I feel my mother in law is soooooooooooooo into our lives nd i cant do anything about it, nd i dare nt discuss it with my hubby cos d last time i even mistakenly tried it i knew wat i went tru. Am ere to seek solace not even to receive advice cos at dis point i know advice wont change a thing. Am sad, am worried nd burnt in my spirit, My Mother in law wont leave her son to be nd her son wont leave her either, she cant do without him, he is her LASTBORN of four and d way she treats him, she obviously doesnt treat others like that. She calls him almost everyday just to hear his voice, i am typing dis at 3am cos i cant go back to sleep, her call woke me up,she few times calls at night(please i said few times) to ask him to read bible pAssages 3times, now i dnt even think its becos of d prayer. I think she just wants to hear his voice. She wants to know what he's doing. Where he is going.and so on. My people getting married to last borns now i see y sm of my friends dntgo dere. One of my aunty's once said if u marry a last born u marry d mama too. Dis is very true. I need prayers, i need solace, i need more of strength from above to handle this. As his second wife cos i know his mum is surely his first( i even dare not contest that). I need prayers to be able to share my hubby with his mum. Its not EASY. Anyways i av decided to go to d bathroom at dis unGodly hour nd get ready for work since i cant go back to sleep. Great day ahead u all. And for those in my shoes as well handling this well, make una give me tips abeg. Cos i desire to handle it well too.
I know a lot of people r ready to crucify me on dis ish, but note that am not saying he shouldnt love her, i am priviledged to av a dad, no mum. I cant rem d last time i spoke with him, and am his favourite, hurt me and dats wen u would see d love of a father, but he isnt into my life, he left me to see nd experience marriage without his interference, fine am a woman, but rem also d bible says " a MAN would leave his father and the mother and cleave to his wife".

Ee yaa. Sorry sis.but on d other hand didn't u c it comin during courtship or whatever?
If ur parents r still alive,start ur own and at odd hrs too.(It might backfire)
A friend that married mummy's boy (first son) said that every weekend,her hubby will drive to enugu from PH to be with d mum,after bein so bored at home,she too joined d enugu trip.(Her parents were there 2). Hubby will drive them to enugu,stop her at her parents and off he goes! Comes back to pick her later.madness I think!
I didn't know how it all ended but d husband's eye opened at last d day he beat her up with 8 months pregnancy because of his mum.
U can wait it out or find other means to occupy urself.don't even ? Why he does that.pray for wisdom also.I feel for u trully

yellowpawpaw: Ee yaa. Sorry sis.but on d other hand didn't u c it comin during courtship or whatever?
If ur parents r still alive,start ur own and at odd hrs too.(It might backfire)
A friend that married mummy's boy (first son) said that every weekend,her hubby will drive to enugu from PH to be with d mum,after bein so bored at home,she too joined d enugu trip.(Her parents were there 2). Hubby will drive them to enugu,stop her at her parents and off he goes! Comes back to pick her later.madness I think!
I didn't know how it all ended but d husband's eye opened at last d day he beat her up with 8 months pregnancy because of his mum.
U can wait it out or find other means to occupy urself.don't even ? Why he does that.pray for wisdom also.I feel for u trully

I wont lie i didnt know he was into his mum, cos she lived with him b4 i moved in, d wardrobe i use now used to be hers, everything dats two in d house, my hubby had one she had d other until i moved in, nd everything changed, till now she never stops reminding me that her son is like d husband she never had, i swear i just never bothered myself about it then neither did i mk it a priority to determining marrying him or not.

Babz temmy:
I wont lie i didnt know he was into his mum, cos she lived with him b4 i moved in, d wardrobe i use now used to be hers, everything dats two in d house, my hubby had one she had d other until i moved in, nd everything changed, till now she never stops reminding me that her son is like d husband she never had, i swear i just never bothered myself about it then neither did i mk it a priority to determining marrying him or not.

