*Kails*:


we just tend to eat a few slices with tomato and other veggies as side dishes. also we eat A LOT of cabbage (green and red..regular or steamed) and even bok choy (esp. Chinese Jamaicans or those with chinese jamaican family members.

Holla! Not to mention a whole lotta veg that is cooked down into what I couldn't identify lol. Also dried "veg"; it wasn't until I was older that I realised we ate dried lotus flowers or sumting so.

In st Vincent, you just pick trees/vines and eat fruits as snacks. Why would you need to incorporate it into food...

*Kails*:


you know you LUUUH me!!

I woulda responded earlier but got banned.

Somewhat wuuuh you.

Meh...One of my sisters dated a Nigerian guy. But it was for a little while.

Being married to a Nigerian man has not been an easy task. I was married ten years the first time and twenty three years to my present husband; the problems I encounter was cheating. In their culture they are allowed to have multiple wives and for some reason they want to continue that life style here in the United States. Also in the Nigerian culture if a Nigerian man married to an American Woman marriage is not considered valid and the American Woman is subjective to abuse from the Nigerian Women. They flirt with your husband in your presences as if your not their. Just like in any culture women experiences this type of disrespect but this causes your husband to try and work hard for validation among his peers. Eventually he will find himself trying to force his culture on you. Remember what you tolerant in this marriage is up to you. It has been my experience that if you stand your ground and practice zero tolerance he will either leave are give you the respect that you are entitled too. Never have a fear of them leaving you it take two to tango. Dr. Phil said it best "You teach people how to treat you". Igubosa (My husband gave me this Name) Which means a gift from God). Igubosa

American/Nija:

Being married to a Nigerian man has not been an easy task. I was married ten years the first time and twenty three years to my present husband; the problems I encounter was cheating. In their culture they are allowed to have multiple wives and for some reason they want to continue that life style here in the United States. Also in the Nigerian culture if a Nigerian man married to an American Woman marriage is not considered valid and the American Woman is subjective to abuse from the Nigerian Women. They flirt with your husband in your presences as if your not their. Just like in any culture women experiences this type of disrespect but this causes your husband to try and work hard for validation among his peers. Eventually he will find himself trying to force his culture on you. Remember what you tolerant in this marriage is up to you. It has been my experience that if you stand your ground and practice zero tolerance he will either leave are give you the respect that you are entitled too. Never have a fear of them leaving you it take two to tango. Dr. Phil said it best "You teach people how to treat you". Igubosa (My husband gave me this Name) Which means a gift from God). Igubosa

I love that! I'm going to Nigeria and we are getting married there. Also, I'm a little bit of a thug so if any women give me issues they will discover this American woman doesn't play at all. Honestly, my husband got me in the first place because he is the complete opposite of what I've seen in Nigerian men having been around them for over 10 years. He is very much an alpha male but other than that, I am treated with nothing but love, kindness and respect. He even once told me that he intentionally trying not to love me to the level he does, it scares him because it's an unkown feeling to him. He was a jerk in his single days as I was. He dotes on me, he doesn't believe in having multiple wives or having a relationship period outside of his marriage. The last thing my husband wants me to do is cheat on him so he knows, if he were to cheat I'd do it too! Yeh, I have a evil streak and was raised by men and my husband sees this in me. I'm laughing at "flirt with your husband as if you're not there" trust me they would most certainly know I was there but I trust he'd handle it before I even had to slap a woman upside her head
Thanks so much for your insight and wishing you many blessings in your marriage.

God is so good that my husband took me to Nigeria and I did not want to come home. My In-Laws embarrassed me with open arms thanking me the entire time for the five boys that I gave them. Spoiled me the entire time and now if he does anything to me all I have to do is call Mama in Nija and talks to him. He is in church more now and we are doing great. Please go to the market while your there you will love both the fish market on Victoria Island and the Large Market in Lagos. We stayed ea month and one week I begged my husband to stay an extra week.

Igubosa

American/Nija:
God is so good that my husband took me to Nigeria and I did not want to come home. My In-Laws embarrassed me with open arms thanking me the entire time for the five boys that I gave them. Spoiled me the entire time and now if he does anything to me all I have to do is call Mama in Nija and talks to him. He is in church more now and we are doing great. Please go to the market while your there you will love both the fish market on Victoria Island and the Large Market in Lagos. We stayed ea month and one week I begged my husband to stay an extra week.

Igubosa

I can't wait to go! Thanks so much for the info. Unfortunately my husband's mother is deceased but his father is still alive. I've met my brother in law and his wife when they visited and fell in love with them both immediately. I can't wait until we go to Nigeria, my husband is very excited about it as am I

Don't dull, naija men are not known to be "dullards" , you mess around and be a LEARNER

Nalijah: Recently I was in a discussion with a few American women and the topic was "Marrying Nigerian Men". The women claimed that Nigerian men wee demanding, boring, had no romantic nature, and only thought of themselves when having sex. They said Nigerian men were very hard to please. They mentioned that their relaionships with the Nigerian men were fine until the men got citizenship. They claimed once the Nigerian men got USA Citizenship their personalities changed completely. I found this very hard to believe since I am married to a Naija man. I was yold 95% of the Nigerian men that marry American women want citizenship/green card status. I find this hard to believe since I am an American woman that marrried a Nigerian man. All men are hard to please if there is a lack of understanding.

@Topic...

