Nashville:

I have read a lot of the post but this is my take. If I were the poster I will equally be very worried. I am not saying the wife to be is worse than some girl who never got pregnant, all I am saying is that she has made some very wrong decisions in the past and I may not trust her to make the right decisions going forward. Having two children for two different men you never married shows she is kind of loose. I am not comparing her to anyone, I am just comparing her to the kind of wife I would want for my brother. I would rather have a 29 yr old that has never been pregnant before. I am not saying that the one that has never been pregnant is an angel, all I am just saying is that the one that has never been pregnant should be given the benefit of the doubt.

Marrying someone with children always has its own issues. Now the brother has to deal with two different men, because like it or not, those two men will always be part of the wife's life. She may go to them every now and then to get school fees, the child will have birthdays where both parents want to be there, and of course at the wedding ceremony of the kids. And there are chances she could get back with one of them.

Poster there is little you can do than to talk to him, pray for him and wish him the very best. The wife to be may have genuinely changed but I agree this is not the ideal situation we all pray for.

Daresh: Please leave your brother alone and let him marry who he chooses . Please do not judge her cos you don't know her story. She is who God created for him so let them be please.

Afam4eva:
I'm not arguing against the fact that the woman has extra baggage. I'm only against terming her irresponsible because of her past. Children or no children, the man has a good reason for wanting to marry and he must hacve weighed the situation he's getting into.

coogar:

michael adebolajo had a good reason hacking off the head of a british soldier therefore he is right? FFS, when would you people get it that a lot of marriages get broken because of the wrong choices people make?

Afam4eva:
Who're are you to tell him that he's making the wrong choice. It's his life and he know what's best for his life.
And what bearing does the London terrorist have on this?

coogar:

it's his life and he knows what's best for his life? i hope the world is that simple! 90% of the time, people of the world make awful choices. when this marriage produces hoodlums that would start harassing your well-groomed daughters in the next 15 years, you would be on funmi iyanda's show crying like a man undergoing manual castration!

Afam4eva:
Was Micheal Adebolajo a product of a leaked condom? But see what he turned out to be. Don't most criminals in Nigeria have mothers and fathers?

Afam4eva:
Was Micheal Adebolajo a product of a leaked condom? But see what he turned out to be. Don't most criminals in Nigeria have mothers and fathers?

yellowpawpaw: Let me ask a kweshion.WHO THEN WILL MARRY HER?

Afam4eva: So, decency is calculated based on how many children you have? Do you know how many people the ladies without children have killed? You don't judge decency because someone probably made a mistake sometime in their life.

It's not for you or any member of your family to determine who your brother should marry. He has a good reason for wanting to marry the lady.

Wizee: Oga talk well; can't you read again? @op your brother is under a thick spell because she knows that if she misses this guy 'your brother' its going to be take long before she see's someone that will hook up with her. Take ur brother for delivery service, no time to waste

coogar:

it's his life and he knows what's best for his life? i hope the world is that simple! 90% of the time, people of the world make awful choices. when this marriage produces hoodlums that would start harassing your well-groomed daughters in the next 15 years, you would be on funmi iyanda's show crying like a man undergoing manual castration!

biolabee: And that madam is the realkweshion

The consequnces of having kids outside wedlock is greater for women than men

It's not an equal world

yellowpawpaw:
It is not,my bro.most gals r too vulnerable and not smart enof to know how to handle "things" hence d pregnancy.and d dude will go scot free looking for another gal to dent her image and reduce her pride price.
Its really sad and unjust

yellowpawpaw:
Mr coogar,u dex vex o! Take am easy naw! Do u hv younger sis them and female cous them?
Chei!I de fear for them cos big bro will skin them alive if they miss their steps.
Let me hope dat this is not d real u cos u will get hbp worryin abt them doin it right. ur baby gals included too.pls take am easy. C energy.u r right and mostly on point in most of ur posts sha.

Marrying someone with children always has its own issues. Now the brother has to deal with two different men, because like it or not, those two men will always be part of the wife's life. She may go to them every now and then to get school fees, the child will have birthdays where both parents want to be there, and of course at the wedding ceremony of the kids. And there are chances she could get back with one of them.

coogar: at 29, 2 kids for 2 different men?
if she's a good wife material, why did the fathers of her children refuse to marry her? i would personally beat up my brother or wait till their wedding day and send hired thugs to beat up bride and groom to stupor.

Afam4eva: So, decency is calculated based on how many children you have? Do you know how many people the ladies without children have killed? You don't judge decency because someone probably made a mistake sometime in their life.

