The previous comment to this has been the highlight of this whole discussion. In brief I met a guy, about 1 year ago, we clicked straight away, before I knew it. He kept telling me he was scared. Now whether it's my own naivety or not I knew that he was a bit of a flirt when it came to other girls. Having known this I thought we could be friends. In any event we grew closer, but then I found out he was seeing someone else and I broke it off with him pronto! i know this crushed him even if he won't admit it.

There was so much more to the story but as men do when they know they have a good thing he came back, still worried about his feelings and uncertain. I let him go, now it is turning into a pattern. Truth be told and he has more or less confessed he has been a playa, and even to spend too much time with me scares the hell out him.  Cause his uncertainty angers me, we fall out, like the last comment. I know the truth is he is afraid to like me too much. Even though I know the feeling is there already. Body language, intuition, actions I know.

So can you believe how angry I was when he said that he had come to teach me strength, because in a mans eyes, devotion, love etc is seen as weakness. But I have come to show him that love is the ultimate form of strength. It is how a parent rears their child. It is a how a passionate student completes their education, it is how we learn to forgive pain, wars. Love is the human element that reminds us of our humility. Without love we would all be robots and quite frankly that is what a playa is. Non emotional, empty baron shell of a being. Going through the motions in order not to feel.

So in my case until my Boo has the courage to follow his heart he will come across a similar situation with another girl in his life. Only when he learns to let go and be strong will he overcome his fears. Meanwhile as women we have to hope that we find a man strong enough to wear his heart on his sleeve! 

Wow nice topic.

cos they are scary cats

Who says men are afraid of falling in love? You had probably been meeting wrong guys.

men, dont even fall in love, they pretend to

Men? Or some men? How many men did you understudied to arrive at your conclusion?

I think it is cultural. Africans do not express love the way other cultures do. It does not mean that "Men" do not fall in love. It just means some have difficulty expressing themselves so they do not look "timid"! Africans in general have a stoic way of expressing themselves and just prefer to die inside rather than say how they feel. It is just cultural that's all!--I think!

You are right and wrong.

Here, African men don't die within just because they can't express themselves. To the contrary, African men make the first move.

What you should say is that African men don't fuse over a woman. They consider it as weakness to give all their power to women. So they kept some of their feelings to themselves. They have the feelings but they are in control.

Another reason is that African men are polygamous in nature. Laws and traditions support them. So why would a man 'kill' himself over one woman when he has harrem of women to pick from?

olanajim:

You are right and wrong.

Here, African men don't die within just because they can't express themselves. To the contrary, African men make the first move.

What you should say is that African men don't fuse over a woman. They consider it as weakness to give all their power to women. So they kept some of their feelings to themselves. They have the feelings but they are in control.

Another reason is that African men are polygamous in nature. Laws and traditions support them. So why would a man 'kill' himself over one woman when he has harrem of women to pick from?

Very rightly said. Man, u be Prof. O!

To be quite honest, despite all girls would think and say; guys are actually the most faithful in relationships. chicks on the other hand are just too good at lying and thats why you hear of cases where a man would be living with his wife and children that are sometimes not his. guys don't tell lies too well when compared to the girls. in fact once you get a guy to love you he becomes more or less a sucker and at that point he becomes almost helpless. and that is why we guard our hearts cus its hard to meet a chick that is worth the stress. once a lady finds out you are crazy for her, its like giving a gun to a toddler. totally reckless. she might just kill you. Guys be careful!, it has happened to me one time too often.

Kemjisuper:

Very rightly said. Man, u be Prof. O!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  What has fussing about a woman got to do with showing love  If the woman wants you to fuss over her as a "proof" of your love--how dare you not "fuss" abi na "fuse"

You see, you guys fail! Whatever it takes to make that woman feel that love is what you must do.  It does not mean you should be a mugu or cave in to unreasonable demands of childish attention and nagging.  For example--I like to laff and I like club well well----dancing is #1 for me.  If a dude is not funny and cannot dance----all bets are off!!!

Now the topic is not about women--so let us not complicate issues.

Bottom line--if you know what makes your partner happy--you gotcha do it like Nike says.  That is love right there!!!!

extreme:

To be quite honest, despite all girls would think and say; guys are actually the most faithful in relationships. chicks on the other hand are just too good at lying and thats why you hear of cases where a man would be living with his wife and children that are sometimes not his. guys don't tell lies too well when compared to the girls. in fact once you get a guy to love you he becomes more or less a sucker and at that point he becomes almost helpless. and that is why we guard our hearts cus its hard to meet a chick that is worth the stress. once a lady finds out you are crazy for her, its like giving a gun to a toddler. totally reckless. she might just kill you. Guys be careful!, it has happened to me one time too often.

You still have a lot to learn---thank God for Nairaland!!!

this topic is very nice,

I think the number one reason is that falling in and out of love too frequently is bad for a man's heart. Or why do you think men suffer more heart attack than women?

champredd:

this topic is very nice,

I think the number one reason is that falling in and out of love too frequently is bad for a man's heart. Or why do you think men suffer more heart attack than women?

From running around too many girls and women of course! How dem no go KapuT like TupaK!