I have read many posts on here, and if you are going to be critical please don't reply. I am looking for serious advice. I met a Nigerian man online and we have been talking for about 13 months. I have found him to be very honest, sensitive, respectful, caring and a hard worker. I have been very cautious since the beginning, even trying to discourage him because I was not looking for a Nigerian or a long distance relationship. At one point we did want to marry, but some things have come up between us. Initially his mother was very happy for us, then he told her that we were getting married and that I could no longer have children (he knew this from very early on), she got very upset (and that is putting it mildly). I know that children are very important in his culture, but she insisted that he have grandchildren for her. He was torn between marrying me and obeying his mom. Then polygamy came into the discussion. I told him I did not believe polygamy was right and that if he married anyone else I could not marry him. All along we have had some difficulty with communication. I have gone out of my way to use terms that most people understand and explain why I said or did when he misunderstood me. However, recently he told me that he did not like some of my posts/messages and that he thinks we should look for different people. I could understand this if it was because he wanted children or even if it was only his mom wanting grandchildren (and this may be part of it). I just don't know how I can say things in a way that he understands. I know he has been under a lot of stress lately which also could be part of it. I have done everything possible to understand his culture better and have talked with him about this, but I am just not sure what to do at this point. I have always gone along with others decisions, but I am trying to stand up for my own wishes, and I love this amazing man. Any advice would be appreciated!

Any interested woman seeking a 100% discreet relationship with a young , educated and matured guy should contact me for meet up.
You can call text or add me on bbm... 08065099377, 08167950172, 21CAD793.. Any location in Nigeria.

;DI'm like a year late on this forum maybe because I just met a Yoruba man? I don't understand why it is so hard to understand that a women can fall in love with the speech of a man before living with or marrying him. Its not impossible. Not only until she lives with him she finds out what type of character he really has
. that does not make a women less smart or her eyes blinded it just makes her a women. We are prombed to be received. Satan received Eve she then convinced her husband. Being received have been the trait of a women since the first women was created. So what's makes it different cause its 2014/? Every trait a women has was given for a reason. Doesn't make her stupid. You never know what you will get when it comes to choosing a mate their is no perfect mate. I've met a Nigerian man online and yes for just 7. Months I love him deeply I don't even desire another man. Period. Does that make me stupid nope! It makes me all women all women %100 women. One gift that a women has is intuition you can feel if a man or anyone opus using you it is a feeling. I can choose any man for marriage but I've made my decision to choose My African King. So all the talk of we women from the west shine our eyes good etc... OK then what
? Leave him? Give him up? If a women is emotionally strong which most black women from all over the world are she can handle the situation but in a certain manner not like a beast. So if my man which we have yet to even meet is a fraud oh well I have yet to discover that.but I know what my stomach is telling me. I'm a mother as well and the stomach don't lie. And for whatever reason western born Black women want Nigerian men doesn't matter at all but trust once we taste its hard ha ;Drd soooooo hard to let go! Does it make me a fool nope just a women with feminine needs as The Creator created me to have. I never want him to leave me. So whatever he desires from me I shall give willingly. If there is no trust you have nothing and keep questioning the sincerity of an African man makes him anger. The best way I handle him is submission. Eventually he will confess to me like I'm his priest. Im all women and the more obedient I am the more he gives me. And no man has ever gotten this from me or even knew how to get it. He brings out femininity baby! My sentual side and I love it! So I'm glad to bear what some African WO in really think about a union between Nigerian and western born American black African women most is ridiciolus. All those tricks and kinks and whatever else My African man has for me I'm gonna enjoy them all and as soon as The Almighty allows us to meet yeah we going Religious then Registry. Imma be his SLAVeeeeeeee. Forver until death do us part. Oh and I'm a Muslim women so we believe and understand marriage is slavery to our husbands and we are rewarded with paradise for our patience and submission to him. He is Muslim. Also newly any how so I'm sure he will enjoy many benefits of the muslimah. We already talked about polygamy so. He swears his devotion is to me alone. I have no choice but to believe him.

We shouldn't be afraid to follow our hearts
Marriage is the nature of mankind every human desires marriage. Why if we believed we found a empathetic man not to follow our love for him?
Not only that I think most of us have been trained already in the field of ifedelity, deciet, scams, abuse. By the black American man. So we have that think layer of skin already so what's new? One thing thing the black American man don't have is compassion and hard work ethics most not all now. And are not paternal and they are feminized. We want masculine! So yes if my African man works, gives me healthy babies, tells me he loves me daily and nightly.
I really can't be to damn angry. As opposed to an American man who won't work, get you pregnant and leave the childrenand never had compassion I will never tolerate such a man.respect for women is lost here in American its simply gone. That's why I looked outside my community. But again my Religion has helped saved me from becoming like the manly women losing my role as a women. Just as most of the men here have lost there place and they could never satisfy me. I'm so grateful what I have so I have to cherish him in order to keep him Ameen

msslade:
We shouldn't be afraid to follow our hearts
Marriage is the nature of mankind every human desires marriage. Why if we believed we found a empathetic man not to follow our love for him?
Not only that I think most of us have been trained already in the field of ifedelity, deciet, scams, abuse. By the black American man. So we have that think layer of skin already so what's new? One thing thing the black American man don't have is compassion and hard work ethics most not all now. And are not paternal and they are feminized. We want masculine! So yes if my African man works, gives me healthy babies, tells me he loves me daily and nightly.
I really can't be to damn angry. As opposed to an American man who won't work, get you pregnant and leave the childrenand never had compassion I will never tolerate such a man.respect for women is lost here in American its simply gone. That's why I looked outside my community. But again my Religion has helped saved me from becoming like the manly women losing my role as a women. Just as most of the men here have lost there place and they could never satisfy me. I'm so grateful what I have so I have to cherish him in order to keep him Ameen

