Okay, lemme just come out and confess that I don't much like Nollywood movies first. At least most of them. However, when you have women in the house, you'll just have to endure the really teribble movies Africa Magic sometimes (read regularly) tortures us with. SO far, I've held up pretty well but of late, I think i've had it up to neck level. The only things I look forward to on Africa Magic are the TV Shows (like Jara, 53 Extra and the rest. Which is why of all the Africa Magic Channels, Africa Magic Entertainment is my favorite) and one or two soap opera/series like Tinsel and Spyder. It seems like they (AM) are now intent on torturing us eve further with showcasing the very best (abi worst) in terrible acting, confused storylines and mind numbing sound tracks. Here are four movies Africa Magic should probably stop screening.


Parish House
Number of parts: 4....though I suspect the number is actually higher than that...probably six, or even eight.


This movie casts Nkem Owoh as a catechist, Van Vicker as a parish priest (at least it's better than casting him as a white man), Mercy Johnson and Amaechi Muonagor as a Catholic bishop (hahahahaahhaha). At first, I was getting the impression that it was comedy and prepared myself for a few laughs. Then Nkem Owoh's daughter gets pregnant for the parish priest (Van Vicker) and from there, I don't know where the story went. First Van Vicker gets excomunicated from the church. Then Mercy Johnson (whose boobs we saw so many times they began to look like movie props) showed up as his fiancee. Then Van Vicker's mother goes begging for forgiveness. The movie was just basically full of plot holes and after watching it four times (thanks to my Mum and her love for Africa Magic), i'm still confused. At some point, it began to feel like the scriptwriter just went out and wrote everything that happened to him one day and threw it into the movie script. If I have to watch this movie one more time, imma shoot someone.

Spirit of A Princess
Number of Parts: 4....or more...


In this movie, Chika Ike plays a princess who is yet to be married and the elders and her family are trying to find an appropriate person to marry her. Kenneth Okonkwo and Gentle Jack play two young men in the village (at their old ages) who eventually try to win the hand of the princess for "doing what no other man can". Infact, i'm not really sure what the movie was really all about. Wether it was about finding a husband for the princess or defeating some people who were holding the village to ransom, I still don't know. There was even one character (whose name I can't be bothered to remember) that was always trying to marry the princess because he "once dreamt" that he married her. I can't tell you how it ended; i gave up long before the end of the movie. What I can tell you, however, is that someone must have been in a pretty vengeful mood at the Africa Magic studios to screen such a borefest. Please, spare us next time.


Princess Ifeoma
Number of parts: I don't know, quite frankly. All I know is that I lost nearly six hours of my life watching this movie and I won't be getting that back.


The proof of the crapacity of this movie to bore the hair off your head is the fact that after watching the movie, I couldn't remember any of the cast. Even after watching a part of it a second time (thanks to our loving friends at Africa Magic), I could only remember Yul Edochie and Clem Ohamaeze. This is one movie I won't watch again, even by mistake. It chronicles the story of a princess (i don't know who she is and I can't be bothered to find out) who is in love with a pauper (Yul Edochie, who else?) but her family wants her to marry a rich chief (Clem Ohamaeze). This movie is so poor that you could find more entertainment watching the kids on your street play "daddy and mummy". Yul Edochie was probably the best performer in this movie (which is not saying much....his acting would make Drogba convinced he could make it in Hollywood). Infact, I think i'm wasting words on this movie sef. Just don't watch it if you're not after clinical depression.

Hypertension
Number of parts: About four...or six.....(why can't all these Nollywood movie producers stop at just one part? Or at most two, and use the resources they expend on an unneeded parts 3-8 on another movie?)


