Nairalanders help mr out here,

ok i have this friend he was going out with a girl they were like friends one thing led to the other and he got her pregnant the guy is working the girl is working also,ok nw the parents of the girl discovered this and they are hell bent on saying the girl should get married to the guy, the girl got the guy's Dad number from his phone gave it to her father who called the guy's father, the guy's father said the guy should marry the girl.The girl is trying to draw sympathy from everyone cause she is pregnant.

Last month i escorted my friend to the girls house to see the parents,they were all insisting that nobody can come and disgrace their daughter and not get married to her,the guy told them he is not ready to get married but prepared to take care of the girl and baby but they are still adamant he promised to give them a reply this month,precisely this saturday.

I asked my guy what is bringing bout his hesitation in marrying the girl, he told me when they started out he was using condom but the babe nw brought a preventive drug,assuring the guy that he should not worry that she was on drugs she can't get pregnant, that was in January,only for her to show up February that she was pregnant.He is nw asking me how do i expect to marry a girl that obviously tricked him in getting pregnant.

I told the guy the has to talk to the girl to see reason cause only she can solve this issue,my guy said if she is ready to deliver the child first before talk of marriage next yr or later no sweat but nobody can force him into getting married. else he will go to court.

Nairalanders help me out here what does my friend do hia, cause this one pass me.[guy 33,girl 32]

Na wa oh . . . so this is what it has come to, families bullying people into marrying their daughter!
First off, if what the guy is saying is true then he will be making a huge mistake by marrying such a manipulative girl . . . It's not enough that she tricked him into getting pregnant, she's getting his dad's number and giving to her parents . . wtf?
Your friend should stand his ground and NOT marry that girl . . . marriage itself is hard enough without someone feeling he's making a mistake from the beginning!
Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage!

Hmmmm... It will be better OP if you are the guy to come out and say you are. So people can ask better questions.

If in truth she manipulated him, then he is to blame still. She's desperate, he is silly. Why will you have unprotected sex with a girl when you are not ready for a baby? Pregnancy is one of the worries, but what about other life altering diseases? He was irresponsible and so was she. People do get pregnant on birth control for your information. He took a risk when he was not ready. Don't put yourself in situations you know you are not ready for. It is only yourself you can believe, sometimes you can't even trust yourself. So why put so much trust in someone else on such an issue as sex Just like someone telling you they are HIV- and you put your thing inside. How are you so sure they are? You followed them to check? The guy should do what he feels is right, based on how he will feel if such happened to his daughter. Every round of unprotected sex can become pregnancy.

Two can play the game. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately she played the game better.

A woman @ 32, definitely would want that security which marriage brings along. And a man @ 33, should reasonably have been settled down in marriage. He cannot eat his cake and have it. Banging a 32yr old lady and no serious committment shows he just wanted his pleasure, but the lady knew where she was going.

Both of them are wrong. But in the proper context of things, she has used pregnancy to tie the dude down. I once know of a friend who was in such entrapment. He immediately proceeded to the registry and married another lady. Thereby the family of the other pregnant lady had to bear the shame of their daughter having a child without being married.

Your friend needs to man up and bear responsibilities for his foolishness. Whether both your friend and the lady would thereafter be happily married is something for them two to ponder over.

They were two consenting adults that had sex and she plaYed him.You the male was silly enough to dig it raw into a woman you had no intention of marrying but nevertheless,don't let anyone bully you into marriage.Don't marry her if you don't want to so you don't end up in regrets.Take adequate care of this lady and your unborn child,get ready to be a good daddy,that's the only thing you owe her.

A 32yrs old woman is no child,she knew the game she played,don't ever marry a woman you don't love.She made her choice when she had unprotected sex with you,let her live with it.