THUMBS UP DEAR,TNK U FOR BLIVIN IN NIGERIAN MEN...DNT FOLLOW D CROWD,U GONA ENJOY UR MAN

I'm sorry I mean no offense to no one. But, I have to say that I think it's crazy that we are still discussing such matters in this present day. I have been married to a Nigerian man for eight wonderful years. Yes, a cause we have had our differences just like any couple in a healthy marriage, but without a doubt we love and respect each other dearly. No matter who are married too, whether they are from the same cultural back ground or not.. You should always take the time to know each other's personality, values, aspirations, desires and expectations. Communication is the source to a successful foundation. My husband knows me well, and I know him without prediction. We do not allow people to spew negativity in our circle, with all the tribalism. He is my brother, friend, strength, and leader. Him bring from Nigeria or me from here has never been an issue. We are both educated, well traveled, conscious and know that according to history we are family. I wish there was more unity amongst our people. I hear and see things that make me very sad and dissapointed in my people as a whole. Divide and conquer has always been a tool the oppressors had used against us, and some of us is still following that same philosophy. How can we grow as a nation MEANING the whole African diaspora and teach our children how to love themselves, culture and others if we keep presenting hate. I love my brother and sisters from all over the world but I'm heartbroken with our behavior toward each other. One love for all.

redgalusa:
Thanks Leilah
I confronted him with this issue and he denied being married, of course.

I have keys to his house and access to his personal e-mail account. I've read the past messages that the lady has sent him.
From the tone of her letters he has promised her mother (six years ago) that he would marry her and has never fulfilled his promise. I believe that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.


He has spent over $20,000 U.S $ on me during the duration of our relationship, so if he is indeed married he has wasted a large sum of money on his foolish games.
Nonetheless, I am not upset by this and will continue to play the role of his naive girlfriend. If he wants to have two wives that's fine, let's see if he can afford to maintain both wives.

Bae u misunderstand d scenario d man fnd himself, it could b from experience d mom wnts him 2 marry from naija Cuz stereotype has Oyibo woman not follow home 2 settle permanently n all dat stuffs dat goes wit stereotype. so d man may b weighn his options either 2 go home n marry like his mom wants him 2, or marry from there which he z stayn n it cud b dat he wants 2 d later option n dat entails d reason he z wit u.

I can only speak of my personal experience as an American black woman married to an Ibo man who isn't very hard to please at all, and he's not demanding but he has a REALanger problem. He is easily angered and it takes him sometimes WEEKS to come down from his anger, I've never seen anyone like this before. We've been married for 8-1/2 years and he doesn't work and doesn't want to, even the mention of work brings on an argument, he just wants to sit on his ass all day playing on Facebook and Twitter displaying pictures of how well he's living in the U.S. I've read that Ibo men believe in taking care of their families, well-not in my case. I take very good care of him (he's not complaining) because I married him and he is my husband despite the fact that he doesn't want to work. He's not a citizen, just a permanent resident but his personality changed just at becoming a resident! His family never calls us to see how we are fairing but I've been supporting his mother financially for 8 years. Sex the lack of sex has been an ongoing issue, but I'm now used to it and no longer complain because that wont keep a marriage together anyway and besides, I've lost interest because he's always in a bad, negative mood, and he calls himself a "man of God". There's not much laughter in our marriage, we don't go anywhere together and we don't do anything together and he loves to threaten to divorce me because he's bored, well.... he should get a job so that we can have money to go places and do things because I'm spent out!!! This man has awaken the devil in me. Anyway, it is what it is I guess, my advice to any woman thinking of marrying a Nigerian (esp. if he claims to be a man of God) RUN! I got a bad apple indeed, and the funny thing about it is he claims to hate Nigerian women, he calls them money hungry