It's not for you or any member of your family to determine who your brother should marry. He has a good reason for wanting to marry the lady.

CrazyMan:
Exactly my thoughts...I don't see how a decent and responsible girl would get rejected by two supposed lovers who impregnated her.

Her being rejected by her baby daddies is a clear sign that despite her beauty, she lacks the characteristics of a good wife.

20pounds: Ppl usually shut their senses to logic & walk into problems with eyes 'wide-shut'. Tomorrow, they will come to forums like nairaland to cry elephant tears.
We never accept we are making a mistake , till we are regretting.

baby_123: Hmmm...I think people in such situations are better off with widowers or men in same situation. The family of the husband may forever torment. And she will be too afraid to offend him. Incase he joins his family, she will be a goner. My priest has demanded I do not speak my views, pro-choice or not. However, I think Nigerians advocate against abortion to "mark" their future victims of nasty comments. The guy must love her for a reason, so let them be. Will I wish the same for my brother? No. I think he should have a chance at no drama or noise outside his marriage. But if he insists, I will leave him alone.

yellowpawpaw: Let me ask a kweshion.WHO THEN WILL MARRY HER?

Afam4eva:
I'm not arguing against the fact that the woman has extra baggage. I'm only against terming her irresponsible because of her past. Children or no children, the man has a good reason for wanting to marry and he must hacve weighed the situation he's getting into.

kulyie: the op said its not like shes beautiful.by the way yorubas say if there is no opening,a lizard will not have acess into a fence,in other words,if she did not sleep with the men or used condom,she will not bring kids into the world when she is not sure the men will accept it.i am a woman and a woman knows whether a man will accept her child or not.if she is sleeping with someone that has no job or is earning something meagre or even has all the money in this world and he isnt ready for kids,the woman will know or how can a woman be sleeping with a man that she doesnt know what he is capable of doing and not doing.all this self inflicted problems is just avoidable with the use of common sense

kulyie: the op said its not like shes beautiful.by the way yorubas say if there is no opening,a lizard will not have acess into a fence,in other words,if she did not sleep with the men or used condom,she will not bring kids into the world when she is not sure the men will accept it.i am a woman and a woman knows whether a man will accept her child or not.if she is sleeping with someone that has no job or is earning something meagre or even has all the money in this world and he isnt ready for kids,the woman will know or how can a woman be sleeping with a man that she doesnt know what he is capable of doing and not doing.all this self inflicted problems is just avoidable with the use of common sense

CrazyMan:
True that's why the guy in question should have a re-think before taking her to the altar.

The promiscuous lifestyle of a supposed fiance isn't something you over look when choosing a wife.

A word is enough for the wise.

Daresh:

Na wash o! People can like to judge. What if she was raped? Or are you saying u never ever in ur life had unprotected sex? Or have u never dated a guy that you aboki back at and wonder "what the hell was I thinking?" We'll I have done both. In fact I was nearly in that same situation when I was 20 years old! If she had aborted her pregnancy will anyone be talking about her like this? I'm sure she has bn with terrible guys and knows how to appreciate a good man. Guys please just stop judging the poor girl, please please please. I'm sure she knows her mistakes, and they don't have to follow her forever. Please OP leave her alone. I know I won't want my brother to marry a mum of 2 either but it's his choice. Stand by him and not fight him or her, if she is a bad person it will show eventually.

chaircover: Hmmmmmmmmm so the truth is finally revealed

The truth that women suffer more than men when relationships break down inspite of all our feminism, this is 2013, 50/50 etc

If a 29 year old man with 2 children from 2 different mothers still wants to get married, there wont be this much uproar, Some people will say its even good, that he has proved that he is a man. . . . .but now that the shoe is on the other foot, deliverance services & head washing are being prescribed

for the people that can read between the lines, a word is enough for the wise. Women be extra careful when it comes to relationships. Poor decisions now can/will haunt you later. This woman is already on the scrap heap at 29 and even if she manages to marry into this family, they will make her life hell and if she makes the mistake of entering Kulyies family her own don finish finally

Nashville:

You can marry her yourself or let your own brother marry her. It is not about the fiance, the poster is worried about her brother's happiness. You do not marry people out of pity.



Its unfortunate but that is how life is. In America, if you have a criminal record, getting a job will be 4 times more difficult for you than someone without a criminal record. That is the problem here. She has made two severe mistakes in the past and it would be very hard to trust her in the future. As for the reason for marrying her, yes the reason may be she is great in bed - abi that one no be reason or I am in love. Everybody has a reason for doing stuff, even Osama get reason for killing people, but does that reason make sense to the rest of the family who are not blinded by "love".