He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him - Romance - Nairaland
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| He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:14am On Apr 20, 2013 |
So, I met this guy and we got along really well until I noticed his addiction to alcohol and d fact dat he hardly prays. I tried to talk him into reducing his alcohol intake nd building his spirituality and BOOM!! (He explodes)sayin he cudnt do either and all sorts. We r currently not speakin 2eachoda. So fellow nairalanders do u tink I'm at fault? For tryna help sum1 I loved? |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by hrmkz: 11:25am On Apr 20, 2013 |
Not enough details for contribution. how old is both of you? how old is the relationship? |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:36am On Apr 20, 2013 |
I'm in my twenties nd he's in his 30's. He was talkin marriage |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by butta(m): 11:37am On Apr 20, 2013 |
@op. Don't waste your time trying preach to him to change his ways if he wants to change he will change not because of you but because he wants to.I don't get it why women always think they can change a man only he himself can do that if he really love and care about that woman he will change for her .. I.e if he truly loves and care for u he will change his lifestyl , stop boozing and praying just for u . 1 Like |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:54am On Apr 20, 2013 |
irpheezy: So, I met this guy and we got along really well until I noticed his addiction to alcohol and d fact dat he hardly prays. I tried to talk him into reducing his alcohol intake nd building his spirituality and BOOM!! (He explodes)sayin he cudnt do either and all sorts. We r currently not speakin 2eachoda. So fellow nairalanders do u tink I'm at fault? For tryna help sum1 I loved? Sweetheart find yourself a good guy and stop trying to make over a bad boy. Old habits die hard ( if they die at all). You're about to put in a whole lot of time, blood, sweat and tears into this thing. Eventually when you discover that - he is who he is, you would be holding on to a not-so-great relationship just beacause you wouldn't want to have wasted all that time. If you can't accept him just the way he is - move on. 2 Likes |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Kirinwa: 12:44pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
First I want to express my annoyance for being banned just because I spoke my mind that instaforex delays withdrawal in business forum and my post was hidden.Ok o.Op what makes you think he will change who he is?Maka Y?He loves you?You're on a long tin.Tomorrow you start crying when you know the right thing is to be in the right ship.He's not your type,don't push it. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by hidenconyo(m): 1:22pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
Raggedy_Ann: |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by ednut1(m): 2:33pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
no one is perfect, if u cant accept him for who he is, ur free to leave, it really annoys some men, u also will hv ur our faults which he prob overlooks, d key to relationship nd marriage sucess is understanding and tolerance |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by BlessedFellow: 2:49pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
irpheezy: So, I met this guy and we got along really well until I noticed his addiction to alcohol and d fact dat he hardly prays. I tried to talk him into reducing his alcohol intake nd building his spirituality and BOOM!! (He explodes)sayin he cudnt do either and all sorts. We r currently not speakin 2eachoda. So fellow nairalanders do u tink I'm at fault? For tryna help sum1 I loved? @OP there is nothing wrong in giving an advice to a friend especially when it revolves around a habit that could have deleterious effect on health. However, it is one thing for you to give an advice and it is another thing for the other party to accept the advice. It is possible the manner you advised the bloke gave him the impression you were trying to control him or he is adamant to correction/advice. Habits are second nature and could be difficult to change. Since you cannot live with his habits, I wouldnt advice you proceed to the next level in your friendship/relationship. However, you could still be friends. There are two possible options: 1. Since friendship either makes or breaks one, you might be the *angel* to make him a better person. He might genuinely change to a better person with your encouragement/support. However, this will require concerted effort and time. 2. The chap *pretends* to change only for him to return to his old self when you have reached a point of no return (married). Good luck sis! |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by atilla(m): 4:10pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
Op. Sorry to hear. Thing is that I'm actually in ur same situation. Just that its the other way round im the guy and I have a loving fiancé who I know my drinking and non church going is making her scared. She has actually accepted me and I'm the one trying NOW to give it up and change my ways now but these things are difficult because it's been a habit over the years. There is hope just that u have to know he is an adult and u CANNOT make him stop, he will be the one to stop or reduce himself so it's up to you u have to accept him like that or leave him NOW. Please know that it's not only his drinking itsmhis friends family and lifestyle that younhave to accept because he can stop today and these other factors will make him start again at anytime. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by clemz85(m): 4:26pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
@ann, i like your one doller (contribution) 2 Likes |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 5:42pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
Change him gradually,not with force,or harsh words. Old habit is very difficult to change. I believe love conquers all things,its either you live by it,or move on when its not too late. Just keep showing your detest for his addictions gently(not nagging),with time,he would change. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 8:13pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
