i not too recently got parted from the love of my life (she left me), it all started when i left for my national youth service in march of 2012 as a batch a corp member
i worked my posting to awka ibom state after due consultation with my girlfriend and we agreed that i would work it to awka ibom state so that i could be close to her
and i did not want to go back to lagos as my parents were insisting that i work it
there so as to enable serve from home. as at that time we've been dating for 4 years and i had already taken her to meet
some members of my family and i even introduced her to my mum as the girl i was going to marry 2 years earlier.

she's from a polygamous family and i know most of her siblings from her mother and even some of her step brothers and sisters. during the orientation exercise she came all the way from owerri to uyo and brought me a cooler of food for myself and my roommates and the act endeared her to most
of my friends in camp. i could not and would not deliberately strike up a friendship with any other girl in camp (and there were a few who were craving my attention) just cos i didn't want to put myself
in any situation that would make me cheat. after orientation i was posted to one remote village and because i considered the stress it would be for her to locate the village when she comes visiting,
i again paid to get reposted to uyo and after my reposting, when to owerri to visit her. when there she told me that she made a new friend, "one guy like that". i became immediately suspicious but she quelled
my fears by telling me that the guy had a fiance and a child and that there was no way that she would betray me; at this point it like to note that i was the one who took her virginity. we both took turns to
visit each other monthly and in July i lost my grandma and when it was time for the burial i informed her of the date and a few days to the burial she called and told me she could not make it, that she had some test
in school. she was in her final year then and i didn't want her to get any bad results cos of me so i to her it was alright. on the day of the burial i called her to give her updates and the last time i called
i jokingly told her that her that i hope she's not hanging out with those small boys that wouldn't even know how to take care of her and where to begin and she said no that she wouldn't even dare and i told her that i love her
and miss her; little did i know that my joke would manifest itself in a few days times. 4 days after the burial my immediate older sister had her traditional wedding and a few members of my family were surprised that she still didn't show up.
after the wedding i went back to uyo and two days later while talking to one of my friends that lived in the same hostel with her, he told me that she was seeing someone else and i could not believe it. i cut the call and called her
and demanded to know who the guys was. she was shocked that i asked such a question and for a moment could not answer me and i told her to pack her bags and come to uyo immediately and she started giving flimsy excuses that
she didn't have any money. at a time i got fed up with the excuses and told her to stay back. i went to the bank withdrew some cash and proceeded to owerri without informing her. i showed up unannounced and surprised her but the
look on her face was more of dread than cheerful surprise for someone she had not seen for more that 2 months.

we proceeded to have a lengthy discussion and for the first time in the 4 years of our relationship, i asked to go through
her messages and for someone who had never hidden her phone from me in the past, she refused. after talking to her for what seemed like hours i asked her to go to the bathroom and delete any text messages that she knew would get
me upset, think that would spur her to hand over the phone to me and prove her innocence. what i got in reply was a rude shocker as she stood up, took her phone and proceeded into the bathroom and after spending like ten minutes
there she came out and dropped her phone on the floor. i couldn't sleep throughout the night but resolved within myself to leave early the next morning. at about 4 am she woke up and started pleading with me and i gave in only
to be shocked for the second time when a neighbour who had plugged his torchlight in her room the night before came early in the morning to retrieve it and not knowing i was in, he walked in and greeted her and i also greeted him
back and he asked her if it was the other guy that was lying down on the bed. i almost died while lying there and as soon as she heard that, she could not move. By 6 am i was dressed and ready to leave when
locked the door to the room and knelt down on the floor to beg and she started crying and telling me that truly there was nothing between her and the guy. we spoke till like 8 am when one of her step brothers came and mediated
between the both of us and even proceeded to tell me that he had asked her who the guy was when he first saw both of them together and that she told him they were just friend and that i should take it from him that she would not
lie to him and for give her. he went on to admonish her to avoid anything that would break the relationship. for the sake of time and space ill cut the story short. a few months later precisely two weeks to my birthday she called
me and told me that she's seeing the same guy she had earlier denied dating and that she's sorry about everything she had done to me that i did not deserve it. i almost died, there were times that i felt worthless and thought about killing myself
and was very sick into the new year. up till this moment. i still have not fully recovered and still can bring myself to venture into another relationship. then 2 months ago she called me up and started chatting me up again and trying to warm
her way back into my life but I'm resisting her. there have been so many situations that just make me remember the times we spent together. in January one of her brothers who was abroad called me and asked for her new number, the surprising
thing about that call was that he could have called one of his other siblings to get the number but he called me. I'm still quite close to members of her family and just today her step brother called me that he was coming to Lagos
and if i was at home so he could come see me when he arrived. I'm really confused cos on the one hand i still love her really much regardless of what she did to me but i don't feel like i can ever trust her ever again. and even till
this very moment she still brags to her friends that i still love her very much and sad as it may sound its true. I'm not perfect and i know that i have my own faults but i want you guys to know that i don't hit women (for those of you who might
comment that maybe it was cos i was beating her that she left). i just cant phantom why she would do what she did to me. so please i need ur help and advice please