OP aside from the fact she used pregnacy to trap him, what else can you tell us

Are they compatible in other areas of their lives
Will she make a good wife and him a good husband
What is the man doing and how financially stable are both of them

Nawa o.when you were talking i was thinking the guy will be like 21 while the girl is 18.which kain agbayas them 2 be.at their age,they are still fighting over pregnancy and marriage in a very shameful way.shey the girl doesnt have a mind of her own ni.which kain nonsense be that.on a lighter note e be like say the bros john thomas sweet well well na why she wan die there marriage by fire by force.ehen since the guy no ready to marry the girl,let the girl just free the guy and move on while he takes care of his kid because if they marry out of compulsion two of them will be unhappy in their marriage especially the lady.the man will feel unfulfilled and vice versae.but truth be told the guy wicked no be small.when he dey bangdalesh am,he nor know say she be cunny woman,her congo dey sweet am,as she con get belle now,e con talk say e no marry.koda o.God is watching you men.:p then again i no too blame the man again,girls too no dey hear word.na wetin go put them in a subservient position na im dem dey always like.shut your legs before marriage,dem no go hear word,when pregnancy come na,you go hear he said he is not going to marry me after he got me pregnant.all men are wicked,they will rot in hell,they are bastards etc,smh.anyway any lady wey no dey hear word of reasoning,na suffer go kill am 8-)

biolabee: OP aside from the fact she used pregnacy to trap him, what else can you tell us

Are they compatible in other areas of their lives
Will she make a good wife and him a good husband
What is the man doing and how financially stable are both of them

hahaha baba bom boy you still dey ask question the only compability wey dem get be say 2 of them dey shine their congo steadily,then 2ndly i want to believe 2 of them are financially ok because man wey no get money nor suppose get e,,r,ection 8-) enough said :p

Let's hear what the man has to say for himself

Entrapment in this time and age
If the woman is all you want forget that preganncy ish and start your life

The guy should have known better, a 32 years old girl is not a baby neither a 33 years old man. They both are adults, so, i blame the man for his unreasonableness, having an unprotected s..ex with a working 32 years old lady, he should have known that age is against her and she wouldnt want to be just be used and dumped, hence, her desperation.
I, therefore will suggest they sit down and talk it over with each other, the man should state out his mind, whether he want only the baby or he want the family to give him time before getting married, therefore, only want to have the baby now.

For those blaming the girl's parent, no sane parent will be happy that a 32 years old daughter of their is still at home with them, and worststill, at that age, she is put in family way and the guy refuses to marry her, its a big shame on them, hence, their action.
That, being said, that is the price to pay for his foolishness............... marriage tipapa syndrome.
I wish them goodluck.

If he's not prepared to marry her, then he shouldn't, I don't tolerate blackmail in any shape or form. If there was no agreement to have kids, why should he be forced into marrying her when they both took the risk of unprotected sex
If, however, he's willing (not being coerced), that's a different thing.

@OP
i still dont see where the problem is....... the guy has already said he will NOT marry her (which is the wisest decision), so where is the beef?! to hell with what her/his parents want, as HE is the only one who will have to live the life THEY want for him.

since you also have a problem with him saying that he wont marry the girl, why dont you tell us exactly what troubles you with his actions (or what you would prefer him to do)?

abeg make de guy take care of the baby dats all..that gurl or lady,is a despirado

Pataki: Two can play the game. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately she played the game better.

A woman @ 32, definitely would want that security which marriage brings along. And a man @ 33, should reasonably have been settled down in marriage. He cannot eat his cake and have it. Banging a 32yr old lady and no serious committment shows he just wanted his pleasure, but the lady knew where she was going.

Both of them are wrong. But in the proper context of things, she has used pregnancy to tie the dude down. I once know of a friend who was in such entrapment. He immediately proceeded to the registry and married another lady. Thereby the family of the other pregnant lady had to bear the shame of their daughter having a child without being married.

Your friend needs to man up and bear responsibilities for his foolishness. Whether both your friend and the lady would thereafter be happily married is something for them two to ponder over.

So does the woman have to bear any responsibilities in this?

The guy has already offered to take care of the child but he doesnt want to get married to her.

Should he be forced to marry her?

Was it everyone you slept with that you could marry?

