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Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed - Family (9) - Nairaland

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I Am In A Dilemma / I Need Candid And Honest Opinion / Call For An Open And Honest Online Friend. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by StateOfMind: 4:48pm On May 22, 2013
debosky: ^^ The reality is what you've just seen - the blatant and contradictory sexism in providing advice we often see on NL.

The woman cannot be the party causing the hurt - it must be the man's fault 99.99% of the time.

If a man is misbehaving, the woman should beg him to reconcile.

If it's a woman misbehaving though, the man should get a divorce.

This is the general tone of things here, and if you provide any evidence to the contrary, you must be lying or biased. Even if you ask for advice on a specific matter, judgement must be passed whether that's what you were seeking their opinion on or not.

This is nothing but the honest truth. I have followed this thread since the day the poster opened it and I feel so sorry for all the parties involved because they (except the ex) are reading this.

Debrief,ile, baby-123 and sisikill, you have been really objective on this issue, and I respect that.

Even if we have contrary opinions, I think there are better ways to express them without being too harsh and judgemental. We all make mistakes, and everyone has a right to correct his or her wrongs irrespective of the gender. I cannot verify what this man has typed, but
So far there is no other side of the story for now, I can only relate with his posts alone.

Dominique was right anyway, this section is only for the thick skinned and I guess it explains why its uncommon to find a regular family section poster seek for advice. Most of them present themselves as know-it-all and perfect and as such condemn anyone as they wish.

God go help una.

2 Likes

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by breadplanet(f): 5:03pm On May 22, 2013
Connoisseur:

She is 38 and it means she is desperate to be somebody s wife , no matter how young she looks. if not for the plea in your first post, peeps here would have unleashed their venom on both of you.
I tell u!
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 6:57pm On May 22, 2013
StateOfMind:

This is nothing but the honest truth. I have followed this thread since the day the poster opened it and I feel so sorry for all the parties involved because they (except the ex) are reading this.

Debrief,ile, baby-123 and sisikill, you have been really objective on this issue, and I respect that.

Even if we have contrary opinions, I think there are better ways to express them without being too harsh and judgemental. We all make mistakes, and everyone has a right to correct his or her wrongs irrespective of the gender. I cannot verify what this man has typed, but
So far there is no other side of the story for now, I can only relate with his posts alone.

Dominique was right anyway, this section is only for the thick skinned and I guess it explains why its uncommon to find a regular family section poster seek for advice. Most of them present themselves as know-it-all and perfect and as such condemn anyone as they wish.

God go help una.

very true, I'm so shocked with what I read here.
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Afamdman(m): 10:08pm On May 22, 2013
Registered my shock twice on this thread. Now am registering another one. These women shocking the lights out of me. So in all these, the women here assume the ex is blameless and cannot have pushed this man to take the actions he took, they just called him a liar, that he cooked up the story. If it were a woman that came here, they way they would have praised the woman for leaving an abusive relationship, not minding the years spent or the amount of children. These days on nairaland the men are the weaker sex is all I have to say. Do ur are damned, don't do you are damned. Shame on you women here with double mouths. Advise on the information you have here, stop assuming rubbish. And some make reference to whyme22's story. That case is cut and dried the woman admitted she was a cheat. Haaaaa, so u guys are now blaming the man too for the wives cheating ways. Mind bogging the women here. When a woman is right, she is right, when a woman is wrong she is still tagged right here, what about some equal justice women!!!!

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by kaboninc(m): 10:12pm On May 22, 2013
ileobatojo: Is this thread finally dead? RIP epic thread. grin


Anyway, me I'm rooting for the new couple to make it and find happiness jare. Hope it all works out for you. The man and his ex were both toxic for each other so it's best to leave that turbulent life and seek peace even if it's 17yrs late.

That being said, is this the first official case of a woman being trapped with a pregnancy? It's usually the other way round. But in this case the man wanted to keep her all to himself (she was tall, light and beautiful, probably one of the most sought after chicks in the school) and so when she got preggers, he forced her hand into keeping the pregnancy to try to keep her all to himself. But she was not ready to be held down and eventually got bitter because she ended up feeling stuck with the guy and then began to display the crazy and become abusive. By the time she was ready to manage him, he decided he didn't want to marry her again and more hell was let loose. Meanwhile she had learned better than the master and figured out how to force him to remain with her for years and years.

Whew, what a saga! God bless NL! grin

The way you guys analyse issues....with conscious intention to stoke fire, honestly if we were in a class or somewhere we could physically see, I would have taken this issue personally and fought with some of you guys as insults hold no bar here.

This is really bad luck for the op as most of the guys here are on 'freewill'. On 'overdrive' and that's why they can't think.

Even though we've heard from one side and the other side may never come, can't you guys be objective for once in your entire life? Can't you be civil with words? I believe this attitude speaks for your everyday life activities. Some don't even read before commenting....just like not listening and never communicating. How I wish I know some of you in real life. Then I'll create a diary on your behalf and of course without your consent. Get a LIVE....its FREE!

For those who did not bother to read, some who read but wickedly refused to understand, and also those who read, think they understand but never understood, he was NEVER married to his EX! Get that!

