Happyness_Chima: Good day nairaland. I'm 31 years old female, single and unmarried. I want to get married by the end of this year by Gods grace. All the men that approach me either are unsettled yet or one problem or the other. At first I wasn't desperate, but I don't know what im doing wrong. I have a good job and travel to the UK often but still haven't met any man that's prepared for marriage. When I go out to have fun, my siblings start complaining that im attending parties and staying out late too much. Is it in our parlour a man will marry me? I'm trying to enjoy life by looking on to the bright side but still feel empty inside of me. What else can I do to get married at least by the end of the year? Any others I my shoes can input as well.

Within that highlighted area lies your problem
A " settled man without problems" that is " prepared for marriage"right?,keep searching
Men are actually approaching you but none of them are marriageable according to you
Na only you sabi wetin you dey find
You need someone to tell you the truth and I just have
The perfect man you are looking for doesn't exist
If you don't change your orientation,you may be 38 or 40 kpa kpa and still unmarried
And just incase you don't know the older you get,the less the available suitors
This is your best time
When you start clocking late 30S,you will look for those men you are now rejecting and they won't be looking your way
I know people will tell you God's time is the best,don't rush etc,but I tell you to re access what exactly you are looking for
The decision is yours.

^^^^Hence my asking her those questions at the beginning of my post. Another nairalander asked her to break that bolded line down for him to understand.

Truth is, not everyone wants to suffer but we all have forgotten that our destinies are different. Some people are meant to toil the ground with their husbands before they make it, others need do nothing but walk in and enjoy what is already there.

jennykadry: ^^^^Hence my asking her those questions at the beginning of my post. Another nairalander asked her to break that boldest line down for him to understand.

Truth is, not everyone wants to suffer but we all have forgotten that our destinies are different. Some people are meant to toil the ground with their husbands before they make it, others need do nothing but walk in and enjoy what is already there.

You are young Jenny but you are very smart.
There are women that will automatically reject a good man because he doesn't have a car or he rides the wrong car
Who says a man trekking today cannot have a car tomorrow
Or one living in a shared flat cannot have one of his own tomorrow

Some ladies need to look beyond the immediate
If a man has potentials and the zeal to succeed , a smart woman can recognize it and that is just enough
She told us she has a good job and travels to the UK,I wager the UK travels are a big deal to her ,how else will she include that in her tale so this woman may not give a chance to any man that doesn't travel to the UK or USA
automatically she has eliminated a large pool of men

Na she sabi wetin she dey find
Any woman that wants to marry will marry

Get involved more in your community and around you. That you are travelling to London you need to shove that aside and face real things

Do you travel to village for Xmas, Get involved in your church

Atimes the places you are looking for husband might not be the right place

I know a girl who wants to marry a Lagos bred man who are waiting till they own a house on Banana Island before they marry Miss Nigeria, not knowing say na Village better men dey

Feranmicharles

babyosisi:

You are young Jenny but you are very smart.
There are women that will automatically reject a good man because he doesn't have a car or he rides the wrong car
Who says a man trekking today cannot have a car tomorrow
Or one living in a shared flat cannot have one of his own tomorrow

Some ladies need to look beyond the immediate
If a man has potentials and the zeal to succeed , a smart woman can recognize it and that is just enough

Damn at your last paragraph. My dad always told us this and I have shared this countless of times on this forum.

My father had nothin when my mum married him, he told us that she was his shining star cos after she married him, things started working out for him. My mum kept the first furniture my dad had in his house when he married her for everyone single child One of us to see. I was the last to see it.

Like I said some people did not suffer, their husbands were already made, whilst others worked hard alongside hubby to get to where they are today. Don't envy your next door neighbor" driving the latest Range rover her hubby got her, she might" be living the life God prepared for her.

Also traveling to London frequently should not even be included in her post. People were born overseas, others have been traveling with their parents since they turned 2. Some are citizens, some study here, so traveling back and forth on a visa is not a criteria to success.

I wish her well and a good husband but she has to know first off what she wants to find in a man before she can get a husband. She needs to re evaluate herself, her standards now are almost impossible to meet.

