armyofone: CNN had a docu movie yesterday "Girl Rising"

I'm looking forward to the day when ladies will take a firm stand and say no to a man wanting to make them 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc wife.

biolabee:

it will be... it will be

just a mata of time

lovelydoll:

So men are going to start dying in droves again?
if so ,there will still be no use for polygamy marriage , cause there are many ways to make babies,and support yourself.

biolabee:

not sure wat u mean but i meant that marriage will be A thing of the past

lovelydoll:


Oooo ok ,you are right about that

[size=18pt]MARRY ME. AND ME[/size]


Twelve years ago, Richard Gilmore walked into a party and laid eyes on Vicki for the first time. It was like a scene from a 1940s Hollywood romance.

“If you were to film it, it would be so sappy and saccharine, you wouldn’t believe it,” recalled Richard, now 60. “There was a crowd of people, but all I could see was her.” Vicki, now 63, noticed Richard too, and began to stare back. The chemistry between them was immediate and irresistible. They say it was love at first sight.

“Oh my God,” Richard thought at the time. “It really happens.”

But this is where the old Hollywood romance ends and another kind of love story begins. A few weeks later, after her magical first date with Richard, Vicki went home—to Jim, her husband of almost 20 years. “Why didn’t you want to come with us tonight?” Vicki asked Jim, after she told him all about the date. “I wanted you to have a chance to get to know Richard one-on-one,” Jim told her.

“Wasn’t that cool of him?” Richard recalled.

So as Richard and Vicki started dating, Jim and Vicki happily continued their marriage. Nine months later, Jim met a woman named Maria. Jim and Maria began to date, and then Richard and Maria started dating, too. Finally, in 2002, as the group of four piled on coats and scarves to go out one chilly evening, Richard stopped at the door and looked back at everyone.

“We’re really a family now, aren’t we?” he asked. They were—and they have been ever since.

Richard, Vicki, Jim, and Maria are polyamorists: people who engage in what has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.” Unlike polygyny, where one man is married to multiple women, most polyamorists aren’t motived by religion. Instead, they describe their relationships in language that should be familiar to anyone: It’s just what feels healthy, happy, and natural for them.

And despite the stereotype of polyamorists as sexual anarchists who wouldn’t be interested in legal marriage anyway, Robyn Trask, the executive director of polyamory support organization Loving More, said the group’s forthcoming survey found that 65 percent of poly families would choose to legalize their unions if they could, and an additional 20 percent would at least consider the option if it were available.

But seriously—is legal recognition of plural marriage just too complicated to ever be realistic? After all, government marriage comes with a whole list of associated burdens and benefits. Marriage laws influence alimony, health care, Social Security, hospital visitation, inheritance, criminal testimony, taxation, immigration, and more. Monogamous marriages are already vulnerable to marriage fraud, and polyamorous marriages could, in theory, open the door to even more radical forms of fraud—hundreds of people “marrying” for immigration purposes, for example, or criminal groups “marrying” to take advantage of spousal testimonial privilege. Maybe the pursuit of genuinely inclusive marriage equality isn’t worth the headache it would take to re-evaluate our tax, immigration, and criminal justice systems.

So let’s start with the fundamental question: What is marriage—and what do we want it to be? Is marriage a government program, meant to incentivize certain social goods? Is it a religious institution that should be separated from the state entirely? Is it a personal romantic choice?

More at http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/06/polyamory_should_be_legal_it_s_consensual_and_fine_for_children.single.html
 

But studies have found that diverse parenting environments, including polyamorous ones, aren’t necessarily better or worse for the children involved. In fact, children in some plural families can actually benefit from the increased resources, care, and flexibility that additional adults provide. From a global and historical perspective, the phenomenon of the two-parent nuclear family is relatively new, and not the only environment that can be healthy for children. The happiness and well-being of kids in all kinds of families (monogamous, polyamorous, heterosexual, homosexual, or single-parent) depend far more on things like stability, boundaries, support, and love—not on the private, responsibly conducted sex lives of the adults involved.

effisyman: Nice thread, one of the many issues affecting every home today.

Firstly, am a muslim and my religion accept of polygamy. I have also discorvered that many muslim females despise polygamy. These i find a bit intriguing because, i expect everybody to accept the doctrines of his/her chosen religion.

Am still baffled by the acts of muslim women who reject polygamy, why not embrace your religion in full and all christains to also abide by their religious doctrines.

Let the man who has no claim to either being a muslim or christain lives as it suits him, and everybody carry his cross.

For me there is nothing wrong with polygamy if the parties involved are upfront with each other,I am a monogamist ,will never marry another wife and my parents have been married for about 50 years.Traditionally we Africans were polygamist in nature and we had a way of life that worked for us,modernity and religion brought about the changes that we have now,but I ask myself these questions

1..is it not better for a man to keep 2 or more officially than having one wife and multiple concubines with the attendant problems that come with these.