At psalm23, you did no wrong by bringing an issue here. Even doctors go to hospitals for treatment. Am just afraid at what the ex might do to your inlaw. Since they've exhausted all options for dialogue, I think they should be more security conscious. Closely monitor activities, home, children and inform close friends too.

For the kids, with time they'll come to understand the sacrifices you made for them. The man should also be tough on the son as this is a critical stage of his life. Let him be a man to him. He should feel the presence of a man at home. Never he spare the rod. Male children naturally take sides with their mum even if the mum is wrong. With time, they'll come to be objective but that time will depend on how quick they mature.

Stay with your wife, abeg you deserve to be happy. It will give you the strength to face tomorrow coupled with God's amazing grace. I can understand while men decide to stay after close of work as their home front is as hot as the sun.

God be with you and bless your marriage.

As a side note, suppose the wife comes here to air her own side, am sure we'll definitely see things like unfaithful' 'infidelity', 'wicked, rude, temperamental', 'woman bitter' etc. Whichever she presents her case, it will either sell her out or 'sell her in'.

For now, I know one side and like I said I may never see the other side.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by kaboninc(m): 10:48pm On May 22, 2013
ileobatojo:

I hope you are okay? Threatening physical violence over a post that apparently completely flew over your head. Is this how you behave in real life, getting violent and physical instead of applying your brain? Numskull!


Hint: read my posts on this thread again...Slowly...

I can't and won't join words with you. My time is for precious and productive use. I've read your post and I strongly advice you read YOURS again especially the one I quoted. When you're done, you read mine....not slowly but GENTLY!
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:57pm On May 22, 2013
kaboninc:

I can't and won't join words with you. My time is for precious and productive use. I've read your post and I strongly advice you read YOURS again especially the one I quoted. When you're done, you read mine....not slowly but GENTLY!


Suddenly you're too busy to talk? But you're not too busy to dream of fighting me and then tailing me so you can write a diary chronicling my life so you can expose all my dirty secrets to everyone on NL. That would really be precious and productive use of your time wouldn't it?

Lmao dude. Say hi to the other species existing in that alternate universe you exist in. Clearly you are on a different plane from the rest of us. Either that or you should give your drug supplier a raise. He's giving you some good stuff!
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Afamdman(m): 11:06pm On May 22, 2013
There is really no need for "numbskull" name calling. Come on we are all adults here. Name calling speaks volume of the kind of persons we are in real life.
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:14pm On May 22, 2013
Afamdman: There is really no need for "numbskull" name calling. Come on we are all adults here. Name calling speaks volume of the kind of persons we are in real life.


Threats of violence however are just peachy. Got it. Thanks.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by baby124: 11:22pm On May 22, 2013
Looool, kabonic, I think you are the one not reading before attacking. You and ileoba are saying the same thing!
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:36pm On May 22, 2013
ileobatojo:
But you're not too busy to dream of fighting me and then tailing me so you can write a diary chronicling my life so you can expose all my dirty secrets to everyone on NL. That would really be precious and productive use of your time wouldn't it?

You cracked me up I nearly hit the vehicle ahead cheesy cheesy

Ileoba is scared of assasination of character and slandering of your NL untainted reputation cheesy grin oluwagbami oh cheesy

Seriously Kabonic misquoted your post. He's a nice guy. grin
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by baby124: 11:44pm On May 22, 2013
jidegirl12:

You cracked me up I nearly hit the vehicle ahead cheesy cheesy

Ileoba is scared of assasination of character and slandering of your NL untainted reputation cheesy grin oluwagbami oh cheesy

Seriously Kabonic misquoted your post. He's a nice guy. grin




Lmao! The way some people come swinging with left hook from no where on NL is hilarious! As in, it can make the most calm person just lose it for a min.
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 12:27am On May 23, 2013
baby_123: Looool, kabonic, I think you are the one not reading before attacking. You and ileoba are saying the same thing!

Ose o!

jidegirl12:


Ileoba is scared of assasination of character and slandering of your NL untainted reputation cheesy grin oluwagbami oh cheesy


That would be a negative! The record's pristine online and off mami! grin


Just had to highlight the details of his dastardly plan shocked so everyone could appreciate the hilarity of it all... grin
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Beetle: 4:10am On May 23, 2013
I bet if this man were any of these ladies brother, they would all be singing a different tune. Empathy is the word. I feel for this man big time. Na so craze no know sex.

@ pslm, pls it's well, I can't really comment except to say that your cousin should be prayerful and very careful. With God all things are possible.
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 6:18am On May 23, 2013
though i found the threat of decking funny;just to state that num(b)skull is also correct

Definition of NUMSKULL

1 a thick or muddled head
Variants of NUMSKULL
numĀ·skull or numbĀ·skull
I guess we all learn everyday

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/numskull

so easy to throw insults on this land sha.......
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by kaboninc(m): 6:25am On May 23, 2013
@ileobatojo. This was the part I hand in mind when I made the statement of 'stoking fire'. Infact that was the only place I had you in mind.

ileobatojo: But in this case the man wanted to keep her all to himself (she was tall, light and beautiful, probably one of the most sought after chicks in the school) and so when she got preggers, he forced her hand into keeping the pregnancy to try to keep her all to himself. But she was not ready to be held down and eventually got bitter because she ended up feeling stuck with the guy and then began to display the crazy and become abusive. By the time she was ready to manage him, he decided he didn't want to marry her again and more hell was let loose. Meanwhile she had learned better than the master and figured out how to force him to remain with her for years and years.

