vicoson: Thank you.

Thank me by making sure that before the end of the week, your wife can look into your eyes and feel safe cozy and full of smiles. you are welcome already. Cheers!

Well at vescoson or what's your name, my advice for you is this, unless you can visibly see that she is of bad influence on the kids or, the kids visibly do not like her naturally, do not take any action, it would be worse for you to send their mother away if you claim to love the kids, am saying this from experience. Just fold your arms and look at her because of the kids, cos women have a way with the children if you don't want those kids to be nervous wrecks.

switosman: Poster the mistake has been made what you shld be looking for is the way forward. Ist I am in a situation a little similar to your.
Base on your personal believe about life generally, do you want a divorce? Do you want some respect in your family?
I advice you to look for these books
Making love last forever.
Uplifting your mates self esteem.
Boundaries in marriage.

You will need to assert yourself, protect yourself and your children from an abusive wife.
Establish limits of what you can take both for yourself and your children. She will abuse them also and it will continue the vicious circle making their adult life worst than her own.
You deserve to be happy, so in asserting yourself find and do things you know to make you happy.

Try give your children happy times and encourage they associate with friends.

You are actually in an abusive relationship and possibly your wife have a mental disorder call BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Google it and learn.

Connect me on switosman@hotmail.com

I know about those personality disorder but if that's the case, there is no remedy.

KenGali:
Thank me by making sure that before the end of the week, your wife can look into your eyes and feel safe cozy and full of smiles. you are welcome already. Cheers!

This will never happen. After the church reconcilled us, I told her that i've totally forgiven her and for the first since we married, I have developed feelings for her,that I love her so much and we had good sex. I took over all the chores in the house. I don't think there's nothing a man would do for a woman that I did not do. What did I get in return? It was like -yes, that serves you right! Everything that happened was my fault, you see?

Op, u said your wife complained that u aint romantic? And did I actually hear u say there is nothing u can do about it because u were born that way? Why exactly is that? It is very clear u are d problem in ur marriage!

Now, listen to me, whether u like it or not, women "thrive" on romance! They want to know how much they are loved and appreciated! They want to know u notice dat hair dey just made. They want u to always complement them. To always tell dem how much they mean to u and how beautiful they have made ur life become. Take her out once in awhile. U don't need to break d bank to fulfil a woman's emotional needs!

This is your wife and the mother of your two beautiful children, what will it take from u to make sure she's well taken care of (emotionally)?

You said she buys u stuff, does that not teach u that she wants d favor to be reciprocated? But no, u turn around and throw it all back to her face and accuss her of being a bad wife. She actually does it so u can take a cue from her, but no, u are too blinded by that fact dat she's from Mbaise.

Lastly, quote me, if u divorce her and re-marry, u will still divorce again. And u will keep divorcing till u get to 80, cos the truth remains dat "almost" every woman is thesame when it comes to these emotional needs! Fail in that department, and your marriage is in shambles. This has got nothing to do with Mbaise, or the fact she isn't educated. Its got to do with YOU!

Go make your marriage work!

bettymafy: Op, u said your wife complained that u aint romantic? And did I actually hear u say there is nothing u can do about it because u were born that way? Why exactly is that? It is very clear u are d problem in ur marriage!

Now, listen to me, whether u like it or not, women "thrive" on romance! They want to know how much they are loved and appreciated! They want to know u notice dat hair dey just made. They want u to always complement them. To always tell dem how much they mean to u and how beautiful they have made ur life become. Take her out once in awhile. U don't need to break d bank to fulfil a woman's emotional needs!

This is your wife and the mother of your two beautiful children, what will it take from u to make sure she's well taken care of (emotionally)?

You said she buys u stuff, does that not teach u that she wants d favor to be reciprocated? But no, u turn around and throw it all back to her face and accuss her of being a bad wife. She actually does it so u can take a cue from her, but no, u are too blinded by that fact dat she's from Mbaise.

Lastly, quote me, if u divorce her and re-marry, u will still divorce again. And u will keep divorcing till u get to 80, cos the truth remains dat "almost" every woman is thesame when it comes to these emotional needs! Fail in that department, and your marriage is in shambles. This has got nothing to do with Mbaise, or the fact she isn't educated. Its got to do with YOU!

Go make your marriage work!