I wanted to ask if she was a single mother then I saw your post.
Sometimes women who raised kids by themselves become unduly attached to their children to the detriment of the children and their own families.
To her this is love but it is a sick obsession IMHO
What sane woman calls her son let alone a married son at 3 am to give him bible passages
This is just so wrong
I feel sorry for you
I feel sorry for your husband too,a man with arrested development ,who is a Victim of a smothering mother without limits
This is all he knows,so he will not take it kindly if you dared to ask him to put a leash on his mother
But you have no choice but to let this mama's boy know exactly how him and his overbearing mother are making the house a living hell.
Let the chips fall where they may
Say it
You can't live like this
He needs to grow up and get off his mama's tittiees for good
You can't live this way in your own house
Ah ah

Does she also bring cooked food
I hear some MILs like that cook a pot of soup and stew And bring just to make sure their bom boi is eating well

_{* murmuring to self *}

You Marry first son,responsibility go full you for laps
Marry last son,he will refuse to get out of pampers
Jehovah help your daughters

@op, first, let me correct the impression that those who married last borns are into mum's boy problem, its not always so, im married to a last born and the only male child in the family, but not mum's boy. It depends on individuals.
Now, to your post, its not wrong if mother and son are into each other, its called "bonding" the only problem i see in your post is calling at odd hours, and you can change that, if you are loving and tolerant, how Just ensure that you turn yourself into her favourite DIL(you may say its not easy, but we are women, if you determinde to do it, you will)crack jokes with her, call her often, tell your hubby sometimes that he should borrow you his phone to call mama, tell him to let you go and visit mama, with time, you will get into her, and jokingly when both of you are in good mood together, just crack it as a joke, that ..."ah!, mama, once you call at those times you use to call, i dont get to sleep back" , by the time you tell her severally and jokingly, hopefully, she will get the message.
My sister, take it easy o, every DIL is a potential MIL and you never know what yyou too will do or become when you become a MIL, so take it easy and always have it in mind that what is happening to your MIL can also happen to you in future.
May God give you the wisdom to go about it all. Amen.

greatgod2012: @op, first, let me correct the impression that those who married last borns are into mum's boy problem, its not always so, im married to a last born and the only male child in the family, but not mum's boy. It depends on individuals.
Now, to your post, its not wrong if mother and son are into each other, its called "bonding" the only problem i see in your post is calling at odd hours, and you can change that, if you are loving and tolerant, how Just ensure that you turn yourself into her favourite DIL(you may say its not easy, but we are women, if you determinde to do it, you will)crack jokes with her, call her often, tell your hubby sometimes that he should borrow you his phone to call mama, tell him to let you go and visit mama, with time, you will get into her, and jokingly when both of you are in good mood together, just crack it as a joke, that ..."ah!, mama, once you call at those times you use to call, i dont get to sleep back" , by the time you tell her severally and jokingly, hopefully, she will get the message.
My sister, take it easy o, every DIL is a potential MIL and you never know what yyou too will do or become when you become a MIL, so take it easy and always have it in mind that what is happening to your MIL can also happen to you in future.
May God give you the wisdom to go about it all. Amen.

Wait o
An MIL is driving her DIL insane by being a nuisance and your solution is for the tortured wife to draw herself closer to the the same mama and become her favorite
Ae you kidding me?
She wants mama to keep off and scale down on her involvement in their lives and allow her son to be a man and you want her to draw closer to mama?
The same mama driving her insane
Read that her first post again please
That is a cry for help
This woman has had enough of that mama
You should be telling her how to get the old woman to back off a little without going to Okija juju

You don't want advice, you just need to vent but you are obviously disturbed and you been unhappy will eventually affect your home.

In situation like this, please do not attempt to "complain" especially since hubby seems to be tied to his mother's wrapper or start some silly competition. (Me or her)

There are many ways to skin a cat I tell you, I will advice you to be in fact more involved, be in their "business" it will be awkward at first especially if you are not the in-your-face kind of person

If mama want her son to be reading three passages every night, you are her inherited daughter, open bible and start reading with husband.

If mama calls at unholy hours, after they have spoken, tell hubby to pass you the phone and talk to her as well.

If mama reminds you that she used to be the owner of the wardrobe, playfully tell her that hubby will have to buy another one niyen o because you are now part of the family.

You need to do everything "politely and respectfully" to let it sink in to both son and mama that you are now one, this is a process but you will see with time when she is assured that you are not "stealing" her son away she will relax and back down!

