[quote author=AnodaIT]When buying recharge card from the girl in your street, never come out of the car. Stay in there and hoot the horn, you will see her leaving the footed customer to sell you the N100 you needed. Dont bother feeling sorry for the other customers, remember that was how you use to stand. God time is the best [/quote
] .........*LWKMD

You must also stay out late into the evening, returning only when you are sure the whole neighbourhood is at home and trying to sleep. Then you drive into the street slowly blasting a particular track of Rick Ross with full head lights.

see folks with no sense of humour na. this is sarcasm abi satire. its intent is to be funny and a convoluted piece of advice. channeled at peeps who think they have arrived by just buying their first car.

As for the recharge card one I'm a huge culprit. But I tend to do it more confidently when I am buying large amounts for a data plan or when sending to my mom or girlfriend but when I am buying N200 for myself, omor when I pull up I am politeness personified. Tail between legs ish lol

CHIMCO: The op edicted the originai post to some extent. Give him some credit , lol.

edicted

chess guru: But sincerely, I used to think that the kind of drivers in lagos where the worst until I came 2 PH. That's when I confirmed that AC and fan are 2 different entities!
The driving attitude here is J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ plane sick. My mum came 2 ph for the 1st time said ph driving reminded her of driving in lagos in 1990's.
Don't even think of sticking ur hand out the window to beg other cars so you can enter a lane, cos ur hand will stay there and sprout roots, wither, dry up and die before anyone pays attention to you!
Don't even let me start with the one way some foooools do along that dilapidated narrow rumuodara to rumuokoro road!
Or the bus drivers that don't feel that pedestrians deserve to be trekking since they will convert the side walk to their express road!
Then there is the double parking or the taxi drivers that feel they can "match" break in full motion @ any point of the road to collect passengers. The fact that every single spot in ph (except aba road) is a bustop doesn't help matters.
Or the mofos that can cut their engine in a narrow street, leave their car and go out to buy meat (saw that nonsense this morning on my way to church) while all other cars behind him need to maneuver around his car J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ to get by.
The list is endless
Port-HI-court I hail!!!!
The most over hyped town in Nigeria

Even in churches, he does not know how to park well. Every road/street in port harcourt is either a taxi or bus stop not just Aba road.

Playing d music so high xpecially in ur street Jeez..dis guy in ma street do piss me off any time he passes my hood wit dat mercedes (190), alwayz playin very loudly 'ibiri kam biri' live & let's live by d late Olive d coque.

Trust me its real fun if u hv one or hv access to one.
Called one of my uniabuja babe to come c me. C gobe,touching my head n neck anyhw,mehn no stress. D car did d chiaking

As a Car Owner with several years of experience behind the wheel, I want to say this. @OP you are biased and bigoted in your post.

When I did not own a car, I respected the rules of the road.

1: Do not walk casually gisting with your girl-friend on a busy street with rushing traffic, especially when you are actually walking on the road rather than the side-walk

2: When a car respects you and waits for you to cross a road with no zebra-crossing. you walk quickly not pick-up the phone and start posing as if you are walking to your own car parked down the road.. friggin bastich!

3: Do not tap or hit the boot of a car as you cross the road just because you think you are more valuable than the car, you are not. if you were offered for sale at N1 million and a 2009 Range Rover LR3 for N1 million, 10 out of 10, chances are you will never be bought. (even for free)

4: Do not get angry when you hear the sound of your neighbor (my fellow-car owner) warming-up his car, after-all that illiterate road-side preacher who blares Hell and Damnation (5AM-6AM every morning 365 days a year) never bothers you at all.

5: Do not get angry when you (a non-car owner) hear a Car-owner blaring Rick Ros(AY) 6AM in the morning coming home from hard partying. after-all, you slept 9 hours next to your I betta pass my neighbor, noise maker of a generator, smiling all through.

6: The Zebra Crossing is not meant for casual strolling, observe Zebras in their nautral environment, they are always on 100% alertness and walk briskly, that is why it is called a Zebra Crossing not an aimless Hippo crossing

7: Do not beef anyone who dangles his car keys.. he probably has his house keys and his Office keys there too it is not easy ooh.. try getting one yourself

8: Do not Feel Oppressed it will be your turn one day, Year of Restoration, Year of Hope, Year of Glory, Year of Continuous Bread, Year of Get-my-own Car it will be your turn one year

Ikenna351: Op,

Plagiarism is a serious offence which the forum doesnt allow. Dont copy another man's work and pretend its yours. Its a serious legal matter. It will get you a long ban next time.

Moderator.

Honestly i was about to praise that guy but thank God someone came here with a source.

What?

Revolva: Always make sure you curse...people..who try to overtake you..stupid old man iya la iia and yeye woman...no be ashewo...u do take buy moto....lol.cos in lagos if u never curse before and you are a car owner you are the world greatest liar

So true,My Pastor will say if you drive in Lagos and you don't curse okada riders or motorist,then you are INDEED a Christain.

Ojestas: holding car keys recklessly

Show off things..Its all poverty mentality!!

Don't mind them jare.

Bunch'a arrogant people.

