byvan: Why do I feel that either way, Op's husband will finally take off for good??Be prepared!!!!


@yellowpawpaw, do you really believe every marriage is redeemable?

iamsaved: Now to the questions raised:

**honestly I am still hurting from the past
Though I have forgiven him but most times i just feel like I am not supposed to be here with this man because of all what he did on the past. The only reason I came back is because of my child. I felt like I owed it to him to give the marriage another try so he will be a proper family environment.

Madam, the statement above is a clog in the wheel in to having a complete redemption of your home. You can't forgive someone and still be hurting. Not forgetting is entirely different from hurting. If you still harbor the pains and anguish of the past, it means you are yet to forgive him. I do not know your religious inclination, so i cannot recommend anything. But I know if you sincerely pray to God to help heal the wound of the past and help you in forgiving him, God will answer you and you will be healed from that hurt.

We never can tell if it is your unforgiven attitude that is bringing up issues compounding the already complicated problem. Please work on this and you can start restoration of your home from there.

Deep down in me, I do not love my husband and he knows it and he does not care if I do or not. I do not rub it on his face sha. I tell him that I want to love him again since he is my husband, that he should make me fall in love with him. But he is just an expert at his game.

You see, both of you have contributed and still contributing to the decay in this relationship although from your description, he is taking the lion share. You are convinced that he knows that you don't love him nor care about him anymore. A sane human will not live with someone who doesn't love him. He is also acting it out to you that he doesn't give a damn about you. There are lot of work that need to be done on two of you in terms of thorough counselling, prayer and restitution. You have both broken the fabric of this marital relationship and if the foundation of the problems is not addressed, no cosmetic surgery can save it

He loves bachelorhood with passion.

If there is anything called deliverance by maximum beating, your husband needs it now more than anything to bring him back to reality. Why did he get married if he so love bachelorhood. He needs value and moral re-orientation. You need to talk to his family (if you have good rapport with them) to take him for serious counselling. He must get his priorities and values of life right

I sincerely want to work on the marriage and see how things can b better but be is fond of drawing us back and causing problems for us. Some of the girls he dated while we were seperated are still on his regular call list. I have talked, his brother has talked that he should do away with them so that he will concentrate on our marriage but he says he won't just forget them like that. There is a particular girl that calls regularly, we have had issues because of this same girl but he just won't respect our marriage and cut off communication with her and others.

[b]I appreciate and commend your intention as well as resolution to fight for your marriage. Its a good thing to start with but you first need to purge your heart of all the hatred you have for him. You have to forgive him wholeheartedly first, not for his sake alone but for your sake and health too. I know the more you see him daily, the more sorrowful and hurt you are thinking about deeds of the past. Why not start working on yourself first and when done to a degree, you can work on him too. Yes, you can do it. The best way to affect another is first to work on oneself. Do your part, be prayerful and let people with godly and matured mind help him deal with his lust and social vices.

Can your husband be redeemed? YES, he can be redeemed completely. Nothing that can't be. Since he has not resorted to physical abuse, while working on yourself and changing some unhealthy attitudes, seeing this will at least give him a ray of hope to stay. You both need help outside of nairaland.

It is well with your home.[/b]

Efemena_xy:

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

iamsaved: Now to the questions raised:

**his parents are late.
**he is not rich oooooooooooo. A Government worker. I make sure he pays our son's daycare fee and he provides for the family the way he can while I support.
**I am not dependent on him in any way apart from the feeding money he brings which I also add to. When he first abandoned me with my first pregnancy, I took care of myself Well with my little income earning job both ante-natal and all
Even after I put to birth, he didn't come nor showed financial responsibility till my baby was over a year when he came to do the begging thing.
**honestly I am still hurting from the past
Though I have forgiven him but most times i just feel like I am not supposed to be here with this man because of all what he did on the past. The only reason I came back is because of my child. I felt like I owed it to him to give the marriage another try so he will be a proper family environment.

Deep down in me, I do not love my husband and my he knows it and he does not care if I do or not. I do not rub it on his face sha. I tell him that I want to love him again since he is my husband, that he should make me fall in love with him. But he is just an expert at his game.