When you have John Okafor (Mr Ibu), Sam Loco Efe and Charles Anwurum in one movie, you would imagine that plenty of laughs would be your reward for watching that movie and for the first ten to twenty minutes of the first part of this movie, it seemed like that was the case. Then the plot just simply devolved into ridiculousness unseen since Nollywood ghosts started wearing wristwatches. John Ibu's over protectiveness of his beatiful wife (i've seen prettier girls in Kenyan movies. No offence, Kenyans) was at first amusing but then it became unreal, then downright stupid. I mean, yeah, everybody knows acting all stupid is John Okafor's calling card, but this was downright shameful. The plot of the movie was that it had no plot at all. I'm not sure what the genre is at all; maybe fantasy, afterall, it ended with an epic (read, extremely dead!) battle between an amusing chief priest and a cripple pastor (forgive me for thinking this is ridiculous. I have one word for this movie: Ridiculousity.

http://gidirecommends.com/index.php/specials/random-stuff-by-random/item/45-four-nollywood-movies-africa-magic-should-stop-screening#.UX_3iLXP0XE

Oh my God. You made my day. I was rolling on the floor with laughter.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Okay, lemme just come out and confess that I don't much like Nollywood movies first. At least most of them. However, when you have women in the house, you'll just have to endure the really teribble movies Africa Magic sometimes (read regularly) tortures us with.

Eeerrrrrmmmmm sorry to butt in here but... you don't like Nollywood movies yet you sit through them, even watch them twice or more times, give a good write-up of what the movie is about and then say "Na woman cause am!"... what complete and utter bull.sh.it!
You love Nollywood films; stop trying to increase ya street-cred by blaming women. Be a man and not a mouse!

Nothing wrong in watching Nollywood films and you have every right to critique them and even hate some of them but don't say women forced your wimpy a$$ to watch them lol.

VillageBoi:

Eeerrrrrmmmmm sorry to butt in here but... you don't like Nollywood movies yet you sit through them, even watch them twice or more times, give a good write-up of what the movie is about and then say "Na woman cause am!"... what complete and utter bull.sh.it!
You love Nollywood films; stop trying to increase ya street-cred by blaming women. Be a man and not a mouse!

Nothing wrong in watching Nollywood films and you have every right to critique them and even hate some of them but don't say women forced your wimpy a$$ to watch them lol.

love which Nollywood movies? Dude, when i'm home, I use my laptop waaaay more than I watch TV. From time to time I like to take a break and watch what's on TV and, well, the people already watching said TV are either my Mum or my sisters. If you know anything about tvs, it's that you don't try to wrestle the remote from women.....especially when you are outnumbered like I am. SO since i can't beat them, I join them for the duration I feel like taking a break, then return to my laptop. My favorite channel is Sony Max, anyway and the Discovery Channels. WHen the girls are not around, those are what I watch

E be like say u no get enuff women for una side or una get plenty TV

finish watching princess ifeoma last night for the 3rd time, thank god i see the end

You forgot to add emma imbe.c ile, i forget the name of the film now They repeat it over and over again that the name emma imbe get stuck in my head

Hehe.. We african magic peeps know ourselves, I dey watch them for comedy.

U're absolutely right though, esp with hypertension! Kai..that movie ehn.
And there's one other one where nkem owoh was pretending to be blind.
I tire for them o.

ALL OF YOU ARE WATCHING AFRICAN MAGIC AND STILL PRETEND THAT U DONT WATCH NIGERIAN MOVIE.SEE NARRATION

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:
E be like say u no get enuff women for una side or una get plenty TV

Lol bro, my own style be say when my brain cells tell me to waka-pass a movie on TV because I really 'dislike it'... I waka-pass. No ifs or buts... oh, and I will never be able to narrate the darn thing... just saying!

senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Spirit of A Princess

Princess Ifeoma
Number of parts: I don't know, quite frankly. All I know is that I lost nearly six hours of my life watching this movie and I won't be getting that back.


