Should I keep waiting for my husband or re-marry?

I got married in 2006. A year later in 2007, my husband relocated to the US. The plan was for him to settle there and then bring me and our only son to join him. It's been
six long years and he has been giving us excuses upon excuses. He confessed that he married a white woman there but only to get his papers but I later found out he
was living with this woman. When I called him a few months ago I heard a child crying at the background, so I'm suspecting they also have a child together though he says the child is the lady's child and not his. I don't believe him.
I have no way of finding out the truth because I have no one in the US to help me investigate. He has only returned
home once since he traveled and this was in 2010. I feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for him especially now that
I met someone else who wants to marry me. I'm not divorced from my husband so marrying another man would be illegal. When I suggested divorce to my husband
he flipped and told me to give him more time that he will come home as soon as he's stable there. I'm tired of waiting. I need a man in my life. Can I remarry because I think my husband is also married.

what a pitiable situation you are in @op. Truth be told he is officially married to his yonder wife and the rationale behind such betrayal might be the Green card as he amply disclosed. That leaves you a home based wife and I suggest you continue playing your home base role since it isn't yet a crime for an african man to be polygamous. You will have surely have your turn whenever he returns.
pray for for him, support and encourage him in his overseas endeavor... Afterall he went for the greater good of the family except you had a better solution away from divorce. Having two husband in a lifetime is idiottic maybe excusable probably on an unforfunate circumstances/occurrence such as death.

seem ur hubby obtained a citizenship by marrying a white lady. is it because u found another suitor n u re considering divorce? how did u cope 4 6yrs witout seeing ur hubby. goodluck

poster this one na tough decision that you will have to make on your own. The thing is most of the married guys who relocate abroad do in fact have to marry someone to get their documents. Some will marry the woman but have her understand that it is just for the papers (money exchange hands) while other go further by lying that they are completely single and marry a woman who has the best intentions for the man. Now some people will fall in love with the woman while others will keep up the farce.

What i would want you to think about is what your idea of divorce is and all that comes with it especially when you are supposed to be in love and living with someone. With that said, if he tries to divorce this woman, it might turn out to be major drama. As in she could get him in trouble with immigration especially if she finds out about you. Also divorce in America can take a major financial toll on a person (paying lawyers, paying alimony, moving out from your home, having to share the kids while paying child support)
in other words where would you fit in? would you start working immediately, would he be angry that he has to pay all the bills.

you know i will stop because you have to make your own choice.

i read on nairaland dat a woman waited for her hubby 4 10yrs. sorry but its not easy but i pray d Gud Lord gives u strength n guidance on how to tackle dis issue. its well

Alhaji Pastor :
Should I keep waiting for my husband or re-marry?

I got married in 2006. A year later in 2007, my husband relocated to the US. The plan was for him to settle there and then bring me and our only son to join him. It's been
six long years and he has been giving us excuses upon excuses. He confessed that he married a white woman there but only to get his papers but I later found out he
was living with this woman. When I called him a few months ago I heard a child crying at the background, so I'm suspecting they also have a child together though he says the child is the lady's child and not his. I don't believe him.
I have no way of finding out the truth because I have no one in the US to help me investigate. He has only returned
home once since he traveled and this was in 2010. I feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for him especially now that
I met someone else who wants to marry me. I'm not divorced from my husband so marrying another man would be illegal. When I suggested divorce to my husband
he flipped and told me to give him more time that he will come home as soon as he's stable there. I'm tired of waiting. I need a man in my life. Can I remarry because I think my husband is also married.

Will respond soon.

Pls do keep the response coming, I need more people's advice and hopefully this will make frontpage.

Divorce him straight away! Which kain yeyeyous marriage be dat? Na green card I marry,who will I cuddle at night,when d chips r down,abi my reproductive yrs no dey go? What about my kid?always giving excuse for absentee father or over d phone daddy? It so pathetic but many ladies fall into dis trap! Some want to go oyinboland by force so will readily accept any offer ( always come with I will bringu over wen I get back)some r even bad they will saddle u with their parent so no movt.
@op pls do get a life,life is too short to be wasted on a fantasy husband!