It is well, in-laws especially single mothers that suffered eh to train up their children, you have to deal with them diplomatically at times. It is not easy for them to just let go

I'm sure you wanted someone to suggest you put rat poison in her food and that's what I'll suggest.

Are u in the same time zone with your MIL

Some mothers are burdened greatly to pray for their children due to visions or so... its just that that time will be bad for u

Do you know how many spiritual battles she has fought on theat boy - Untimely death is real

Somepeople are praying for mothers to be praying for them
Others complain their hubby no dey read bible or pray

U dey complain. ok o

Anyhow stop the prayer.. when the matter gbengen,,, na una for suffer am

I like this post

vanitty: You don't want advice, you just need to vent but you are obviously disturbed and you been unhappy will eventually affect your home.

In situation like this, please do not attempt to "complain" especially since hubby seems to be tied to his mother's wrapper or start some silly competition. (Me or her)

There are many ways to skin a cat I tell you, I will advice you to be in fact more involved, be in their "business" it will be awkward at first especially if you are not the in-your-face kind of person

If mama want her son to be reading three passages every night, you are her inherited daughter, open bible and start reading with husband.

If mama calls at unholy hours, after they have spoken, tell hubby to pass you the phone and talk to her as well.

If mama reminds you that she used to be the owner of the wardrobe, playfully tell her that hubby will have to buy another one niyen o because you are now part of the family.

You need to do everything "politely and respectfully" to let it sink in to both son and mama that you are now one, this is a process but you will see with time when she is assured that you are not "stealing" her son away she will relax and back down!

It is well, in-laws especially single mothers that suffered eh to train up their children, you have to deal with them diplomatically at times. It is not easy for them to just let go

Babz temmy: I feel my mother in law is soooooooooooooo into our lives nd i cant do anything about it, nd i dare nt discuss it with my hubby cos d last time i even mistakenly tried it i knew wat i went tru. Am ere to seek solace not even to receive advice cos at dis point i know advice wont change a thing. Am sad, am worried nd burnt in my spirit, My Mother in law wont leave her son to be nd her son wont leave her either, she cant do without him, he is her LASTBORN of four and d way she treats him, she obviously doesnt treat others like that. She calls him almost everyday just to hear his voice, i am typing dis at 3am cos i cant go back to sleep, her call woke me up,she few times calls at night(please i said few times) to ask him to read bible pAssages 3times, now i dnt even think its becos of d prayer. I think she just wants to hear his voice. She wants to know what he's doing. Where he is going.and so on. My people getting married to last borns now i see y sm of my friends dntgo dere. One of my aunty's once said if u marry a last born u marry d mama too. Dis is very true. I need prayers, i need solace, i need more of strength from above to handle this. As his second wife cos i know his mum is surely his first( i even dare not contest that). I need prayers to be able to share my hubby with his mum. Its not EASY. Anyways i av decided to go to d bathroom at dis unGodly hour nd get ready for work since i cant go back to sleep. Great day ahead u all. And for those in my shoes as well handling this well, make una give me tips abeg. Cos i desire to handle it well too.
I know a lot of people r ready to crucify me on dis ish, but note that am not saying he shouldnt love her, i am priviledged to av a dad, no mum. I cant rem d last time i spoke with him, and am his favourite, hurt me and dats wen u would see d love of a father, but he isnt into my life, he left me to see nd experience marriage without his interference, fine am a woman, but rem also d bible says " a MAN would leave his father and the mother and cleave to his wife".

I av heard what you all said and I must confess you all have spoken well, but obviously no one is in my shoes, no one knows its actually sweeter to read, easier to say, but acting it na serious work, watching ur mother inlaw treating your husband like her husband is highly irritating. Show ur son love, but appropraite it,which one is calling ur son 3times a day, its obsession,and d funniest thing is she doesn't treat d others like that, except my husband. D others don't take all this, you know d solution, one shouldn't just end up with mums dat her into their sons,its a very difficult life to pass tru, butam in it, I would live with it and kip praying for grace

Greatgod2012, vanity and madam chaircover have said it all. That's the realistic solution to this problem if the OP still wants to preserve her marriage.

