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Women: Have U Secured Your Future? - Family - Nairaland

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Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by bebe2(f): 7:46pm On Mar 29, 2013
ok, this is something that has been causing trouble btw husband and wives especially in d diaspora. i will give u a quick story so u can understand my point.
a lady living in one european country decided with her hubby that it was time for them to build a home in nigeria somewhere they can live in wen they both return home finally. the plan was the man shud start doing business to nigeria and the woman wud work and send money down to 9ja. they man kept shuffling between europe and nija.

few years later the house was built, during the opening ceremony one lady kept dancing wit the woman and her husband, thinking shewas just a well wisher the wife was hugging the lady and dancing with her until someone called her to the side and told her that d lady was her husband's wife.

the man called his family to help him beg her saying he still loved her and wants her to accept the situation and take the younger wife as her sista.

each morning the new wife wud greet the first wife wit both knees "good morning mummy" on one occassion the first wife called the second wife and started to scream at her "wat kinh of respect are u resoecting me, at night u will jump on my hubby's pe.nis in the morning u will call me mummy. they had a big quarrel and the first wife left the house she is now back in the europe, in her late 50s trying to work as hard as possible to build a house that she would retire to in nigeria.

following this incident lot of women here have properties in their names, but some pple think dat is wrong. but in a country like nigeria can really depend on ur husband for security in ur old age
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by toofine765: 8:04pm On Mar 29, 2013
Hm, my sister, in a community like ours, there is usually little or nothing we can do as women. Support your hubby and together build up your family projects while beleiving God that it will be well in the end. If however the devil later says you won't enjoy that which you have sown, then just leave them for God, after all it's all vanity upon vanity.I don't believe in buying properties in my name because it can break your home when your partner discovers. What I do is secretly save a part of my earnings for rainy day just incase he decides to act funny in future. All in all let's just be wise.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 8:26pm On Mar 29, 2013
I would definitely have some back-up and my hubby would know about it. There is no way for me to accept another wife in my house and no way for me to leave my earnings for another wife. I have been working hard, I have a lot to bring into marriage and I will make sure no other woman, who wants to sleep with my husband, will profit from my hard earned money, house and car.

So, yes ladies, make sure you have some sort of security just IN CASE. Also think of your children.

I have also always been a fan of pre-ups.

God has given you a brain to think and anxiety is the mother of the careful. Life can be hard, it can be brutal. So use your brains.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by bebe2(f): 8:30pm On Mar 29, 2013
well, may GOD forgive me, i have built a bungalow in my name. if it all goes wrong i will go there to spend my latter years. i still support my hubby in all things he does. but knowing i have that little hut in my state has made me very relaxed.

1 Like

Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by slimyem: 8:37pm On Mar 29, 2013
Nothing wrong in trying to secure one's future as we've come to know time and time again men are not to be trusted but everything wrong in doing it secretly.
Though it doesn't show a united front,sometimes one has got to do what one's got to do.undecided
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by greatgod2012(f): 8:48pm On Mar 29, 2013
All the above comments are all commendable, it shows that we ladies are now facing reality and that we are already wise up.
However, i think my own idea/opinion is quite different............i support my hubby, infact,, let me say, we do almost everything together, including building projects, cars,savings for kids,e.t.c, but, it is mandatory that on the receipt and other documents, both our names appear, its not just....Mr&Mrs.......anybody can be the Mrs, so, its my first name and his first name, with the surname.......ON EVERY DOCUMENTS AND PROPERTIES, with that, i think, if any unforseeable happens in the future, i have nothing or little to loose, and did i forget to say that the custody is not even with any of us, both of us will have to sign b4 getting any of the document.

I dont have any separate savings, i act on utmost good faith along with maximum wisdom.

The idea was from him and i agreed to it, because i think it wise for me to accept.

I dont pray for such and i wont experience such, but, i think i have already secured my future.
May God help us all.

