Non of above

KUDOS to the writer of all this jokes!

Lovely jokes. the one about Akpos and the 2 thieves made my morning

Chai! I don forget this thread

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the a's's by a rattlesnake.

"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other
says.

He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.

"I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite
is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.

"He erm says you’re
gonna die."

A guy meets a hooker in a bar.

She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for
you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"

He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the
bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

During testimony time in church today. A 16-year old pastor's daughter stood up to talk.

'Praise the lord,' she began.

'Hallelujah,' the congregation shouted in reply.

She continued. 'Since the tender age of 13, I've been experiencing monthly period with so much pain, but now after a series of bible studies
and prayer with Bro Akpors, our Sunday school teacher in his house,
my monthly periods has ceased for more than 3 months now. You can see I'm even getting fatter
and prettier. Praise the Lord....."

The Pastor fainted.

Ha! See yawa . Pastor berra wake up! He gonna be a grandpa !











Kip em coming

VanTee20:
#17
Akpors has been admiring his neighbor’s wife for long. She always give him
this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Akpors didn’t know how to approach the
lady to tell her of his desires because she’s married.

One day the lady herself
approached Akpors alone in his apartment.

AKPORS: Hello.

LADY: Hi.

AKPORS: Is everything
alright?

LADY: Yes. Just need little
help from you (Smiling
seductively).

AKPORS: Wow! Anything for the angel.

LADY: I…I…I…just don’t
know how to say this. I’ll be so ashamed ƒ myself if I ask and you say no.

AKPORS: Oh my lady. you
don’t have to. I am ready to do anything for you.

LADY:You know, it’s been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled…

AKPORS: Yes! Yes! Yes!

LADY: And even when he’s around, he has some…
(pause for a while) he has
some disabilities…

AKPORS: oh poor
you… You must have been going through hell!

LADY: I know you’ll be
stronger than him…

AKPORS: Sure.

LADY: Can you help me?

AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure, I’m ready if you are ready.

LADY: Oh thank goodness! that’s why I came to you. Can you help me
carry our deep freezer
from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?.

****Dies****

VanTee20:
#10
Akpos asked Chichi in a library;

“Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

Chichi answered with a loud voice; "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND
THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!”

All the students in the library started staring at Akpos and he felt embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, Chichi walked quietly to Akpos’ table and she told him

"I study psychology and I know what someone is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

Akpos responded with a loud voice: "N50,000 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT’S TOO MUCH NA!!!"

Everyone in the library looked at Chichi in shock and Akpos whispered in her ears.

"I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

Nice one OP. Came late though....

VanTee20:
#13
Akpors, in a hurry, used the ladies toilet in a posh hotel.

He sat down and noticed four buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR.

Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM
WATER, he enjoyed it so much!

He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up.

Still loving it, He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFFed on his a's's to make him smell fresh.

Feeling pampered, he went on to press the last button APR.

He later woke up in a hospital. A nurse smiled & said to him;

'Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your b'a'lls. Your b'a'lls are in the jar over there!'

***Falls off a mango tree still laughing***

Not bad

VanTee20:
#17
Akpors has been admiring his neighbor’s wife for long. She always give him
this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Akpors didn’t know how to approach the
lady to tell her of his desires because she’s married.

One day the lady herself
approached Akpors alone in his apartment.

AKPORS: Hello.

LADY: Hi.

AKPORS: Is everything
alright?

LADY: Yes. Just need little
help from you (Smiling
seductively).

AKPORS: Wow! Anything for the angel.

LADY: I…I…I…just don’t
know how to say this. I’ll be so ashamed ƒ myself if I ask and you say no.

AKPORS: Oh my lady. you
don’t have to. I am ready to do anything for you.

LADY:You know, it’s been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled…

AKPORS: Yes! Yes! Yes!

LADY: And even when he’s around, he has some…
(pause for a while) he has
some disabilities…

AKPORS: oh poor
you… You must have been going through hell!

LADY: I know you’ll be
stronger than him…

AKPORS: Sure.

LADY: Can you help me?

AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure, I’m ready if you are ready.

LADY: Oh thank goodness! that’s why I came to you. Can you help me
carry our deep freezer
from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?.

quite funny this does it.