one. Practice it in the mirror. Repeat it to yourself. And use it after helping someone....so they remember.

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Anyone who denies all these tenets of relational wisdom, is either simply a manipulative person whose "business" would be hurt by admitting to this....or a person who has decided to be a yesling....that is until they read through this again and see that there is a better way to help people than making yourself easy-to-use and hard-to-remember.

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