@

Such behavior can really be annoying. The best cure for such behavior is nipping it in the bud at the earlier stage else, it will be difficult to tackle. I will require some wisdom to tackle the problem, so i'd advise you to allow your husband handle it like he said he would.

Firstimer: My hubby's imm younger bro lives wit him. Smtyms he sleeps in his own room or wit my hubby.
Now i n hubby married in april.
His brother wil jus open our room, enta without knockin n takes wat he pleases.
I find dis disrespectful. Even doh he's much much older dan i am. But i xpect dat he givs me or our marriage dat respect.
If i and my hubby ar in d room he bangs at d door if lockd or entas freely if not.
I even had 2 move most of those tins he coms in 2 tak outside d room. But he'l always find smtin.(he washes my hubby clothes. So he picks dem wen he likes, iron n returns dem)
If i wash my undies n dry in our bathrm, he sees dem n am embarrased. I cant dres half naked in my own room. Av complained 2 my hubby. He sed he'l handle it in a way dat no nerves wil b frayed since d guy is jus so used 2 comin 2 d room.
Am tryin my best 2 kip my anger within.
Pls advice me on wat 2 do.

you should do nothing except remind hubby of his promise to handle the issue.

Gboliwe:
you should do nothing except remind hubby of his promise to handle the issue.

Afam4eva: Such behavior can really be annoying. The best cure for such behavior is nipping it in the bud at the earlier stage else, it will be difficult to tackle. I will require some wisdom to tackle the problem, so i'd advise you to allow your husband handle it like he said he would.

Gboliwe:
you should do nothing except remind hubby of his promise to handle the issue.

It realy pisses me off y he shudnt undastand dat his bro is married now. I mean i dnt enta his room in his absence or witout knockin. In my house, we wer tot 2 respect ppls privacy.
For instance, Wen i n my hubby ar tryin 2b intimate at nite or early in d morning, he bangs on d door(smtyms askin unecesary questions) n it jus puts me off d mood.
Rly dnt no ow long am goin 2 endure dis

Firstimer:
It realy pisses me off y he shudnt undastand dat his bro is married now. I mean i dnt enta his room in his absence or witout knockin. In my house, we wer tot 2 respect ppls privacy.
For instance, Wen i n my hubby ar tryin 2b intimate at nite or early in d morning, he bangs on d door(smtyms askin unecesary questions) n it jus puts me off d mood.
Rly dnt no ow long am goin 2 endure dis

Like Gboliwe and Afam said, just remind your husband to handle the issue, no need going around your husband to scold the brother or give him attitude. Just because the brother is older than you doesn't mean he has common sense.

Sory o@Op. I belive a case like dis shld av bn handle right wen u whr in a relationship.. I never alow my yonger brother to step in d kitchen wenevr my fiancee is around. Or bash in my room at anytime wen we re in d bedroom. Now he is use to all my warning. Therfore, your husband wld be d one to handle d ther wit maturity, u just nid †̥ be calm so as not to complicate d issue. Cont. Calmly remind him about it. Cheers.

Firstimer:
It realy pisses me off y he shudnt undastand dat his bro is married now. I mean i dnt enta his room in his absence or witout knockin. In my house, we wer tot 2 respect ppls privacy.
For instance, Wen i n my hubby ar tryin 2b intimate at nite or early in d morning, he bangs on d door(smtyms askin unecesary questions) n it jus puts me off d mood.
Rly dnt no ow long am goin 2 endure dis

you knew ol dis and didn't discuss it untill u are married Another, he washes ur husband clothes I wonder wat else he does for ur hubby, so you asked for it, I mean his actions...

Ps: am not telling u to be a slave to ur hubby but sometimes, somethings are meant for only d newly weds...

Ur hubby might do little cos his bros is doing much for a brother... I cant even imagine myself washing my bros clothes, even if na him de feed me, unless tho he too muchbegs me to. So I wonder how ur hubby will go about him considering his ROLES in THE LIFE OF NEWLY WEDS.. Again you asked for it!!!

When an outsider does wat's meant for newly weds, he becomes part of d newly weds, so live with it- you asked for it again...

Not dat I suppor his actions, but there are tins he shouldn't be doing in d first place. Now lemme ask u, u dont want him to be coming into ur room anyhow but u want him to keep washing hubby's clothes, anyhow Keep asking for it


NtimacEEE ALERT: how did you feel wen it finally entered?