Who told you I'm not romantic? Where did you get that from? I said it's not working because of the hurts of the past. I told her I was hurt and she never apologised. Instead she said she did all she did to scare me away and since I went ahead to marry her, she felt I was comfortable with it. Can you imagine? Now we will see who is doing who a favour?

olumidazz: Well at vescoson or what's your name, my advice for you is this, unless you can visibly see that she is of bad influence on the kids or, the kids visibly do not like her naturally, do not take any action, it would be worse for you to send their mother away if you claim to love the kids, am saying this from experience. Just fold your arms and look at her because of the kids, cos women have a way with the children if you don't want those kids to be nervous wrecks.

Thank you.

OP, I am assuming before marriage and through out marriage you were a saint. I mean for you to open this thread with many accusations, I would expect that you would have looked inward on your contributions to the breakdown of the marriage. If you know in your mind that you have been the perfect husband, then you would be leaving a marriage that shouldn't have been. If you know honestly you did things which you shouldn't have, and your actions have not been pure in this marriage, then work on it. With this pre-marriage drama, I can only imagine the attitude you put up in the marriage. According to you, you endured and waited while she played around and married you as the last and ever present option. So yes, she did you a favour. From what you wrote, she actually may have married you or settled for you out of pity. Now that she has kids, you don get mouth shey? You think it is your time to shine? The sheep has become the wolf with patience. Afterall who will want an after two? You may just be surprised. Think well sha.

Its obvious u don't want any advice. U just want people to see u for the "angel" u claim to be and ur wife for the "devil" she is. U didn't even mention one single good thing that ur wife does. She is just d devil himself. Divorce her already make we hear word!

But. . . I will be here waiting for u to come back in a few years with the same complaints about your second, third and e.t.c wives. Goodluck.

Outta here!

nicky4lif: Well the only advice i will give u is to threaten to send her back to her parents nd if she doesn't change,than u send out of ur house nd by the time she comes back,u will see how good she will be come nd don't even bother calling her while she is away.its very clear she never loved u.u were the only one who truly loved her while she was still single.she went home to check her suitors out so y didn't she marry those ones cos they didn't find her good enough to be then she came back to the one nd only man who will any shit. She does.she was just tied of moving from one place to the other,she needed a place to call her own that's y she married u in the first place.are u really sure the kids are ur?(Just asking)once a woman starts climbin that tree nd u don't care to bring her down,once she gets to the top,it will be very hard to bring her down cos u gave her the chance to go that far.tell ur wife,is either she respects ur orders or she goes nd get her own place,that what makes u the man.

I disagree with u pls.
@op, if u threaten her with "divorce" hahaha she will kill u b4 u kn it. Women's mind is too bad esp wen they lost d love they hold for u.
Be a man and keep ur decision to urself until d action day!
May God see u tru!

baby_123: OP, I am assuming before marriage and through out marriage you were a saint. I mean for you to open this thread with many accusations, I would expect that you would have looked inward on your contributions to the breakdown of the marriage. If you know in your mind that you have been the perfect husband, then you would be leaving a marriage that shouldn't have been. If you know honestly you did things which you shouldn't have, and your actions have not been pure in this marriage, then work on it. With this pre-marriage drama, I can only imagine the attitude you put up in the marriage. According to you, you endured and waited while she played around and married you as the last and ever present option. So yes, she did you a favour. From what you wrote, she actually may have married you or settled for you out of pity. Now that she has kids, you don get mouth shey? You think it is your time to shine? The sheep has become the wolf with patience. Afterall who will want an after two? You may just be surprised. Think well sha.

you want to know my faults? They are as follows:
1 I've never cheated on her before n after marriage.
2 I help in chores without any appreciation.
3 I refuse her sex in the morning since she'll not be able to do anything afterwards
4 I take my daughter to school everyday since it is my daughter
5 I keep to myself since I don't have mouth to talk.
Am no saint. Sometimes I tongue lash her to burst her bubble with no success- girl believe so much on herself. Now I just ignore her. Whenever she decides to come down her high horse, I might look at her. Right now, the room is full so I'll just wait outside untill there is space for two.

vicoson: you want to know my faults? They are as follows:
1 I've never cheated on her before n after marriage.
2 I help in chores without any appreciation.
3 I refuse her sex in the morning since she'll not be able to do anything afterwards
4 I take my daughter to school everyday since it is my daughter
5 I keep to myself since I don't have mouth to talk.
Am no saint. Sometimes I tongue lash her to burst her bubble with no success- girl believe so much on herself. Now I just ignore her. Whenever she decides to come down her high horse, I might look at her. Right now, the room is full so I'll just wait outside untill there is space for two.