Join the 'crowd'. Get closer to mama...when she calls her son to shower prayer points, try waking up to also receive Bible passages ...when your husband wants to go visit her...pack ur bags and follow him...saying you've even missed mama gan-an ni and you would be glad to see her.

If your husband wasnt on his mother's side now and the story is just a MIL intruding her son's marriage...then babyosisi's advice would work.

But this is a slightly different scenario. Keep being nice to your husband dear but try breaking into Mama's heart.

God is your strength and your marriage would be an enjoyable and not an endured one IJN.

chaircover: Hmmmmmmmmm this one can only be dealt with with wisdom. Why? because its 2 sided. ie MIL and husband are both in it. If it was just the MIL, then its easy to say that the husband and wife should both fight against it together, but since he is not on her side and sees nothing wrong with what his mum is doing and when she tried it before, it backfired, then she has to try something else.

If I were in her shoes, I will join their crowd. I wont be found on the outside. I will be in the inner caucus. Mama has one son, but she will have to make me her daughter by force. She will then have to treat you both as her children and not just her son. You have to be on reasonable terms with her, to be able to make it clear to her, that you and your husband are now one. If you try and do it with force and it will backfire and you may still not get the preferred result.

. . .the truth of the matter is that until mama dies which by the Grace of God will be in a very very long time, mama is here to stay. You can fight it or find ways to deal with it. entirely up to you, but as you dont have your husbands listening ear, you are going to have to be wise in dealing with this issue, thats assuming you love your husband and want to remain married to the man.

BTW I dont think its about last borns. I am married to a lastborn. This kind of thing is mostly seen with single mothers who over the years turn their sons into the husbands that they dont have. A friend of mine is brewing similar and I have told her enough times to let the boy be and I pray that she heeds this advise before its too late.

U see what am saying, those is my shoes can never find it easy, ask ur frnd, d advice is sweet to give, but if u were in those shoes u will know how it truly feels. I pray it doesn't take me years to learn how to live with this.

My husband is also very close to his mum and vice versa. It made me also very close to her and we are now best of friends. Now, she even calls to gist with me and then i tell my husband she called. Don't look at it as in issue. Look at it as an opportunity.
Nothing wrong in being close to her.

@ poster

Do u think you will be welcome in dat circle?
To me you dnt have to compete with them, just let them just be please cos there is nothing you will say dat will yield result since your man has refused to get out of his pampers like vanitty said.
Dnt try to come in between them but let him know u jealous.
I have a sister in ur shoes but d guy isnt last son. Her case is different cos she dey show her mil pepper.
The guy doesnt have any choice but to travel whenever mummy calls him to travel down to another State.
He got to a stage dat he began to lie to his wife abt his trips cos he didnt know how to present it to his wife again dat Mummy has called me to come again. Her mil doesnt want to see her so she cant travel with him.
Thats y i asked if u wil be welcome in dir circle.
All i can say is keep praying dat God shld bring him back to you.
The bible says so shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife to become one with her so pray against every soul tie btw d 2 of them.
AM sure she doesnt know wot u r going thru emotionally so wot u need is prayer and not competition.
Wish u d best

babyosisi:

Wait o
An MIL is driving her SIL insane by being a nuisance and your solution is for the tortured wife to draw herself closer to the the same mama and become her favorite
Ae you kidding me?
She wants mama to keep off and scale down on her involvement in their lives and allow her son to be a man and you want her to draw closer to mama?
The same mama driving her insane
Read that her first post again please
That is a cry for help
This woman has had enough of that mama
You should be telling her how to get the old woman to back off a little without going to Okija juju

so, you want me to tell her to go and beat the MIL up or betterstill to poison the MIL so that the MIL can permanently leave her hubby alone, .......... You should have told her that by yourself, afterall, i have said what i would have done, if im in her shoes, you should be able to tell her what you would have done if you are in her shoes.
May God help you.