The proof of the crapacity of this movie to bore the hair off your head is the fact that after watching the movie, I couldn't remember any of the cast. Even after watching a part of it a second time (thanks to our loving friends at Africa Magic), I could only remember Yul Edochie and Clem Ohamaeze. This is one movie I won't watch again, even by mistake. It chronicles the story of a princess (i don't know who she is and I can't be bothered to find out) who is in love with a pauper (Yul Edochie, who else?) but her family wants her to marry a rich chief (Clem Ohamaeze). This movie is so poor that you could find more entertainment watching the kids on your street play "daddy and mummy". Yul Edochie was probably the best performer in this movie (which is not saying much....his acting would make Drogba convinced he could make it in Hollywood). Infact, I think i'm wasting words on this movie sef. Just don't watch it if you're not after clinical depression.

The bolded part got me rolling

senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Hypertension
Number of parts: About four...or six.....(why can't all these Nollywood movie producers stop at just one part? Or at most two, and use the resources they expend on an unneeded parts 3-8 on another movie?)


When you have John Okafor (Mr Ibu), Sam Loco Efe and Charles Anwurum in one movie, you would imagine that plenty of laughs would be your reward for watching that movie and for the first ten to twenty minutes of the first part of this movie, it seemed like that was the case. Then the plot just simply devolved into ridiculousness unseen since Nollywood ghosts started wearing wristwatches. John Ibu's over protectiveness of his beatiful wife (i've seen prettier girls in Kenyan movies. No offence, Kenyans) was at first amusing but then it became unreal, then downright stupid. I mean, yeah, everybody knows acting all stupid is John Okafor's calling card, but this was downright shameful. The plot of the movie was that it had no plot at all. I'm not sure what the genre is at all; maybe fantasy, afterall, it ended with an epic (read, extremely dead!) battle between an amusing chief priest and a cripple pastor (forgive me for thinking this is ridiculous. I have one word for this movie: Ridiculousity.

http://gidirecommends.com/index.php/specials/random-stuff-by-random/item/45-four-nollywood-movies-africa-magic-should-stop-screening#.UX_3iLXP0XE

.....y waste ur talent ur man...u good in writtinggg all dis things u wrote can b producer n directed into a movie.....hahahah but at leats giv kudos to nollywood dere still d best in africa n top 5 in d world....

senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Hypertension
Number of parts: About four...or six.....(why can't all these Nollywood movie producers stop at just one part? Or at most two, and use the resources they expend on an unneeded parts 3-8 on another movie?)


When you have John Okafor (Mr Ibu), Sam Loco Efe and Charles Anwurum in one movie, you would imagine that plenty of laughs would be your reward for watching that movie and for the first ten to twenty minutes of the first part of this movie, it seemed like that was the case. Then the plot just simply devolved into ridiculousness unseen since Nollywood ghosts started wearing wristwatches. John Ibu's over protectiveness of his beatiful wife (i've seen prettier girls in Kenyan movies. No offence, Kenyans) was at first amusing but then it became unreal, then downright stupid. I mean, yeah, everybody knows acting all stupid is John Okafor's calling card, but this was downright shameful. The plot of the movie was that it had no plot at all. I'm not sure what the genre is at all; maybe fantasy, afterall, it ended with an epic (read, extremely dead!) battle between an amusing chief priest and a cripple pastor (forgive me for thinking this is ridiculous. I have one word for this movie: Ridiculousity.

http://gidirecommends.com/index.php/specials/random-stuff-by-random/item/45-four-nollywood-movies-africa-magic-should-stop-screening#.UX_3iLXP0XE

.....y waste ur talent young man...ur good in writting, all dis things u wrote can b producer n directed into a movie.....hahahah but at least giv kudos to nollywood dere still d best in africa n top 5 in d world....

Shugamania: Hehe.. We african magic peeps know ourselves, I dey watch them for comedy.

U're absolutely right though, esp with hypertension! Kai..that movie ehn.
And there's one other one where nkem owoh was pretending to be blind.
I tire for them o.

Maybe the Hypertension movie was designed to give the watcher hypertension instead! LMAO!!