Or is this also one of your the man is always at fault scenarios?

may God help us all

OP tell the guy to go to court with another girl and marry her. And lets see what this scheming girl would do

biolabee: OP aside from the fact she used pregnacy to trap him, what else can you tell us

Are they compatible in other areas of their lives
Will she make a good wife and him a good husband
What is the man doing and how financially stable are both of them

I think the man should be able to determine what kind of person he wants to marry, He has seen the girl and doesnt feel she is the kind of woman he wants to marry

Whatever anyone you, me OP thinks is immaterial, The woman can be Beyonce + Michelle Obama but the guy no like am shikena

Abi na by force?

cmespeak: Nairalanders help mr out here,

Last month i escorted my friend to the girls house to see the parents,they were all insisting that nobody can come and disgrace their daughter and not get married to her,[size=14pt]the guy told them he is not ready to get married but prepared to take care of the girl and baby[/size] but they are still adamant he promised to give them a reply this month,precisely this saturday.

.[guy 33,girl 32]

See the bolded, What more can the guy do?

i am not even fazed with the guy and his pregnant girl.....it's the op's interest in this matter that should be tackled. unless the op is the guy in question, i don't see any reason why he needs the help of nairalanders to solve a closed case such as this one!

the dude does not want to marry the pregnant babe - chikena!

dayokanu:

So does the woman have to bear any responsibilities in this?

The guy has already offered to take care of the child but he doesnt want to get married to her.

Should he be forced to marry her?

Was it everyone you slept with that you could marry?

Or is this also one of your the man is always at fault scenarios?

may God help us all

OP tell the guy to go to court with another girl and marry her. And lets see what this scheming girl would do

She is already bearing the responsibility dayo! Or you think it is easy going about for months with a protruding belly/child and no responsible man to act as the husband huh?

That I said he should bear his responsibilities, simply means he should play the tune of the music he has started with the lady. I am not implying for marriage, if he does not want to.

The decision is all left on him.

^^ Ok Maybe I misunderstood you.

The guy already said he would take care of the baby and mother but NOT marry.

The girl and her family wants marriage. So whats the solution there?

The same thing happened to one of my colleague too. A girl he met during ICAN lessons and they were "helping one another" got pregnant the guy was ready to take care of the baby but the girls family wanted marriage. They got in contact with his family and they mounted pressure because his parents were respected members of their church and society bla bla bla he finally got married and 3 months later worked his secondment to UK and left the girl in Naija. He never filed to take the wife along even when there was provision for a spouse in the filing

In the UK he is still flexing while the girl dey naija dey do married woman in the house alone

MMotimo: If he's not prepared to marry her, then he shouldn't, I don't tolerate blackmail in any shape or form. If there was no agreement to have kids, why should he be forced into marrying her when they both took the risk of unprotected sex
If, however, he's willing (not being coerced), that's a different thing.

Couldn't have said it better!!

Pregnancy is not a criteria for marriage. The role of the man now is to support the baby.
The lady should move on.

@op, are you the guy?

dayokanu:

I think the man should be able to determine what kind of person he wants to marry, He has seen the girl and doesnt feel she is the kind of woman he wants to marry

Whatever anyone you, me OP thinks is immaterial, The woman can be Beyonce + Michelle Obama but the guy no like am shikena

Abi na by force?

dayo no one is advocating marriage by blackmail but guys have been known to be emotional on this issue

I have a friend who impregnated hisgf inadevertently
He was so pissed and we friends sat him down

He admitted to us she was everything he wanted in a woman just felt hurt that he waa tricked etc
We told him to move past it

They are happily married now almost 3 years....

ish

The pregnancy trap is one of the oldest tricks in the book. To think that there are still men falling into the trap in this day and age. With all the braggado that these Naija boys exhibit? So, one family can still harrass a working and I assume well-educated guy, to marry a 32 year old gal who should know everything about pregnancy prevention.

As long as men give in to such blackmail, it will continue to happen. Marriage by fire by force in 2013

Very typical of sharp chics these days, this is so funny cos it happened to a friend too and he is married to the girl now. A situation where bush meat caught the hunter !!! If you are silly enough at 33 to allow a girl to con you then she deserves her price which is marrying her !!! A good advice for the sharp chics out there, pray you don't fall into the hands of "craze guy" or else you would end up a single mother even if you report him to Father Moses in heaven !!!!