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Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by bebe2(f): 10:58pm On Mar 29, 2013
i think the two name thing is ok if u live in developed countries, but in a society like nigeria how wud dat work.

say a couple build a house together, both names on, few year later there is trouble, in a society like nigeria who wud move out of the house?
ok lets say he get another woman pregnant, everyone will beg u, dnt let the woman destroy ur home, u r the wife we know. wen he goes to meet his maker, everything will be divided among the kids. in nigeria, culture and tradition rules the day.

its a scary thot, women shud be proactive about stuff like these. becos wen shove comes to push, those in-laws dat are calling u "our wife" will be the first to say wat did u bring to our brothers house.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 11:03pm On Mar 29, 2013
Am working on it... Have laid the first foundation already, God help me to fulfil my dreams... U can't rely on anyone except on God..be proactive and save ... Like my dad will say : always save for a rainy day..
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 11:15pm On Mar 29, 2013

2 Likes

Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 11:44pm On Mar 29, 2013
chaircover: This is my own little suggestion o! Instead of doing things behind his back, why not just tell him face up that you want to secure your kids future just in case anything happens and therefore you are giving him an opportunity to put things right such as him making sure that your full name is on all documents etc. It may even bring to light other investments that he had that you may not even have known about before then.

I say this from a point of view where I saw a marriage of many years fall apart after the wife built a house behind her husbands back and he later found out. Her excuse was that she wanted it to be a surprise for him. The irony of the whole thing is that both husband and wife have never spent a night in the house because The wives family who helped her build the house played a fast one and took over the house. Sadly on top of all that The marriage never really recovered.

Of course if they have trust issues and the relationship is already lurching and infidelity is an issue etc, then it makes sense for the wife to have plan B. But in a relationship where there are no issues, I wont advise taking "I dont trust you" actions.

1000 likes

For me bottom line is that you have to secure your future and be straight about it to your husband. I think it should be every woman's responsibility to secure her and her children's future like it has always been a man's responsibility too. This responsibility must be shared for everyone's well-being.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by bebe2(f): 12:26am On Mar 30, 2013
a little experiment for y'all, call ur hubby and tell him u want to have a separate investment in ur name only incase things dnt work out grin dnt forget to tell the result
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 12:39am On Mar 30, 2013
I don't know where to start sef grin

What bout doing everything in kids names? Ahh ha! grin

Anyways no need backstabbing anybody, just lay it out there what project you're embarking on, I don't have the time fighting over Mr&Mrs X title. All properties/ cert of inc ( both home & abroad) on kids names shikena!

And the living WILL is there to back it up incase of any monkey business wink
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by bebe2(f): 12:52am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12: I don't know where to start sef grin

What bout doing everything in kids names? Ahh ha! grin

Anyways no need backstabbing anybody, just lay it out there what project you're embarking on, I don't have the time fighting over Mr&Mrs X title. All properties/ cert of inc ( both home & abroad) on kids names shikena!

And the living WILL is there to back it up incase of any monkey business wink

try telling a black man under 40 to write a will. grin
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 1:21am On Mar 30, 2013
bebe2:

try telling a black man under 40 to write a will. grin

It's a necessity for anybody to have a will as soon as they start to acquire properties... We do undecided.... That country is backward mehn!
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 4:00am On Mar 30, 2013
bebe2:

try telling a black man under 40 to write a will. grin

Many do. We are not that backward.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 4:19am On Mar 30, 2013
'Not that backward' yet they( extended family) throw women with 'girl children' outta the door after their fathers death.... Shiorr!
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by jeffizy(m): 4:43am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12:

It's a necessity for anybody to have a will as soon as they start to acquire properties... We do undecided.... That country is backward mehn !
Wao!
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by jeffizy(m): 4:45am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12: 'Not that backward' yet they( extended family) throw women with 'girl children' outta the door after their fathers death.... Shiorr!
Dont be confused with the nollywood package, please.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by jeffizy(m): 4:45am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12: 'Not that backward' yet they( extended family) throw women with 'girl children' outta the door after their fathers death.... Shiorr!
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:00am On Mar 30, 2013
jeffizy:
Wao!