2.why are we complaining about young girls not getting married when the are already automatically disadvantaged as there are more women than men and women

3.the white man brought about this issue of monogamy to us but now they are the ones promoting gay marriage etal,won't be suprised if bestiality or incense is legalized in the next 50yrs(Shebi,it's the rights of individuals to do whatever they want that is being promoted)

My take, we do not have to take everything promoted by the white man hook line and sinker,let us develop a way of lifetime that is suited for us!,!

kunle4toye@yaho:
I think men are just polygamist in nature dt is why in d west a man wil divorce his wife of 30yrs giving d excuse dt he is no more in love with her or a man who is a serial divorcee.

tintingz: LOLZ. . .Ofcos there are happy polygamous family...

My dadd married two wives and we live happily, have never for once seen my mum and my step mum fighting...they are like sisters

Isaac of the bible married one wife, what happened at the end??

Polygamy is part man nature there is nothing you can do about it... All this feminist ranting against polygamy will be the one fighting their hubby for dating a misstress ''monogamy my azz'' it is better for a man to marry officialy to another wife than sleeping around with women that the wife doesn't know about the adultery for monogamy sake.

The western have really damage the nature of man and afrika... Those days when a woman will set out to look for another wife to marry her husband cuz she doesn't want ''monogamy sake adultery''

I will say it again there are happy polygamous home like the home i turn up with, my mum was the one that raise the two male child of the second wife, a christian neigbour i know who is like a father to me married two wives... so ya'll feminist should shut tha f-ck up!

kunle4toye@yaho:
I think men are just polygamist in nature dt is why in d west a man wil divorce his wife of 30yrs giving d excuse dt he is no more in love with her or a man who is a serial divorcee.

carefreewannabe:

I have read some of your posts and I can say that you are a living proof for why polygamy should be ILLEGAL.

Didn't your father have enough time to teach you how to have a matter-of-fact argument without becoming abusive? You talk in a very aggressive and vulgar way and you are the living proof of what comes out of a polygamous home,

its because ya'll feminist against polygamy are not making sense and Why putting my father into these if you don't know me it is better for you to shun your mouth cos you dont what i learn from my dear father

people who often lack a proper home training and in many cases education (see your spelling). And before you say that people have a "dirty mouth", watch your language first.

You did not only lack home training you rejected home training. . .can you point out my spelling error

Are all monogamous home in happy state? starting from Isaac of the bible a monogamous home

Scroll up and visit the link

biolabee: Wow... So even when the man tries to satsisfy the women and thewir kids, the wAr still continues

Some Women may just be innately adversarial to one another and when there is monogamy and no woman to fight, to the man

Either way the man loses

vivianc:

I can see you really like polygamy, do u wanna marry a second wife?

biolabee:

a hasty conclusion with no basis for your assumptions

ifyude: There are no happy polygamous family talking from experience. my dad married two wives,all the happiness you see are all pretense,deep down all you see is hatred,jealousy and unnecessary competition. my dad tried his best to bring us close when we were small and truly we were,if he wants to buy anything he buys for every body he treated all equally and it was fun growing up for we the kids,money is not a problem but trust women before you know it they tie us apart and we started seeing each other as mortal enemies,when my mum passed on some years back I thought peace will be restored since the other woman is no more but alas no way things became worse,a year and seven months later my dad followed our mum and hell was let loose,my step mum does not want to see us,always making up stories against us to her children,but thank God that we are all doing well if not our name go be sorry. We the children still relate well but all is pretense. Their is no gain in polygamy.

vivianc:

Ok, easy tiger, that was a joke. There was no need for all the grammar which I obviously don't understand at this Time of day. Why is every so upTight Today sef?

I'm sorry thaT goT to you.

[size=18pt]How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work?[/size]