What is your obsession with this pride issue? Because she is a fine girl and a hot catch? You want to put her in a box, kill her self esteem to redeem yourself in some way? Dude, get over it. She is who she is, and that is what attracted you to her that made you endure and overlook the fact that she did not finish school. You know this, and I see it. Now that you are married to her, you want to blackmail and destroy her because she is not being the mumu you want her to be. What is a young married man doing outside of the house late? Drop this pride thing you are going on about. Embrace your wife, educate her and enjoy your marriage. Also, drop all the issues you had with her pre marriage. It is probably her flaunting her marketability before marriage that made you think she was too proud. She was attracting big boys, but married small professional you abi? Just enjoy your prize abeg, and stop degrading your wife by calling her uneducated, this and that. That is the mother of your kids. Even if she is a pros*titute, people should not hear such outside. Afterall you are silly enough to marry and have two kids with a prosti*tute. Also, you risk your kids being taunted and their mothr being rubbished because you cannot control your mouth or your emotions. If you have not reconciled your issues with her pre-marriage, tell her. Am sure she will apologize. Half your problems would be over. Drop your insecurities, am sure she is not going anywhere, after all you bombarded her with 2 kids. She most likely not as sexy as before.

baby_123:

What is your obsession with this pride issue? Because she is a fine girl and a hot catch? You want to put her in a box, kill her self esteem to redeem yourself in some way? Dude, get over it. She is who she is, and that is what attracted you to her that made you endure and overlook the fact that she did not finish school. You know this, and I see it. Now that you are married to her, you want to blackmail and destroy her because she is not being the mumu you want her to be. What is a young married man doing outside of the house late? Drop this pride thing you are going on about. Embrace your wife, educate her and enjoy your marriage. Also, drop all the issues you had with her pre marriage. It is probably her flaunting her marketability before marriage that made you think she was too proud. She was attracting big boys, but married small professional you abi? Just enjoy your prize abeg, and stop degrading your wife by calling her uneducated, this and that. That is the mother of your kids. Even if she is a pros*titute, people should not hear such outside. Afterall you are silly enough to marry and have two kids with a prosti*tute. Also, you risk your kids being taunted and their mothr being rubbished because you cannot control your mouth or your emotions. If you have not reconciled your issues with her pre-marriage, tell her. Am sure she will apologize. Half your problems would be over. Drop your insecurities, am sure she is not going anywhere, after all you bombarded her with 2 kids. She most likely not as sexy as before.

So being humble, appreciative, civil and respectful equals mumu? Do you know that love only brings people together but what keeps people together is character? If you have a husband, be mean to him even if he is mean to you lets see the product. If you do not have something good to contribute, go to bed.

vicoson: So being humble, appreciative, civil and respectful equals mumu? Do you know that love only brings people together but what keeps people together is character? If you have a husband, be mean to him even if he is mean to you lets see the product. If you do not have something good to contribute, go to bed.

You can only be as happy as you want to be. Don't make this my issue, this is about you. You knew who she was before you married her. People don't change because they get married. You may not like the truth, but I know your type. Keep whining here on NL and talking about pride. Sheesh! These insecure men sha! You go to bed. Smh! . Carrying on and on about her toasters before marriage. How many girlfriends did you have? Saint viscoson? For all we know, this is even a super story. For your mind sha.

baby_123:

You can only be as happy as you want to be. Don't make this my issue, this is about you. You knew who she was before you married her. People don't change because they get married. You may not like the truth, but I know your type. Keep whining here on NL and talking about pride. Sheesh! These insecure men sha! You go to bed. Smh! . Carrying on and on about her toasters before marriage. How many girlfriends did you have? Saint viscoson? For all we know, this is even a super story. For your mind sha.

Person ask for advice, you come turn am to quarrel. Haba! Everything these days has to do with "insecure men." no be small thing o.

caesaraba:

Person ask for advice, you come turn am to quarrel. Haba! Everything these days has to do with "insecure men." no be small thing o.

How did I turn it to quarrel? Not fighting OP, rather he was the one that got angry. Just telling him the truth. I know his type, and gladly didn't marry him. . They pretend to endure till you enter their trap and then all sorts. I married the realest guy . OP has unresolved issues with wifey pre-marriage. If he doesn't resolve it, that resentment will carry on and affect all aspects of their marriage. And OP, needs to communicate well. If he thought she was such a bad person, he is educated enough to know when to end it. You see the title of his post? All I am trying to make him see is that he should work on his insecurities and issues with wifey pre marriage. Also, all this name calling doesn't put her in a badlight but him. He married her, so that says a lot. Think what you like, but our first lady is most likely a secondary school dropout. But her husband is very proud of her and her speaking abilities to the country's detriment. Have you ever heard GEJ come out and belittle her? The way this guy has written about his wife, I can only imagine what he says to her face. All this is payback, for the sheep has become the wolf.

