FIrst timer, your husband is the first timer. There is nothing you can do to make your BIL uncomfortable in the house without the support of your husband. The guy needs to wake up from slumber.

I wouldn't know what to advice you on since its your husband that needs the advice. If you can get to talk to your husband, it will be better. I mean a serious discussion. He needs a married man's brain reset.

It is well with your home.

Nashville:

You make alot of valid points but your own case is very different. Your husband understands the meaning of marriage, he respects you and is ready to defend you. The OP's biggest problem to me is her husband. Her brother in law would not dare try all this nonsense if he knows the husband will not accept it.

Her husband sees no wrong in his brother's behaviour and as I said before, if the BIL were to slap the wife for confronting him, I am sure the husband will add another slap to the wife. Poster here should just pray that the BIL gets a job and moves out fast!

great!

All due respect, greatgod this your approach can backfire if the hubby messes her up
What id they gang up and assault the wife

chaircover: This is My very first post on the other thread. I said it then and I repeat it. Its not the brother-in-law . . . its the husband. If she attacks the BIL, she is just wasting time and causing unnecessary tension in her marriage cos the husband will side with his brother as from what the poster has described, so far he sees nothing wrong with his brothers behavior.

She is better off using her energy on obtaining her husbands listening ear and getting her husbands head round the fact that he is now a married man and not the eating beans straight out of the pot with serving spoon bachelor. He needs to understand that he now has a wife and he is no longer a bachelor.

I like this 100+

It is not by power nor by might but by .....
if the militant stand fails... she will be sleeping outside her house half naked like one other poster on this section

Na wa o

greatgod2012:


its not about fear fear, its about setting boundaries, its about maturity, its about principles, its about not pretending, its about speaking out, its about respect for one another.
The fact is that people know how to ask you for BS, its left to you to reject the BS, and if you dont reject it the first time, you are on a long thing.
@op, i have said it before in your previous thread(season 1 of this) that you are the cause, if you have rejected firmly the first time, im sure there wont ever be need for this type of thread, i tell you. So, you better wake up and deliver yourself.
@bennyraz, im not a bad person o, im not teaching her to disrespect anyone o, all im saying is that, there must be a stop to this BIL craziness. And in all sincerity, can you do what this crazy BIL is doing to the op to your SIL, be sincere.
May God help us all.

@op.. take a cue from the bold words.. @, you're not a bad person, i guess you were just pissed off.. that's all. and i would never do anything to hurt any of my sil on purpose except if they Dis-regard me

Get him a wife, if you can.

Act 2 scene 1

@firsttimer, infact, i have been thinking about this your hubby &BIL matter since yesterday, no thanks to my internet service.
Well, why dont you adopt this approach then, since your hubby refuse to understand that he is now married and that you deserve a privacy in your home.

During his(hubby)good mood, just call him, honey, i want to see you for a serious discussion, but the discussion will have to be in the living room, after giving you audience, also call your BIL that you want to see him for a serious discussion in the living room, when all of you(the 3 of you)are now set, apologise to your hubby for this type of meeting and tell them that there is a reason for this meeting, table your grieviances in a very humble and respectful manner, first thing is that, you have to be strong, brave and confident, dont allow corwadice at all. For example, you can say, honey, i have been telling you a lot of things your brother is doing in this house that is not going well with me, but i discover that you have not told him hence, your brother have not changed, but its killing me inside, so, since you cant tell him, im telling him now in your presence that he should please stop doing so and so and so in this house,(itemise everything the BIL is doing that you dont like), tell them you know that both of them are older than you, but you want to beg your BIL not to look at your age, but your status, tell them together how you want things to change direction, for example, bro so-so, anytime you want to take something in the bedroom, pls, tell me and i will go and bring it out for you, i dont want you to be entering my private room again, i deserve my privacy, and also, pls, be using your own bathroom, because our bathroom is where i do spread my undies, which you dont have right to be looking at, because, once i see you looking at my undies, i feel like you and your brother are both seeing my private parts, etc. In a very humble and respectful manner dont raise up your voice and not in a sobbering manner, state all your grieviances and proffer other ways(solution) you want events in that house to unfold henceforth.
Please, wake up, stand strong and take over your house in order to avoid opening season 3 of this thread, remember, drastic situation requires drastic approach to get drastic solution.
May God help your home.

chaircover: From the sound of it, the husband feels that the brother-brother bond is greater than the husband-wife bond. She needs to subtly take her place and that wont be by fighting the brother.