Be careful not to tear your mouth!

jeffizy:
Dont be confused with the nollywood package, please.

Surprise surprise I'm not a fan of any 'wood'.... @bebe2 is right , how many Nigerian guys under 40 has a living wil?l.... Jeff do you have a WILL?

Or was it not on this same NL a guy refused to add his wife's name on his house deed he built before he got married? I ask you again Jeff, do you have a WILL?
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:12am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12: 'Not that backward' yet they( extended family) throw women with 'girl children' outta the door after their fathers death.... Shiorr!

Perhaps you are refering to your own unique culture. As far as i know... 80% of the younger members of my extended family are female and they are very much welcomed and treated as equals with the boys. 2 lost their father quite young and they were literarily raised by their parent's siblings on both sides.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:13am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12:

It's a necessity for anybody to have a will as soon as they start to acquire properties... We do undecided.... That country is backward mehn!

this is baffling. How does someone project their own experience unto millions of others? Funny how people manage to get across murtala mohammad airport then act as if they have never been near Africa in their lives.

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Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:26am On Mar 30, 2013
davidylan:

this is baffling. How does someone project their own experience unto millions of others? Funny how people manage to get across murtala mohammad airport then act as if they have never been near Africa in their lives.

Hehehe Davido go hug a transformer! I don't have your time today.... I knew you'd jump on my comments as usual... stop obsessing and face front! cheesy
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:29am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12:

Hehehe Davido go hug a transformer! I don't have your time today.... I knew you'd jump on my comments as usual... stop obsessing and face front! cheesy

Hmm actually you responded to my comment which was not directed at you, but at bebe2. Perhaps you should just have passed by if you "didnt have my time today" no?

1 Like

Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:30am On Mar 30, 2013
davidylan:

Perhaps you are refering to your own unique culture. As far as i know... 80% of the younger members of my extended family are female and they are very much welcomed and treated as equals with the boys. 2 lost their father quite young and they were literarily raised by their parent's siblings on both sides.

That's your own experience within your extended family, I've seen worst happen in your own unique culture too.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:31am On Mar 30, 2013
davidylan:

Hmm actually you responded to my comment which was not directed at you. Perhaps you should just have passed by if you "didnt have my time today" no?

Keep fooling yourself ko? ummm actually you responded with your braindead snide remarks indirectly to my post.
I wasn't born yesterday young man.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:31am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12:

That's your own experience within your extended family, I've seen worst happen in your own unique culture too.

which is exactly the point... you cant just label everyone backward because of experiences YOU have seen. The rest of us may just see life a different way. Feel free to label those you know as "backward".
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:32am On Mar 30, 2013
jidegirl12:

Keep fooling yourself ko? ummm actually you responded with your braindead snide remarks indirectly to my post.
I wasn't born yesterday young man.

Nah i was following bebe2 comments and didnt really notice yours until of course you felt the need to make a "snide" remark to a post i directed at bebe2. You seem to be projecting your own issues to others.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by jeffizy(m): 5:36am On Mar 30, 2013
@jidegirl12/davidylan
Give yourselves a break joor..
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:37am On Mar 30, 2013
davidylan:

Nah i was following bebe2 comments and didnt really notice yours until of course you felt the need to make a "snide" remark to a post i directed at bebe2. You seem to be projecting your own issues to others.

Yeah yeah , keep fooling yourself!

My own issues? grin I've got no issue man.... I'm A okay...everything is taken care of on my part... remember I married a different kinda man.. bigger boy grin not wor worh Mr&Mrs braindead mentality .
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:41am On Mar 30, 2013
jeffizy: @jidegirl12/davidylan
Give yourselves a break joor..

No need. Some people are just naturally cantankerous. Its a new yr... i refuse to join their naked dance of shame. She can have the thread to herself.
Re: Women: Have U Secured Your Future? by Nobody: 5:42am On Mar 30, 2013
jeffizy: @jidegirl12/davidylan
Give yourselves a break joor..

It's unfinished business Jeff ... siddon dey look jare wink

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