@all I appreciate ur contributions. I wanna mk one tin clear here and dat is d fact dat I NEVA tried 2 change him by force or nagging nd I was only concerned abt his health cos of d rate at whc he takes alcohol nd I tried makin him see reason why he shud quit but I guess him manly Ego tuk a beta part of his sense of discretion. Anyway, we broke up eventually nd I have no regrets. Tanks y'all 2 Likes |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 8:33pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
Eeya.. I hate brkups! Wat he actually needed was a lift in hs spiritual life and evr other wil fall in. Nxt time,look well b4 u reap to avoid unnecesary hrtbrks. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by 190: 8:34pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
irpheezy: @all I appreciate ur contributions. I wanna mk one tin clear here and dat is d fact dat I NEVA tried 2 change him by force or nagging nd I was only concerned abt his health cos of d rate at whc he takes alcohol nd I tried makin him see reason why he shud quit but I guess him manly Ego tuk a beta part of his sense of discretion. meaning you are NOW single Am moving in  |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 9:06pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
is he trying to change you? If he is not trying to change you why are your trying to change him? |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 9:15pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
It's hard to change someone who doesn't want to change. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by 190: 10:42pm On Apr 20, 2013 |
Yield: It's hard to change someone who doesn't want to change.  |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by adconline(m): 8:45am On Apr 21, 2013 |
It's delusional to think that you can change a grown man's way of life. Relationship is not about changing people's way of live, but embracing their good qualities and tolerating their weakness. Has the guy asked u to change some of ur habits or do u think you ain't got flaws? |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:36am On Apr 21, 2013 |
Excuse me mr, I wasn't tryna edit him per say, or since wen did it become a crime 2b concerned abt a frnds health/spirituality. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:43am On Apr 21, 2013 |
If I give some one advice and they don't take then they shouldn't blame me for leaving them after I tried  1 Like |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 6:29pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Lool @ women.... You can be very funny at times. If you wanted a church boy, why didn't u go to church to get one. Now you fell for a club boy who likes to have fun, drink, party and socialize (which attracted you to him) and now you want to change him over night to a church boy. Na wa ooo. Wonders shall never cease. Is club boy trying to change u from church girl ehn?.If u cnt stand the heat why don't u get out of the kitchen. Now I bliv it is true that many girls really have fish brains. Keep trying to control and change him ehn, he will soon leave u. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 7:14pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
12 inches!: Fool!  |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by greedie1(f): 7:54pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
irpheezy:forget d insult, he was trying to pass a msg... u cant change a man, u cant change anyone. well u already know dat. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 8:59pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
irpheezy:The truth is a bitter pill. Better swallow it. It's jst like one girl telling me to not club with my friends on fridays etc and live my life. Hahahaha. I laff in spanish. Did he hide his drinking habits from u when u guys started dating? Since u knew about it u shudnt be complaining naaa. If u know u cnt handle a guys drinking then what are u doing dating one? |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 9:49pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
irpheezy: u came here seekin advice and someone said somethin n u callin him a fooool....smh for u. U just come here talkin trash like he is the evil one, he drinks, he doesn't pray and bla bla bla, like u are one saint. I just concluded from the way u completely painted him black that u are not a good person either, cos u never talked about ur own faults.mtchewww.... Just hope one day he doesn't break schnapp bottle on ur head cos there is no doubt u've got a forked tongue. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 10:38pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Tankssss  |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Scarpon(m): 10:39pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
seriously no lady can stop me from alcoholic |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 10:41pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
^^^ ok |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 10:44pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Op, you can't change an adult ....how much more a man?  Move on, to someone of yur kind...if you can't cope with such characters of his...it's no use trying... You Are just stressing yurself unnecessarily....Only God can change adults. |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by Nobody: 11:27pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
irpheezy: Tankssss who are u shining you 72-inches teeth for?  |
| Re: He Thinks I'm Trying To Control Him by DigitalSignal(m): 11:37pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
adconline: It's delusional to think that you can change a grown man's way of life. Relationship is not about changing people's way of live, but embracing their good qualities and tolerating their weakness. If you can advise a friend not to do what you know is bad or harmful, why can't a girl advise her boyfriend in the same circumstance? I see nothing wrong if she did it without wearing a cloak of self-importance. I'd only not support it if she tried to patronize him! Habits are developed and no one is born with a particular habit. If the guy loves her and she applies tact, over time, he might just be the person she wants. |
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