Shebi na act 2 we dey?

If she goes fire for fire.. act 3 she will be dalemosu

chaircover:

I said it before, these brothers relationship is a very deep and casual one. They wear each others clothes!!!! and it wouldnt surprise me if the brother is still her husbands next of kin on all his documents and any woman that wants to come between them needs to be wise and patient, have you seen a cat stalk and pounce on its prey? The wife Pouncing on them with no direction will only give a short term result. What if after she calls both brothers they both tell her to get lost . . .then what next?

Personally I wont even complain that much, but will be finding, encouraging, supporting any means possible to get the brother his own apartment. The husband is already lashing out at her for her complaints against his brother. From the sound of it, the husband feels that the brother-brother bond is greater than the husband-wife bond. She needs to subtly take her place and that wont be by fighting the brother.

These are just my thoughts on the matter.

Perfect analysis. They just see the poster as a "mere wife" who should cook, clean and "sleep" with the husband. Both brothers are exactly the same and it might be because of their upbringing. It will take years to educate such people and doing gra-gra will not solve anything because they just can't see any wrong in their behaviour. Their mentality is completely different. The solution is just hoping, praying and gently encouraging the BIL to move out.

Nashville:

Perfect analysis. They just see the poster as a "mere wife" who should cook, clean and "sleep" with the husband. Both brothers are exactly the same and it might be because of their upbringing. It will take years to educate such people and doing gra-gra will not solve anything because they just can't see any wrong in their behaviour. Their mentality is completely different. The solution is just hoping, praying and gently encouraging the BIL to move out.

If the two brothers do not get a brain reset about marriage, even if the BIL moves out, their houses will only be an extension of each other.
Its a long hard road which is not impossible to achieve for the wife. Like CC said, she needs extreme patience, tact and prayers to help break that bond.

Nashville:

Perfect analysis. They just see the poster as a "mere wife" who should cook, clean and "sleep" with the husband. Both brothers are exactly the same and it might be because of their upbringing. It will take years to educate such people and doing gra-gra will not solve anything because they just can't see any wrong in their behaviour. Their mentality is completely different. The solution is just hoping, praying and gently encouraging the BIL to move out.

abi o... im surprised she has not said if they have broached the idea of a fricky th.reesome

The only win situation I see here is that your BIL gets a job and moves out,any rebellious strategy won't go well as your hubby is yet to decide who he is married to, you or his brother.You are probably a softie from onset and they know this,any challenge from you will make them clip the little wings you plan to sprout.


I personally will take my chances and fight for my right,people are wired differently sha.

[/quote] author=biolabee]



Shebi na act 2 we dey?

If she goes fire for fire.. act 3 she will be dalemosu

[/quote]




God forgive you

My own be say what is an able bodied man doing watching AfricanMagic all day? thot it was for the ladies..LMAO.

Anyways me I said it before in the last thread, na fire for fire fit settle this matter o. What is that suffereth violence bible verse again?

aysometin:

God forgive you

My own be say what is an able bodied man doing watching AfricanMagic all day? thot it was for the ladies..LMAO.

Anyways me I said it before in the last thread, na fire for fire fit settle this matter o. What is that suffereth violence bible verse again?

wetin i go do naw.. e be like say the girl wan take am to next level and supporters club dey...

Fire for fire is good but this one wey husband and brother dem be joined together, who go dey asunder

The violent taketh it by force is what you are looking for.... the question is the 'IT'

The bond is too much.extra cautiousness.thread carefully lady. Pray for wisdom on how to handle them especially ur hubby.once u get him,he will take care of his bro.

Family wahala flenty flenty. Walai.

