alutawestand: I had an argument with my hubby last week friday. He said I like judging him wrongly and also remind him things of the past(ugly ones mostly)and don't respect him. That I always have a quick and sharp response to every statement he makes In the heat of the argument I told him I wanted a divorce.

He has refused to talk to me since then. He said he must grant me the divorce since I requested for it.

I tried apologising to him last night but he refused listening to me, that the only way he would know that I am serious and thereby accept the apology it is if I kneel down and beg him. This I refused doing.

This morning I tried apologising by chatting him up on BB but
he insisted that I must kneel down to know am serious. He said my apologies are not always original as I always go back to that same old character even after apologising.

I've told him that its dehumanising and moreover we only kneel down for God , but he told me I knelt down while giving him palmwine on the day of our traditional wedding. That I should go and find out the meaning of that. If I don't kneel down he will go ahead with the divorce.

Pls house I don't know if I should go ahead and kneel down for him to avoid problems. But to be sincere, I really find that dehumanising.

I need your advice and will be here to entertain any question. Thanks

Royal Roy: I guess your hubby is right about you afterall. You obviously can't control your tongue when angry!!

I personally HATE people who talk thrash out of anger & come back regretting!!!
A very big turn-off.!!!
He wants you to apologise for your "misbehaviour" and here you are saying you feel its dehumanising!!!

Wake up & smell the coffee woman!!!

aadetoyin:


Bros, calm down. There's no need to use the "HATE" word. Or is she ur wife?

Am sure she has learnt her lesson already

alutawestand:

~ I had an argument with my hubby last week friday.

~ He said I like judging him wrongly and

~ also remind him things of the past(ugly ones mostly)and

~ don't respect him.

~ That I always have a quick and sharp response to every statement he makes

~ In the heat of the argument I told him I wanted a divorce.

He has refused to talk to me since then. He said he must grant me the divorce since I requested for it.

I tried apologising to him last night but he refused listening to me, that the only way he would know that I am serious and thereby accept the apology it is if I kneel down and beg him. This I refused doing.

This morning I tried apologising by chatting him up on BB but
he insisted that I must kneel down to know am serious. He said my apologies are not always original as I always go back to that same old character even after apologising.

I've told him that its dehumanising and moreover we only kneel down for God , but he told me I knelt down while giving him palmwine on the day of our traditional wedding. That I should go and find out the meaning of that. If I don't kneel down he will go ahead with the divorce.

Pls house I don't know if I should go ahead and kneel down for him to avoid problems. But to be sincere, I really find that dehumanising.

I need your advice and will be here to entertain any question. Thanks

alutawestand:
In the heat of the argument I told him I wanted a divorce.

alutawestand: I had an argument with my hubby last week friday. He said I like judging him wrongly and also remind him things of the past(ugly ones mostly)and don't respect him. That I always have a quick and sharp response to every statement he makes In the heat of the argument I told him I wanted a divorce.

He has refused to talk to me since then. He said he must grant me the divorce since I requested for it.

I tried apologising to him last night but he refused listening to me, that the only way he would know that I am serious and thereby accept the apology it is if I kneel down and beg him. This I refused doing.

This morning I tried apologising by chatting him up on BB but
he insisted that I must kneel down to know am serious. He said my apologies are not always original as I always go back to that same old character even after apologising.

I've told him that its dehumanising and moreover we only kneel down for God , but he told me I knelt down while giving him palmwine on the day of our traditional wedding. That I should go and find out the meaning of that. If I don't kneel down he will go ahead with the divorce.

Pls house I don't know if I should go ahead and kneel down for him to avoid problems. But to be sincere, I really find that dehumanising.

I need your advice and will be here to entertain any question. Thanks

alutawestand: Thanks to you all. I really appreciate.

Its not that I really requested for divorce or that I meant it. I told him its better we get divorced than him getting angry at every slightest word I utter.

Efemena_xy:
Thank you very very much. I think am putting ego b4 my marriage and am ready to make amends. I really want my marriage to work.
@OP: Now take a look at all of what you've said in an argument to your husband and his only response to you (re: the highlighted bit in bold)

What does that tell you? It even begs the question: How old are you??

I'm not going to mince my words here and would give it to you straight, so you get the full picture and understand things clearly. A few weeks ago, someone came on here lamenting about her hubby's extreme reaction (i.e: absconding from home for extended periods - months on end), whenever they had an argument. She even justified her actions by claiming: It's normal to have medium to heavy arguments in a marriage!

Your husband is a man, a human being like you with feelings. He too is capable of feeling hurt. Sometimes, the words we utter cut deeper than being physically hurt or attacked. Words cause emotional scars that run deep and take longer, if ever, to heal, unlike physical scars. Your husband has exercised extreme restraint while you rained abuses on him, dregged up the past and even threatened him with divorce? I mean, really?

Yet despite all of that, he's kept a calm, level head and maintained his cool. He's taken it all on the chin like a 'man' while you heaped all of that on his head. Kudos to him for that. Most men...Nigerian men in Nigeria would have snapped, lashed out and beaten you black and blue for doing half of that. Then send you packing to your parents.

What I like about you here, is that you've owned up to your faults and tabled them out here for us all. You've been honest enough to say what part you played in all of this, rather than try to paint yourself like the all-suffering saint; so I respect you for that. What you need to do now is take responsibility for your actions and learn from them.

If you feel kneeling to your husband as a show of sincere apology to him for what you've said is dehumanising, do you not think your arguing, dregging up the ugly past, judging him unfairly and ultimately threatening him with a divorce is even more dehumanising to him as a man? You've bruised his ego and pride and he's simply making you pay for it. He's also sending you a clear message: If you think going down on your knees to apologise is dehumanising, then remember this dehumanising feeling for future reference before getting into an argument and threatening me with a divorce.