I've been married to a Nigerian man for a little over a month now and i must admit it is not what i thought it would be. First lets get some stuff out in the open. I have been married twice. Both times I left my husbands. The first one was not only lazy but decided that when I was at work he would sleep around with other women in my house. The second decided that since he was "the man" he could hit me whenever he felt like it. So after all of this i still haven't given up on love. I moved from down south up north and this was the first time I had dating an non-american. And at first site I fell in love with him. I looked the way he carried himself. Confident just leaped off of him. He is aggressive with getting my attention and demanded to keep it. He had been in the states for a year prior to us meeting on a tourist visa and he came here after his wife had died to get "away from it". I have seen her death certificate so I can tell that wasn't a lie. He was sweet, caring and charming and loved to make love to me. He told me that I wasn't like the other american ladies. I was classy and independent and respectful. Which I am, I was raised that way with southern charm to boot. Then we got married and everything changed. All of a sudden he wanted to sleep in the other room so he could be "free". Mindful that we lived together for a month before I said I DO and whenever I was ready to go to bed he was right there with me. First, the bed was too small, he likes to toss and turn and didn't want to disturb me. When I started to question it turned into an issue with his back, then it was he just like sleeping alone. And this was the sleeping arrangements with his late wife. Then it came to the lack of sex. Before it was 2 or 3 times a week. Now i'm lucky if i get it once a week and i have to be the one that ask for it. Then i have to deal with a look of distress on his face or have him stray me with cologne because he claims that i "smell". But if he wants sex then he expects me to jump for joy. Mindful it has only been a month in the marriage. Now everything i do is wrong, even down to the way i talk, walk, dress and even shower. Yet his conversation is all about his green card. I have a feeling that that is what he is after after all. I keep bringing it up and he keeps denying it. In the state that i'm in i can't get an annulment just because I don't like his "personality" and I'm not the type of woman that refuse to "help" my husband as long as he is my husband. He doesn't work now and he is itching to work. He hates staying at home all day doing nothing and he hates not being able to be the "bread" winner in the family. He says that a lot and i'm thinking that maybe that is the issue with him and his attitude. As if he resents me for being a successful and independent women yet at the same time he has no problem with me buying things for him. Bottom line it's too early into the marriage to know what really is going on but I do know that eventually everything will come to light. If he is in this just to get a green card I won't be like most women and put the "man" on him. He can have his green card and stay in the states. It's not a perfect country but it has its benefits. I can see the attraction of it. Yet I'm not wasting years of my life over it. After just a month I have come to realize that I will stop trying to come to terms with his culture and his ways. I learnt to cook his food, trying to learn his language and customs. Everyone in his life treats me better. His friends, his family. They all are impressed with me and love to be around me yet he prefers to spend time away from me and hang out with his friends. I'm not trying to take his manhood away from him yet he makes it hard to be a woman because of all the negativity. Since I haven't even turned in the paperwork for the green card yet I can't stay that he "changed" after getting what he wanted and if a green card is all he wanted he would have waited until after it was all said and done to "change". But this man changed the day of the wedding. THAT VERY SAME DAY. As if "I got you now" type of thing. And he did warn me ahead of the marriage. That no matter what, whether I like being married to him or not, we weren't getting a divorce. We can sleep in separate rooms and not speak to each other but "we" were going to be married until one of us dies. That's a pretty big pill to shallow now that i know what marriage to him is. It's totally different from dating. I can't say all Nigerian men are like this because like i said before he is the first Nigerian I've ever dated. But i can say that every man I've been with has a controlling, "I got you now" issue when it comes to me. And every one, including this one if things don't change, find out that they only "got me" as long as they do what is necessary to keep me. Yet I have to admit, the one lesson I'm learning from this marriage, like I've learned lessons from my previous ones, are things i will not tolerate. I used to believe in the fairy tale, prince charming, happily ever after. Even after 2 failed marriages. But this Nigerian man has killed that notion within me. I can be submissive but i can't tolerate disrespect. And whenever I bring it up he's favorite lines are "it doesn't matter" or "you just nagging" or "that's not what i mean". I've not writing this for advice or to make a point or to down any type of relationship. Just to stay to all those I've read on this post...it's not you that has the problem is is them...that you are worthy of being respected and if you are not respected just give yourself time and a way out will be made clear. That all relationships are a struggle at times unless you are in relationship with yourself (even that one can be a struggle) and if it turned out that you were used for their gain then wish them the best and learn the signs so the next one you don't fall for. After a month I have just stopped talking the my husband. One word answers to his questions. And living my life until the way to a single life can be accomplished.

but "we" were going to be married until one of us dies.

hm, well, the choices are not always what we think they'll be.

btw, i think you should stop referring to a "late" wife. In Nigeria, that's considered bad luck and might stick to you.

tpiar:


hm, well, the choices are not always what we think they'll be.

btw, i think you should stop referring to a "late" wife. In Nigeria, that's considered bad luck and might stick to you.

I don't refer to his "late" wife. I don't even bring it up. When the subject of her does come up it is him that brings it up. And the thing is I'm not Nigerian nor wish to be Nigerian. Nor do I wish him to stop being Nigerian. Yet at times it seems like he wants to make me Nigerian. Besides, referring to her as "late" is a sign of respect to call her what she is. She is not his "ex" wife or "previous" wife. Regardless of what their marriage was like she was there until death. Therefore she earned the title of "late". Many times its the culture and upbringing differences that we have issues with. We both grew up poor and had to work and struggle for survival. That's my deal. And it was made very clear to him from the beginning. I can be submissive but never dependent.

Your post reads like a nightmare! My jaw dropped at the part about him spraying you with perfume before intimacy. That's just mean. I know you aren't asking for advice so I won't offer, but I pray that you make it through this tough situation stronger.