I'm just seeing this thread and I am soooo super VEXED! Yes; I'm an advocate of wives being respectful, submissive etc, BUT they must as well know to be firm and hold up their dignity in the home!

Do not be deceived, this marriage will NEVER work if you think things will naturally simmer down. You have to take action.

For a fact, if any sibling of mine disrespects my wife; I'll put him/her in a hospital, preferably, orthopaedic hospital. . . Ma na a poju!!!

Even my mother CAN NOT disrespect my wife, not unless she wants that to be her last visit to my home!

SHOCKER: My family before I decided to make a home with my wife will most likely ALWAYS come before her, cos they were still there to some extent before she ever existed for me BUT they will never be allowed to relegate her to the background.

OP; if you don't have brothers, please, I offer to adopt you as my sister. . . .

Apart from cooking, cleaning, and fvcking, what else do you add to your family? I mean no insult by asking this but if you run your home like it's yours, your BIL will not hv the balls.

The only thing I can tell you for now, is to start dropping little hints to your BIL. Like locking your room door when going out, closing the door when he's at home and making sure he has to knock before you invite him in. He knocks and you come out and ask, "what do you want?". You go back in your room and then give him your husband t-shirt. LoL, or whatever he wants.

You have to let him know your room is your private space. And your husband, does he think your house is a frat house? Even little teenage boys know how to draw the line when their gf is around. Tell your husband that you feel uncomfortable about his bro seeing your undies and what not.

You should also learn how to laugh with people and at the same time, create barriers. In fact, I blame you for this not your husband.
People have failed to realize that she has been allowing all these to go on and all of a sudden she is telling her husband, her privacy is being infringed upon. The husband prolly thinks she is just tired of his brother living with them.

He says rubbish, you shut it down. Right there and then, kilo fo'shi?

Can you imagine someone walking around like landlord in the house I pay for?? I laugh in swahili. mu ska ska ska ska

Some men have no business being married.

@op you have to be patient and keep accepting all the bullcrap from your BIL for peace to reign. Abi? wetin i go talk. Because if i talk now....... ok bye

Firstimer:
Lemme 1st thank those dat contributed maturedly to my previous post. Even though d issue isnt completely solved.

I have now started washing and ironing my hubby's clothes (as advised by some) n so d banging on d door n barging in has drasticaly reduced.

But anytime he knocks, n i open, he doesnt tell me wat he wants. He enters and picks up things like clipper, some clothes (he n hubby do share some clothes) or d ones he left in our room n den d 1 dat annoys/embarasses me most is MY UNDIES.
I wash my undies n hang dem in d bathroom. So wen he nids spare bucket, he comes in (whether am der or not). He sees dem n it makes me uncomfortable.

The recent one dat happend (sori 4d long story). i n my hubby strolled out, leavin him n a neighbor at home. As we wer comin bak (we wer close 2d house)he calld n said d guy wanted 2 leave n wanted 2 no if we took all d keys out.
We took 2 out of 3.(i gues he cudnt find his). Immediately hubby asked him 2 go 2 my purse n chek if 1 was dere.
I cald my hubby wantin 2 tel him dat he wud av at least told me first but he shouted at me tellin me ders notin wrong wit him goin 2 my purse.(wich he tot was on d chair but was actually in my handbag, in d wardrobe)
I feel bad cos wen we got home. D key wasnt even in my purse.
Now hubby tinks am uptight n rigid.
All i nid is dat lil respect 4 my personals n privacy.

So nairalanders how do i handle all these. Am i being too rigid

U re too liberal as a wife. U have 2 stand ur ground & end this Children's drama in ur house. ur house needs order woman. ur man isnt in charge @ all. He is probably a phlegmatic man.

Sincerely speaking leave your BIL and work on your husband winning over to your side. It takes strategy, you can't talk to him about the issue when he or you is angry, find a perfect time when he is happy or in a good mood. He is the one that will defend you. If you face his brother, believe me na you go suffer am later cos you will be seen as a bad wife. Face your husband, let him feel the heat you are feeling but in a strategic way, you can reserve yourself, keep mute, let him see you are not happy, make him ask you what is wrong. You know the man you married and should have a way of getting his heart.