,,

,,

Pls, what are the other issues u have with him? Did he @ any point ask u out behind d brother's back? Don't u think its because of these other issues that u are being 'rigid' 2wards him? Can u tell us those things so we can advice properly? Maybe u should just relax with him a little bit and see how it goes. It could be that the guy feels u should be the one respecting him since u said he's older than u are.

Good to know you took up the issue of your husband;s laundry

However it seems there is something hidden in this matter and there is more to this matter than what you have laid out here

It seems the brothers see you as an third party in their bond as they see themselves as one

Practically,

get new clothes for your hubby so that they dont share clothes again

Get spare buckets in the home so that he does not need to enter your room

Your bag is your private space and should stay as such

My advice is that u keep on being diplomatic...

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..

Firstimer: @Biolabee. Tnx a lot. Buh dat of sharing clothes might be difficult cos dey've bin doin dat since dey wer young(hubby might not giv in) xcept maybe d ones i buy.
4 now i aint working. Finished nysc dis year n am job hunting.

na wa o... women dey fear their MIL,,, this BIL one na new dimension

seriusly groowwn men should not be sharing apparel (not this frequent sef)

Be patient and your pain will be no more

,

Firstimer:

He likes to watch ONLY African magic. I luv NatGeo. He can watch it thru out d day even repeated movies. i watch along witout complain or feeling bad. But anytime am watchin mine n he comes in he starts complainin he doesnt wan2 see snakes bla bla bla until i change it or he asks me 2 change.
Imagine one tym it was on his fav station n he was discusin smtin serious wit my hubby. I picked d remote 2 scrol thru oda channels he jus stopped talkin n asked me if d water he saw me drink had made me drunk 4 changing d channel. (he said it wile laughing)

haba! this is too much. drink madnes?

The issue is not your brother but your husband

How old is this guy and when does he want to marry

@ firsttimer, this is actually more serious than I thought o! How can he say ask if u are drunk? What kind of silly joke was that? What was your response? I think this guy does not deserve any kind of respect from u @ all. Pls, from now on, make him understand in whichever way possible, that u are the madam of the house and as long as u are home, everyone, except ur hubby watches any channel u tune into. He really has guts and very disrespectful too. U don't even need 2 report him 2 ur hubby any more. Show ur BIL that it is ur home and u run it in the manner that suits u. If he disrespects u, do the same to him, let's see who gets more offended.

Just like Biolabee said, ur hubby seem 2 be the major problem here. Abeg, when next u are watching your preferred channel and he begins 2 complain, just pretend like u are deaf. I'm sure, after a while, he would get the message u are trying 2 pass across. Pls, address this issue now, else, if u have any of your relatives visiting, he would behave towards them the same way he does towards u. Give him enough space, such that when he gists, don't respond unless he's talking directly 2 u.

biolabee:

haba! this is too much. drink madnes?

The issue is not your brother but your husband

How old is this guy and when does he want to marry

You hit the nail on the head. They both clearly have issues but the person with the bigger issue is the husband. He does not seem to find anything wrong with his brother's behaviour and he approves it 100%.

Poster, I feel sad for you cos, this is not a problem that will go away very soon. Your Brohter In Law sees you as a "small girl" who just happens to sleep with his brother.

I cant remember how you said things were before marriage, but I am surprised how you did not pick this up before marriage. Clearly you should have discussed with your husband before marriage. With the way things are, you better just hope your BIL moves out quickly, because if you dare confront your BIL, he will slap you and when your husband comes back, your husband will give you another slap for confronting him.