BigHearted:
I've been married to a Nigerian man for a little over a month now and i must admit it is not what i thought it would be. First lets get some stuff out in the open. I have been married twice. Both times I left my husbands. The first one was not only lazy but decided that when I was at work he would sleep around with other women in my house. The second decided that since he was "the man" he could hit me whenever he felt like it. So after all of this i still haven't given up on love. I moved from down south up north and this was the first time I had dating an non-american. And at first site I fell in love with him. I looked the way he carried himself. Confident just leaped off of him. He is aggressive with getting my attention and demanded to keep it. He had been in the states for a year prior to us meeting on a tourist visa and he came here after his wife had died to get "away from it". I have seen her death certificate so I can tell that wasn't a lie. He was sweet, caring and charming and loved to make love to me. He told me that I wasn't like the other american ladies. I was classy and independent and respectful. Which I am, I was raised that way with southern charm to boot. Then we got married and everything changed. All of a sudden he wanted to sleep in the other room so he could be "free". Mindful that we lived together for a month before I said I DO and whenever I was ready to go to bed he was right there with me. First, the bed was too small, he likes to toss and turn and didn't want to disturb me. When I started to question it turned into an issue with his back, then it was he just like sleeping alone. And this was the sleeping arrangements with his late wife. Then it came to the lack of sex. Before it was 2 or 3 times a week. Now i'm lucky if i get it once a week and i have to be the one that ask for it. Then i have to deal with a look of distress on his face or have him stray me with cologne because he claims that i "smell". But if he wants sex then he expects me to jump for joy. Mindful it has only been a month in the marriage. Now everything i do is wrong, even down to the way i talk, walk, dress and even shower. Yet his conversation is all about his green card. I have a feeling that that is what he is after after all. I keep bringing it up and he keeps denying it. In the state that i'm in i can't get an annulment just because I don't like his "personality" and I'm not the type of woman that refuse to "help" my husband as long as he is my husband. He doesn't work now and he is itching to work. He hates staying at home all day doing nothing and he hates not being able to be the "bread" winner in the family. He says that a lot and i'm thinking that maybe that is the issue with him and his attitude. As if he resents me for being a successful and independent women yet at the same time he has no problem with me buying things for him. Bottom line it's too early into the marriage to know what really is going on but I do know that eventually everything will come to light. If he is in this just to get a green card I won't be like most women and put the "man" on him. He can have his green card and stay in the states. It's not a perfect country but it has its benefits. I can see the attraction of it. Yet I'm not wasting years of my life over it. After just a month I have come to realize that I will stop trying to come to terms with his culture and his ways. I learnt to cook his food, trying to learn his language and customs. Everyone in his life treats me better. His friends, his family. They all are impressed with me and love to be around me yet he prefers to spend time away from me and hang out with his friends. I'm not trying to take his manhood away from him yet he makes it hard to be a woman because of all the negativity. Since I haven't even turned in the paperwork for the green card yet I can't stay that he "changed" after getting what he wanted and if a green card is all he wanted he would have waited until after it was all said and done to "change". But this man changed the day of the wedding. THAT VERY SAME DAY. As if "I got you now" type of thing. And he did warn me ahead of the marriage. That no matter what, whether I like being married to him or not, we weren't getting a divorce. We can sleep in separate rooms and not speak to each other but "we" were going to be married until one of us dies. That's a pretty big pill to shallow now that i know what marriage to him is. It's totally different from dating. I can't say all Nigerian men are like this because like i said before he is the first Nigerian I've ever dated. But i can say that every man I've been with has a controlling, "I got you now" issue when it comes to me. And every one, including this one if things don't change, find out that they only "got me" as long as they do what is necessary to keep me. Yet I have to admit, the one lesson I'm learning from this marriage, like I've learned lessons from my previous ones, are things i will not tolerate. I used to believe in the fairy tale, prince charming, happily ever after. Even after 2 failed marriages. But this Nigerian man has killed that notion within me. I can be submissive but i can't tolerate disrespect. And whenever I bring it up he's favorite lines are "it doesn't matter" or "you just nagging" or "that's not what i mean". I've not writing this for advice or to make a point or to down any type of relationship. Just to stay to all those I've read on this post...it's not you that has the problem is is them...that you are worthy of being respected and if you are not respected just give yourself time and a way out will be made clear. That all relationships are a struggle at times unless you are in relationship with yourself (even that one can be a struggle) and if it turned out that you were used for their gain then wish them the best and learn the signs so the next one you don't fall for. After a month I have just stopped talking the my husband. One word answers to his questions. And living my life until the way to a single life can be accomplished.

Ayeisha:
Hello I am new to this site although I have browsed through here a few times to read some of your discussions.

I'll admit that I have always been interested in Nigerian culture. I enjoy watching Nigerian movies, music videos, and concerts because your people reminds me so much of my own. The body language, the dancing, the socializing and the many of the values remind me alot of my own culture.

I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.

My mother told me that a few years ago, a Nigerian man called her a slave child. I find it hard to not believe that many Nigerians including my mate's parents may share this view. Am I mistaken when I say that my ancestors are your ancestors? Mothers, Fathers, Children, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, Brothers, and Grandparents were all separated during the slave trade. Some were stolen and some got left behind. Interestingly enough, the same "Slave Children" fought for equality and freedom through the Rebellions that went on in the America's and the Carribean Islands. They gave their lives to free the black man from bondage makiing it possible for Nigerians and other Africans to go to the appropriate embassies, get their visas, come to the U.S, Britain, France, Holland etc,

Here in the United States I meet tons of African people working, opening businesses, attending colleges and universities, and sending money back home to their families. Seems like everyone wants to have their own American dream. The problem is, many Africans don't consider people like me to be sisters and brothers. Slave children like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, and Marcus Garvey risked their lives so that the whole black race would no longer be looked at as inferior. They risked their lives so that the KKK and racist whites here in American would stop murdering black people simply because of the color of our skin.

The slave child is the reason why any African person has the priviledge and the liberty to migrate or even travel to the America's and Europe. I believe we all deserve a bit more respect. It's a shame that I am judged by my Love's parents simply because I am not Nigerian. I am very hurt, and angry. Can some please explain the logic behind this to me. ?I know more about Nigerian than he does. When I ask him a question about Nigeria he never knows. His parents did not even teach him Ibo. They did a very bad job of teaching him his culture and now they expect him to leave me for a Nigerian woman. Wow!

If your boyfriend's parents are as you have described then you are just unfortunate to have come across on of those backwards thinking people who are not exclusive to Nigeria.There are ignorant backwards people in every single culture. Break up the relationship ASAP because I guarantee you if your boyfriend's Nigerian mother hates you will never enjoy your relationship with him.

My boyz as I dey read some of these tories for here I dey see say some 419 people go dey hear among those tory tellers. When Chukwudi or Tunji turn white American woman wey wan come visit 9ja make u na know say na mugu he dey fish for o.

NJean:
How serious are Nigerian men when they say either "I love you" or "I'm falling in love with you"? I can say that American men (and I do not mean to generalize) the "I love you" bomb can be dropped fairly easily. I think with American men, the love could be quantified. With a divorce rate of 50% in the States, it is obvious that we are not taking our relationships serious enough, or we are entering marriage too easily. I'm wondering what it is like in the Nigerian culture,

Thoughts??

