PIECES OF MIND

BY

SHOLAY



















INT. CLASSROOM- DAY

FADE IN

In a dilapidated classroom, 42 students of ages 14-16 in white uniforms are seated in their desks, waiting for their tall and lanky ‘General Paper’ teacher to place the exam paper on each person’s desk. Pencils, pens, erasers and sharpeners are on most desks. Mr. Waheed is standing in front of the classroom, with question papers in his hands and surveying the students’ sitting arrangement with his eagle eyes. He is wearing a long sleeve shirt that’s well tucked into stripped pant trousers.

MR WAHEED
(Clears throat; there is absolute silence) I do not want to see anybody talking. Failure to comply leads to the end of this paper. Direct every question to me; I mean…reasonable questions.

[Kayode adjusts his chair and yawns. The exam paper ‘lands’ on his desk with the empty back page facing upwards. Not long after, all the students have the exam papers on their desks.]

MR WAHEED
So, the duration of my paper is just 45 minutes. (Checks his leather wristwatch) It’s 8.30 a.m. Remember to write your names on the exam paper or you score zero. Start!

[All the students quickly turn over their exam sheets to answer the questions. Kayode turns over his question paper and sees ‘GENERAL PAPER’ written as the subject. He looks around and writes ‘EUNICE AGBABIAKA’ in front of the ‘NAME’.]

MR WAHEED
(Walks gently around) No murmuring.

[Kayode sighs and picks his pen. He stares at the number one question which reads: ‘Who is the first Executive President of Nigeria?’ He shakes his head gently and falls into deep thoughts.]

*FLASH BACK*

EXT. BUNGALOW- DAY

In front of an unpainted bungalow, a woman in her mid-40s is washing some clothes in a large bowl. She is wearing a shirt and a wrapper tied round her chest. A boy of 16 years of age walks out of the bungalow in shorts, though shirtless.

KAYODE
Maami, e ku ise. [Mummy, well done.]

MRS ADERETI
Ose jare. [Thank you jare]Se o ti j’ounje e tan? [Have you finished your food?]

KAYODE
(Nods)Hun. Ehn…Sina so fun mi wipe Shehu Shagari ni first executive president Nigeria sugbon mo ro wipe Nnamdi Azikwe ni. [Sina told me Shehu Shagari is the first executive president of Nigeria but I thought it was Nnamdi Azikwe.]

MRS ADERETI
(Eyes him) Azikwe ko, Yar’Adua ni. [Not only Azikwe, na Yar’Adua.]

KAYODE
Ehn-ehn-ehn, Yar’Adua ni. [Oh, so it’s Yar’Adua…]

MRS ADERETI
(Interrupts him) Sebi mo so fun e pe ki o ma ba omo Sina yen sere mo? [Didn’t I tell you not to play anymore with that boy called Sina?]

INT. CLASSROOM-DAY

[Kayode beams a thin smile and quickly writes ‘Yar’Adua’ as the answer to question 1.]

KAYODE
(Whispers to himself) Azikwe ko, Yar’Adua ni. [Not only Azikwe, na Yar’Adua.]

[He nods and moves to the second question which reads: ‘Who was the first man that walked on the moon?’ He falls into a deep thought.]

*FLASHBACK*

INT. CHURCH- DAY

People are seated on benches in glamorous regalia while a man in his early 50s is standing at the podium, wearing a ‘coat’. Kayode is seated amongst the congregation.

PASTOR EMEKA
(Drops the bible in his hand on the pulpit and moves around) You see, Jesus Christ did so many miracles, that even some were not mentioned in the Bible. But brethren, I want you to know that the greatest miracle Jesus Christ did was our salvation. Praise God…

CONGREGATION
Hallelujah!

PASTOR EMEKA
That was the greatest miracle. (Raises his voice) The lamb was slain for our sake. The second greatest miracle was that He walked on the…moon. Jesus walked…He wasn’t afraid of the storm; He held unto great faith…

CONGREGATION
Hallelujah…

PASTOR EMEKA
Glory to Jesus. He was the first man that walked on moon. So, what is impossible for the Lord to do?

SISTER RACHEL
You mean water sir?

PASTOR EMEKA
Whether moon oh or water, they are the same thing.

INT. CLASSROOM- DAY

[Kayode beams a thin smile and then stares at the question again; little anxiety is written on his face. He cancels the word ‘moon’ from the question and writes ‘water’ in its stead. He puts down ‘Jesus Christ’ as the answer to question 2 and sighs.]

MR WAHEED
(Stands in front of the class) You have thirty minutes more. (Pauses for a while)I know my questions can be very difficult, that’s why I chipped in the last question. It’s a bonus.