@op, how old is this your BIL, does he not have work?. The guy doesnt even have anything to do in your bedroom at all, the bedrom where you and your hubby usually do the do, abeg, i cant take it, let me be honest with you, apart from my kids when they started coming, no one has ever entered our bedroom, that is our private room for goodness sake, tell him you dont want him in your bedroom anylonger and when his brother(your hubby) comes back from work, tell them together that you dont want him in your room anylonger, if he wants to take something there, he should tell you and you will go and bring it for him, tell them straight to their faces that, that is where me and your brother have to ourselves to perform our conjugal duties, so, he should respect that, unless he want to be a party to it..... Period.
Sincerely, as far as im concerned, you are too lenient with both of them,(your hubby and BIL). Im very tolerant, but i dont give a damn when it comes to continous nonsesnse. Abeg, talk sense into his brain, not with a loud voice or when angry, for example, when fighting for remote control, just tell him, "na wa o, how many wives does this man have in this house, or bro so-so, you funny o, you are here fighting for remote control with me and your mates are in their workplaces, o ga o."etc.


And as for your husband, tell him how exactly it is with you, no need to fear, he is your husband, tell him you dont like the way he shares his clothes with his brother, that, its a disrespect to you as his wife, he can dash him the clothes and get other sets of clothes, and he should at least respect you, if he cant respect himself.
Also, as for your private things like your purse or your bag, tell the two of them at the same time, that you want your private things to remain private and that you dont want anybody except your hubby to touch such things in the house again, say it to their faces, so that, it wont be like, you are an hypocrite or you dont like him(BIL). Also, tell your hubby that dating time is different from marriage, that there are some things you could overlook while dating but with marriage, you cant....etc.
Remember, if you are not firm with this issue, both of them will continue to treat you like baby of the house, so, you have to stand up and fight for your right in your house.
Infact, sorry about this question, how old is your hubby sef, he should understand that this is marriage now.
chei, how i wish some women are like me, chai, tani je gbena woju ekun

Infact its ur husband that has a whole lot to do in this matter n thats if he sees things wrong in wot his brother is doing, like that joke ur husband was there he could av said ehn wot do u mean by that i dont like it o #jokingly too#.

greatgod2012: @op, how old is this your BIL, does he not have work?. The guy doesnt even have anything to do in your bedroom at all, the bedrom where you and your hubby usually do the do, abeg, i cant take it, let me be honest with you, apart from my kids when they started coming, no one has ever entered our bedroom, that is our private room for goodness sake, tell him you dont want him in your bedroom anylonger and when his brother(your hubby) comes back from work, tell them together that you dont want him in your room anylonger, if he wants to take something there, he should tell you and you will go and bring it for him, tell them straight to their faces that, that is where me and your brother have to ourselves to perform our conjugal duties, so, he should respect that, unless he want to be a party to it..... Period.
Sincerely, as far as im concerned, you are too lenient with both of them,(your hubby and BIL). Im very tolerant, but i dont give a damn when it comes to continous nonsesnse. Abeg, talk sense into his brain, not with a loud voice or when angry, for example, when fighting for remote control, just tell him, "na wa o, how many wives does this man have in this house, or bro so-so, you funny o, you are here fighting for remote control with me and your mates are in their workplaces, o ga o."etc.


And as for your husband, tell him how exactly it is with you, no need to fear, he is your husband, tell him you dont like the way he shares his clothes with his brother, that, its a disrespect to you as his wife, he can dash him the clothes and get other sets of clothes, and he should at least respect you, if he cant respect himself.
Also, as for your private things like your purse or your bag, tell the two of them at the same time, that you want your private things to remain private and that you dont want anybody except your hubby to touch such things in the house again, say it to their faces, so that, it wont be like, you are an hypocrite or you dont like him(BIL). Also, tell your hubby that dating time is different from marriage, that there are some things you could overlook while dating but with marriage, you cant....etc.
Remember, if you are not firm with this issue, both of them will continue to treat you like baby of the house, so, you have to stand up and fight for your right in your house.
Infact, sorry about this question, how old is your hubby sef, he should understand that this is marriage now.
chei, how i wish some women are like me, chai, tani je gbena woju ekun

i dey gbadun u joo
but seriously se d brother no get another place wey im go live, abi kini gan.

