Our brains do a wonderful job of seeing what we expect to see, and we are much more likely to view our husband as doing everything wrong when we have developed a negative view of him.

After spending years working with couples, individuals, or people who have been through a breakup or divorce, it seems that there are problems that keep coming up over and over again.

Wouldn’t it be good to know where to really concentrate our efforts, to give marriage the best chance possible?

Here are 6 marriage mistakes that can easily lead to divorce:

1. Talking with friends about the rotten thing you think your husband did to you. Research suggests that friends are often more upset when they think their bestie is being mistreated than when they are experiencing the same treatment themselves. Besides, most of us don’t really understand how our conditioning and wiring as women, and our husband’s conditioning and wiring as a man differ. So conversations about men with women friends often lead to husband bashing that helps nobody. Resolution: Limit talking about upsets or problems to two people: For example a trusted friend, coach or therapist.

2. Thinking That Talking About Problems With Your Husband Is The Answer. All too often women think that talking to our husbands is the way to make them see how their behavior has been affecting us. If the behavior doesn’t change when we first bring it up, we want to talk more, longer, or louder because we think maybe they didn’t get it the first time. One of the highest pet peeves for men is that feeling of being nagged or badgered, especially if they don’t know what is really the matter. The other problem is that the rules of polite, kind, nice conversation that we try to follow as women, often come off as indirect, manipulative, and mysterious to men. Women will then often conclude that their husband doesn’t care because he hasn’t changed. Resolution: Learn communication skills specifically to talk with men, and spend more time DOING fun activities.

3. Thinking That Your Happiness DEPENDS On Your Husband Changing. Research has shown that happiness does indeed increase when your husband changes, yet that change originates with YOU. Paradoxically, the women who focused on becoming more of the person they would like to be, rather than focusing on how their husband had to change, were happier down the road. Resolution: Focus on being the best you.

4. Living Parallel Lives. Living parallel lives is the slippery slope to disconnection. The bonds of marriage thrive on interest in each other, enjoyment of each other’s company, working toward common goals, and spending time together. Couples who are trying to reconnect after children have left home often come to realize that they don’t know each other anymore. Resolution: Take the time to know what is important to your husband, and allow him to know what is important to you.

5. Focusing On What’s Wrong. One of the most difficult scenarios I come across is seeing couples where one or both people are stuck viewing each other through a negative lens, and expecting the worst. Our brains do a wonderful job of seeing what we expect to see, and we are much more likely to view our husband as doing everything wrong when we have developed a negative view of him. A relationship coach can help regain a balanced view. Resolution: Balance your concerns with a positive view. A relationship thrives when we see our partner through rose-colored glasses.

6. I deserve. These words need to be banned from your vocabulary. The mentality that goes along with using these words includes a form of entitlement that kills the softness that is needed for a couple to cherish each other. The words include a demand that your husband do what you want him to. This is very different from knowing internally that you are worth more, and having the communication skills necessary to ask for more. Knowing what you are worth helps you inspire your husband to cherish you. Resolution: Focus on knowing your own worth. Get clear about what is important to you in a relationship, and learn how to ask for it.

mondi_cheeks: If 'I deserve' is banned from her vocab it shud be banned from his vocab too

Meaning what?!

Who paid for who in the marriage?!

Mad Cow:

Meaning what?!

Who paid for who in the marriage?!

mondi_cheeks: If 'I deserve' is banned from her vocab it shud be banned from his vocab too

DailyNews: you just committed another great offence some 21st century women do commit in their marriages which often leads to divorce.

Trying to be equal to men and comparing.

The moment gender equality gets so much into your head as a woman, you are finished, and take it or leave it, you can never make a good wife. Most feminists always end up single mothers or divorcees.

Trying to ensure that whatever you do, he must do, can lead to arguments and breakup. As a woman, you must learn to tolerate and ignore certain things, knowing that he is a man and has some natural lapses.

mondi_cheeks: marriage is a 2 way thing you can only receive what u give

Mba!!

The question is who paid for who?! Who is bearing whose name?! When your people were billing me, where were you?!

Look!! A man 'Deserves' to be respected and worshipped by the woman he paid for. Anything short of that is considered mutiny and punishable by any means the man deems fit..

_{Ebere!!!! Bia here..}

Mad Cow:

Mba!!

The question is who paid for who?! Who is bearing whose name?! When your people were billing me, where were you?!

Look!! A man 'Deserves' to be respected and worshipped by the woman he paid for. Anything short of that is considered mutiny and punishable by any means the man deems fit..

_{Ebere!!!! Bia here..}

mondi_cheeks: u no well
So what if he pays bride price? it doesn't change the fact that marriage is about give and take...u can't demand wat u can't give urself

But you can abi?! You can demand from the man but you cant pay his groomprice..

If you knew you wanted to be demanding, why didnt you come and pay the mans groomprice?! Its like I take my money and buy a dog for security, then we reach house, the dog come start to dey tell me say security na give and take.. EHN FATHER!!! If I no use am do peppersoup that night, make e know say I no pay ehn money complete.

MEN marry WOMEN for their pleasure. GET THAT FACT STRAIGHT. If a Man decides to once in a while indulge you, no ever try to use am claim right. Give and take indeed. Marriage is a master - servant agreement. Man = Master, Woman = Follower/servant/helper/cook/cleaner/anything the man wants her to be.



This is why I have said it that Men must start collecting reciept or invoice after paying bride price. This insult is getting too much.

Mad Cow:

Mba!!

The question is who paid for who?! Who is bearing whose name?! When your people were billing me, where were you?!

Look!! A man 'Deserves' to be respected and worshipped by the woman he paid for. Anything short of that is considered mutiny and punishable by any means the man deems fit..

_{Ebere!!!! Bia here..}

byvan: All these ones nah story ,enter the place first.

byvan: All these ones nah story ,enter the place first.

damilola_luv: so by him paying the bride price means she is now his slave? Respect breeds respect. If you wanted a slave and not a wife. Instead of getting married rather pay someone to be a slave at your beck and call.

Mad Cow:

Mba!!

The question is who paid for who?! Who is bearing whose name?! When your people were billing me, where were you?!

Look!! A man 'Deserves' to be respected and worshipped by the woman he paid for. Anything short of that is considered mutiny and punishable by any means the man deems fit..

_{Ebere!!!! Bia here..}

byvan: All these ones nah story ,enter the place first.

T.S:




Your view is rather barbaric though...

Wetin concern Barber with this matter now?!

Are you married?! Have you paid for a human being before?! If not, wait and get experience and come back.

Mad Cow:

Wetin concern Barber with this matter now?!

Are you married?! Have you paid for a human being before?! If not, wait and get experience and come back.

Mad Cow:

Madam!! If you enter a market and buy a chicken, whats the relationship between you and the chicken?!

Whoever pays for the other person is the 'Oga at the Top'. #SIMPLE!

If a woman wants to have rights in her husbands house, she should go and pay his groom price.

damilola_luv: what you fail to understand is that we are not in a marketplace and we are not dealing with dogs or chickens but human beings. In india where women pay dowry does not stop men from behaving the way they do so honestly bride price or no bride price a man will continue the way he does irrespectively. Heck if some men will start treating women like humans if the bride price is scrapped then i"m all for it but deep down we both know that it wont change a thing. I hope the day you decide to get married you at least have the decency to inform her you intend on turning her into your personal slave.

NEWSFLASH: I am Married...