Disclaimer:
As much as I'd state for the record that I maintain a neutrality in political matters. I am doing this in full translatorial capacity. I am personally disconcerted and irritated by the quality of diction of the average Nigerian scholar. In the light of past events in the country that lead to the widespread criticism and subsequent mockery of Mr. Shem Obafaiye, director of the NSCDC which yielded the 'Oga at the top' mantra, the most popular Nigerian mantra since 2012's 'SUBSIDY' issue which landed Nigeria's President on TIME Magazine's List of World's 100 Most Influential People of 2012. It is quite exasperating then to see Nigerians write comments like 'The man (Obahiagbon) ought to be charged and arrested for wrong use of English Language' or 'He will not find it difficult to speak in tongues if he decides to venture into Church ministry. Someone else even said 'He was asked unto the programme to provide comic relief'. It seems, quite paradoxically and simultaneously hypocritically that this same Nigerians who would want Mr. Obahiagbon 'arrested', either literally or figuratively, would then want WHAT with Mr. Obafaiye? We should NOT, although we can, criticise academic mediocrity while simultaneously criticising erudition. We have to embrace one and reject the other. They are at both ends of the line.
It seems to me that it is we, who should strive to improve the general quality of diction of the average Nigeria scholar-if not the average Nigerian. Movies like Akeelah and the Bee (2006) and The Great Debaters (2007) are realistic portrayals of what is achievable through academic awareness, academic focus and academic compulsion. Barriers could be broken. I've noticed documentaries where, for the sake of clarity, they have had to caption the interviews of average Nigerians, simply because it seems odd to hear, due to a lethal synergy of factors such as poor reflective accent, bad syntax and often erroneous grammar and seldom use of nonexistent words and the amolsy ususal insertion of vernacular in official settings (as seen in Oga at the top).
I believe a lot of Nigerians take solace in the fact that this is a 'borrowed language', I find that inadmissible-especially amongst youths. It is a know fact that a huge percentage of youths are bot literate in their traditional language or dialect (literacy here meaning the ability to proficiently read and write) They often converse in said dialects with a sort of English laden flaw. Most youths cannot write a meaningful paragraph of words in their own language, let alone speak it flawlessly for 20 minutes.
Here is a quick test for a Yoruba person. Please take it with all honesty; Translate 'Bring that Bag' and 'Go and wash that Cup' to Yoruba.
My contention is that you most probably have translated those clauses as 'Gbe/Mu bag yen wa' and 'Lo fo cup yen' instead of 'Gbe/Mu apo yen wa' and 'Lo fo ife imumi yen/Lo fo ife yen' respectively-and I probably was right. We really CANNOT read and write the local dialect as much as we can English, so why hide under the sham that English is a borrowed language when actually everyone was lacking the power of speech at birth.
We either strive to hear what someone is saying even if the cost is relatively greater or we keep mum about what they are saying and keep our inabilities to ourselves.
In an unrelated interview, Professor Wole Soyinka recently referred to the first Lady as "'A Domestic Appendage' and a 'Shepopotamus'",those are the power of words, the Etymology, the figures of speech, the historical allusions and the RIGHT CHOICE of words, either borrowed or NOT.
I have endeavoured to translate and hopefully demystify his last TV appearance that generated so much criticism, probably due to the fact that it was on the same channel that Mr. Obafaiye of the NSCDC came during the Oga at the Top era. I hope Nigerians try to improve and widen their diction instead of complaining and concluding he is talking nonsense. As you will come to find out, he is NOT talking nonsense

Mr Obahiagbon, in my opinion is not the best speaker, there is the strong, slightly distasteful accent coupled with personal speech errors due to excitement and unbridled enthusiasm, but HE HAS ALWAYS said SOMETHING MEANINGFUL, are we now allowed to have a comical view at his mannerism of speech delivery, to see him as a comedian or as someone who is nuts and talking nonsense? That would be extoling, if not preferring the 'Oga at the top' prototype of speaking, and if this is the future Nigeria's literacy...Nigeria should as as well commit literary suicide. Or is it that it is the uneducated Nigerians who use social network platforms? No, it is today's youth mostly, tomorrow’s leaders, who are badly complaining about the first Lady's Literary prowess and 'laughing' as well at Mr. Shem of the NSCDC. We should better ourselves in understanding, instead of saying someone is too knowledgeable, or is it not true anymore that ‘No knowledge is lost'?




Male Anchor : ....of A state who is supposedly ACN and in opposition federally, what's your thought about what has been happening, looking at it as a Nigerian what's your thought about what has been happening in Rivers state?

P.O :Let me say 'Presticimo' that is as quickly as possible, that the Political 'crinkum-crankum' or if you like, the political 'higi-haga' that has enveloped the politics of rivers state for a period of aeon now has all the trappings of an odoriferous saga cum gargantuan gaga. and I am maniacally bewildered taht this flashpuence is of no serious concern to the commander in chief of the federal republic of nigeria. This is because all the flashpuence of war that has lubored and transmogrified into bringing about a calamitous end for Nigeria, always has their ??atemedus acu??-their source of origin that is- either in one state or in one region. For me, as far as I am concerned, I can see the ship of the Nigerian state hovering around the political Bermuda Triangle and if we do not take very urgent and responsible steps to meander the interstices of eschewable cataracts, land mines waterfronts, icebergs and ox bow lakes, the ship of the Nigerian state has all the capacities and possibilities of berthing in the disastrous and pestilential aqua of a terminus aquem. Let me say that my critical history and historiography of the study of the war of attrition and belligerence in Rivers state did not commence with the Obi/Okpor political tendency. it commenced strictly speaking with the suspicion by some power centres that Governor Rotimi Amaechi nurses an ambition for the
Vice President of Nigeria

Female Anchor: So are you saying this- all of these is happening because of the 2015 elections?