nikkykay: @ poster

Do u think you will be welcome in dat circle?
To me you dnt have to compete with them, just let them just be please cos there is nothing you will say dat will yield result since your man has refused to get out of his pampers like vanitty said.
Dnt try to come in between them but let him know u jealous.
I have a sister in ur shoes but d guy isnt last son. Her case is different cos she dey show her mil pepper.
The guy doesnt have any choice but to travel whenever mummy calls him to travel down to another State.
He got to a stage dat he began to lie to his wife abt his trips cos he didnt know how to present it to his wife again dat Mummy has called me to come again. Her mil doesnt want to see her so she cant travel with him.
Thats y i asked if u wil be welcome in dir circle.
All i can say is keep praying dat God shld bring him back to you.
The bible says so shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife to become one with her so pray against every soul tie btw d 2 of them.
AM sure she doesnt know wot u r going thru emotionally so wot u need is prayer and not competition.
Wish u d best

thank you, leave his father and mother, so the sol tie should be prayed against. All should join me in prayers.I don't wish to rival with my mother in law, shez his mum,not his wife

Babz temmy: thank you, leave his father and mother, so the sol tie should be prayed against. All should join me in prayers.I don't wish to rival with my mother in law, shez his mum,not his wife

Dis playing any act of competition is like acting like a rival.
Just pray silently in the corner to God to bring him to his senses.
God has joined you to him and not to his mother so tell God to be ur mil's husband if she doesnt have her own husband.
She shld just leave you to let u enjoy ur husband. Whatever u dont want in ur marriage and it is beyond ur power, my dear take it to Him in prayers. He is willing to hear
I am not against her praying for her son, call him to say some prayers but when it turning out to be odd hours, it is a no-no.
Whatever she sees in d middle of the night concerning her son can wait till d morning.The reason why God made her his mother is 2b his guardian angel so she can pray as at the time she has anything and call her son's attention to it later.
Please be calm. God will help you

What is it with some boys and their mum? Gals r not like this o!(Maybe very few)

So much unnecessary drama that gives headache because of marriage.isssshhhh *mouth sealed*


i think chaircover and greatgod have spoken in a very real and practical way buy if i were in your shoes which i dont hope or pray to be.i will suspend cooking,sex,washing and everything a wife is supposed to do and if he asks why didnt i cook,ill be like sebi mama has cooked,so why should i cook when it will amount to waste.i will literarilly attract a confrontation between boy and mother so that they will drive me out and bring in another girl and usually when that happens,they are worse off.thats when they will appreciate the first wife.i am very confrontational so i am so ready with the nonsense that comes with it.

I will leave the bedroom,pack my things and be sleeping in guest room since mama said she was the owner of the wardrobe,let her be sleeping in her sons room on her bed and keep the wardrobe na

many times the ways i have been able to abort nonsense with colleagues,friends and bosses was a face off,my parents inclusive.yorubas say ojo taba ribi,nibi wole.the day you see thrash,that is the day it should end.since i dont know how to endure any form of insult,ill rather leave.my ego is much more important here.however THIS IS MY OWN OPINION WHICH I AM ENTITLED TO

yellowpawpaw: What is it with some boys and their mum? Gals r not like this o!(Maybe very few)

We have gals like ds o
Their own is my daddy said we shld live in Lekki after our wedding
My daddy said he can give u an employment in his coy
My mummy said i shld get an house help etc

kulyie: So much unnecessary drama that gives headache because of marriage.isssshhhh *mouth sealed*


i think chaircover and greatgod have spoken in a very real and practical way buy if i were in your shoes which i dont hope or pray to be.i will suspend cooking,sex,washing and everything a wife is supposed to do and if he asks why didnt i cook,ill be like sebi mama has cooked,so why should i cook when it will amount to waste.i will literarilly attract a confrontation between boy and mother so that they will drive me out and bring in another girl and usually when that happens,they are worse off.thats when they will appreciate the first wife.i am very confrontational so i am so ready with the nonsense that comes with it.

I will leave the bedroom,pack my things and be sleeping in guest room since mama said she was the owner of the wardrobe,let her be sleeping in her sons room on her bed and keep the wardrobe na

many times the ways i have been able to abort nonsense with colleagues,friends and bosses was a face off,my parents inclusive.yorubas say ojo taba ribi,nibi wole.the day you see thrash,that is the day it should end.since i dont know how to endure any form of insult,ill rather leave.my ego is much more important here.however THIS IS MY OWN OPINION WHICH I AM ENTITLED TO

Someone is going thru emtional trauma and u advise her to do ds again
Who will lose at the end of the day?
Wonders shall never end

kulyie:

i will suspend cooking,sex,washing and everything a wife is supposed to do and if he asks why didnt i cook,ill be like sebi mama has cooked,so why should i cook when it will amount to waste.i will literarilly attract a confrontation between boy and mother so that they will drive me out and bring in another girl and usually when that happens,they are worse off.thats when they will appreciate the first wife.i am very confrontational so i am so ready with the nonsense that comes with it.

