The foundations of music and sport were shaken today, when it emerged that popular Portuguese footballer Nani is the son of popular American singer, Michael Jackson.

Jackson has now confirmed that Nani (aka Luís Carlos Almeida da Cunha), is the child he had formerly disowned in his 1983 hit song, Billy Jean. In a statement today, Jackson said "Billy Jean was my lover, and the kid is my son. And she wasn't like a beauty queen from a movie scene, I made that up, she was a five dollar doxy." Jackson claims he intends to rerecord the song, to reflect this new admission. "I need to put things right," he said.

Nani, of Manchester United fame, has refused to comment thus far, but sources close to the greasy winger (thought to be his teammates John O'Shea and Carlos Tevez) say he is "chuffed" and "can't wait to meet his creepy new dad".

Michael Jackson had a spell with OSC Nice between his Thriller and Bad albums, the latter of which is thought to be about his short time as a professional footballer. His old manager, Jean Sérafin, said "Michael was a really bad midfielder."

Despite ignoring Nani since his birth, Jackson did actually pick the boy's name. "Billy Jean just called me and asked me to pick a name - I didn't want to talk to her, so I just said to call it Nanny so she would leave me alone. I like nannies," said Jackson.

Jackson's other son, Blanket, is thought to be a keen sportschild, and Michael hopes that meeting his big brother might help Blanket overcome his fear of reality. "I can't wait for Nani to meet Blanket - maybe playing with Nani will give him the confidence to take of his veil the next time he plays soccer."

Jackson is expected to attend United's game against Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium next weekend. It is understood that each time Nani does a somersault Earth Song will be played over the PA system.

Fabricated by Milkbox at 10:28 PM

Labels: football, humour, Manchester United, Michael Jackson, music, Nani, news, scandal, sport

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