Nashville got it summed up

He sees his sister in law as a ph*ckbuddy that became a wife

- be patient and work on your hubby

- ensure you are financially empowered; respect dey come when money dey even from your husband not to talk of 3rd parties

- be prayerful and this cloud will go away

@ the matter has to be diplomatic
What if the husband sides with his wife and they send her packing

May God help us all oooo

Hummmmm well your hubby is the one you need to work on talk to him when u know he is in a good mood and not in an aggressive or insulting way let him know you need your privacy that you are married to him and not to his brother to stop sharing his cloths etc also u need to buy more buckets also stop gisting and being friends with your bil thjatdoes not mean you need to keep malice just keep to yourselve to garner some respect and take dis from a woman who has been married for over 16yrs it will all be ok wit time and patience its only a matter of time .

Firstimer: Lemme 1st thank those dat contributed maturedly to my previous post. Even though d issue isnt completely solved.

I have now started washing and ironing my hubby's clothes (as advised by some) n so d banging on d door n barging in has drasticaly reduced.

But anytime he knocks, n i open, he doesnt tell me wat he wants. He enters and picks up things like clipper, some clothes (he n hubby do share some clothes) or d ones he left in our room n den d 1 dat annoys/embarasses me most is MY UNDIES.
I wash my undies n hang dem in d bathroom. So wen he nids spare bucket, he comes in (whether am der or not). He sees dem n it makes me uncomfortable.

shoo.. i can see the wahala with ur undies is really paining you well since is paining you like this and you keep repeating it, why don't you chorus the issue into ur husband's ears! i'm glad u taking advice though.. Start by blackmails.. honey my undies are missing o! keep chorusing it for one month! honey i don't like ur broda seeing my undies! honey my undies is part of my private.. i don't want anybody seeing it except you.. Honey my undies o! Honey since my undies is public knowledge, i will start drying it outside Trust me, no man likes to see his wife/Gf dry her undies On a Public wire/line outside ur house!

greatgod2012: .
chei, how i wish some women are like me, chai, tani je gbena woju ekun

chai.. balogun! jagunlabi sangogbenro men go fear fear.. see overloaded wahala

Oga ooooo se how women are teaching their self how 2 kill there husban brother

greatgod2012: Im very tolerant, but i dont give a damn when it comes to continous nonsesnse.

chei, how i wish some women are like me, chai, tani je gbena woju ekun

, I could kiss you for these statements!!

OP, you better wake up!

DJDOLA: Oga ooooo se how women are teaching their self how 2 kill there husban brother

na so na.. they will be advising their fellow women to do some silly things to their husbands, meanwhile they would never do the same to their own husband!

This is a very serious issue that needs wisdom in tackling it otherwise it will backfire.
Alot of people here have made reasonable points. You need to stand firm in whatever you decide to do, do not get scared and then chicken out.
*limit your friendship with your bil. Too much familiarity they say, brings insult. And that guy does not have respect for you at all.
*on a cool day your hubby is in a happy mood, take him out and have a heart to heart discussion with him cos from what I see, he is the one that can make all this go away.
*Don't involve your mil or fil for now otherwise they will see you as a witch that wants to scatter their family.
*There is every possibility that he tells his other siblings and parents what goes on in your home so you need to be a bit discreet in your dealings. Don't tell him anything that happens between you and your hubby.
*If he is looking for job, my sister fast and pray on his behalf so that he will get a job outside your current state of residence so that nature will seperate you guys permanently.

My close friend had this same issue Infact hers was worse. She is about 3years older than her bil but the bil never greeted her good morning. She prayed, God answered and the boy got admission to study in Ghana and has since left. She is enjoying her home now.

Didn't you date this man?

bennyraz: chai.. balogun! jagunlabi sangogbenro men go fear fear.. see overloaded wahala

