~Dear Math, please grow
up and solve your own
problems, I'm tired of
solving them for you.
~They say that love is
more important than
money, but have you
ever tried to pay your
bills with a hug?
~ The broccoli says 'I
look like a small tree', the
mushroom says 'I look
like an umbrella', the
walnut says 'I look like a
brain', and the banana
says 'Can we please
change the subject?
~A stupid person laughs
three times at a joke;
once when everyone
else is laughing, a
second time when he
actually gets the joke,
and a third time when
he realizes he was
laughing without getting
the joke at first.
~When my boss asked
me who is the stupid
one, me or him? I told
him everyone knows he
doesn't hire stupid
people.
~Who says nothing is
impossible? I've been
doing nothing for years.
~It's so simple to be
wise. Just think of
something stupid to say
and then don't say it.
~If you think your boss
is stupid, remember: you
wouldn't have a job if he
was any smarter.
~The difference between
stupidity and genius is
that genius has its limits.
~I'm not here to judge,
I'm just pointing out all
the mistakes you're
making.
~What I do when I see
someone pretty is I stare
I smile then when I get
tired I put the mirror
down.
~The problem with
drinking and driving is
that trees defend
themselves very well.
~In grammar class the
teacher asks her student
'When you sing you say
'I sing' what do you say
when your brother is
singing? I say 'shut up
you're a terrible singer'.
~Whoever said great
things come in small
packages hasn't seen my
big screen TV.
~I don't smoke, don't
drink, don't do drugs, I
only have one small
problem, I lie.
~Sometimes when I
close my eyes, I can't see.
~Love your enemies. It
makes them so damned
mad.
~There are no stupid
questions, just stupid
people.
~Don't disturb me, I am
disturbed enough
already.
~Due to current
economic conditions the
light at the end of the
tunnel has been turned
off.
~I know that I am stupid
but when I look around
me I feel a lot better.
~You know your driving
is really terrible when
your GPS says 'After 300
feet, stop and let me
out!'
~If what you've done is
stupid but it works, then
it really isn't that stupid
at all.
~After many years of
studying my Geography
book I finally know by
heart that Australia is on
page 23.
~Alcohol kills brain cells
slowly, but that never
bothered me because
I'm not in a hurry.
~In beer there is
freedom, in wine there is
health, in cognac there is
power and in water
there is bacteria.
~I always intended to
pay for my sins, but I
could never afford it.
~The only English words
I saw in Japan were
Sony and Mitsubishi.
~Not all chemicals are
bad. Without chemicals
such as hydrogen and
oxygen for example,
there would be no way
to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
~To make time fly, throw
your watch out the
window.
~In my house I'm the
boss, my wife is just the
decision maker.
~I love making friends. I
usually prefer to make
them out of plaster and
give them funny looking
hats.
~I am on a 20 day diet,
so far I've lost 10 days.
~My neighbour asked if
he could use my
lawnmower and I told
him of course he could,
so long as he didn't take
it out of my garden.
~I always help my wife
out with housework
such as washing the
dishes and doing the
laundry. She washes
them, and I let them dry.
~Why didn't Bruce Willis
play the lead role in
Titanic? He would have
saved everyone.
~I'll do the stupid thing
first and then you shy
people follow.
~The last thing that blew
my mind was the wind.
~If we don't succeed, we
run the risk of failure.
~I got some new
underwear the other
day. Well, new to me.
~Why does Chuck Norris'
calendar go directly from
March 31 to April 2nd?
Nobody fools Chuck
Norris!
~Store front sign: Entire
store on sale, everything
$1 or more.
~Chuck Norris has a bear
carpet in his house, the
bear isn't dead its just
afraid to move.
~The future is not what
it once used to be...
~Some people call me
Mike, you can call me
tonight.
~Outside of a dog, a
book is man's best
friend. Inside of a dog
it's too dark to read.
~My wife asked me what
numbers to play at the
lottery. I told her 'the
winning ones!'
~Newspaper Ad:
Snowblower for sale,
only used on snowy
days.
~Funny sign at health
spa: Fresh 10,000 year
old mud for sale.
~Painting: The art of
protecting flat surfaces
from the weather and
exposing them to the
critic.
So over to you what do you think?

Add urs if u av any.

Outer space exists because it's
afraid to be on the same planet
with Chuck Norris.

Hehehehehe.. So so funny.

breadplanet: Hehehehehe.. So so funny.

more to come.

Me likey!

Chuck Norris once gave
someone a bone marrow
transplant, Wolverine says he's
gratefull.


Chuck Norris went back in
time to kill himself. Then he
went back in time again to kill
himself for killing himself.


Hell has no meaning when
Chuck Norris is in it. (Satan
beware)


If they made a movie of Chuck
Norris standing still, it would
be rated R for extreme
violence.


When Alexander Bell invented
the telephone he had 3 missed
calls from Chuck Norris

Fear of spiders is
aracnaphobia, fear of tight
spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear
of Chuck Norris is called Logic



There used to be a street
named after Chuck Norris, but
it was changed because
nobody crosses Chuck Norris
and lives.


Chuck Norris died 20 years
ago, Death just hasn't built up
the courage to tell him yet.


Chuck Norris has already been
to Mars; that's why there are
no signs of life.

Mehn! This Chuck Norris guy!