^^God bless you. I do not want to insult the poster but your husband has legally married another woman and now has a child with her. So what are you waiting for? You claim it will be illegal for you to remarry but it is ok for him to marry another woman? For whatever reason.

Sorry to disappoint you, but he has already divorced you and he is living happily with his new oyinbo wife. Progressing from Greencard to citizenship takes ten years so even if he is speaking the truth, you have another five years to go before he can come back to you. Are you willing to wait another five years?

Please move on, the man has moved on. He sleeps with another woman at night, he kisses her everynight and tells her how much he loves her and you are there thinking you have a husband. Sorry ma'am you dont!

I think the question should be - What month should I get married? Any prudent person will ask you to move on with your life. The fact that he has only been home once in 6 years indicates to me that he is not as serious with the relationship you guys have. Since he has been home in 2010, it means he already has a green card, and if anything, he should have at least started making arrangements for you and your kid to join him. As someone who is based in the US, I can tell you there is a good chance he as moved on. Good luck!

The decision to divorce And remarry is yours alone to take....no matter what a lot of people says, u will endup choosing, wat u feel is best for you... Be True to yourself and your decisive decision will come up...also, yea ask your parents or relatives, listen to wat they have to say.

Some questions

Since he left has he been supporting you and the baby in any way

What are his parents opinion of all these going on and what do your own family also think of it.

If he doesnt have plans to bring you with him in the near future(1-2years) contact your parents, let them meet with his family and dissolve the marriage on Spousal abandonment ground and move on with your life.

Alhaji Pastor :
Should I keep waiting for my husband or re-marry?

I got married in 2006. A year later in 2007, my husband relocated to the US. The plan was for him to settle there and then bring me and our only son to join him. It's been
six long years and he has been giving us excuses upon excuses. He confessed that he married a white woman there but only to get his papers but I later found out he
was living with this woman. When I called him a few months ago I heard a child crying at the background, so I'm suspecting they also have a child together though he says the child is the lady's child and not his. I don't believe him.
I have no way of finding out the truth because I have no one in the US to help me investigate. He has only returned
home once since he traveled and this was in 2010. I feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for him especially now that
I met someone else who wants to marry me. I'm not divorced from my husband so marrying another man would be illegal. When I suggested divorce to my husband
he flipped and told me to give him more time that he will come home as soon as he's stable there. I'm tired of waiting. I need a man in my life. Can I remarry because I think my husband is also married.

The truth is that he is married with a child maybe children
Can you handle that truth?
He is probably looking for a way to wriggle out of the marriage here or he is now in it and you are no threat since you are miles away so he has no need to tell you
Most likely the woman here has no knowledge of you and he probably calls when she is not around
I doubt if you know his home telephone number
Do you know his address?

I have never known any Nigerian who doesn't know a single soul in the USA
There must be someone you can call and all they need is his full name and state he lives in plus date of birth to do some investigative work
This was the way I found out my cousin back home was being deceived by an efulefu who claimed to be a suitor.

Find the contact for any friend,distant relative
There must be a friend or acquaintance of yours,a Facebook contact,somebody that lives in the USA that can help you investigate this.
If you don't,there is still something you can do if you know his state of domicile here in the USA
Go to www.anywho.com type in his name ,city and state he lives in to get his address and home teleohone phone number ( if he is listed)
That is a good place to start
Call at a time you know husband and wife will be home,7 or 8 AM in the morning especially Sunday Morning is a good time ,most husbands don't pick up the phone,the wife may pick up and if she does
Intriduce yourself as his sister calling from Nigeria pretending you have some bad news from home and ask her if she is his wife or girlfriend so you can break the bad news to her first.
This may just work.




What state does he live in so I could tell you the time difference

Omo I no go lie, I know someone this happened to o, my husband's friend. My husband is always asking about his wife in Naija and he's always comparing the 2 sef. He has moved on big time, has a kid sef and the wife in Naija is still waiting with a son. This guy even converted to Christian all in the name of papers, although married to a Naija girl over here. Wetin eyes no fit see.

Dayo has asked very good questions, think about those questions and move on.Time waits for no man. You want to look back and know you've made the right decision. May God be with you.

