Hello there,

There are some of us (Nigerians) who actually don't believe in God. We don't go to church, we don't go to mosques. Some of us can be quite moral, gentlemen, and not players. We are as faithful and honest (or dishonest) as the average Christians, and sometimes more so. But we just don't believe in God. At all.

Suppose you meet someone who is so sweet, so loving, so gentle, so understanding, so caring, so attractive, so charming, etc. Someone who is everything you have ever wanted in a husband or wife. But that person just doesn't believe in God and despite all your efforts cannot believe (or refuses to believe).

If that non-believer in God asks you to marry him/her, will you oblidge, and under what conditions (if any)?

Thanks a million!

of course i can! it's just up to U to bring him/her closer to God it's just as simple as that, really!

Seun,

I bet you'll get a lot of 'nos'.

It's an article of faith (at least with Christianity) - "do not be unevenly yoked with an unbeliever". I suspect that if someone does marry such a person, it will perhaps be after the person has been friends with the believer for so long that the believer is comfortable with him (and it will usually be a him) and if there is absolutely nobody else on the horizon.

Many people do it. But in my case i wont. I believe in God and i expect the one i choose to be with should also believe in God. i believe it would eventually cause confusiion which i dont want. there are other problems to overcome in marriage i dont want to intentionally ceate one myself.

hmmm,

I wld say i can, but i wldnt be a happy marriage. This is because for ppl to marry they must believe in the same important things, nd these include, religion, values and some how tradition (although da doesnt really matter). Nywayz my point being is dat, religion is a controversial subject dat even detroys the happiest of couples.

Interestingly,

", Americans rate atheists below Muslims, recent immigrants, gays and lesbians and other minority groups in 'sharing their vision of American society.' Atheists are also the minority group most Americans are least willing to allow their children to marry."

http://www.religioustolerance.org/atheist5.htm

I mistakenly clicked "NO".

I wanted to click "YES".

Well yes, i can marry someone who doesn't believe in God. As long as he's all those things u've listed. He doesn't believe in God. I'll try to change him, but if he doesn't change, well that's Him And God's business.

I've done my best. He can be a sweet husband, and a good father to my kids. Him and God will settle the rest when they meet.

It's possible. Conditions? Well the person could not make fun of my belief in God or try to dissuade the children from believing in God.

It's going to be a tough decision for me to make. I'm not overly religious, but will like to raise the kids in the belief that there is a force out there greater than us all. That is what I call God.

Yea, it'd definitely be a very hard decision. I think the beginning stages would be more difficult than the engagement.

I see the flaming religious bigots have not yet found this topic. Either that, or NL has become a very tolerant community! That's nice

I can certainly marry someone that does not believe in God. Ive always said that belief in God is a spiritual matter, which is personal. All the social hullabaloo just leads to hate and bigotry. If she can find fulfilment for her soul in some other way that doesnt make her unattractive to me, then good for her!


offtopic:
Now if the question was "can you marry someone that believes in X god", I'd have to think, depending on what X god says she should do in his/her holy book. If she is a follower of sokpana and needs to sacrifice a young adolescent virgin male every full moon then I think not!!!!!!

I can but on one condition. If he's not a bigot. If he's not the type that has this revolting hatred and intolerance for those who believe God. If he respects my beliefs. If he can accommodate the fact that I believe God and doesn't try to convince me that there is no God or make me feel like a fool, you know most people who don't believe in God think of those who believe as fools and mock us for no reason.
I believe there won't be confusion if he's not a bigot.

IAH (and any others would consider marrying a non-believer),

I'm curious - how would you handle an situation where your child asked you and your non-believing spouse if there was God? Do you worry that the child would be confused if you gave one answer and your spouse gave another?

As long as we respect each others' beliefs, I would.

here is the plan,

we meet u tell me u aint down with God, i try for 6 months to convert u but u just wont accept him then i will kick you the fu*k out of my house. tell the people that sent u, u didnt see me at all. which one bi, u no believe in God? abi dey throw u down from the sky direct.