70% of divorces in America are initiated by women. The problem with American marriages is MAINLY the women.

Imani:



Just saw your post. You had already logged off.

Hope to chat to you some other time.

My sister make u no go form mugu for maga. Na so e dey start o.

I hate the fact some American White Women are on here are bashing there Nigerian Men that didn't work out. I am an American White Woman also. I am going to say this straight up you have a lack of understanding of Men because any man can dog you out. I have been with an Nigerian Man who I love and yes he says love you not to just fake the funk to get a green card. A man is going to be a man just like a lady is going to be a lady so before any one points that Nigerian Men are bad just understand not one race or sex can be perfect.

My brother.. I wanted to blast her for that comment on Anambra men but after reading your comments I decide to let go for I have seen that she be....MY MAMA SAY I BE IGBO thats why she is talking nonsense why other women are killing their selves to marry Anambra man

chykeo:
Please don't get me wrong! If I am misunderstood, charge it to my communicative skill or lack of it thereof and not to my heart. I didnt take sides with anyone. I am not the kind that just post for posting sake. I am of the view that this site is meant to inform, educate and entertain us. Most times therefore, I only read posts and sign go. But I was compelled to contribute here since it was becoming obvious that there was gonna be more of quarrells and a showdown instead of concentrating on the issue and matter at hand. As you can see, I began by just saying I wanna call for a truce here.

Of course you are very much entitled to your opinion and you will always excersice your right of speech but you shouldnt forget that your right stops where another man's right begins. So who goes to equity must go with cleans hands. I read the whole of page 10 once again to see if I missed something or see if you were insulted first, and I observed

Agathamari came complaining and crying of the treatment she got from her husband in Nigeria and here was your contribution



That only wasn't being helpful to a woman in distress and if it wasn't insulting, then probably she thought it to be.



And this probably is where the misunderstanding began



I am only seeing the word APPARENTLY (meaning IT SEEMS or PROBABLY). I didnt see that as insulting or challanging you. She said from what she has been told, and she even adviced (seems friendly), that your guy will like it. DONT GET ME WRONG. I am very much much more attracted to black women. I DONT DO WHITES



I see this as what I should do in this case. ASK an obstertrician or gynaecologist. I do not doubt your assertion that pysiologically we are all the same. It is possible that the lady was misinformed and you pointed out correctly that some people have changed thier anatomy in this crazy world of today but that wasn't God's original idea at creation. But since this lady is making an interesting submission, I will only have to ask and find out. She even said oriental men's muscles are different. This is a call for research. You already asked her for a research evidence but she doesn't have it and so you would have left things at that but instead



This is where she became insultive and THAT IS WRONG. As a decent and respectable lady, I would have loved it if you skipped it. She didn't use the 2nd person singular as has been the case in your altercations with her. She said someone, and that's what i thought you should have observed and ignored although her reference was apparent



Nne wetuo obi. Ada di ora mma. I admire you nwanne m nwanyi ma ne ewetu obi gi ana

U got a friend.



By this time Igwe_usa, sistawoman and agathamari hve abandoned the thread entirely.

I know Igwe_usa was harsh in replying you but know that your post about Igbo men was very provocating. Too provocating that honestly I wanted to reply you on that before Igwe_usa did. It was too insulting to a generation of men and parochial too.

Another note is that sistawomen said she objected to your first post of which I know your have a right to post as well as she has a right to object. But on the whole, on page 10, there are more disagreements between you and other people. You dont seem to get it but please calm down.

I hope you wont crucify me now or put a price on my head.

Remember,

A bu m,
Ezigbo nwanne gi,
Chykeo.

[quote author=loveis0320 post=15182643]Hello everyone, Currently I am talking to a Nigerian man who lives in the states. He seems really nice and caring, but since this is my first time talking to someone that is not an American black man I wanted some advice. First I was a little hesitant to continue to talk to him, but I am still communicating. Right now he is in Nigeria and will be back to the states at the end of this month. He keep saying how impressed he is of me and how he loves me so much. He keeps saying that God brought me into his life and he will never let me go. But that was after I busted him for talking to other woman, but yet telling me he is not. Of course that is know different than American black men.

With all the comments I have read the majority seem to think it would be wise to not get involved with a Nigerian man, but then you can say that about many other race of men. Love is about taking a chance with someone and since I am not familiar with their culture. I want to learn as much as I can about him and his family to make a clear and prayerful decision as to if I should continue in the relationship or not. When I was going to stop talking to him after I busted him, he called me and begged me not to stop talking to him and not to leave him. He texted and called like crazy professing his love for me and that he knows that God brought me into life and that I am to be his wife.

Are all Nigerians the type of men that profess love to a woman they have never met. We have been talking for about a week going on two and he has all but proposed, wants me to meet his mother and come to his house in SC. This is new for me and would love comment.



What was the outcome here. I live in SC too and have an identical story.