Any small thing, you must oppress your fellow man. Rubbish mentality

PH is the worst town to drive a car in... It's slightly worse than lagos. Animals who have no business handling a steering wheel drive 80% of the cars in ph! A big shame... and that criminal agency; timariv! the biggest joke in nigeria since nigeria jaga jaga!!!

chess guru: But sincerely, I used to think that the kind of drivers in lagos where the worst until I came 2 PH. That's when I confirmed that AC and fan are 2 different entities!
The driving attitude here is J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ plane sick. My mum came 2 ph for the 1st time said ph driving reminded her of driving in lagos in 1990's.
Don't even think of sticking ur hand out the window to beg other cars so you can enter a lane, cos ur hand will stay there and sprout roots, wither, dry up and die before anyone pays attention to you!
Don't even let me start with the one way some foooools do along that dilapidated narrow rumuodara to rumuokoro road!
Or the bus drivers that don't feel that pedestrians deserve to be trekking since they will convert the side walk to their express road!
Then there is the double parking or the taxi drivers that feel they can "match" break in full motion @ any point of the road to collect passengers. The fact that every single spot in ph (except aba road) is a bustop doesn't help matters.
Or the mofos that can cut their engine in a narrow street, leave their car and go out to buy meat (saw that nonsense this morning on my way to church) while all other cars behind him need to maneuver around his car J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ to get by.
The list is endless
Port-HI-court I hail!!!!
The most over hyped town in Nigeria

ambrosini593: You have crossed that awkward, deeply uncomfortable, sometimes shameful social state of being without a car, I mean in some countries where the public transport system works, not having a car is no big deal. But in Nigeria, where public transport is living hell.

You had suffered the humiliation and attendant frustrations. You swore to yourself, after the girl you came to party with, left in an air conditioned car.

Thank God at last God now blessed you with a car, you have taken the car to the man of God and they spent over an hour with bonnet open, annionting your car and protecting it against the spirit of accidents that those jealous neigbours and village enemies.

Your car is not beautiful unless you have covered it in stickers. Because of police on the road, get either an NBA sticker or an ARMY sticker.

You don't have to be a lawyer or soldier. Get a customized plate number with your name or nickname, such as TONY01, DE DON01, DADDYK01. The `01` is useful even if you have only one car, it just shows how much you have faith that more will come. You can use nice Bible verse, like ISAIAH 43:4.

Now that you are a car owner, you need to realize that your status has changed. You need to treat pedestrians with the disdain they deserve.

You must never think like a pedestrian and do silly things like observing Zebra crossings. Those whites lines are there to beautify the road.

Speed across them and curse anyone who tries to get in your way. Remind your neigbours of how your hustle has been blessed by warming your car everyday as early as 6am. At night, it is important that you see the road clearly. Nigerian roads are dark and dangerous, so you must use your full light at all times.

Learn how to double park, how to drive against traffic on the highway, how to beat the traffic light, how to stop in the middle of the road to say hello to a long lost friend, how to litter the street with wrappers of plantain chips, banana pills etc bought on hold up.

Once again I rejoice with you and may God keep blessing your hustle

All I have to say is that you will soon return to your former status of being without a car. Because you didn't learn anything from the experience

HORN ANYTIME YOU ARE ANGRY AT SOMETHING...THEN GLANCE LEFT TO RIGHT AT THE PEDESTRIANS ADMIRING YOU.

trae_z:

Always have the courtesy to quote from your source man; copyright and all. respect Elnathan John's intellectual property

http://www.dailytimes.com.ng/opinion/how-behave-car-owner-nigeria

traze_z:
thanks for the info

AnodaIT: When buying recharge card from the girl in your street, never come out of the car. Stay in there and hoot the horn, you will see her leaving the footed customer to sell you the N100 you needed. Dont bother feeling sorry for the other customers, remember that was how you use to stand. God time is the best

kingschild123: Please owning a car does not mean disobeying traffic rules and regulations

Some people just ain't equipped with sense of humor.

FrostyZonn:

Some people just ain't equipped with sense of humor.

Ain't that the Truth bruv

As per holding keys in hand, its not always about showing off. Sometimes one could be so consumed in their thoughts without knowing he has his keys dangling. Remember entering d bank one day with my key in hand and all the tellers(ladies) had this holier dan thou look on. Some of them woulndt fare any better if the had cars. We must all learn to put our complexes in check

mitey:
^^^^ Bloody Hypocrite!!!

Thanks.

For the records, this forum remains 'faceless', so i do not see a need to impress.

Can't believe some people still don't get that this is a joke...Satire...I tire o.

[quote author=Jccy][/quote]

As in, I fit give u that special trip for my ride If u don't mind

Sup

Ikenna351: Op,

Plagiarism is a serious offence which the forum doesnt allow. Dont copy another man's work and pretend its yours. Its a serious legal matter. It will get you a long ban next time.

Moderator.

is that a threat? This is Naija joor

Truckpusher: This is what i call INTELLECTUAL THEFT.....OP was so engrossed in dissing Nigeria that he forgot that his masterpiece was actually a stolen intellectual property....continue your stealing spree at least those drivers are still better than you.After all, they didn't steal the cars they're driving.

It is not theft, it is a copyright infringement.

vivacious vivi: Busted or not, cut d OP some slack. This was quite hilarious. Loved d part about Zebra crossings and stopping on d street to greet pals.

Plagiarism is a serious offence outside the country. One can get expelled or even face legal prosecution for plagiarizing. The op deserves no slack.

Kay 17:

It is not theft, it is a copyright infringement.

And your copyright infringement amounts to what in a court of law?......and i clearly wrote "intellectual theft" i didn't say theft only........are you high

Truckpusher: And your copyright infringement amounts to what in a court of law?......and i clearly wrote "intellectual theft" i didn't say theft only........are you high

It is neither theft nor intellectual theft. Cos nothing is being stolen, neither is the creator of the work deprived of the work itself. Rather the creator's temporary right to a monpoly of the production/copy of the work is violated/infringed.

Theft is entirely different.