^ you are obviously missing her but you can't afford to spend forever missing her. Submit yourself to God and/or time. Focus on healing and learning from mistakes (I admit I skipped to the end where you had said you beat her, that's never right bruv).

... I felt like commenting because you poured your heart out up there, but a summary may entice others to comment more appropriately than I have.

Flytefalls: ^ you are obviously missing her but you can't afford to spend forever missing her. Submit yourself to God and/or time. Focus on healing and learning from mistakes (I admit I skipped to the end where you had said you beat her, that's never right).

please read the last paragraph again I specifically stated there that I don't hit women. its not in my nature and I don't believe that violence is the solution to any problem

firetrap:

please read the last paragraph again I specifically stated there that I don't hit women. its not in my nature and I don't believe that violence is the solution to any problem

I modified my original post; you should summarise

Hmmm @op sorry about ur predicament life is a b..I.t.c.h shiiit happens

Hey firetrap.

What happened to you - and is happening to you is NORMAL.

It's part of your journey into being the man that you are meant to be.

A fundamental lesson you will need to learn is that there is no special one girl for you.

On the other hand, what you still feel for your ex is not love. It is neediness.

What you need to do is to work on this inner-void. You see, lots of people - both males and female walk around with this gaping hole in their mind.

They need someone to come into their lives and 'complete them'. You are already enough. And you don't need anyone to complete you.

If you fill this hole in your mind, your whole life will change. Women will only be a BONUS in your life - and they will also find you more attractive.

There are lots of good resources online that will help your 'Inner Game' handled. Here's a good one: http://www.seductionscience.com/attraction-seduction/

When you you are internally coming from the 'right-place'. A lot of things in your life will fall into place.

Richfella: Hey firetrap.

What happened to you - and is happening to you is NORMAL.

It's part of your journey into being the man that you are meant to be.

A fundamental lesson you will need to learn is that there is no special one girl for you.

On the other hand, what you still feel for your ex is not love. It is neediness.

What you need to do is to work on this inner-void. You see, lots of people - both males and female walk around with this gaping hole in their mind.

They need someone to come into their lives and 'complete them'. You are already enough. And you don't need anyone to complete you.

If fill this hole in your mind, your whole life will change. Women will only be a BONUS in your life - and they will also find you more attractive.

There are lots of good resources online that will help your 'Inner Game' handled. Here's a good one: http://www.seductionscience.com/attraction-seduction/

When you you are internally coming from the 'right-place'. A lot of things in your life will fall into place.

thank you for your reply, but I don't think its the neediness, I learnt earlier on in life to know that no one is meant to complete another person but just to complement the person. the biggest problem I'm grappling with now is trust. my motto before the incident was " trust everyone, but don't trust the devil inside them", but with what happened, I'm not sure I can even trust any lady left alone waiting for the devil inside them to manifest.





@flytfalls
I modified my original post; you should summarise

the story in itself is a summary, the things I went through are too long to reproduce here even if I wanted to, my hands will ache after I'm done

Richfella: Hey firetrap.

What happened to you - and is happening to you is NORMAL.

It's part of your journey into being the man that you are meant to be.

A fundamental lesson you will need to learn is that there is no special one girl for you.

On the other hand, what you still feel for your ex is not love. It is neediness.