P.O: It’s very crystal clear like the biblical 'MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN'. It's audible to the deaf and visible to the blind. and any case, no less the political personage than the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, President Goodluck Jonathan has been heard to have confirmed that. He said so, we read it in the papers that 2015 is the ??Faucet origo??of this crisis, it's the ‘faucet origo’ of political tension in the country and he urged the political dramatis personae to put their 'sheath in their swords' that 2015 is still far away. But if you look at the totality of the crisis in rivers state just now, it leaves me with just two conclusions.

ONE! That 2015 is inherently laden with a political and democratic thalidomide. TWO!,

Male Anchor: Sir Thalidomide will be?

P.O: Stillborn, it may be stillborn

Male Anchor: Okay.

P.O: TWO! Whearas some social scientist like myself have gone to town for donkey years now saying that what we have is not a democracy, but what we have is civilian rule, but by recent events, I'm even tempted to say No,No,No,No,No,No,No,No, Nigeria is neither witnessing civilian rule, nor is Nigeria witness democracy, what we have at best, is a form of Government I call kakistomoboplutocarcy and that is BAD for the nation. Is it within the Obi/Okpor context? Is it within the NGF election context where 16 persons are more than 19 persons, if within the microscopic ceramics and cadence of 36 Governor who are supposed to be the ??susseranes of democratic ethics and ethos in their respective terra firma, you cannot adjudge democratic score.

Female Anchor: How best do you think this crisis can be resolved? in the, whether utmost political manner or democratic, How best can this crisis be resolved?

P.O: Very Simple, Very Simple. The President of The Federal Republic Of Nigeria is the Customs?? of Societal Mores, having superintendence over all political umbrages Contras bonos mores?. By that I mean, he's supposed to be the moral conscience-the social and moral conscience-of our ethical and national values.

Female Anchor: Are you saying the President needs to step in here and be decisive about what is happening in Rivers state?

P.O: All governors in the length and breath of the federal republic of Nigeria are the Governor children. The govern- the President just now must come down from matino libos. The President just now, must not be partisan. The President just now must show more than a complacent, more than a lethargic, more than a a passive interest in the security and political imbroglio in Rivers State.

Female Anchor: How about the allegations against the rivers state governor himself, Do you think he is feeling distressed?

P.O: What are the allegations against him?

Female Anchor: The ones in the papers; the ones in the news.

P.O: Oh! You have to be specific, so that I can respond to it specifically

Female Anchor: That He's been disrespectful to the President

P.O: How, how? The man has said for the umpteenth time-even to my own maniacal bewilderment that 'I'm NOT interested in becoming the vice President of this country. And anytime I hear him say so, I quickly engage in a retort or a verbagogical repathy, where I'm seated or where I am standing, that SO WHAT!
Even if you're interested in becoming the vice President of this Country- and SO WHAT!. Is that not a democratic right? It's an inalienable right.
LIST OF POSSIBLE DIIFICULT WORDS AND MEANINGS

CRINKUM-CRANKUM: something full of twists and turns : a thing fancifully or excessively intricate and elaboratewo
Higi-haga or highi-hagha (couldn't get a hold of what this means as of publishing time).
ODORIFEROUS: Having strong odour.
SAGA: A period of time.
CUM: together with, along with, in combination with, or functioning as.
GARGANTUAN:Tremendously large in amount.
GAGA: an offensive term that insults somebody's mental abilities, especially those of a senior citizen.
'Odoriferous saga cum gargantuan gaga' would therefore mean;
A period of time having strong odour coupled with a huge indiscretion by a senior government parastatal.
MANIACALLY BEWILDERED: Extremely Surprised
FLASHPUENCE: (Couldn’t get a whiff of this one too yet)
TRANSMOGRIFY (ied): to change the appearance or form of something, especially in a grotesque or bizarre way.
BERMUDA TRIANGLE: is an undefined region in the western part of the North Atlantic Ocean where a number of aircraft and ships are said to have disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
ESCHEWABLE: avoidable.
BERTH(ing): Parking place for a ship or vehicle.
'MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN' from Daniel 5:25.
A mysterious and divine handwriting on the wall in the palace of the Persian king Darius which was visible to everyone 'MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN' meaning
“You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE 'A group of people in a particular situation'
THALIDOMIDE :a synthetic drug found to cause physical malformations in fetuses when taken by pregnant women, which in this case may kill the baby, (the new President to be in 2015) cause a figurative stillborn.

KAKISTOMOBOPLUTOCRACY: A portmanteau of KAKISTOCRACY, MOBOCRACY & PLUTOCRACY.

KAKISTOCARCY: Government by the most unscrupulous or unsuitable people, or a state governed by such people.
MOBOCARCY: political control exercised by a mob.
PLUTOCARACY: The rule of a society by its wealthiest people.
Therefore, I think, KAKISTOMOBOPLUTOCRACY would mean a form of government by the Rich, Unscrupulous and Wealthy Mob in a Country.
TERRA FIRMA: Land or Solid Ground.
UMPTEENTH : Large and of unspecified number.
INALIENABLE: not able to be transferred or taken away, e.g. because of being protected by law.
With this compiled list and meanings, anyone determined to find out what he was really saying can do that a bit easier….and for those who haven’t seen the interview, you can download here http://www.4shared.com/folder/Hgz3oQax/Pat.html or watch it on YOUTUBE.

Trust F. Obe
meet.trust@gmail.com