Imagine one house, with four people, but five couples. How does it work, asks Jo Fidgen.
Charlie is talking excitedly about a first date she went on the night before.
Next to her on the sofa is her husband of six years, Tom. And on the other side of him is Sarah, who's been in a relationship with Tom for the last five years. Sarah's fiance, Chris, is in the kitchen making a cup of tea.
The two women are also in a full-blown relationship, while the two men are just good friends. Together, they make a polyamorous family and share a house in Sheffield.
"We're planning to grow old together," says Charlie.
Polyamory is the practice of having simultaneous intimate relationships with more than one person at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. The term entered the Oxford English Dictionary only in 2006, and such relationships are rare enough that Tom finds himself having to account for his personal situation time and time again.
"The number of conversations I've had with peers where I've started to explain it and they've got as far as, 'so, you all cheat on each other' and not been able to get past that. I've said no, everybody's cool with it, everybody knows what's happening, no one's deceiving each other."
If any of the four want to get involved with someone else, they have to run it by the others - all of whom have a veto.
"We can't use a veto for something as silly as, say, personal taste," says Sarah. "If you were dating somebody and I could not understand why you found them attractive, that would not be sufficient reason for me to say, no, you can't see this person."
What counts as infidelity, then?
"Lying," they chorus.
"For example," explains Charlie, "before I went on this first date yesterday, I sat down with each of my three partners and checked with them individually that I was okay to go on this date. Cheating would have been me sneaking off and saying I was meeting Friend X and not say that it was a potential romantic partner."
The rules and boundaries of their relationships are carefully negotiated.
When they had been a couple for just two weeks, Tom suggested to Charlie that they be non-monogamous.
"It was a light bulb moment for me," she says. 'I had been scared of commitment because I had never met anyone I felt I could fall completely and exclusively in love with. The idea of this not being a monogamous relationship allowed me to fall as deeply in love with Tom as I wanted to without fear that I would break his heart by falling in love with somebody else as well."
But how did she feel when, a year into their marriage, Tom fell in love with another woman?
"Well, Sarah's lovely," says Charlie. "I was just so happy that Tom was happy with her."
Sarah's partner, Chris, was less comfortable with the situation at first. They had agreed that they could have other sexual partners, but forming an emotional attachment with someone else was a different matter.
So when Sarah fell for Tom, she agonised over how to tell Chris.
"We sat down and talked about what it meant to be in love with more than one person, and did that mean I loved him less. Well, of course it didn't.
"It's not like there's only so much love I have to give and I have to give all of it to one person. I can love as many people as I can fit in my heart and it turns out that's quite a few."
Chris and Tom bonded over video games and became firm friends. Before long, Chris had fallen in love with Tom's wife, Charlie.
"It had never crossed Chris's mind not to be monogamous - now he says he could never go back," says Sarah.
This quandary over how to manage relationships is something that couples counsellor, Esther Perel, sees people struggling with all the time.
"You can live in a monogamous institution and you can negotiate monotony, or you can live in a non-monogamous choice and negotiate jealousy. Pick your evil.
"If you are opening it up you have to contend with the fact that you're not the only one, and if you are not opening it up then you have to contend with the fact that your partner is the only one."
So how do Charlie, Sarah and Tom handle jealousy?
Not a problem, they insist, and point to a word invented in polyamorous circles to indicate the opposite feeling.
"Compersion," explains Tom, "is the little warm glow that you get when you see somebody you really care about loving somebody else and being loved."
"There's always a small amount of insecurity," reflects Sarah, recalling how she felt when her fiance fell in love with Charlie. "But compare my small amount of discomfort with the huge amount of love that I could see in both of them, and honestly, I'd feel like a really mean person if I said my discomfort was more important than their happiness."
Jealousy has to be handled differently in a polyamorous relationship, adds Charlie.
"In a two-person, monogamous relationship, it's not necessary but it is possible to say, we just need to cut out all of the people who are causing jealousy and then everything will be fine.
"Whereas when you are committed to a multi-partner relationship, you can't just take that shortcut. You have to look at the reasons behind the jealousy."
If an issue does arise, the four may stay up all night talking it over.
"We do so much more talking than sex," laughs Charlie.
But some argue that it is natural for people to bond in pairs.
Our desire for monogamy has deep roots, says Marian O'Connor, a psychosexual therapist at the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships in London.
"As children we need someone who loves us best of all in order to thrive. There's normally one main care giver, usually the mother, who will look after the infant.
"The thing about a monogamous relationship, it can give you some sense of certainty and surety, somewhere you can feel safe and at home."
Sarah, Tom and Charlie agree that a safe base is important, but see no reason why only monogamy can provide one.
"I feel safe and secure, with the ability to trust and grow, with Tom, Sarah and Chris," says Charlie. "It is from the base and security of the three of them that I face the world and the challenges the day brings."
"The way I see it, it's only a problem if I feel like one of my partners is spending more time with all their other partners than with me," says Sarah. "It just leads to people feeling hurt."
A shared Google calendar is the answer.
"We mostly use it for keeping track of date nights," says Charlie. "The couple who is on a date gets first pick of what film goes on the TV and it helps keep track of who's in what bedroom."
Sarah chips in. "So, for example, I have a weekly date night with Charlie. It's us snuggling up, us with the TV, us going to bed together and all that kind of business."
Perel sees polyamory as "the next frontier" - a way of avoiding having to choose between monotony and jealousy.
"We have a generation of people coming up who are saying, we also want stability and committed relationships and safety and security, but we also want individual fulfilment. Let us see if we can negotiate monogamy or non-monogamy in a consensual way that prevents a lot of the destructions and pains of infidelity."
But it's not an easy option.
"We get funny looks in the street," says Sarah.
"And every time you out yourself, you risk losing a friend," adds Charlie. "I'm preparing for 30 years of being made fun of."
Tom is cautiously optimistic that polyamory will become "average and everyday".
"Anyone who is expecting some massive social change overnight is terribly mistaken, but it will happen."
In the meantime, the four of them are planning an unofficial ceremony to mark their commitment to each other.
"Sometimes people just write the relationship off as a lazy way of getting more sex than you normally would. There are easier ways," says Tom wryly.
They all agree managing a multi-partner relationship can be exhausting.
"But we don't have a choice. We're in love with each other," they chime.

tintingz: ^^Interesting