What you need to do is to work on this inner-void. You see, lots of people - both males and female walk around with this gaping hole in their mind.

They need someone to come into their lives and 'complete them'. You are already enough. And you don't need anyone to complete you.

If fill this hole in your mind, your whole life will change. Women will only be a BONUS in your life - and they will also find you more attractive.

There are lots of good resources online that will help your 'Inner Game' handled. Here's a good one: http://www.seductionscience.com/attraction-seduction/

When you you are internally coming from the 'right-place'. A lot of things in your life will fall into place.

thank you for your reply, but I don't think its the neediness, I learnt earlier on in life to know that no one is meant to complete another person but just to complement the person. the biggest problem I'm grappling with now is trust. my motto before the incident was " trust everyone, but don't trust the devil inside them", but with what happened, I'm not sure I can even trust any lady left alone waiting for the devil inside them to manifest.





@flytfalls
I modified my original post; you should summarise

the story in itself is a summary, the things I went through are too long to reproduce here even if I wanted to, my hands will ache after I'm done

firetrap:

thank you for your reply, but I don't think its the neediness, I learnt earlier on in life to know that no one is meant to complete another person but just to complement the person. the biggest problem I'm grappling with now is trust. my motto before the incident was " trust everyone, but don't trust the devil inside them", but with what happened, I'm not sure I can even trust any lady left alone waiting for the devil inside them to manifest.

Why do you need to trust? Everything is what it is.

Accept what is.

As human beings we are what we are. It is very difficult for anyone to not go back on their word. This is neither good nor bad...it is just the terrain.


BTW, without being judgemental. You showed extreme levels of neediness in several parts of the events you narrated.

Richfella: Hey firetrap.

What happened to you - and is happening to you is NORMAL.

It's part of your journey into being the man that you are meant to be.

A fundamental lesson you will need to learn is that there is no special one girl for you.

On the other hand, what you still feel for your ex is not love. It is neediness.

What you need to do is to work on this inner-void. You see, lots of people - both males and female walk around with this gaping hole in their mind.

They need someone to come into their lives and 'complete them'. You are already enough. And you don't need anyone to complete you.

When you you are internally coming from the 'right-place'. A lot of things in your life will fall into place

@selected part of your post.....
Woaw!! Woaw! Woaw!! *snapping my fingers while doing the black church dance*

You just might be as smart as I am. I said might, I'm still smarter

.......your post is the gospel truth yo!

Richfella:

Why do you need to trust? Everything is what it is.

Accept what is.

As human beings we are what we are. It is very difficult for anyone to not go back on their word. This is neither good nor bad...it is just the terrain.


BTW, without being judgemental. You showed extreme levels of neediness in several parts of the events you narrated.

I'm usually the one who gives this sort of advice to my Friends, and I'm grateful that a like minded person is telling me the painful truth. thank you

@op, cool story! I had fun reading

u need to learn how to move ahead in life. shit happens ,everybody has a story to tell . just keep moving

Shollypopz:
@selected part of your post...
Woaw!! Woaw! Woaw!! *snapping my fingers while doing the black church dance*

You just might be as smart as I am. I said might, I'm still smarter

.......your post is the gospel truth yo!

@ Bolded

Lol, obviously.

Think I already told you that.

BTW, where did you get your feminist lenses? It does a wonderful job .

I think my good friend needs some feminine input too - so there you go.

.

@op it's a normal reaction&that's women for u.my advice to u;pls try as much as u can to reduce the amount of trust u used to have for women.they don't deserve it.As for going back to her,pls do.the devil u know is better an Angel u don't.I am talking from experience

Sanb, haba! See how u painted the chic to look like a mini devil. I don't think anything the op said proves she's been cheating way before then.


What is the age difference between you two?? (Thinking out loud) 4yrs is a long time to date someone, there are too many handsome fishes in the river. And don't forget we meet new handsome-adrenaline-rush-high-testosterone-sex-appealing gods everyday. Resisting the temptation is not easy. The new guy brought a level of spark, adventure and fun that was missing in the relationship.
Though this is not a bad thing on your part, but it's somewhat not good when a girl knows you're always going to be there. She knows she can rely on your love and that you love her too much to be a man. Am I making myself clear??