Happyness_Chima:

Thanks. Ill look at it. But God how long shall I remain like this?

I see desperation gradually setting in. Trust me, you won't like where desperation will lead you to.

Get your own apartment for a start, and stop going for night clubs at 31 yrs, you can't find a husband at night clubs, you will only find men that are interested in what you've got to offer

Go to social functions regularly (forget the Uk travels, I still wonder what that has to do with anything), weddings, birthdays, keep decent friends and maintain a decent circle of friends. Don't overlook or under-rate any man that comes your way. Mr Right may not just be the knight in shining armor.

jennykadry: ^^^^Hence my asking her those questions at the beginning of my post. Another nairalander asked her to break that bolded line down for him to understand.

Truth is, not everyone wants to suffer but we all have forgotten that our destinies are different. Some people are meant to toil the ground with their husbands before they make it, others need do nothing but walk in and enjoy what is already there.

There r many of such ladies from d east,setting fantasy standards.by middle 30,they will start doin casting and bindin.
Some workin class ladies felt that some guys r way beneath them.go to abuja,in living faith,family worship,dunamis and other big churches in abj,u will bow. And to worsen matter,they go out with politicians.politicians will take u anywhere and it ends there.
Durin my service year,lots of ladies want to serve in NA.how can u approach ladies like that? I tire o

Happyness_Chima:

Thanks. Ill look at it. But God how long shall I remain like this?

Ɣ☺ΰя post doesn't sound genuine cos you clearly Mentioned a lot of "trappings" in Ɣ☺ΰя post. Money,U.k visits,clubbing,restrictive family of d rich Sounds more like you are looking for a meal ticket here on NL than a husband cos a lady in genuine search of a soul mate does •̸№t mention such things in other τ̲̅ȍ get someone for └♡̨̐√ƺ and •̸№t d material things ‎u just stated. .Just a theory

My dear,don't rent ur own place,stay with ursiblings,settle what ever problem that comes nd let them know u are nolonger a baby.go out decent people nd go to decent places.I don't believe u can get a husband in the club but even if u must go,go with male frnds that u hav nothing with nd behave urself.don't date guys that are not sure when they want to get married nd make ur close know u are ready to mingle.

Happyness_Chima: Good day nairaland. I'm 31 years old female, single and unmarried. I want to get married by the end of this year by Gods grace. All the men that approach me either are unsettled yet or one problem or the other. At first I wasn't desperate, but I don't know what im doing wrong. I have a good job and travel to the UK often but still haven't met any man that's prepared for marriage. When I go out to have fun, my siblings start complaining that im attending parties and staying out late too much. Is it in our parlour a man will marry me? I'm trying to enjoy life by looking on to the bright side but still feel empty inside of me. What else can I do to get married at least by the end of the year? Any others I my shoes can input as well.

Frankly, u wouldn't get a hussy at a club(night clubs i guess).
There are a whole lot of gud dudes around u, but maybe ur attitude is scaring all n sundry away. Chek thineself!

Ur confidence may pass for pride.
Good dress sense maybe ostentious dressing, etc etc.
This is Africa, n in Africa, a lady wit an ego more dan a dude is a no no, unless u ar really lucky 2 get a very liberal minded African( i'm yet to see one, nt withstandin many havin education n born in western nations).

Best of LUCK(cos u need lots of it).

31?
u are young naw

Go do ur masters in a good school abroad
before you select a school
ensure that the school has a huge population of males in postgraduate level
If possible, ensure that there are more than one of such schools in that location + Location has a Nigerian church like redeemed

You go meet better men tire
then play your card well to rope the one you want in
(make sure say dem never marry for 9ja or don do introduction o)

Nice thread,its comforting dat alot of our single sistas will learn a thing or two in dis thread.

@OP, don't let anyone tell you you're only 31. You're concern is quite appropriate. In fact, you should have started this thread like 3 years ago !

But ask yourself, why do you want to get married ? Have you answered that. Marriage is not for those waiting to be served but those ready to serve. Marriage is work.