I will leave the bedroom,pack my things and be sleeping in guest room since mama said she was the owner of the wardrobe,let her be sleeping in her sons room on her bed and keep the wardrobe na

i dont know how to endure any form of insult, ill rather leave. my ego is much more important here.however THIS IS MY OWN OPINION WHICH I AM ENTITLED TO

You used to be more reasonable than this!!!! What's happening to you in the past one week?
All your post beginning to come out as someone who is frustrated these days!!!!
Even if its ur opinion, have u read it again to realise its not ideal in any way?
May God help you o!!!!

nikkykay:
Someone is going thru emtional trauma and u advise her to do ds again
Who will lose at the end of the day?
Wonders shall never end

i said this is my opinion NOT AN ADVICE.THEREFORE OP DOESNT HAVE TO FOLLOW.

besides why will i loose when i am economically independent,emotionally stable and ok as well as socially.it is house wives wwwho have no choice and have no life outside marriage that will rather receive humiliations than live.but like i said earlier,i dont know how to endure nonsense

Royal Roy:
You used to be more reasonable than this!!!! What's happening to you in the past one week?
All your post beginning to come out as a frustrated someone these days!!!!
Even if its ur opinion, have u read it again to realise its not ideal in any way?
May God help you o!!!!

Your signature seems to conflict with your stand

#justsaying

@ Babz temmy, I think only prayers can help u. The question is: does ur MIL like u enough 2 relate with u like a daughter? U can only draw close 2her if she trully likes u.

bukatyne:

Your signature seems to conflict with your stand

#justsaying

Not at all. If I want to be happy, there are more ways to be happy than been confrontational, life is not about making trouble where simple reasoning & dialogue could be employed.
Ignoring people can also be a choice......u won't need to fight to be happy, trust me!!!

kulyie: i said this is my opinion NOT AN ADVICE.THEREFORE OP DOESNT HAVE TO FOLLOW.

besides why will i loose when i am economically independent,emotionally stable and ok as well as socially.it is house wives wwwho have no choice and have no life outside marriage that will rather receive humiliations than live.but like i said earlier,i dont know how to endure nonsense

Please i beg u, dnt even think about ds ur opinion when it comes to resolving marital issues
God bless you

nikkykay:
Please i beg u, dnt even think about ds ur opinion when it comes to resolving marital issues
God bless you

well i dont have plans to join the band wagon so no marital advice will not be of any use to me and this is another reason why this is MY OPINION THAT I AM ENTITLED TO

besides the best way which has worked for me numerous times to stop anything you cannot put up with is confrontation.by this everyone gets to know their boundaries and limits.everyone knows where he or she stands and the most efficient way of earning respect for yourself :/

Royal Roy:
Not at all. If I want to be happy, there are more ways to be happy than been confrontational, life is not about making trouble where simple reasoning & dialogue could be employed.
Ignoring people can also be a choice......u won't need to fight to be happy, trust me!!!

when respectful dialogue has not yielded any positive change,confrontation will besides some people change with respectful dialogue,while some people will need confrontation before they know their limits.i call them goat ears.the 2 are required in different situations

hmm.. kuly fighter

abeg make u kuly temper o... life no be war

nothing do u

kulyie: when respectful dialogue has not yielded any positive change,confrontation will besides some people change with respectful dialogue,while some people will need confrontation before they know their limits.i call them goat ears.the 2 are required in different situations

Well, what happens to ignoring them?
If you are known to be confrontational don't u think that limits the number of people who want to relate with you?
If dialogue fails, then why not ignore?
Do you confront your boss at work just to earn his respect too?
Remember, there is a lot to loose in life by being confrontational......eni to ba fi ori fo agbon....kii duro je o!! (he who uses his head to break coconut, doesn't stay around to eat out of it.)