[size=18pt]He loves bachelorhood with passion.
[/size]
I sincerely want to work on the marriage and see how things can b better but be is fond of drawing us back and causing problems for us. Some of the girls he dated while we were seperated are still on his regular call list. I have talked, his brother has talked that he should do away with them so that he will concentrate on our marriage but he says he won't just forget them like that. There is a particular girl that calls regularly, we have had issues because of this same girl but he just won't respect our marriage and cut off communication with her and others.

iamsaved: Now to the questions raised:

**his parents are late.
**he is not rich oooooooooooo. A Government worker. I make sure he pays our son's daycare fee and he provides for the family the way he can while I support.
**I am not dependent on him in any way apart from the feeding money he brings which I also add to. When he first abandoned me with my first pregnancy, I took care of myself Well with my little income earning job both ante-natal and all
Even after I put to birth, he didn't come nor showed financial responsibility till my baby was over a year when he came to do the begging thing.
**honestly I am still hurting from the past
Though I have forgiven him but most times i just feel like I am not supposed to be here with this man because of all what he did on the past. The only reason I came back is because of my child. I felt like I owed it to him to give the marriage another try so he will be a proper family environment.

Deep down in me, I do not love my husband and my he knows it and he does not care if I do or not. I do not rub it on his face sha. I tell him that I want to love him again since he is my husband, that he should make me fall in love with him. But he is just an expert at his game.

He loves bachelorhood with passion.

I sincerely want to work on the marriage and see how things can b better but be is fond of drawing us back and causing problems for us. Some of the girls he dated while we were seperated are still on his regular call list. I have talked, his brother has talked that he should do away with them so that he will concentrate on our marriage but he says he won't just forget them like that. There is a particular girl that calls regularly, we have had issues because of this same girl but he just won't respect our marriage and cut off communication with her and others.

Mz_spread: . If I may say,dat was quite harsh of u anty Efe,she needs ur cool advice and not critism. Av always loved d way u handle matters here on NL but dis one is way too harsh. Calm down pls..

Fhemmmy:

I think this is an answer to the problem . . .
1. The love is gone and you are just about to start loving him again, yet he still wanna be running around.
2. He was not ready for the "My wife" thing thus, his love for bachelorhood.
3. You have the feelings, he is only with you cos of the child, and this means anytime someone else is able to give him a child outside - Marriage on the Rock!
4. He knows you dont love him and yet he does not care.
Honestly, i have no idea how to advice in this, cos both parties are so much apart . . . Good luck

iamsaved: @uju, the pregnancy came unexpected. After the reconciliation, I tried all I could to avoid getting pregnant. We did HIV test though but since we were back as husband and wife, sex was inevitable. I tried my best to make sure I avoided pregnancy by mastering my ovulation because I was still studying him since we just reconciled. When I discovered I was pregnant, believe me I was not happy about it (God forgive me). Still d and c wasn't an option. I never wanted to get pregnant within the first 6months but it just happened. I am not making excuses for myself. I just feel trapped because with his latest drama, I would have finally given up.

@all,points noted.

I will work on myself
Maybe we both will have a long long talk. Possibly this weekend, will need to explore all options available on how we can avoid the reocurrence of events of the past and I will specifically tell him to highlight out all I am doing and have done so I will work on myself.

As for the forgiveness and loving him part, sincerely I am trying and I believe after this weekend, there will be a change.

Thank you all so much.

eagle,eye:

As pointed out by Efe, this story maybe fake or the woman in question is not telling the whole story or she, her people or the man's family forced the man into the union by hook or crook. EOD.

eagle,eye:

ehm.... ehnm...... Am a bit confused.
Hubby no love op.
Wifey(op) no love hubby.
So, what are they still doing? I hate this Idea of, "it is because of our child".
OP, call your husband and talk to him (since he knows that you guys are not into each other anymore), let him realise that you are ready to have an open marriage (for the sake of your kids, you will still be Mrs).
Let him know that anytime he takes his usual sabatical, you too will take up a side kick untill he returns. If he objects, then you tell him to always stay around his kids.
More especially, Re-Introduce the use of Condom in the bedroom as someone said earlier..... AIDS is real and if you don't take care shi.t will hit the fan.

iamsaved:
I will work on myself
Maybe we both will have a long long talk. Possibly this weekend, will need to explore all options available on how we can avoid the re-ocurrence of events of the past and I will specifically tell him to highlight out all I am doing and have done so I will work on myself.

Thank you all so much.

iamsaved:

I wish you will act like your username.