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

love which Nollywood movies? Dude, when i'm home, I use my laptop waaaay more than I watch TV. From time to time I like to take a break and watch what's on TV and, well, the people already watching said TV are either my Mum or my sisters. If you know anything about tvs, it's that you don't try to wrestle the remote from women.....especially when you are outnumbered like I am. SO since i can't beat them, I join them for the duration I feel like taking a break, then return to my laptop. My favorite channel is Sony Max, anyway and the Discovery Channels. WHen the girls are not around, those are what I watch

E be like say u no get enuff women for una side or una get plenty TV

Hypocrite! That's what you are.....kai. You like watching Africa magic! And that's the simple fact, be a man and admit it!

I also have ladies at home who like to watch Africa magic 24/7! I can't mention one title of the movies they show....talkless of narrating them.....or even knowing how many times they show them. Gosh! If you truely just 'bump' into the movies like you claim, then it's either: you won't watch 'em from d beginning or you won't finish them .....or both! So you won't know what's going on! I don't pass 10Mins on any Africa magic movie (except my favourite; Africa magic entertainment cos it shows quality films).

Last bullet: stop deceiving your self ąnd stop being a hypocrite!

#Okbye

Na fight?

Shugamania: Na fight?

Not at all. Just that me no dey use style or Smiley face accuse person. I dunno why

Shugamania: Na fight?

Is fight o!!!!

OP, permit me to say u r a hypocrite. How can women alone force u to watch movies u dont enjoy?

Moreover, u didnt understand dat parish house movie at all.
Now, even if u do, What aspect of that movie cant happen in everyday life?

What is wrong abt Amechi muonagor playing the bishop? Must he be stuck to playing the rich wicked man OR are u trying to say he didnt play that role well? Amechi is sure a very good interpreter of many roles.

Infact, u have not stated your problem. U claimed to have watched it more dan once but i watched it just once and tied all the knots together.


I agree with u, however, on ridiculousity of some stories in the name of comedy

speedyboi:


Hypocrite! That's what you are.....kai. You like watching Africa magic! And that's the simple fact, be a man and admit it!

I also have ladies at home who like to watch Africa magic 24/7! I can't mention one title of the movies they show....talkless of narrating them.....or even knowing how many times they show them. Gosh! If you truely just 'bump' into the movies like you claim, then it's either: you won't watch 'em from d beginning or you won't finish them .....or both! So you won't know what's going on! I don't pass 10Mins on any Africa magic movie (except my favourite; Africa magic entertainment cos it shows quality films).

Last bullet: stop deceiving your self ąnd stop being a hypocrite!

#Okbye

dis sounds more like a frank person

ketoprofen: OP, permit me to say u r a hypocrite. How can women alone force u to watch movies u dont enjoy?

Moreover, u didnt understand dat parish house movie at all.
Now, even if u do, What aspect of that movie cant happen in everyday life?

What is wrong abt Amechi muonagor playing the bishop? Must he be stuck to playing the rich wicked man OR are u trying to say he didnt play that role well? Amechi is sure a very good interpreter of many roles.

Infact, u have not stated your problem. U claimed to have watched it more dan once but i watched it just once and tied all the knots together.


I agree with u, however, on ridiculousity of some stories in the name of comedy

not all of us have more than one TV at home, in case you haven't noticed. And there are those times you just join in with what the majority are doing for lack of anything else to do. Afterall, they say if you try to drum up enough enthusiasm, you might actually enjoy what you normally wouldn't - I didn't, in spite of all the enthusiasm I have tried to generate for watchign Africa Magic's movies. Besides, there are those times I would be using my laptop in the sitting room and the girls would be watching TV and I would catch glimpses of what's going on.....

And no, Amaechi Muonagor didn't quite appear very episcopal in that movie (whichever it was). I'm sure there are several other actors that would have pulled of the role much better than he did.

uchemummy: ALL OF YOU ARE WATCHING AFRICAN MAGIC AND STILL PRETEND THAT U DONT WATCH NIGERIAN MOVIE.SEE NARRATION

I don't even watch t.v

better....its even boring like BBA show before

;Doooops! nija on point.I LOVE nija