iamsaved: With the way efemena is attacking me, one would think I am her worst enemy. Anyway, this is nairaland.

iamsaved: With the way efemena is attacking me, one would think I am her worst enemy. Anyway, this is nairaland.

yellowpawpaw:
Infact I will answer this even though I said my hand is painin me.
Iamsaved,she is not attacking u,rather she want u to face reality and WORK FOR ur marriage.u want pple to support u? No no no no,its not done that way.one that values u will tell u d truth as it is,its left for u to put ur act 2gda. No bad marriage is irredemable unless u don't wanna give it ur best short.swallow some shiiit and make it work. All of us here hv diff marriage issues, nobody is perfect but we do things for lv.if u know what that means, then,this is no case.ur hubby don't beat u or maltreat u except he is suffering from a psychological trauma which u r always triggering.work on it.
I wish u d best

iamsaved: With the way efemena is attacking me, one would think I am her worst enemy. Anyway, this is nairaland.

iamsaved: Let me throw more light on the situation so you guys will feel me.

My hubby is the fine type that believes he is too handsome and that girls will always rush him and he can get married to a thousand and one girls if he chooses to so cos of this, he does not see d need to work on our marriage.

Maybe my choice of word in my opening post is wrong, when I said mild to heavy arguments, what I mearnt is ur normal marriage issues. OK let me give you an example: when we reconciled, my baby was a little over a year toddler whom be never saw even after I gave birth. After the reconciliation and his family visit, of course we starter living together again. I secured a job and had to be droppin my baby off in a daycare centre. One day I was busy in the kitchen and Nepa suddenly brought back the light which was off for some days so I quickly brought out just 3of our son's short leave shirt and pleaded with him to iron them before they take the light again. Well he bluntly refused, said how can he iron a little child's shirt, thy the child should be the one ironing his clothes! that I want to turn him to a laundry boy! na me de wash the clothes ooooooo. He proceeded to switch on the TV and watch a movie. Of course I jadvto squeeze out little time from the kitchen to iron the shirts myself and that is how it has been. He sees it as a taboo to wash our son's clothes even to assist me take care of him (bathing only)in the morning during work rush, he doesn't.

This is what I mearnt by argument in my opening post. He has always acted like this and when I get angry (abeg who wouldn't?), he would start threatening to leave the house and I would start begging him not to.

iamsaved: @Efe, where did I mention that i want to divorce my hubby? Anyway I am already used to you twisting peoples post into your own version to suit yourself so let me just ignore you. I just don't want this thread and its topic derailed sha.
This is a serious issue to me and as much as I appreciate your input, please don't assume anything for me OK.


***no, he only mentioned about his growing up incidence after marriage.

*** we dated briefly but it was a distance relationship.

***women may be involved but I know one thing for sure, he once said that he deliberately causes problem for us so that he will have the opportunity to do what he likes. Yes, he said it.

The thing I want from nairaland is tips on how i can start preparing myself financially in case it happens again. I work and earn #45k. How much should I start saving monthly, how do i protect myself and my kids future? are my really in a marriage?

I have zero ed my mind that if it happens again, it will be the final straw.

iamsaved:

*** we dated briefly but it was a distance relationship.

iamsaved: @Efe, where did I mention that i want to divorce my hubby? Anyway I am already used to you twisting peoples post into your own version to suit yourself so let me just ignore you. I just don't want this thread and its topic derailed sha.
This is a serious issue to me and as much as I appreciate your input, please don't assume anything for me OK.


***no, he only mentioned about his growing up incidence after marriage.

*** we dated briefly but it was a distance relationship.

***women may be involved but I know one thing for sure, he once said that he deliberately causes problem for us so that he will have the opportunity to do what he likes. Yes, he said it.

The thing I want from nairaland is tips on how i can start preparing myself financially in case it happens again. I work and earn #45k. How much should I start saving monthly, how do i protect myself and my kids future? are my really in a marriage?

I have zero ed my mind that if it happens again, it will be the final straw.

iamsaved: I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

Efemena_xy:



You claim you don't want to divorce your husband, but the highlighted bits of your post indicate otherwise. Care to explain what you really mean here?

~ Questioning if you're really in a marriage. If it's not a marriage, then pray, tell us what it is?
~ Final straw
~ Intending to walk out finally

These are your words, not mine, so what's twisted?

freecocoa: Women sha, aren't we always quick to judge and condemn fellow women, its nothing new sha.

Efemena_xy:

Finish the story. How far does this anger of yours go? And why do you keep avoiding my questions?

Did you date this man before marrying him? If not, why not?