BigHearted:
I've been married to a Nigerian man for a little over a month now and i must admit it is not what i thought it would be. First lets get some stuff out in the open. I have been married twice. Both times I left my husbands. The first one was not only lazy but decided that when I was at work he would sleep around with other women in my house. The second decided that since he was "the man" he could hit me whenever he felt like it. So after all of this i still haven't given up on love. I moved from down south up north and this was the first time I had dating an non-american. And at first site I fell in love with him. I looked the way he carried himself. Confident just leaped off of him. He is aggressive with getting my attention and demanded to keep it. He had been in the states for a year prior to us meeting on a tourist visa and he came here after his wife had died to get "away from it". I have seen her death certificate so I can tell that wasn't a lie. He was sweet, caring and charming and loved to make love to me. He told me that I wasn't like the other american ladies. I was classy and independent and respectful. Which I am, I was raised that way with southern charm to boot. Then we got married and everything changed. All of a sudden he wanted to sleep in the other room so he could be "free". Mindful that we lived together for a month before I said I DO and whenever I was ready to go to bed he was right there with me. First, the bed was too small, he likes to toss and turn and didn't want to disturb me. When I started to question it turned into an issue with his back, then it was he just like sleeping alone. And this was the sleeping arrangements with his late wife. Then it came to the lack of sex. Before it was 2 or 3 times a week. Now i'm lucky if i get it once a week and i have to be the one that ask for it. Then i have to deal with a look of distress on his face or have him stray me with cologne because he claims that i "smell". But if he wants sex then he expects me to jump for joy. Mindful it has only been a month in the marriage. Now everything i do is wrong, even down to the way i talk, walk, dress and even shower. Yet his conversation is all about his green card. I have a feeling that that is what he is after after all. I keep bringing it up and he keeps denying it. In the state that i'm in i can't get an annulment just because I don't like his "personality" and I'm not the type of woman that refuse to "help" my husband as long as he is my husband. He doesn't work now and he is itching to work. He hates staying at home all day doing nothing and he hates not being able to be the "bread" winner in the family. He says that a lot and i'm thinking that maybe that is the issue with him and his attitude. As if he resents me for being a successful and independent women yet at the same time he has no problem with me buying things for him. Bottom line it's too early into the marriage to know what really is going on but I do know that eventually everything will come to light. If he is in this just to get a green card I won't be like most women and put the "man" on him. He can have his green card and stay in the states. It's not a perfect country but it has its benefits. I can see the attraction of it. Yet I'm not wasting years of my life over it. After just a month I have come to realize that I will stop trying to come to terms with his culture and his ways. I learnt to cook his food, trying to learn his language and customs. Everyone in his life treats me better. His friends, his family. They all are impressed with me and love to be around me yet he prefers to spend time away from me and hang out with his friends. I'm not trying to take his manhood away from him yet he makes it hard to be a woman because of all the negativity. Since I haven't even turned in the paperwork for the green card yet I can't stay that he "changed" after getting what he wanted and if a green card is all he wanted he would have waited until after it was all said and done to "change". But this man changed the day of the wedding. THAT VERY SAME DAY. As if "I got you now" type of thing. And he did warn me ahead of the marriage. That no matter what, whether I like being married to him or not, we weren't getting a divorce. We can sleep in separate rooms and not speak to each other but "we" were going to be married until one of us dies. That's a pretty big pill to shallow now that i know what marriage to him is. It's totally different from dating. I can't say all Nigerian men are like this because like i said before he is the first Nigerian I've ever dated. But i can say that every man I've been with has a controlling, "I got you now" issue when it comes to me. And every one, including this one if things don't change, find out that they only "got me" as long as they do what is necessary to keep me. Yet I have to admit, the one lesson I'm learning from this marriage, like I've learned lessons from my previous ones, are things i will not tolerate. I used to believe in the fairy tale, prince charming, happily ever after. Even after 2 failed marriages. But this Nigerian man has killed that notion within me. I can be submissive but i can't tolerate disrespect. And whenever I bring it up he's favorite lines are "it doesn't matter" or "you just nagging" or "that's not what i mean". I've not writing this for advice or to make a point or to down any type of relationship. Just to stay to all those I've read on this post...it's not you that has the problem is is them...that you are worthy of being respected and if you are not respected just give yourself time and a way out will be made clear. That all relationships are a struggle at times unless you are in relationship with yourself (even that one can be a struggle) and if it turned out that you were used for their gain then wish them the best and learn the signs so the next one you don't fall for. After a month I have just stopped talking the my husband. One word answers to his questions. And living my life until the way to a single life can be accomplished.

Wow!

Angela777:

Wow! I was rthinking it happens only to me. I sent you the email request, dear

hi Angela 777,
I just sent you a pm.

Hi I'm a black woman living in America. I met a Nigerian man online on a dating site. I don't usually do long distance relationship not even in the U.S. but I decided to exchange numbers with this man and we communicate mainly through What's App. I have been communicating with him for about 9 months now. He professed his love for me early. Which I was suspicious about but after talking to him for a while I believe he is probably genuine. He wants me to come over to Nigeria to visit him. He said it would be easy that way for me to come over to meet him and his family. Then when I go back it would be easy for him to get to the U.S. so he can be with me. He said he's not using me to get papers he genuinely loves me he says. I don't feel comfortable travelling to Nigeria by myself and having to rely on him for safety. I have asked him instead of me meeting him there maybe we could meet in a neutral country in Europe and a family member would go with me. He said its not easy to get a visiting visa to Europe. Is this true? He also says Nigeria is very corrupt and you have to pay a good amount of money to get Visa processed. Also he asked me to help him to get $2000 U.S. to pay the agent who will be working on him getting visa to U.S. I told him I might consider paying a part of that but he would have to come up with the rest. I wanted to test his sincerity. I'm asking anyone with good insight for their advice on this situation. Would you advise me to travel to Nigeria as a woman who doesn't know anyone except this man in that country? I'm a little apprehensive but at the same time I would like to meet him. Also do you think its wise for me to help him with the money for the visa? He said any money I lend him he will work hard to pay me back once he gets to the U.S.A. He said he recently lost his job and has little money.