Funny enough, u have to give her the exposure she's seeking. Let her go, when she sees how life is,(feeling like a Naija parent) she'll take her two legs waka back. Don't accept her this early till you're sure she has learnt and experience has made her more mature, wiser and grown.

Lol, the fact that her just chatting u up made you create a thread proves my point. Grow some balls, she knows you're weak pertaining to her. And only a saint which she isn't, wouldn't take advantage of that.

Did you say you broke her hymen?? LMAO, leave the girl jor, let her enjoy different sizes before you tie her down

Candidly speaking bro, don't console yourself with the fact that her family members know you very well and still calls you. This is not about you and them but about you and their sister.

My advice to you is to move on because she was never meant to be. Take it as one of those experiences of life. Thou it maybe very thorny iffy for you to forget her, but believe me with time, you will heal.

#bestrong

sexkillz: I'm telling you what I'll tell my brother: Forget that girl.

Delete her number, remove her from Facebook, Twitter, BBM, EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING that would remind you of her. Delete her pictures as well. Cry if you have to. Crying is normal and would help you heal faster. Then do not, I repeat, do not fall in love with another girl hoping to replace the former.

Get busy.

It didn't work out for you because it wasn't meant to be. There is something better ahead, but you won't find it if you cling to your ex, if you cling to the past. What you both had is over.

Accept it in good faith and in all totality.

In addendum to what Killz said, if you go back to her, you will not be able to get the thought of what she did to you out of your mind. She may likely cheat on you again if she is presented with the opportunity. A word they said is enough for the wise.

OP, here lies your answer from a woman.


Next time FVck the hell out them and change them like clothes... Most are worthless scumbag!

Shollypopz: Sanb, haba! See how u painted the chic to look like a mini devil. I don't think anything the op said proves she's been cheating way before then.


What is the age difference between you two?? (Thinking out loud) 4yrs is a long time to date someone, there are too many handsome fishes in the river. And don't forget we meet new handsome-adrenaline-rush-high-testosterone-sex-appealing gods everyday. Resisting the temptation is not easy. The new guy brought a level of spark, adventure and fun that was missing in the relationship.
Though this is not a bad thing on your part, but it's somewhat not good when a girl knows you're always going to be there. She knows she can rely on your love and that you love her too much to be a man. Am I making myself clear??

Funny enough, u have to give her the exposure she's seeking. Let her go, when she sees how life is,(feeling like a Naija parent) she'll take her two legs waka back. Don't accept her this early till you're sure she has learnt and experience has made her more mature, wiser and grown.

Lol, the fact that her just chatting u up made you create a thread proves my point. Grow some balls, she knows you're weak pertaining to her. And only a saint which she isn't, wouldn't take advantage of that.

Did you say you broke her hymen?? LMAO, leave the girl jor, let her enjoy different sizes before you tie her down

op it was beautiful while it lasted but now u ve to move on. don't try to analyze why she cheated.... u ll only hurt more.

she cheated on u twice, don't tink of taking her back. now i know u love her and i understand d whole sacredness of being d one to pop her cherry but dats not enough reason to take her back.

severe any form of communication wit her so u can heal properly. don't rush into another rship, take as much time as u need to love and trust again.

u r a rare breed, u are. u ll find d one and her love ll sneak in and brk ur defenses, it ll attack ur head, heart and senses. she ll make u trust again...

dis girl isn't d one, u ve to completely let her go b4 u can find d one. dont bother about ur ability to enter into another relationship, let time and nature take care of dat. ur only duty for now is to forget dat girl plsssss

A whole lot of things happen everyday in this world, especially in relationships, so whatever has happened to u now, has happened to people before. Brace-up bra, and move on....