Marriage is not for cheats, unfair or those waiting to take advantage of their better half. Marriage is not for unfulfilled or miserable types. Some women are just looking to make someone else more miserable than themselves so what do they do ? They get married !

Don't allow pressure form married friends and family to push you into marriage. Those married folks who make the most noise about your single status are actually going thru Hellish situations if you look closely.

Spend more time in Nigeria, travelling to UK all the time hasn't done you any good either. Nigerian men in London have wisened up about about this marriage issue not many are willing to get 'locked down' like before. They prefer to have white baby mommas from Poland and Romania, to marriage with a Nigerian girl.

Work on your 'local' image here, keep up your social life. You'll find him soon enough.

Happyness_Chima:

please what else can I do. When everyone in ur family is getting married. If I step outside they say i'm perambulating everywhere. Party, wedding, nightclub is a problem. Im thinking maybe I should rent my own place since I can afford it. I haff tire for the matter.

And you think by going to parties, owambes and nightclubs, you will meet a serious man willing to settle down? Maybe that's why all the men you have been meeting have one problem or another. Look for other alternatives - someone suggested going back to school. There are other options though.
I'm a comfortable bachelor (by His grace) looking for a wife but I assure you that you won't meet the likes of me in such gatherings. I'm patient enough to wait for a decent lady.

Not to boast or anything but before I got married,suitors were pursuing me day and night
People were even going to ask my parents for my hand without my knowledge
I had on occasion been stopped on the road and a woman is toasting me for her son in America
Friends wanted their older brothers to marry me
And I am not particularly a Miss Nigeria but an average looking babe
I didn't set out to attract suitors ,I was just being myself
And after I got marriage I have had people meet me and ask if I had a younger sister


@ the poster,your personality will attract people to you
Your personality will make people want to introduce you to people
You need to be friendly and pleasant in your disposition
Smile at people and don't be stuck up
You will be approachable when you appear friendly,you can never go wrong with a friendly attitude,it will open other doors for you too.

I am married today but I know without a doubt that if I were to be single at this moment,I would remarry in a flash if I wanted to
You are either repelling the good guys unknowingly or you don't even recognize them when they come.

babyosisi: Not to boast or anything but before I got married,suitors were pursuing me day and night
People were even going who ask my parents for my hand without my knowledge
I had on occasion been stopped on the road an d a woman is toasting me for her son in America
I didn't set out to attract suitors ,I was just being myself

Thanks for the history lesson

I've learnt that our destiny in life ar not d same. Some ar prostitutes 4 many years,no HIV,no sickness nd when they retire;they get married. Others ar decent nd responsible but d day they experience intimacy wit a man,its either pregnancy,abortion, veneral disease,HIV,stigma or death. Relax,life is not a bed of roses. I'm talkin 4m experience. STOP NIGHT PARTYING, CLUBING nd other yeye places that u go. Everybody get their own cross that they ar carrying even me. CHURCH is a better alternative like others hav advised. We can chat via email so that u can hear my story and get encouraged. God wil help us

Thanks. I'm grateful for the replies.

Sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning UK. What I meant to explain is I'm always on holidays to London to relax and expand my search my a husband. I work in rotational shifts so when I get 4 weeks off, I like to use it to travel which is like 5-6 times a year. I'm not bragging ot showing off. I don't even go for shopping or live lavish when I visit there. Maybe it wasn't worth mentioning so I'm sorry.

I'm a catholic but started attending winners. I'm active in my Church even though most women are there for the same thing. They gossip too much and all that. Most of these brothers are not what i'm looking for or they're sometimes naïve and me I can't settle for any man anyhow. I like activities so I go out a lot and don't partake in irresponsible things. I'm just ready to have a husband and my own home. When you meet a man that's not settled, they usually bring their baggage to me and as a single woman I don't think I should be feeding any man. My siblings are getting hitched and im feeling the pressure to have my own.

babyosisi: Not to boast or anything but before I got married,suitors were pursuing me day and night
People were even going to ask my parents for my hand without my knowledge
I had on occasion been stopped on the road and a woman is toasting me for her son in America
Friends wanted their older brothers to marry me

Most women have had these experiences.