Les: you knew ol dis and didn't discuss it untill u are married Another, he washes ur husband clothes I wonder wat else he does for ur hubby, so you asked for it, I mean his actions...

Ps: am not telling u to be a slave to ur hubby but sometimes, somethings are meant for only d newly weds...

Ur hubby might do little cos his bros is doing much for a brother... I cant even imagine myself washing my bros clothes, even if na him de feed me, unless tho he too muchbegs me to. So I wonder how ur hubby will go about him considering his ROLES in THE LIFE OF NEWLY WEDS.. Again you asked for it!!!

When an outsider does wat's meant for newly weds, he becomes part of d newly weds, so live with it- you asked for it again...

Not dat I suppor his actions, but there are tins he shouldn't be doing in d first place. Now lemme ask u, u dont want him to be coming into ur room anyhow but u want him to keep washing hubby's clothes, anyhow Keep asking for it


NtimacEEE ALERT: how did you feel wen it finally entered?

let me understand u, so because he washes his brothers clothes, he shouldnt respect their privacy?

abiodunj: Sory o@Op. I belive a case like dis shld av bn handle right wen u whr in a relationship.. I never alow my yonger brother to step in d kitchen wenevr my fiancee is around. Or bash in my room at anytime wen we re in d bedroom. Now he is use to all my warning. Therfore, your husband wld be d one to handle d ther wit maturity, u just nid †̥ be calm so as not to complicate d issue. Cont. Calmly remind him about it. Cheers.

yeah, ur rite in a way. Hubby reminded me dat he used 2 ask me 2 lock d door wen we wer dating. Den i wud playfuly refuse.
Jus felt dat he shud undastand wen a couple nids privacy.
Afterall av stayd wit an uncle b4 he got maried n wen he maried i didnt smel d door of der bedrm

Like Les insinuated, wash/iron your hubby's cloth if you can or get someone to do it and pay the person.
Assume your responsibilities.
Remind your hubby of his promise.
Dont bring up the issue frequently, if you must, mention how it turns you off....it will be all gone in a moment.


Brothas, staying with their married big bros, reading this, stop being insensitive and a kill-joy.
***Edited***
FirsTimer....Enjoy!

@ Les, lolz
i undstand dat. Buh washing ma hubby's clothes aint a prob 4me. Jus dat hubby says he does d ironing beta. Maybe i'l giv dat a tot (even though i dnt bliv dats d prob). I badly nid my privacy.
Intimacy alert? I'l rada not discus dat in dis thread.

hmmmmmmmm, you never complained while dating him but when you now got married you now see it as wrong, you wanna claim right? what changed? so you were pretending before? and the marriage certificate has now conferred on you special powers? Just go ahead and start a war you can't finish. Attitude like this is what makes people get the perception that women change after marriage. Lesson for all, What you won't take in marriage don't condone it in the relationship or else you are just a bloody hypocrite.

Maybe u guys need to change d lock. Something like jamlock will do. But make sure u always hv spare with u. Once u enter,end of story unless u want to open. He will get it.
I don't think there is nothing wrong with him washin his bro clothes.unless he does it grudgingly or he is a busy person and u r less busy.
U gat to study him very well to know his kind of person.once u can understand him,u 2 can flow very well.with time he will understand that his bro is married and give u space and ur required respect.
Don't rush him pls.u 2 can become best of pals even ur hubby will envy.
All d best

Xavier1976: hmmmmmmmm, you never complained while dating him but when you now got married you now see it as wrong, you wanna claim right? what changed? so you were pretending before? and the marriage certificate has now conferred on you special powers? Just go ahead and start a war you can't finish. Attitude like this is what makes people get the perception that women change after marriage. Lesson for all, What you won't take in marriage don't condone it in the relationship or else you are just a bloody hypocrite.

That's the problem with a lot of ladies these days. They will see the problem and enter it hoping that when they enter, they can stop it.

Aafulenu:


let me understand u, so because he washes his brothers clothes, he shouldnt respect their privacy?

understand better, somethings are meant for them alone to do within themselves but when others them begin to do wat them suppose to do themselves, dont bother when others them begin to do themselves... I know u wont get me, i mean, there are things his bros is not suppose to be doing at first, if his bros cleans there room, why stop him from entering wen he wants to considering d fact that he is not a servant dat needs permission to enter but brother. There are other tins he could do like washing cars, doing d garden, help clean house, refil gas tanks, take kids to skul and look after them and other works dat can be strenuos to d woman if hubby is not around, but to wash plates, clothes and d rest, no no, but since he's doing it, let him also have access to where it's being kept, gerrit now??