Try also to erase every tot of the chick from ur mind, and if possible destroy whatever u think connects u both and do not communicate with her again either tru call or chat.

roughdiamond: @op it's a normal reaction& that's women for u.my advice to u;pls try as much as u can to reduce the amount of trust u used to have for women.they don't deserve it. As for going back to her,pls do.the devil u know is better an Angel u don't.I am talking from experience

This is slander! What HV we done to you, that u must generalize and put us all in one category?

as a man , and in ur future relationships, learn the hard art of unplugging from women. This is to clear ur head and stiffle/purge needy tendencies from taking root. Once a woman knows tht she's got u , it's just a matter of time b4 she begins treatg u like dirt. Think of it this way, theyre some people wu giv away their things -that are still workg- because their tired of it. Introduce breaks into ur relationships where u'r inaccessible 4 extended periods of time. Also, introduce deliberate friction instead of always talking soft and cooey - like bust on her if she messes up, get angry with her and dnt reconcile - for emotional variety. Soft guys like u bore girls silly and make thm wanna cheat but d girl will never tell u y she's tired of u. Even if u get anoda girl it's likely dat she'll cheat or get bored wt u.

@2jideofor I take offence at u for calling women worthless scumbags and no matter whatever was done to me does not and will never make me ever refer to women in general as worthless scumbags and changing women like clothes did not help me. believe me when I say that I went to town with my dicck and it only made me feel worse. I almost became something I'm not because I allowed what someone did to me almost change my perception of how i related with the opposite sex.

You are just being emotional and who told you they give Fvck how you feel... It is man eat man damn it.

Shollypopz has told you what most girls will hardly tell you. That is the big picture there.

I didnt say you should go about fvcking ashis ooo

The truth is that girls want to experiment with different d1ck b4 dey settle down. Take it or leave. They want to Fvck as many d1ck as they can. They dont want to be tied down.

Let me tell you what my ex told me: she said I was too serious back then and that she wanted to have fun or is it when she get's married that she will have the needed experience. And the bastard was begging me to accept her back o when she said those word, unknown to her about my reaction. THAT IS THE REALITY. I felt hurt but because if I knew, i would have known what to do at that time-- of course use the ba5tard and dumb her. I was busy doing mr. Nice guy and lover boy while another guy was FVcking.

It is left to you what you wanna do. I didnt just say those words, I said them based on what sholly wrote up there.

It is what they want, it is what you should give them.

Didnt you see where sholly said you should let her experience different d1ck? And to think it is coming from a girl!

As for my ex, she has experimented different D1ck and now, she has no guy to marry her. She has been used and dumped.

I just told you the truth... Use and dump them because that is what they want. Be a player. NEVER be serious till you have had enough. You get heartbroken when you are serious with them. That is the truth and to over 80% of girls in this country.

Take it or leave it!

You seem fixated on the marriage thing guy make that money and enjoy life man. Dont worry about girls because they dont care about you but what they will get from you.

I dont hate them just that being nice to them has never yielded any thing good for me. Being Nice to them has been a nightmare.

It's lfet for you what you wanna do, but for me o. I will give them what they want. This is no time to be emotional because if you die from heartbreak, another guy will take over.

I don talk my one

firetrap: @2jideofor I take offence at u for calling women worthless scumbags and no matter whatever was done to me does not and will never make me ever refer to women in general as worthless scumbags and changing women like clothes did not help me. believe me when I say that I went to town with my dicck and it only made me feel worse. I almost became something I'm not because I allowed what someone did to me almost change my perception of how i related with the opposite sex.

Well said!

kambo: as a man , and in ur future relationships, learn the hard art of unplugging from women. This is to clear ur head and stiffle/purge needy tendencies from taking root. Once a woman knows tht she's got u , it's just a matter of time b4 she begins treatg u like dirt. Think of it this way, theyre some people wu giv away their things -that are still workg- because their tired of it. Introduce breaks into ur relationships where u'r inaccessible 4 extended periods of time. Also, introduce deliberate friction instead of always talking soft and cooey - like bust on her if she messes up, get angry with her and dnt reconcile - for emotional variety. Soft guys like u bore girls silly and make thm wanna cheat but d girl will never tell u y she's tired of u. Even if u get anoda girl it's likely dat she'll cheat or get bored wt u.

.

.

I said MOST... I didnt say all

sanb: Wow that was harsh.....don't forget we have them as sisters, cousins, nieces and also mothers.

Remember that men can also be classed in that category as well…

I'm aware of that....

2jideofor: I said MOST... I didnt say all