BigHearted:
I've been married to a Nigerian man for a little over a month now and i must admit it is not what i thought it would be. First lets get some stuff out in the open. I have been married twice. Both times I left my husbands. The first one was not only lazy but decided that when I was at work he would sleep around with other women in my house. The second decided that since he was "the man" he could hit me whenever he felt like it. So after all of this i still haven't given up on love. I moved from down south up north and this was the first time I had dating an non-american. And at first site I fell in love with him. I looked the way he carried himself. Confident just leaped off of him. He is aggressive with getting my attention and demanded to keep it. He had been in the states for a year prior to us meeting on a tourist visa and he came here after his wife had died to get "away from it". I have seen her death certificate so I can tell that wasn't a lie. He was sweet, caring and charming and loved to make love to me. He told me that I wasn't like the other american ladies. I was classy and independent and respectful. Which I am, I was raised that way with southern charm to boot. Then we got married and everything changed. All of a sudden he wanted to sleep in the other room so he could be "free". Mindful that we lived together for a month before I said I DO and whenever I was ready to go to bed he was right there with me. First, the bed was too small, he likes to toss and turn and didn't want to disturb me. When I started to question it turned into an issue with his back, then it was he just like sleeping alone. And this was the sleeping arrangements with his late wife. Then it came to the lack of sex. Before it was 2 or 3 times a week. Now i'm lucky if i get it once a week and i have to be the one that ask for it. Then i have to deal with a look of distress on his face or have him stray me with cologne because he claims that i "smell". But if he wants sex then he expects me to jump for joy. Mindful it has only been a month in the marriage. Now everything i do is wrong, even down to the way i talk, walk, dress and even shower. Yet his conversation is all about his green card. I have a feeling that that is what he is after after all. I keep bringing it up and he keeps denying it. In the state that i'm in i can't get an annulment just because I don't like his "personality" and I'm not the type of woman that refuse to "help" my husband as long as he is my husband. He doesn't work now and he is itching to work. He hates staying at home all day doing nothing and he hates not being able to be the "bread" winner in the family. He says that a lot and i'm thinking that maybe that is the issue with him and his attitude. As if he resents me for being a successful and independent women yet at the same time he has no problem with me buying things for him. Bottom line it's too early into the marriage to know what really is going on but I do know that eventually everything will come to light. If he is in this just to get a green card I won't be like most women and put the "man" on him. He can have his green card and stay in the states. It's not a perfect country but it has its benefits. I can see the attraction of it. Yet I'm not wasting years of my life over it. After just a month I have come to realize that I will stop trying to come to terms with his culture and his ways. I learnt to cook his food, trying to learn his language and customs. Everyone in his life treats me better. His friends, his family. They all are impressed with me and love to be around me yet he prefers to spend time away from me and hang out with his friends. I'm not trying to take his manhood away from him yet he makes it hard to be a woman because of all the negativity. Since I haven't even turned in the paperwork for the green card yet I can't stay that he "changed" after getting what he wanted and if a green card is all he wanted he would have waited until after it was all said and done to "change". But this man changed the day of the wedding. THAT VERY SAME DAY. As if "I got you now" type of thing. And he did warn me ahead of the marriage. That no matter what, whether I like being married to him or not, we weren't getting a divorce. We can sleep in separate rooms and not speak to each other but "we" were going to be married until one of us dies. That's a pretty big pill to shallow now that i know what marriage to him is. It's totally different from dating. I can't say all Nigerian men are like this because like i said before he is the first Nigerian I've ever dated. But i can say that every man I've been with has a controlling, "I got you now" issue when it comes to me. And every one, including this one if things don't change, find out that they only "got me" as long as they do what is necessary to keep me. Yet I have to admit, the one lesson I'm learning from this marriage, like I've learned lessons from my previous ones, are things i will not tolerate. I used to believe in the fairy tale, prince charming, happily ever after. Even after 2 failed marriages. But this Nigerian man has killed that notion within me. I can be submissive but i can't tolerate disrespect. And whenever I bring it up he's favorite lines are "it doesn't matter" or "you just nagging" or "that's not what i mean". I've not writing this for advice or to make a point or to down any type of relationship. Just to stay to all those I've read on this post...it's not you that has the problem is is them...that you are worthy of being respected and if you are not respected just give yourself time and a way out will be made clear. That all relationships are a struggle at times unless you are in relationship with yourself (even that one can be a struggle) and if it turned out that you were used for their gain then wish them the best and learn the signs so the next one you don't fall for. After a month I have just stopped talking the my husband. One word answers to his questions. And living my life until the way to a single life can be accomplished.

I'm sorry to have to say this, but you're being taken advantage of because you have shown yourself to be weak. Any self-respecting woman, would of kicked his ass out the house, and waited on the first opportunity to divorce him, and have him transported back to Naija for such a level of total disrespect he's shown you as well lack a appreciation he has for the aid you've giving him thus far. Stop being naive and weak.

Horrorizon,
If you are Nigerian, I just want to tell you I appreciate you being honest in this situation.
I don't mean to be negative, but I've encountered some "fraudsters" on this site since I joined...back in Dec. 2016.
I've dealt with....and occasionally now have some guys who must think I'm ignorant or desperate or both??
You meet me on Sunday, confess your "love" by Wednesday, and want to get married on Friday!!
What in the world....lol.
I mean really? Are you serious??
Then when I question the behavior, then I'm made to feel as if I am the one with the issue.
It is discouraging & really saddening to know that males are willing to do anything to get to the U.S....even if it means a fraudulent marriage
They know that they aren't "in love" with me....
The depth of the lies told is beyond disturbing...
I feel extremely sorry for the women who want love & companionship...and will accept "it" regardless of the reality of the situation.
If that's the case, then I'll gladly stay a spinster....