Post deleted. Sorry

rosegolden: No! I'm not one of those foreign women who are angry at all of Nigeria because a Nigerian man took advantage of her. My heart bleeds for those women and I'm sorry for their many struggles but that's not my story. Did I date a Nigerian man before? Yes. Did it work out? Nooo, but here's MY story. It's very long but explanation is necessary.

I met one the most handsome and hardworking men I ever came across in my twenty something years of life and he just so happened to be Nigerian. Prior to meeting him I had already heard a lot of horror stories and negative accounts of what Nigerian men were like but I've never been one to judge all of a group based on the general consensus and I'm glad I didn't because I met a great guy. He was not without flaw but I don't attribute anything that happened between us strictly to the fact that he was Nigerian but other people I spoke to seem to think it was. He was loving but distant and sometimes cold, he communicated poorly, not that he was uneducated, that wasn't the case at all he just didn't know how to express his needs and i'll admit that I was not good at it either. He was never disrespectful and treated me well but I suspected that he had reservations about my age (I am ten years his junior), the fact that our backgrounds were very different (I'm from the Caribbean), the distance between us ( most of the year we lived five hours apart in the same state because I was away at college) and the fact that he was at an age where he was ready for family and marriage and I was a young girl more focused on getting the degree than anything else. Because I want you all to get a good understanding of my love story I won't spare any details. Yes, we did have sex. Because of the distance between us, it wasn't often but it was always good. I'm not very experienced but he was the best I'd had. A good lover in every sense of the word, attentive, patient and he was the first man I tried a few things with lol. I'm blushing as I type that but it's the truth. Unfortunately the distance, poor communication and our inability to click mostly due to the fact that we barely got to spend time together took a toll on us and the inevitable break up occurred. We tried to get back together a few times but it didn't work each time. Like I said this man was not perfect, throughout the time I knew him he did things that hurt me, we had disagreements and I'll admit that he put his feelings and thoughts before me a lot of the time but that didn't take away from my love for the man that he was. God fearing, family oriented, hardworking and respectful are just some of the ways I chose to describe him. He didnt do drugs or drink alcohol. He didn't have it all together but worked hard to secure his future and I watched him rising. He reminded me of my own father and I built such a strong love for him that even long after breaking up, I still feel strongly about him and smile, sometimes even cry from the thought of him and missing him.

Now this is where you guys come in. I have discussed this relationship with a few women, all of whom were Nigerian women I met while at school and they said some things to me about my relationship that I wanted to share with you guys to see if you feel the same. Most of it is based on culture and that's the only reason why I'm asking fellow Nigerians for their opinions. I have to disclaimer though, the handful of women I confided in are either Nigerian American or Nigerians that came to America at a young age and only one of them is open to dating Nigerian men. As you can imagine I'm worried about the quality of advice based on the situation and their feelings towards their men.

1. The first thing I heard was "sorry I don't mean to hurt your feelings but he was never going to take you serious girl" she saw my hurt and decided against continuing but I suspect she meant because I was not Nigerian, my relationship wasn't going anywhere from the beginning.

2. I was also told that I should have let him meet my parents the several times that he asked. I didn't because my mom in particular is very strict about her daughters bringing men home. She accepts that we are older and dating but hated the thought that we would bring some guy only for him to dissappear in a few months and that we'll bring another and the cycle continues. I don't agree with my mom but I respected her wishes and I had no intentions of bringing him home until I was sure our relationship was concrete.

3. One girl said his family might not have liked the idea of us together and maybe that accounted for our relationship dissolving. I know he told them about me and on one occasion I met his sister who was just short of rude to me. Had she even said anything to me then I could say she was rude for sure but she barely acknowledged me and kept it moving. He was spineless and did nothing but did apologize after the fact because he was embarrassed.

4. And lastly one girl said I should never have had sex with him and be so sexually open and curious with him. She said I shouldn't have been so darn independent too. In her mind I errored in that regard.

What do you guys think? Him and I are probably never going to get back together but because of him I find myself very attracted to Nigerian men probably foolishly hoping that I'll find those same great qualities in another and I'd fare better next time at making it work. If you lasted to the end thank you! I look forward to reading your comments.

i seriously need to drink beer...i will be back!

Ok.. Just give me a trial.

NB:Men are Men,whether Nigerian,American,Italian or wateva..cos i don't rily get y u emphasized xo much on "NIGERIAN" men..

Well, i'm yet to know or probably admit "this common thing" about Nigeria men that makes them a suspect even in a relationship. Why not allow your relationship run on open minds than expecting the "Nigerian factor". . .it makes no sense. Now, about the issue, i think you are the one not ready to be hooked to this dude. You're not sure of what the future holds "getting married to a Nigerian". . .clear your head girl, i think he loves you and want more; propably take the relationship to the next level. I'm also concerned about the distance but i think when you are ready, you both could figure that out. A good guy is a good guy regardless of his country, start talking serious with him if you see a future together.

Enegod: i seriously need to drink beer...i will be back!

Cretin, what are you smoking?
You haven't made any sense by quoting the whole write-up.

Harbosede02: NB:Men are Men,whether Nigerian,American,Italian or wateva..cos i don't rily get y u emphasized xo much on "NIGERIAN" men..

I hope I didn't offend you by doing that. I'm not trying to be insensitive and the bulk of my story is not about him being Nigerian but rather that he was a good man that happened to be from a different culture than mine. I'm reaching out to people of his culture for opinions, based on the fact that everyone else around me seems to think we couldn't get along based because we were from different backgrounds. Things that had I known beforehand we probably could have had a much different relationship.

D-Explorer:
Well, i'm yet to know or probably admit "this common thing" about Nigeria men that makes them a suspect even in a relationship. Why not allow your relationship run on open minds than expecting the "Nigerian factor". . .it makes no sense. Now, about the issue, i think you are the one not ready to be hooked to this dude. You're not sure of what the future holds "getting married to a Nigerian". . .clear your head girl, i think he loves you and want more; propably take the relationship to the next level. I'm also concerned about the distance but i think when you are ready, you both could figure that out. A good guy is a good guy regardless of his country, start talking serious with him if you see a future together.

I appreciate your advice. It was all well said and I will definitely take it into consideration.

rosegolden:

I hope I didn't offend you by doing that. I'm not trying to be insensitive and the bulk of my story is not about him being Nigerian but rather that he was a good man that happened to be from a different culture than mine. I'm reaching out to people of his culture for opinions, based on the fact that everyone else around me seems to think we couldn't get along based because we were from different backgrounds. Things that had I known beforehand we probably could have had a much different relationship.

oh k,i finz i knw wat u mean nw....since u said u knw dat u guys aren't gona get bck 2gether,there is no need 2 worry abt y d relationship didn't work out..

rosegolden:

I appreciate your advice. It was all well said and I will definitely take it into consideration.

You're welcome. . .and again, culture could be complex if you're worried about that. But, it's all gonna start when you see him as the man you really want a future with. . .then talk him into meeting his parents (that's if your relationship is that serious but don't push it). Observe his parents reception. You could as well ask him what they think of you after the visit. For him, you seem cool and right but for his parents, you never can tell. Get done with that before you start bothering your head about the ethics. . .kneeling down (depending on his tribe), food making, learning the basics of his language, attitude toward inlaws and whatnot. This could work, people from diff culture are making homes and it's working. I wish you good.

Coefficient:

Cretin, what are you smoking?
You haven't made any sense by quoting the whole write-up.

you aren't making any sense either....