People are so busy throwiong stones and asking for separation without hearing from the two parties! Haba!
And moreover he is asking how he can continue to love his wife and you guys are saying the reverse.
Op, pls sit down and think of the good things about her that made you marry her against all odds. Look for ways of bringing such behaviour out in her. If she is complaining about upkeep money then sit her down and map out something depending on your income.

Those kids know you as their father and you say they look like you, don't go for paternity test, you will only traumatize yourself.

Goodluck

People that are busy screaming divorce here, most of them are going through more horrible things in their home and yet can't even say it in public only to come here and scream because they are faceless.
Most first five years of marriage are horrible, but with mutual understanding u can sail through

Ama28: People are so busy throwiong stones and asking for separation without hearing from the two parties! Haba!
And moreover he is asking how he can continue to love his wife and you guys are saying the reverse.
Op, pls sit down and think of the good things about her that made you marry her against all odds. Look for ways of bringing such behaviour out in her. If she is complaining about upkeep money then sit her down and map out something depending on your income.

Those kids know you as their father and you say they look like you, don't go for paternity test, you will only traumatize yourself.

Goodluck

People that are busy screaming divorce here, most of them are going through more horrible things in their home and yet can't even say it in public only to come here and scream because they are faceless.
Most first five years of marriage are horrible, but with mutual understanding u can sail through

We've started talking and I think we'll get somewhere.

ALSE- Accute Low self esteem dey worry you,what a useless woman.

SMH. If tribalism fails, never forget to resort to sub tribalism... way to go!

KenGali:

Wait What do you mean she is not committed? You called her your fiancée, which means someone who has agreed to marry you. Or are you talking of a girlfriend who has refused to become a fiancée. Or is it just a friend of yours.

If you mean that your girl friend has other male friends, I will say they usually do, not lovers though. At least to keep you on your toes that they are conscious of biological time. If you mean a finacee, I expect her have male friends, but not pursing possible relationship with them, so the limits with them is well established.

If you popped the question already, and she did not decide, then she is not your fiancee but a girl friend. If she cannot give your any good reason for not accepting you now(such as education or otherwise) then you should move on with your life.

thanks

Wetin Mbaise women do una

My man, since you know right from day one her character...and you went ahead. That was a risk on your own side but I encourage boldness because a man must take a deceision one day and live with the consequencies. I am sure you are in luv, and now that you are in marriage, try everything possible to make your marriage work

byns:
confirmed! u have no idea what love is - read 1Cor 13:4-7 preferably amplified version

vicoson: I did not marry her because I loved her but I felt she will appreciate the fact that I married her against all odds. I was wrong. I think it was a conscience thing and I'm happy I did the right thing. Now I have to send her packing because I'm not sure I can give her what she wants. She wants romance which I don't have.


OP already ansad you.

.

vicoson: I will marry again and live happily and she will have to look for another victim who will fulfill her fantasies. Stop getting too excited.

didnt know people experiment with marriages now.

yea, talk of a wounded tiger.

I should quickly tell you to take those kids into consideration b4 you wade in with another wild expirement of yours.

they nid their momma not some random gurl

Op, sorry to say this but you seem to be a nag. What happens to forgiveness and letting by-gones be by-gones. Yeah, I know it's not easy to get over hurts, but I strongly believe that with time, everything will subside. I dunno your wife in person, but I inferred that she is light-skinned and very pretty. She is conscious of her looks thereby allowing it get into her head. You can't dispute d fact that you're married. It's better to make your marriage work than been a divorcee'. I also noticed that you are making us believe you are without flaws (perfectionist). However, there are 2 sides to a coin. Are you a "practising" christian? If yes, then I'll enjoin you to look to God and continue to be good to your wife. Mehn, she should have a conscience. I believe with time, everything will turn around for your good. Whoops! What more can I say? #life and it's vicissitudes#.....

vicoson: My wife says she did me a favour by marrying me, so I should be happy she married me.

We've been married for 3 years with 2 kids. Prior to our marriage we dated for about a year. She even moved in with me when she had accomodation problem for 6 months. During this period I saw hell. She showed me no respect, was playing her games very openly. Her phone rings 24/7, multiple love sms.