its not about fear fear, its about setting boundaries, its about maturity, its about principles, its about not pretending, its about speaking out, its about respect for one another. In my hubby's family, Holy spirit is my witness, they all love me, thay respect me, i respect them, they are so nice to me and im lso nice and respectful to them, they are wonderful people, but they know their boundaries, however, they know that im a no nonsense woman, and even, thank God for their likes except few of my hubby's cousins who overstepped their boundaries and i confroted them, and even before i confronted them, my hubby already told them that he can tolerate nonsense from them, but he would never allow anyone to disrespect his wife, so, when she comes, whatever she dishes you in form of words, you deserve it all, since then, they have been respecting themselves.
The fact is that people know how to ask you for BS, its left to you to reject the BS, and if you dont reject it the first time, you are on a long thing.
@op, i have said it before in your previous thread(season 1 of this) that you are the cause, if you have rejected firmly the first time, im sure there wont ever be need for this type of thread, i tell you. So, you better wake up and deliver yourself.
@bennyraz, im not a bad person o, im not teaching her to disrespect anyone o, all im saying is that, there must be a stop to this BIL craziness. And in all sincerity, can you do what this crazy BIL is doing to the op to your SIL, be sincere.
May God help us all.

When he jokingly tells u things u don't like, reply him also in a Jovial form and also when he does things like checking ur private stuffs, u can also tell him u don't like it in a playful way.because keeping it in mind will lead to more resentment for him.Just be patient with him, with time he will get the message. I'm sure it is the way he is brought up, somepeople take life very simple and don't know the meaning of privacy.

byvan: Didn't you date this man?

my sister, lets face reality here, while dating, there is less she could do, while dating, she couldnt tell her fiancee not to allow his brother to live with him, but after marriage its the man that is suppose to have put a limit to whatever their relationship is by setting boundaries. My hubby is a complete gentleman, but one of the occassions that can make you hear his voice is when im disrespected by anybody, he gets outrightly mad with the person, but since the op's hubby cant do that for her, she better fight for herself, before they both turn her to a total stranger and mumu in her house.

Was their an order from our Lord God stating that your BIL must live with you.am very confused here.someone who watches Afmag all through should be unemployed na abi.so what is your hubby doing about his staying at home cleaning from one place to another.he should be empowered even if he doesn't want an office job.

ileobatojo:

, I could kiss you for these statements!!

OP, you better wake up!

thank you jare my sister.........oju to ba dile no rore(ant) nso.
@op, set boundaries, stick to them and never be a coward in YOUR OWN HOUSE. Let him go and find a job doing, tell your hubby to empower him in one way or the other, his joblessness is causing a nuisance, abeg, its neuseating, an able bodied man, watching africa magic station thruout the day, chai, i don hear "wen" for NL

greatgod2012:


my sister, lets face reality here, while dating, there is less she could do, while dating, she couldnt tell her fiancee not to allow his brother to live with him, but after marriage its the man that is suppose to have put a limit to whatever their relationship is by setting boundaries. My hubby is a complete gentleman, but one of the occassions that can make you hear his voice is when im disrespected by anybody, he gets outrightly mad with the person, but since the op's hubby cant do that for her, she better fight for herself, before they both turn her to a total stranger and mumu in her house.

Knowing a man with a mind of his own is not difficult to dictate during dating,its easy to discern how much respect he thinks you are worth.If he let's people around him disrespect you while dating you,what makes her think that ll change now?

greatgod2012:


its not about fear fear, its about setting boundaries, its about maturity, its about principles, its about not pretending, its about speaking out, its about respect for one another. In my hubby's family, Holy spirit is my witness, they all love me, thay respect me, i respect them, they are so nice to me and im lso nice and respectful to them, they are wonderful people, but they know their boundaries, however, they know that im a no nonsense woman, and even, thank God for their likes except few of my hubby's cousins who overstepped their boundaries and i confroted them, and even before i confronted them, my hubby already told them that he can tolerate nonsense from them, but he would never allow anyone to disrespect his wife, so, when she comes, whatever she dishes you in form of words, you deserve it all, since then, they have been respecting themselves.

You make alot of valid points but your own case is very different. Your husband understands the meaning of marriage, he respects you and is ready to defend you. The OP's biggest problem to me is her husband. Her brother in law would not dare try all this nonsense if he knows the husband will not accept it.

Her husband sees no wrong in his brother's behaviour and as I said before, if the BIL were to slap the wife for confronting him, I am sure the husband will add another slap to the wife. Poster here should just pray that the BIL gets a job and moves out fast!

.