[Kayode quickly jumps other questions for the last one which reads: ‘One plus one’. He smiles, staring at Mr Waheed and falls into a deep thought]

*FLASHBACK*


INT. CHURCH- DAY

Pastor Emeka is standing at the podium in a long sleeve shirt and black trousers. The congregation is seated, listening attentively to the sermon. Most of the people seated are young boys and girls, including Kayode.

PASTOR EMEKA
(Cleans his sweaty face with a handkerchief) You see, the devil is all out for the youths because he is aware that they are the future of the church! He is out to destroy lives especially that of young people to truncate their destiny. Do you get me? The father of all liars wants to hinder your purpose. My dear brothers and sisters, you must not allow him. He must not be given a chance! [Kayode nods]

PASTOR EMEKA
And one particular area the devil has trapped youths of this day is sex and relationships. Sex before marriage is a sin. Until the man and woman become one, sex is not allowed. Marriage brings the man, which is an entity, and a woman, which is another entity, and they become one! One plus one becomes one! Anything outside that is not God’s will.

INT. CLASSROOM- DAY

[Kayode nods with a smile and quickly writes ‘One’ as the answer to the last question. He hears a whisper from the girl sitting beside him.]

FATIMA
(In a very low voice) Have I seen you in class before?

KAYODE
(Quickly covers his sheet) Mind your business. I don’t teach people during exams.

FATIMA
(Angrily but still at a taciturn voice) What’s wrong with this one?

[He glances through the exam paper and writes down some things and walks up to Mr Waheed who is standing at the doorpost.]

MR WAHEED
You are done?

[He nods and Mr Waheed collects his script.]

MR WAHEED
You’ve only spent 25 out of 45 minutes.


KAYODE
(Smiles) Some of us are that good sir. And I got the trick in your bonus question. Very tricky…but I got it.

MR WAHEED
(Lowers his voice)There is no trick, that’s why I called it a bonus. Isn’t one plus one two? [Kayode becomes a bit sad]

KAYODE
(Lowers his voice) Em...but sir, this isn’t a Maths exam. I was thinking maybe one in terms of…

MR WAHEED
(Still in a taciturn voice) The answer is simply one. Life is simple; we just decide to complicate it most times. (Looks through the exam sheet) Your answers are really…waoh. [Kayode smiles] And…your name is Eunice?

KAYODE
(Forces a smile)Em…well, my parents thought I was a girl when I was born not until I reached puberty.

[Mr Waheed looks bemused. Kayode quickly walks out of the classroom, pocketing his pen.]


EXT. MANGO TREE- DAY

A young girl of about 14 years of age is seated anxiously on a bench under a mango tree, wearing a white uniform. Kayode joins her.

EUNICE
Kayode dear, how far?

KAYODE
(Smiles broadly) It was very simple. I finished it in 25 minutes.

EUNICE
(Hugs him)Oh my God, thank you. Hope Mr Waheed didn’t notice you sha?

KAYODE
Which teacher knows all the students he or she teaches in a public school? The paper was very okay. (Looks into her eyes)That’s the advantage of having a senior as your boyfriend.

EUNICE
(Smiles) I know. Thank you very much. (Stands up)

KAYODE
Where are you going?

EUNICE
I want to go and play with Maria; her boyfriend also went to write an exam on her behalf.

KAYODE
(Pulls her gently to his lap) Come on; come with me. My parents have gone to work. You know…I have really ‘excavated’ energy from that exam I wrote…

EUNICE
(Smiles) You and this your big big English sha.

KAYODE
I mean…I got energy from the exam. (Tickles her) And I would like to dissipate such energy on you. (Pecks her cheek)

EUNICE
Hmm…okay, no problem. Go home and take your bath. I will join you soon.

KAYODE
(Smiles) Okay. Don’t keep me waiting.

[He quickly leaves while she smiles.]

EUNICE
(Countenance changes instantly; hisses loudly) Eh-eh-eh! Na God go tear you slap for dream, id.iot. He wan ‘distipate’ energy on me on top general paper. Olorun ma je! Make im dey wait till Jesus come.

[She walks briskly towards another direction.]


FADE OUT

Lol, pretty funny. Chei, Eunice don suffer! I really like the 'title' of this short. Your 'descriptions' are getting better. Though the whole build up didn't seem to come to a 'satisfying' conclusion for me.

VillageBoi:

Though the whole build up didn't seem to come to a 'satisfying' conclusion for me.

maybe becos, it was initially visualized as a feature before being converted to a short. maybe ni oo.

VillageBoi:

Lol, pretty funny. Chei, Eunice don suffer! I really like the 'title' of this short. Your 'descriptions' are getting better. Though the whole build up didn't seem to come to a 'satisfying' conclusion for me.