Am i the only one who thinks differently on this, and i believe this type of indulgence is why mediocrity will continue to wax stronger and stronger in this part of the world. Haba!, a full grown-up man behaving childishly, even, some children know when to respect one's privacy and marriage. The guy is simply st.up.id, how on earth can a full grown up man just enter a couple's room without knocking or banging the door on a couple when the door is locked, even, if hes both their parents and hes the one feeding them, courtesy demands that he gives them their deserved respect. And why do i feel that, hes intentionally doing it to frustrate either or both of the couple wickedly.
Well, as for me, i wont condone it, i wont even tell hubby about it and im certain that it will only happen one time, yes, i mean it just once, there wont be a repetition of such st.upi. dity if im the one involved. "ijo ti a ba ribi ni ibi nwole"
"Nkan ti eeyan o ba ni gba ni olowo, talaka la tii nkoo".
@op, its never too late, face your fear once and conquer it forever. How? Call him"brother so...so), "i want to see you, i dont like the way you just enter our room without knocking, you have to realise that im a married woman and your brother is a married man, we are both legally married and we have the right to anything that may be happening indoor, without apology to anyone, and distubance from anyone, you inclusive, so, give us our deserved respect in order to have your own respect intact. Action and reaction and always equal and opposite. A word is enough"
when your hubby comes from work, tell him what you told his brother and how you told him(if possible, record you converation with you BIL and play it to your hubby when he comes back)
Approach him with all humility and do not raise your voice at him except he reacts otherwise. If hes an honourable and respectful man, he will apologise and refrain from such action. If hes not, then he need to learn it the embarrassing way, by asking him to go out the next time he tries that.
Meanwhile, you have your roles to play, if you still want him to be washing yur hubby's clothes, get a laundry basket and put it in the passage/verander, therein, you pack your hubby's clothes and therein he picks them up, and when hes thru with ironing. Tell him, to leave them in the sitting room, that you will pack them inside from there, or betterstill, get another person to do the laundry and pay for it.
Wishing you goodluck and blissful marriage.

Firstimer:
yeah, ur rite in a way. Hubby reminded me dat he used 2 ask me 2 lock d door wen we wer dating. Den i wud playfuly refuse.
Jus felt dat he shud undastand wen a couple nids privacy.
Afterall av stayd wit an uncle b4 he got maried n wen he maried i didnt smel d door of der bedrm

not evryone understand your body language. At time u̶̲̥̅̊ just nid †̥ spell tings out befr dey can understand u̶̲̥̅̊..
Ps: am not telling u to be a slave to ur hubby but sometimes, somethings are meant for only d newly weds.

Leave d case to Ūя hubby 2 handle. My oda advise is 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ 2 cultivate d habit of always lockin Ūя door wheneva U̶̲̥̅̊'re in.
Guess wit tym, he'll get used to it

]

yellowpawpaw: Maybe u guys need to change d lock. Something like jamlock will do. But make sure u always hv spare with u.

Apparently, that won't work.

Firstimer: If i and my hubby ar in d room he bangs at d door if lockd

OP, is his brother mentally slow or odd in other ways/socially unaware? I'm not joking, I really suspect he is because it would be unusual for someone with normal cognition to do what he is doing. If he is slow, then I don't think it would be fair to get mad at him. You/your husband just need to have a discussion about boundaries with him.

ileobatojo: ]




OP, is his brother mentally slow or odd in other ways/socially unaware? I'm not joking, I really suspect he is because it would be unusual for someone with normal cognition to do what he is doing. If he is slow, then I don't think it would be fair to get mad at him. You/your husband just need to have a discussion about boundaries with him.

its either hes slow as you have sugeested or hes up to something or sheer wickedness to frustrate either or both of them.
Well, either way, if its me, it will only happen the first time, and i mean it. I have zero tolerance for stu..pidi. ty

greatgod2012:


its either hes slow as you have sugeested or hes up to something or sheer wickedness to frustrate either or both of them.
Well, either way, if its me, it will only happen the first time, and i mean it. I have zero tolerance for stu..pidi. ty

You're right, it should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago. Honestly, this isn't a situation where you need the husband to intervene. It should be dealt with by OP. Or will you wait for him to see your unclothedness before you do something?

And that concludes this thread @ have said it all. Enu person leyan fin ko mioje.....next time he barges into your room call him one on one ( don't raise your voice, use wisdom) and see what he'll say.... ko gba ariwo atall...o fe te ni...