Beetle: Omo I no go lie, I know someone this happened to o, my husband's friend. My husband is always asking about his wife in Naija and he's always comparing the 2 sef. He has moved on big time, has a kid sef and the wife in Naija is still waiting with a son. This guy even converted to Christian all in the name of papers, although married to a Naija girl over here. Wetin eyes no fit see.

Dayo has asked very good questions, think about those questions and move on.Time waits for no man. You want to look back and know you've made the right decision. May God be with you.

I agree with you
The suggestions I made was just to help her put some closure in it
6 years is a long time
She already has a feeling something fishy is going on and it sure is

Madam Nwando the investigator. . It's good to be our sisters keeper o. I can only imagine what this woman is going through 6 years without a man. Make thunder fire papers o.

Beetle: Madam Nwando the investigator. . It's good to be our sisters keeper o. I can only imagine what this woman is going through 6 years without a man. Make thunder fire papers o.

Hahahaha ha
6 years and the man is chopping left and right while the woman in Nigeria is doing prayer and dry fasting for visa

I met someone else who wants to marry me. I'm not divorced from my husband so marrying another man would be illegal. When I suggested divorce to my husband
he flipped and told me to give him more time that he will come home as soon as he's stable there. I'm tired of waiting. I need a man in my life. Can I remarry because I think my husband is also married.

How did I miss this most important part ?
Please hang unto this new man and get rid of the other one fast
Spousal abandonment is good reason for divorce
Go to the customary courts,things are faster there

When this guy calls the Naija wife na soso whisper whisper. Can you believe the Two women didn't know about one another that was 2 years ago. Maybe they do now only God knows o. It's so easy for a man to move on. Women will wait and wait ESP in Naija settings.

Beetle: When this guy calls the Naija wife na soso whisper whisper. Can you believe the Two women doesn't know about one another that was 2 years ago. Maybe they do now only God knows o. It's so easy for a man to move on. Women will wait and wait ESP in Naija settings.

Women really do suffer
You will wait and wait and grow gray hairs in your arm pit still waiting
I know a young man here who left a young wife in Nigeria and came to the USA.This is about 10 years or a little over that now,the woman is approaching menopause and still in Nigeria doing boi boi for his parents ,while waiting for a visa.
God forbid
Na so her child beating age go just go by,instead of her to move on with her life.

.

Nwando, Sorry but whats the point of all these investigation. The woman knows the man is married to a white woman and the man didnt deny it. So take it from there.

So what else is she trying to find out other than to give him a 1yr ultimatum or move on with her life,

Get the 2 families to meet and mutually dissolve the marriage. No be fight it just called moving on. because if the families dont sit together and agree to dissolve it, the man would come 4yrs time and all the fault would be poured on the woman as a Wicked cheating lady who couldnt wait while her husband was "Labouring" to give them a better life in America

[b][/b]

nwando:



This was the way I found out my cousin back home was being deceived by an efulefu who claimed to be a suitor.

Gat me cranking!bad mouth!
I happened to observe that this normally happen to igbo ladies. I did my schoolin in d east.some of them back then hv groups.if he sends something to u,u flaunt it 4 all to c.one gal was so bent on marrin an away man that God answered her.she married,took in, 4th year medical student in enugu. See shakara! She born,bobo no show,2yrs.her pple started investigatn, unfortunately for her,they did it tru a classmate of hers hubby!it was d classmate that gave d whole class d full gist. So humiliatin for her.she is also stayin with d guy's parent.I don't know if situatn has improvd 4 her now.
One actually brought d lady to naija and did court marriage,b4 he movd.c agreement;I no go get belle for u,u go d service me as I want and no movt.d guy was engaged but she didn't no.after like a year,d guy's friend in sch told d babe, that was how she became free. Don't hv a sis but will always kick against such marriage!is it a contract?

It's one life to live so live it the best way you can. Do whatever makes you happy, you have the right to do so.

If I were you, I wouldn't wait any longer. Waste of time, my opinion.

dayokanu: Nwando, Sorry but whats the point of all these investigation. The woman knows the man is married to a white woman and the man didnt deny it. So take it from there.