Ok bro. So, what do you suggest as regards the unsatisfactory conclusion?


Btw, was it Eunice that suffered or Kayode?

prof800:
maybe becos, it was initially visualized as a feature before being converted to a short. maybe ni oo.

Hmm...I refuse to say you are right

Make i book space....I dey come back

sholay2011:
Ok bro. So, what do you suggest as regards the unsatisfactory conclusion?

To be honest with you I don't really know what the conclusion should be but this one didn't really lead to one as strong as the main body of the short.

All the entwined Slumdog Millionairesque question & answer bit of the film was really good and hilarious and then it concludes with just "I sat an exam for someone and she doesn't want to sleep with me for it." That's a bit of a downer from the initial excitement and fun of all we've seen prior to that point. Again I don't know how it should have ended but my reaction to the end was "Pfffff and? ? ? ? ? ?" That's it? ? ? It doesn't have an oomph about it.

sholay2011: Btw, was it Eunice that suffered or Kayode?

Ah na Eunice suffer pass. First of all he failed 'her' exam for her and he go chop her 'kpomo' on top by hook or by crook lol

^^^^ But Eunice no gree make he chop her kpomo naa. They both deceived each other. He lied to her about how the exam went well while she lied about coming to 'see' him later.

I kinda get what you're saying as per the conclusion but I won't change anything since you didn't suggest smth specific.

^ ^ ^ ^

Lol, my brain no even dey in order right now to think of something specific

VillageBoi: ^ ^ ^ ^

Lol, my brain no even dey in order right now to think of something

Ah ah ah Sir Villageboi. ...wat re u doing? Are you with Eunice now? #jst kidding#

sholay2011:
Ah ah ah Sir Villageboi. ...wat re u doing? Are you with Eunice now? #jst kidding#

No, no, no... one of my friends has a bit of an issue right now so kinda dealing with him.

VillageBoi:

No, no, no... one of my friends has a bit of an issue right now so kinda dealing with him.

tell us the issue . I know my aproko get wings

speedyboi:

tell us the issue . I know my aproko get wings

You've not commented with respect to my script? Or is it that bad?

Don't derail my thread or I report you to the nearest police station.

speedyboi:

tell us the issue . I know my aproko get wings

Lol if na 'wings' be the issue I go tell the guy to drink Red Bull... That's All

sholay2011:
You've not commented with respect to my script? Or is it that bad?

Ah ah....I've not read it ni oooo. I want to be done with some research like that on the web.....so i can now jejely read am

speedyboi:

Ah ah....I've not read it ni oooo. I want to be done with some research like that on the web.....so i can now jejely read am

*Yimu* God is watching you.

sholay2011:
*Yimu* God is watching you.

lol....what are you thinking? .....

speedyboi:

lol....what are you thinking? .....

Abeg read d tin joor.

sholay2011:
Abeg read d tin joor.

You know I will . Villageboi don wet my appetite sef. But I don't want my first read to be 'wurururu' (I hope that's a word }

@VillageBoi, Speedyboi and Sholay with their funny banters!!! You guys are a bunch of comedians.

Briareos: @VillageBoi, Speedyboi and Sholay with their funny banters!!! You guys are a bunch of comedians.

Lol...no mind us oo. But you've not commented with respect to the thread.

^^^^^
Briareos, welcome. You just waka into Sholay's trap straight. Oya, make you comment

sholay2011:
Lol...no mind us oo. But you've not commented with respect to the thread.

.....Sholay!

speedyboi:

.....Sholay!

Speedyboi!! And you too...

The script is very funny! . Holy-spirit dey carry answer come meet the guy ni.......



But why do I think that flashback was inspired by a movie? anyway....it waS not a direct ripoff sha
And just like Villageboi pointed out, that ending left so much to be desired.....But me sef can't figure out the solution .

Generally engaging. Though the flashbacks were getting annoying at some point (you know that kinda 'another flashback ?' feel). But I think it will have a better 'feel' when executed. You know; how interesting a comedy will turnout to be often depend on the actors.

^^^^lol...abeg no allow my flashbacks vex u oh. Tnx all the same. I would improve.

Nice story,very funny it also reminds me of how my mum do talk to me sometimes i misunderstand her and do d wrong thing just like kayode without getting d sarcasm kind of funny though.

ninja4life: Nice story,very funny it also reminds me of how my mum do talk to me sometimes i misunderstand her and do d wrong thing just like kayode without getting d sarcasm kind of funny though.

LMAO @ bolded. Thanks bro....and greet mummy for me.


Btw, hope you didn't serve as an exam mercenary to ur secondary school geh friends?