What sort of things do you say to him when arguing? A number of posters asked you this earlier but you keep dodging the questions. Why?

baby_123:

She asked you important questions. You are on the defensive madam. We are trying to understand what is going on. Though you gave examples, which threw more light. But you should try to answer all the questions. In every fight, there is an instigator and a reactor (abeg all you science people just leave my english). IMO your husband has someone else. Were you thoroughly married? Or you got pregnant and moved in.

iamsaved: Let me throw more light on the situation so you guys will feel me.

My hubby is the fine type that believes he is too handsome and that girls will always rush him and he can get married to a thousand and one girls if he chooses to so cos of this, he does not see d need to work on our marriage.

Maybe my choice of word in my opening post is wrong, when I said mild to heavy arguments, what I mearnt is ur normal marriage issues. OK let me give you an example: when we reconciled, my baby was a little over a year toddler whom be never saw even after I gave birth. After the reconciliation and his family visit, of course we starter living together again. I secured a job and had to be droppin my baby off in a daycare centre. One day I was busy in the kitchen and Nepa suddenly brought back the light which was off for some days so I quickly brought out just 3of our son's short leave shirt and pleaded with him to iron them before they take the light again. Well he bluntly refused, said how can he iron a little child's shirt, thy the child should be the one ironing his clothes! that I want to turn him to a laundry boy! na me de wash the clothes ooooooo. He proceeded to switch on the TV and watch a movie. Of course I jadvto squeeze out little time from the kitchen to iron the shirts myself and that is how it has been. He sees it as a taboo to wash our son's clothes even to assist me take care of him (bathing only)in the morning during work rush, he doesn't.

This is what I mearnt by argument in my opening post. He has always acted like this and when I get angry (abeg who wouldn't?), he would start threatening to leave the house and I would start begging him not to.

iamsaved:

You hit the nail right on the head! Polygamous home of 30children with 7wives. One thing that bothers me is how he is always blaming his parents for his nature of life.

Efemena_xy:

Well then, if she knows that her arguments alone, are enough to drive her man out of his matrimonial home for weeks or months on end, isn't that enough reason for her to curb that distasteful attitude? So why does she still do it? Hasn't she learnt her lesson(s) yet?

She must be one hell of an argumentative person to elicit such an extreme reaction from her man.

There are several ways to capture a rat (poor analogy, I know)...so also there are several other ways to communicate your displeasure to someone, especially your spouse. She needs to check herself.

Dantedasz: Another husband bashing thread.
Don't you people get tired of your crappy lies and fake stories?
For chrissakes is your husband a Fulani nomad who roams away from the house to herd his cattle for months before returning to the house and you?
So many freaking lying threads on this forum.
1.My husband spits on me whenever we have an arguement-Is he a snake?
2. My husband beats me up all the time.-Is he a wrestler or a kick boxer?
3. My husband slept with my maid and kicked me out of the house.-Doesn't he have any class? Yet you married him.
4.My husband is impotent.-Yet you married him.
We are sick and tired of these immature,childish Mills and boom threads,if you are job less,stop opening silly threads and get yourself a freaking job. Jeeeezzz!

yellowpawpaw:
Infact I will answer this even though I said my hand is painin me.
Iamsaved,she is not attacking u,rather she want u to face reality and WORK FOR ur marriage.u want pple to support u? No no no no,its not done that way.one that values u will tell u d truth as it is,its left for u to put ur act 2gda. No bad marriage is irredemable unless u don't wanna give it ur best short.swallow some shiiit and make it work. All of us here hv diff marriage issues, nobody is perfect but we do things for lv.if u know what that means, then,this is no case.ur hubby don't beat u or maltreat u except he is suffering from a psychological trauma which u r always triggering.work on it.
I wish u d best

sheniqua:

That was my first hunch on reading your story that was why I asked
He was "raised" by an irresponsible man who ran from house to house while holding unto his blokoss,that is his image of a man and a father,he was damaged from childhood .


Lesson to the unmarried
This issue has come up again and again learn from it
please date your man and court him with your eyes open before walking down the aisle
Many of these deranged men can be weeded out at courtship
If he will scram in marriage ,he will also scram during courtship and you run for dear life
Keep away from long distance arrangee
That is why people are marrying spitting cobras and dirty pigs and Mike Tyson boxers then come out on NL and start threads
Some have ended up 6 feet under ,some cut into peppersoup pieces
Learn from the mistakes of others
No man is perfect,no woman is but the obvious psychia cases will surely be evident by a simple 3-6 month close range courtship period

andromida:

How should she work on a marriage where the man is missing.? Swallow some shit? This is not just some shit it is major. What exactly should she do?

andromida:

Yes too much damage here but what can she do to help her husband and save her marriage.

Efemena_xy:

Now that highlighted bit goes to show two things: Either the story is fake, OR, she was desperate to become a Mrs...by-fire-by-force.