Happyness_Chima: Thanks. I'm grateful for the replies.

Sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning UK. What I meant to explain is I'm always on holidays to London to relax and expand my search my a husband. I work in rotational shifts so when I get 4 weeks off, I like to use it to travel which is like 5-6 times a year. I'm not bragging ot showing off. I don't even go for shopping or live lavish when I visit there. Maybe it wasn't worth mentioning so I'm sorry.

I'm a catholic but started attending winners. I'm active in my Church even though most women are there for the same thing. They gossip too much and all that. Most of these brothers are not what i'm looking for or they're sometimes naïve and me I can't settle for any man anyhow. I like activities so I go out a lot and don't partake in irresponsible things. I'm just ready to have a husband and my own home. When you meet a man that's not settled, they usually bring their baggage to me and as a single woman I don't think I should be feeding any man. My siblings are getting hitched and im feeling the pressure to have my own.

You are the problem of yourself.

Happyness, happyness... how many time i call u?

When i see person wen acheeive wetin i go like acheive
what i usually do is to learn from the person
(not what the person says he does, but what he actually does)

babyosisi don talk
the truth is that when i clicked on her profile and saw the topics she was engaged in
i fell in love with her immediately

A friend of mine was engaged to a beautiful girl in nigeria
he met and fell in love with a normal looking but extremely talkatively intelligent girl in the UK
Na God save that girl for Nigeria.. she was on her way out
but the guy got a job in 9ja and had to move back to his 1st love

Happyness_Chima: Thanks. I'm grateful for the replies.

Sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning UK. What I meant to explain is I'm always on holidays to London to relax and expand my search my a husband. I work in rotational shifts so when I get 4 weeks off, I like to use it to travel which is like 5-6 times a year. I'm not bragging ot showing off. I don't even go for shopping or live lavish when I visit there. Maybe it wasn't worth mentioning so I'm sorry.

I'm a catholic but started attending winners. I'm active in my Church even though most women are there for the same thing. They gossip too much and all that. Most of these brothers are not what i'm looking for or they're sometimes naïve and me I can't settle for any man anyhow. I like activities so I go out a lot and don't partake in irresponsible things. I'm just ready to have a husband and my own home. When you meet a man that's not settled, they usually bring their baggage to me and as a single woman I don't think I should be feeding any man. My siblings are getting hitched and im feeling the pressure to have my own.

Abegii she've come out plain by being herself. Maybe u ar 2 'modern' for d dudes u come in contact wit. Who wants to get married to a responsibility? Not me of course!
There was d chick in SA i really admire. She's single n like evry oda gal wants to get married. She dates Nigerians like there is no 2moro( but dnt take dat for granted). She always surrounds herself wit positice minded ladies like her.
If u wanna date her, n got not ur acts 2geda, u beta run, cos dem gals takes no losers cos they wanna get married.
Live ur life, hav a gud time. Someday, somehow, u'll get ur man, even if it happens not, there are lots of single mums livin happily if u ar really dat desperate.
Societal pressure is a b/tch, but dnt allow urself be statistics of divorcees or victims of domestic violence.

Haters full 4 dis Nairaland ooo!

coogar:

OP, what can I say?
You've been patient all this while and I believe giving it a little more time won't hurt anyone.
Involve God too. And don't dare involve yourself in anything unclean because you're desperate. All the best.


Who knows? You might just meet Mr. Right on here. I mean, after a thread like this? Sure enough! There are other single, handsome and well-to-do guys on here searching for same thing
Again, all the best.

Mazi_Omenuko:

I see desperation gradually setting in. Trust me, you won't like where desperation will lead you to.

Get your own apartment for a start, and stop going for night clubs at 31 yrs, you can't find a husband at night clubs, you will only find men that are interested in what you've got to offer

Go to social functions regularly (forget the Uk travels, I still wonder what that has to do with anything), weddings, birthdays, keep decent friends and maintain a decent circle of friends. Don't overlook or under-rate any man that comes your way. Mr Right may not just be the knight in shining armor.