@ , you're not the only one seeing things differently, that's how things work here, making excuses for horrendous behaviours, after all this is not a family house, whether you like it or not situation will happen no matter how you dodge it no? Behaving like he's brain dead.

How old is he ?And as ile pointed out i dont want to believe an adult(if he is older than OP)will be barging into a couple's room like that(make we even forget married).What does he want to see?

I know alot of people have said loads on NL about intolerance bla bla.But really really,i think newlywed couples need at least 1 yr of living together without all this attachment of relatives and the likes encroaching on their privacy.Seriously.Not practical though considering alot of factors esp in Naija(not only naija sha cos i know asians too marry into their extended family homes too)but it really really would be ideal.


For couples who have not previously co-habitted first couple of months is crucial in developing a rapport and these 3rd parties sometimes sef add some stress to the whole process.

chaircover: Dami NL has opened my eyes to so many things. What you and I consider the norm is actually in the minority. On the other thread someone was talking about not letting anyone into her zone and husbands not being allowed to touch the soup pot. you have people who are up in arms over joint accounts and all what not.

This barging in thing started from somewhere and didnt start yesterday. Even my baby knows to knock before coming into my room. I also know that the barging in is just a tip of the iceberg and it wont surprise me if this same brother is the husbands next of kin.

Basically my take on things is don't accept whilst you are dating what you are not prepared to accept when you are married and be aware that there are illiterate graduates out there. I still maintain that she has to use wisdom to solve this.

True CC.I said same thing on the wife vs sister thread.Dont be sweeping,washing,going to market,in short literarily be house servant to a mans people during courtship and as soon as he puts a ring on it,you go all hulk hogan.If you started that be prepared to continue it.No whingeing cos thats just obtaining goods on false pretence (Not saying you should be rude or not nice to your future inlaws o.Just apply wisdom).

And yeah there are loads of what my dad called 'educated illiterates' abound today.Sadly they keep increasing by the minute .

chaircover: I am sure that and why is this behavior only affecting you but your husband seems comfortable with it all

yes your brother in laws attitude is a nuisance and rather annoying but somehow he has gotten used to this behaviour, it is not going to suddenly stop

there alot of tings I would have pointed out but I gat to summarize dem ol by sayin "If only u weren't married" I know I aint married not even in years time but if possible, arrange ur last daughter for my 1st son

here's d scenario, b4 u came, I've been livin happily wit big bros and doing some 'wife-like' errands for him till u came and u tried taking d 'wife-like' errands from me but big bros said no, say I de do d 'wife-like' errands better and u relaxed and maybe without even telling me to teach u how to do it dat better. As am doin ol dis 'wife-like' efforts, dont also forget dat's it's 'wife-like' to lie down in one matrimonial bed like dat witout any permission.

Well, d only way to stop it is for u to assume d role of a wife and show me d unlike button, try talking it out with him and pray he is d understanding type. Those calling it slow, nawa 4una o, it's more of being insensitive and unenlightened about marriage than stupid, for c.o.L, D dude is bloody hardworking!

maybe its a back home thing cos the number of similar stories i have read on NL about this same topic is confusing - why is anyone be it from the wife or husbands side living with a newly married couple?

don't these grown adults have homes? or is my thinking too western??

i don't know i'm not saying people can't visit and stay for a short while but all this staying for months/years/decades/centuries really has to stop IMHO

The answer to this question is WHY DO WOMEN CHANGE AFTER MARRIAGE? While dating you did not see it as a big problem why now? I advise you to keep tolerating his brother, finish what you started.

D guy is stupid,foolish nd an idiot. Hw can he try entering a couple's room wit dat kind of attitude? Let him go & marry. He's highly nd heavily irresponsible. Ur husband is like GEJ who waits til eternity b4 taking action. Hw long can d situation persist? When he sees ur unclad body,dats wen state of emergency wil be introduced. O fu gbuola m nno!

ileobatojo: ]

Apparently, that won't work.

Why did u say it won't work? Untill he cs what he has been dreaming of b4 I can take action? My hubby that's supposed to call d guy to order is wasting time.maybe d bro is used to seein his bro na*ked but I'm not d bro.so I need to respect myself.
While waiting for my hubby to do something,I will call a carpenter to come and fix a jamlock for me. That kind of person might ra*pe u one day cos I don't think he is ok

Those of u saying she should not hv allowed it while dating,wait a minute,what will she hv done then?
Maybe she told hubby and got dis same reply too.