My advice to you is to park your pride aside and do as you're told for the sake of peace. Get down on those knees of yours and show him how sorry you are (and make sure you mean it!). Make sure you cook him his favourite meal afterwards and be sure to top it up with a good bedmatic exercise in the bedroom. Whisper sweet nothings into his ear. You are a woman. Know how to pull at your man's heart strings. Do that and I'm sure, he most certainly will forgive you. Most men will. It'll take a man with a heart of steel not to anyway. Besides, men are big babies and do love having their egos massaged from time to time.

Now, for future purposes, take note: You are bound to have disagreements from time to time. It is normal in any union, moreso in marriage. The important thing here is that you need to learn how to send your displeasure across in a respectful manner. Sometimes when we as humans are angry, it's best to just keep schtum (quiet) till we're calmer. Nothing good is ever said in the heat of an argument. It's always regretted later when emotions have cooled down.

Learn to discuss like a mature adult with your man. Seek clarifications from him about his actions if you're unsure, rather than jump the gun and accuse him (this is why he said you judge him unfairly). No matter how upset you are, when discussing, allow him to air his grievances while you keep quiet. Bite your tongue if you have to. Do not interrupt him. Let him have his say. When he's done, then you say yours. Tell him what's upset you and why. No shouting or yelling and definitely no swearing / abuses/ insults. You'll find that you both will achieve a lot more if you follow this method of communication. Your man will even love you more for it as it shows that you respect him enough to discuss amicably, even though you are in disagreement.

Finally, learn to correct with love. It always pays dividends in the end.

Best of luck.

Royal Roy: I guess your hubby is right about you afterall. You obviously can't control your tongue when angry!!

I personally HATE people who talk thrash out of anger & come back regretting!!!
A very big turn-off.!!!
He wants you to apologise for your "misbehaviour" and here you are saying you feel its dehumanising!!!

Wake up & smell the coffee woman!!!

alutawestand: Thanks every one for ur wonderful contributions. I'll really make amends and make my marriage work.

I think he's calming down small small oooo. I sent him a message now asking him what he would like to have for dinner and he said special soup, bed, massage and kiss. Typical him.And also I should not forget the apology. That I must kneel down. Lol.

alutawestand: Thanks every one for ur wonderful contributions. I'll really make amends and make my marriage work.

I think he's calming down small small oooo. I sent him a message now asking him what he would like to have for dinner and he said special soup, bed, massage and kiss. Typical him.And also I should not forget the apology. That I must kneel down. Lol.

alutawestand: Thanks every one for ur wonderful contributions. I'll really make amends and make my marriage work.

I think he's calming down small small oooo. I sent him a message now asking him what he would like to have for dinner and he said special soup, bed, massage and kiss. Typical him.And also I should not forget the apology. That I must kneel down. Lol.

Sisi_Kill: I don't get it....you are wrong, you know you are wrong, he knows you are wrong and you know he knows you are wrong, the who done did wrong party is not in question here. ..so why on earth do you find it difficult to right that wrong?

Once you are at the wrong end of an argument or misunderstanding....you have lost the upper hand (for lack of a better word) and it is up to you to rectify it and this goes for EVERY relationship.... personal and social not just marriage.

Now it is human nature to wanna ride the wave if your rightness. ...when you are right and this is what your husband is doing but seeing as this isn't someone you can avoid (like we would with friends and acquaintances when we wrong them and may not want to apologize) I'm sorry wifey but you have no choice but to let him ride it. The only thing you can do is remember the feeling of utter ughhhhness you have right now...so next time you learn to caution your words

The only thing I have a problem with (oh pipe down you gboromiro alabosi okunrins, don't wet ya self yet in sheer joy) is the fact that he thinks kneeling down sgows you are remorseful. I fear hubby might be setting himself up because if you kneel down but don't mean it....what is the point? I think he should be focused more on the sincerity of the gesture of apology than the the gesture itself.

In my opinion, one runs the risk of short changing themselves when they dictate how an apology should be made to them. Sure there's a momentary joy in watching someone gravel according to your mandate but have you really gotten the true results, the one that will last...the one that really matters?!


Anyhoo, just do what you gotta do and be done with it. Can't even believe it lasted this long when you could have turned the matter into a joke by making a big production of the kneeling down and praises in a way that's sure to make him laugh and before you know it, it's kiss kiss bang bang... .

Ujujoan:

Awwwww . . . I love ur hubby already. He's really a man, not all these boys getting married these days.

Pls go and kneel down and get it over with already jor . . I heard there's a way to do 'it' while kneeling!

alutawestand: I had an argument with my hubby last week friday. He said I like judging him wrongly and also remind him things of the past(ugly ones mostly)and don't respect him. That I always have a quick and sharp response to every statement he makes In the heat of the argument I told him I wanted a divorce.

He has refused to talk to me since then. He said he must grant me the divorce since I requested for it.

I tried apologising to him last night but he refused listening to me, that the only way he would know that I am serious and thereby accept the apology it is if I kneel down and beg him. This I refused doing.

This morning I tried apologising by chatting him up on BB but
he insisted that I must kneel down to know am serious. He said my apologies are not always original as I always go back to that same old character even after apologising.

I've told him that its dehumanising and moreover we only kneel down for God , but he told me I knelt down while giving him palmwine on the day of our traditional wedding. That I should go and find out the meaning of that. If I don't kneel down he will go ahead with the divorce.

Pls house I don't know if I should go ahead and kneel down for him to avoid problems. But to be sincere, I really find that dehumanising.

I need your advice and will be here to entertain any question. Thanks