God bless u Mazi...from all i can see she s desperate and maybe too choosy or she should check herself...
Only u,Having a problem or the other with evry guy that comes around?hmmm.
Try and be jovial with people it doesnt matter their level and pray also bt first take away that desperation and be free.The right kinda guy 4 u will come

There are no rules to snag that perfect husband. In my early 20s, my mum asked me to start praying for a husband. I'm like, what?? *embarrassed face* But she explained that its not an act of desperation, but specifically asking God for the type of man you'd like. It works because you gradually become the type of woman he'd like. Guess it worked! Start praying.

I'll ask you to evaluate your lifestyle, social skills and how people view you (take caution as you thrust your pelvis on dance floors). Make yourself approachable, still go out and have fun. You're right that no man will come to your living room to ask you out. Wear a smile and start conversations with guys you like. I hope all works out well for you, in due season.

babyosisi: Not to boast or anything but before I got married,suitors were pursuing me day and night
People were even going to ask my parents for my hand without my knowledge
I had on occasion been stopped on the road and a woman is toasting me for her son in America
Friends wanted their older brothers to marry me
And I am not particularly a Miss Nigeria but an average looking babe
I didn't set out to attract suitors ,I was just being myself
And after I got marriage I have had people meet me and ask if I had a younger sister



I am married today but I know without a doubt that if I were to be single at this moment,I would remarry in a flash if I wanted to
You are either repelling the good guys unknowingly or you don't even recognize them when they come.

There! Quite an epistle you didn't have to go through all that. Good girl, nice girl, best girl? What else?
For all I know, OP might be better than you in all ramification (no offence), but everybody's destiny aint meant to be the same. Like OP said, most women have had similar experience, even more. God knows why she aint married at this age and I tell you, it is for the best.

As for the bolded, why don't you give it a try? am sure my bro wouldn't wait for you to leave your husband's house before taking you down the aisle


Ish! Like it's that easy

Happyness_Chima: Thanks. I'm grateful for the replies.

Sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning UK. What I meant to explain is I'm always on holidays to London to relax and expand my search my a husband. I work in rotational shifts so when I get 4 weeks off, I like to use it to travel which is like 5-6 times a year. I'm not bragging ot showing off. I don't even go for shopping or live lavish when I visit there. Maybe it wasn't worth mentioning so I'm sorry.

I'm a catholic but started attending winners. I'm active in my Church even though most women are there for the same thing. They gossip too much and all that. Most of these brothers are not what i'm looking for or they're sometimes naïve and me I can't settle for any man anyhow. I like activities so I go out a lot and don't partake in irresponsible things. I'm just ready to have a husband and my own home. When you meet a man that's not settled, they usually bring their baggage to me and as a single woman I don't think I should be feeding any man. My siblings are getting hitched and im feeling the pressure to have my own.

My dear, marriage does not equal happiness..try to make yourself happy, because if you are not happy as a single lady you can never be happy as a married lady!

Be yourself, give love to everyone....elderly, kids, less privileged etc, you can never tell where love will find you.

My sista,i am sorry 2 say this,u are d 1 delaying ur marriage,u are shooting urself too high,pls come down,wat u are looking 4 n sokoto,u may find it n shokoto,i percieve u are looking for a class,marriage dose nt work dat way, don't copy ur frnds or anybody,hear dis story.i know a lady frm my villa working n min of finance n Abuja,who had d same situation like urs,when she was clocking late 30s no man was coming 4 marriage,she brought herself low and was smart 2 go for unsettled man,after d wedding, she helped her husband 2 start a business.now the husband is doing very well,importing goods frm outside,living happilly wit d wife nd kid. U can learn 4rm this story. Apply wisdom and pray.cheer

ednut1: afta u must hv rejected many guys, i have a stupid friend gal rit now, she 24 dis year, she keeps giving silly excuses, he has a big yansh, his head is dis, hes a smal boy, hes too stingy, his voice is nt clear, she keep gettin offers yet shes waiting for a dream man dat dont exist, madam maybe guys are scared of coming to u maybe u ugly or ur just too rich nd made

Lmao