I had wanted you to notice how you use words. That's all. And here you come 'stammering and shaking' like am going to cane your 'bum bum'. If you had read it SLOWLY and GENTLY, you wouldn't feel threatened.

Lol. By the way, you see how it feels when someone is angry with the hypocrites here? Its just the way they think and makes me go crazy.

I don't know you...may or may never know you someday though its a small world we live in. Am just airing my anger and vents at others. I can't be fighting with a mad man....people will think am also mad. If I had wanted to mention names, I would have. I quoted you because yours is a 'minor' offence.

Don't worry, am not trailing you.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by breadplanet(f): 8:40am On May 23, 2013
tsmith: Nairaland needs to have a dislike button, 'cause you have just written utter and total crap! Ti start with, I graduated from a Nigerian University @ 21! Yes with all the strike and all, and I wasn't an accelerated bloomer either went through 6-3-3-4.

You obviously only see the world from your myopic view, is it by force? Someone is unhappy in his marriage, feels he deserves happiness and takes a shot at it! Or you expect him to sit on his sorry ass like you would have licking old wounds!

Your analysis shows your lack of knowledge and worse still a failure to shut up! Mr or Mrs pregnancy calculator; who told you all pregnancy must last 9 months!

You should be banned from Nairaland and sent back to JSS1.

yes, I am pissed as I hate balant demostration of ignorance. Phew!!!



nna eh d ting tire me o! Im sure he does'nt knw what stillbirth means. Mtcheww
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by JoannaSedley(f): 9:00am On May 23, 2013
Your in-law deserves a touch of happiness but should it be at risk of your cousin's life as you all ccommented about the supposedly deranged, demented, crazy ex.
From what i understood and read here, both women are of the same age; though the ex has four kids but she doesn't look it and still beautiful (which is probably why this guy keep going back) while your cousin is an angel, comforter etc. This is what this man needs now, comforting and your cousin is giving it. He came pouring out his soul to her and empathy takes hold of your cousin before love sets in. What happens after the dust settles?
Honestly, i see this man going back to his ex as he has been doing for the past 17 years. They quarrel he jumps, they settle, he comes back with priccks blazing for new offspring.
In a secure country you get a restraining order against a frustrated, crazy ex but in nigeria you run like hell.
If it's my cousin though, with two miscarriages already and all those hounding and paranoic feelings associated with ex's, threats to life...... No way, Cousin should've been back by now.
The man and the ex has an attraction that is equal to 50-50 love and hate relationship, he has flings and the ex has flings, they both attack each other, if not one of them would've been dead or maimed by now, .....suspecting love somewhere........when in need of a breathing space; guy looks for a comforter likewise the ex now the guy wants to make it permanent probably having some midlife crisis and decided to take this giant leap and my lady refuses to allow him and mind you these cat and dog relationship has been on for 17 motherfuucking years. Your cousin is in the scene now but not for long if only you will help her to re-write this movie that will probably have a tragic end.
He want a change, he deserves it but not with my cousin, remember IMO.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 9:21am On May 23, 2013
Afamdman: Na wah ohhh, didn't even know there was a spelling competition going on. When I posted I didn't post to correct the spelling, but the act of name calling. And she went loco on me. Hahaahahhahahahahah. Wow. Would really like to know u from afar in real life so I can study you. You most def are one interesting creature. But who do you this thing no try ohhh, attack any and everybody left right and centre. Hahahaahhahahaha. But u do find a way to crack one up sha. Good morning all.

Yes! I went loco on you because of a spelling. Yes indeed!

It had absolutely nothing to do with your biased hypocritical meddling.


Someone threatened violence and stalking, you saw nothing wrong with that. But you were very quick to jump on my post in response to them.


Like I said, you could at least pretend to be objective and credible. Right now your hypocrisy is just too blatant.


I attack people left right and center? Just like I did on this thread right? The poster was going his way minding his business when all of a sudden, completely out of the blue, I attacked him right?

You're a joke.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 9:22am On May 23, 2013
biolabee: though i found the threat of decking funny;just to state that num(b)skull is also correct


I guess we all learn everyday

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/numskull

so easy to throw insults on this land sha.......

I'd like you to show me where I said numbskull was wrong.
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 11:29am On May 23, 2013
ileobatojo:

I'd like you to show me where I said numbskull was wrong.

i never said you were wrong; rather you are both right
Both of the words are variants of each other
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:59am On May 23, 2013
biolabee:

i never said you were wrong; rather you are both right
Both of the words are variants of each other

Duh *scratches head* jeezzz

Kabonic please back off grin
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 12:06pm On May 23, 2013
jidegirl12:

Duh *scratches head* jeezzz

Kabonic please back off grin

duh?? why dont u back off for once tongue tongue

harassing everyone.. haba!

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