So what else is she trying to find out other than to give him a 1yr ultimatum or move on with her life,

Get the 2 families to meet and mutually dissolve the marriage. No be fight it just called moving on. because if the families dont sit together and agree to dissolve it, the man would come 4yrs time and all the fault would be poured on the woman as a Wicked cheating lady who couldnt wait while her husband was "Labouring" to give them a better life in America

She said the husband married the woman for papers only
People who marry for papers don't live together

dayokanu: Nwando, Sorry but whats the point of all these investigation. The woman knows the man is married to a white woman and the man didnt deny it. So take it from there.

So what else is she trying to find out other than to give him a 1yr ultimatum or move on with her life,

Get the 2 families to meet and mutually dissolve the marriage. No be fight it just called moving on. because if the families dont sit together and agree to dissolve it, the man would come 4yrs time and all the fault would be poured on the woman as a Wicked cheating lady who couldnt wait while her husband was "Labouring" to give them a better life in America

You are so correct
I read her post over
She said she found out they live together,people who marry for papers don't live together
She has enough reason to move on with her life
She'll be a fool to wait a year sef
Her new man may not want to wait a year for her to get out of the mess.3-4 months is enough time

Move on with your life lady,time waits for no man.Are you familiar with the play " waiting for Godol"?You really might be waiting for Godol in this case.

I know what I'm about to post will come back and bite me later but I don't care

Na so so I help my friend call her hubby for Yankee oh and a kid picked up the phone, asked for her daddy and gbam as the man picked up the phone ( said hello) and heard my voice he hung up on me

I called my friend in Naija who has UK multiple entry visa and has been refused US visa uncountable times ( crazy people won't give people that really need visa ), that he hung up on me.

Anyhooo I don't have the courage to burst the kasala oh so her mom won't kill me that I ruined her daughter's 'marriage' , the man called me back the following day ( his wife emailed him that he hung up on me) , I asked him bout the kid and he denied I called the wrong # Jesus Christ!!!! Thank Gawd I didn't run my mouth sooner, I'm sure it must've been another song in my father's house now.

* kneels down and continue to thank God for wisdom*

OP, I was gonna ask you to pm me so I can find out for you BUT call family meeting oh and talk bout it.

This is why i am not always so comfortable with all this sha let me go,you will come and join me later on visiting visa(i know its not politically correct to say so ).Before i get bitten,i too joined my husband in the UK but believe me(people say i should not say this)if i knew he was illegal with no clear defined route of him normalising his residency i would not have married him and stayed back in Nigeria.Heard too many horror stories,besides is it not human beings that live in Nigeria?If he insisted its Uk illegally or nothing,i go cry for 3 months cos i was in love and move on(one of my aunties say what if you did not get another suitor till date?I tell her marriage is not do or die )

That said the OP case is quite different as they were already marrird before he relocated
Six years is alot and for him to have come home in 2010,he is not stuck
As dayo suggested family meeting is the way to go.Let him say.what his plans are and pls dont accept the B.S that you should keep waiting
Besides for you to be having other suitors its more or less likely your feelings for each other are diminished

[quote author=damiso]

U r so on point

@ op
the only thing i want to ask you is did you find out he would relocate to US after getting married or before?
how long did you go out before getting married to him?
was it a joint decision to go settle in the US?

on the other hand, legally you can file for divorce since you've been living apart for that long.

In fact, long distance relationship is the worst thing anybody can go into, be a man or a woman.
This man is already warming his body with a white woman and since you are legally married, will I advise you to be warming your body here? Hell no, because you wedded.
Call his parents and ask them to let you know your stand because cannot be left here alone while he is there always with another woman she married with a baby having fun and you are here waiting for dollars.

I know that you wanted the best hence you decided that he e relocate to US with the hope of joining him over there, but you never knew the implication as I can see from what you explained he went their on his own not through VISA Lottery that would have covered both of you. Just have it at the back of your mind that the guy is also legally married their with a family and you can NEVER be in the US under his name.
If his parent's answer is not convincing, seek for divorce if the man in your life is serious with you.