When I talk about settling down together, she would say her parents won't agree because my place is far-I'm from Akwa Ibom and she is from Mbaise. Obviously she did not want to marry me but she wouldn't just leave.

She travelled twice to check out some suitors while she was still leaving with me and I got to know from another source. She didn't deny it but said her sister's gave her the connection. One of those guys is an illiterate drug pusher.

Finally things got to a head. I dicovered condoms hidden in her handbag, I had to throw her out of my house. Somehow somehow, we hooked again but this time I only wanted to use her. Not quite long she took in. Although both of us had earlier agreed we won't marry each other, she later claimed she has started loving me but I did not love her anymore.
I went ahead and married her. I even did elaborate wedding. From day one till today, it has always been trouble.

Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge.

Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house.

Before I forget, I am a Mechanical Engineer, she doesn't have a good O-level.

Yes, my emotions are on vacation, is it my fault?

I feel sorry for you man but all the signs were there for you to see before you got married to her, perhaps you were blinded by love? I know marriage will be the last thing on my mind if a woman shows these qualities before she picks my last name.

You need to sit her down and talk to her and if she won't listen try marriage therapy/counselling. If all else fail,time to rethink maybe?

Reason why marriage scares me

promire2004: Op, sorry to say this but you seem to be a nag. What happens to forgiveness and letting by-gones be by-gones. Yeah, I know it's not easy to get over hurts, but I strongly believe that with time, everything will subside. I dunno your wife in person, but I inferred that she is light-skinned and very pretty. She is conscious of her looks thereby allowing it get into her head. You can't dispute d fact that you're married. It's better to make your marriage work than been a divorcee'. I also noticed that you are making us believe you are without flaws (perfectionist). However, there are 2 sides to a coin. Are you a "practising" christian? If yes, then I'll enjoin you to look to God and continue to be good to your wife. Mehn, she should have a conscience. I believe with time, everything will turn around for your good. Whoops! What more can I say? #life and it's vicissitudes#.....

I think I had forgiven her otherwise I would't have married her. The hurt i feel right now is not as a result of what she did in the past, but because she took my forgiving her for granted ( see the title of my post). I really feel bad. As per me nagging, how do you get someone to understand how you feel if the person doesn't want to. You keep repeating the same thing over and over and you earn your self a nagging husband.
I don't like the fact that I have to strugle to be good to my wife when I should be doing it with joy. Even when you try, it's not appreciated because it's not "enough". Now I've become a total jerk and it hurts me real bad when people think I'm wicked. I have done terrible things of recent which I'm not proud of. She is passive agressive and I am overt agressive. I am the bad guy. Jeez, I'm going crazy.

vicoson: I think I had forgiven her otherwise I would't have married her. The hurt i feel right now is not as a result of what she did in the past, but because she took my forgiving her for granted ( see the title of my post). I really feel bad. As per me nagging, how do you get someone to understand how you feel if the person doesn't want to. You keep repeating the same thing over and over and you earn your self a nagging husband.
I don't like the fact that I have to strugle to be good to my wife when I should be doing it with joy. Even when you try, it's not appreciated because it's not "enough". Now I've become a total jerk and it hurts me real bad when people think I'm wicked. I have done terrible things of recent which I'm not proud of. She is passive agressive and I am overt agressive. I am the bad guy. Jeez, I'm going crazy.

You talk too much oga . . . be a man and go put your house in order . .
Today this tomorrow that . . haba!
I'm actually feeling sorry for your wife.

Ujujoan:

You talk too much oga . . . be a man and go put your house in order . .
Today this tomorrow that . . haba!
I'm actually feeling sorry for your wife.

What is this? I let out my feelings seeking for advice and you come out n give me vague advice. How do I put my house in order? I just described my wife and seek for ways of handling her, not complaining. I've read a lot of books but I'm just looking for people who have similar experiences to advise. I will continue to talk till I find solution to my problem. Dont judge me, just tell me what to do.

vicoson: What is this? I let out my feelings seeking for advice and you come out n give me vague advice. How do I put my house in order? I just described my wife and seek for ways of handling her, not complaining. I've read a lot of books but I'm just looking for people who have similar experiences to advise. I will continue to talk till I find solution to my problem. Dont judge me, just tell me what to do.

No one can tell you what to do. Every marital relationship is different. People can only suggest. You know your wife, we don't. So you are going to have to figure it out mostly. Good you have forgiven her and have stepped down from the divorce threats. . You can start by talking to someone she respects.