[table]Finally, a person in love, male OR female is a very weak and vulnerable creature. This seems to be ok for women, but our crazy society expects men to be PILLARS OF STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE, which is at odds with this. Sometimes the woman herself may despise the man for being such a pathetic weakling and lose respect for him. Men are terrified of this (being percieved as weak)[/table]

I feel u men.

when i started dating i had little trust 4 women, i see dem as distraction to goals in life at dat time, so i neva had serious relationships. I used to tell my friends then who go thro emotional turmoil from d hassles of relationships they keep to take the "heart break insurance"_{never put ur heart in any relationship} dat way they can come and go as they please. Then i felt like a king cos i neva fall and i think straight

when i got older, after attaining some kind of stability and was ready for "serious" relationship i found out i was alone. My friends who were coming 2 me all had long term relationships and were settling down and now am abt 2 begin.

I eventually met this girl and decided not 2 hold back anything and give the relationship my all. It was glorious at first until she found out i was madly in love with her dats when our problem started. B4 when we have an argument she wants 2 talk abt it after she found out she wants 2 leave. I became weak where this girl was concerned, i tried anything 2 make her happy, i changed anything in order to accomodate her. i was dreaming this was it until she burst my bubbles. After one particular argument we had she told me she would not want 2 end up with me dat we should just date, dat she does not love me as much as she used to, i was heartbroken then, everything in my head is saying let her go but my heart is telling me this is the end of ur life. I hung on for while trying to convince her 2 change her mind but it only got worse, at a point i had no choice but 2 let go. Men was i heart broken. Till now 2yrs after dat i still could not get over her. Every other girl i meet now pales compare to her.

After every thing i realised dat I'd like the feeling when I took da heart break insurance better than falling in love. Though every thing was more significant when i was in love but still I dont hope 2 go thro dat kinda emotion again. NEVA EVA_{* retires*}

Generalising is a very dig disease with black people!

@poster and everyone who supports

so NO man has/have fallen in love before?

b\cos when they fall in, coming out is hell on earth,if you dnt like what you see, you know women changes.that's my own, abi i lai?

It's not about being weak or strong. Men are not meant to be faithful to ONE female. I fall in love everyday, when a fine sister walks by. Way too much toto to be held down.

Why "fall" in love, when you can stand in lust.

No tym for love. We just werent created for that mushy crap.

It's not that we are afraid, but why pluck a single fuit when you can have the whole tree.

cos ladies sometimes just act very funny,and when a broda decides to fall in luv,she has this itch to walk all over him,believe me i've been der

its rare to meet a man who can fall in love ( my point of view) my guess is a man wants to protect himself.

i can't blame then, i used to be a man hater till i heard stories on their part. some guys have really sacrificed alot for women and vice versa but when a man is hurt its hard to Find a lover in him all you get is a survivor.

well, from a womans point of view, i think experiences, change you and make you choose the path you follow.

@Nubian, Nice point. But you cant blame guys. most of the time girls are the one to fall in love initially cause it easy for girls. Girls fall in love with there shoes, shopping, hair and so on. So I believe it easy for girls, like been in love is a simple thing. But guys take there time initially (me and, if YOU) and then when a guy accepts the OURS scenario, girls result to the ME and if YOU deal. So now the guy is broken hearted and regrets committing, investing his head, heart emotions, time and all which leaves a foul taste in a guys mouth. And I believe most guys only fall in love once and if that is jeopardized, other girls are left with a guy that don't fall(but acts like hes in love, even if a girl is the special one for him) but stand in love in other to walk away easily in case of incasity.

As for me, I have deleted the in love status out of my life files, So yes its most likely impossible for me to fall again unless theres a divine intervention but even with that been in love will have a comma.

So I know you ladies claim to be good and some of you are good but don't blame us. Many of you made many good guys this way. ITS LIFE

niuboy,

its ok to fall in love, things happen. i am dont really believe in Love but if you know Love exists in its own way, follow the path it leads you to. i agree with what u said cuz people have experienced alot and it changes them. i am an example cuz i find it so hard to feel any emotion alot of times and nowadays it feels weird so i try to understand myself and hope @ some point i adjust back to the love or relationship thing.

fall in love dont fall in love, thats ur own malaki
nigerian guys are the most emotionally constipated men on this earth
they associate love with weakness
personally am past caring if u like ooo if u no like ooo, tis ur own perogative

Men on top of thier games dont fall in luv.They simply get on top of thier games by keeping the keys and holding the pace.One heart break too many. Guess we have more fragile mind than women.

@ Topic,

What's there to be afraid of?, love is a beautiful thing especially when it's reciprocated,

I am not afraid.
Love is a beautiful thing

2 years later this thread is still going on.

ever_green:

I am not afraid.
Love is a beautiful thing

That is what you lot say. when you find it now. . na you go begin run.

Chika, seriously love is a beautiful thing
I have gotten heartbroken before
but i am still going to fall in love again for sure

ever_green:

I am not afraid.
Love is a beautiful thing

LMAO, I say go for it, nothing do u jare,

ever_green:

Chika, seriously love is a beautiful thing
I have gotten heartbroken before
but i am still going to fall in love again for sure

Ofcourse you will . Real love IS a beautiful thing.

i love this topic and responses yhat ve followed.in fact,i love big shishi's bluntness and confessions.i ve a gf now(my 1st real reltshp) and we ve been on for 3yrs now.truth is i know deep in me i love her die and dont fail to tell and show her.somtyms,i think i show her too much so i ration how i show it but once she notices she conplains i dont love her.am just tryin to be calm and careful.ordinarily when we ve issues and dont talk i know how it feels.though i do tthe man thing by keepin quiet especially if she is d one wrong i get tempted to talk to her.all these really make me careful cos the truth is we men are weak in d heart but just cover it with our strong outlook.