How can u not believe in something at least,,,,,,,I mean how do u guys live sef,,,,really?,,,,,what motivates u to be moral if u dont believe that u will be judged by ur actions someday,,,,,,,If I did not believe that somebody will judge me some day, trust me,,,,I will f**k every girl I can, even rape some,,,,,,I will cheat as much people as I can,,,,,,drink so much beer till my stomach bulge,,,,,,,BUt u see I cant do these things,,,,,,because I believe that "u reap what u sow",,,,,,I also believe that someday someone will ask me how I lived my life on earth,,,,,how I treated my wife and raised the kids he gave me,,,,,,,,that is morality my dear,,,,,,,,,so since that is the case,,,,I will never marry someone who is not even a christian let alone an atheist. I dont hate them tho,,,,,,I mean think about the emotional/spiritual chaos I will have to put my children through,,,,when I am kneeling in front of my family altar in the morning while my wife's ass is pointed opposite mecca with her head hitting floor,,,,who knows how many times,,,,,,let alone an atheist who dosent even pray at all. WHat if my child asks me why he/she cannot lie for example,,,,,,,my wife will tell them its because it is not nice and I will tell them because God says we shouldnt.,,,,,I think it will just be too much chaos,,,,,


and by the way,,,,I really believe that he that found a "godly woman has found a good thing"

In case of morality,,,,,I definetly do not want to be with anybody that defines their own morality,,,,,here is why,,,,,,Man in all his instability always changes their mind ever more often,,,,,shifting their moral window to fit their own selfish scheme,,,,,,so I want to make sure that the morals of my wife/gf is based on the foundations of God's word as opposed to what she "thinks" is moral,,,,cheers

Can two be together except they agree?

I can't marry a non-believibg in God person- an atheist?
Never!
When I believe there is this true God who created heavens and earth.

How can u not believe in something at least,,,,,,,I mean how do u guys live sef,,,,really?,,,,,what motivates u to be moral if u don't believe that u will be judged by your actions someday,,,,,,,

Emmie4J,

What motivates me? My own personal code of ethics. I would never do to others what I wouldn't want them to do to me; I try as much as possible to make those around me happier as long as it is not at a cost to my personal happiness. I'm not driven by the fear of punishment or the desire for a reward.

If I did not believe that somebody will judge me some day, trust me,,,,I will f**k every girl I can, even rape some,,,,,,I will cheat as much people as I can,,,,,,drink so much beer till my stomach bulge,,,,,,,

Are you telling me it is fear of judgment that is motivating you? I find that somewhat troubling. Let's say you were a father, and you learnt your son was only obeying you because he was afraid that you would punish him, but if not for that he would run wild. What would you think of that son?

WHat if my child asks me why he/she cannot lie for example,,,,,,,my wife will tell them its because it is not nice and I will tell them because God says we shouldnt.,,,,,I think it will just be too much chaos,,,,,

Well, there can be more than one reason for not doing the same thing - abi? But yes - this is something that both parents need to discuss properly before marriage.

Ka:

Emmie4J,

What motivates me? My own personal code of ethics. I would never do to others what I wouldn't want them to do to me; I try as much as possible to make those around me happier as long as it is not at a cost to my personal happiness. I'm not driven by the fear of punishment or the desire for a reward.


Are you telling me it is fear of judgment that is motivating you? I find that somewhat troubling. Let's say you were a father, and you learnt your son was only obeying you because he was afraid that you would punish him, but if not for that he would run wild. What would you think of that son?


Well, there can be more than one reason for not doing the same thing - abi? But yes - this is something that both parents need to discuss properly before marriage.

Your own Personal code of ethics??.,,,,,,,decided on by yourself,,,,,,inorder words u can change that when it is convinient??,,,,,that in its self is scary enough,,,,,Dude I do not trust u to make that decision on right and wrong ok,,,,,,I know humans too well to think otherwise

2nd: Oh yeah,,,,,,it is the fear of God that makes me not do certain things ok. And If I did not have that fear,,,,,trust me I will go wild,,,,,,,,just like the fear of my father's spanking prevented me from breaking into that students locker in high school ok,,,,,,,now that fear has made that behavior of restraint second nature. SO again, it is the fear of God that makes me the man that I am

3rd: Because I do not want to want my children to suffer from split personlity,,,,,I will choose to marry someone who will tell my kids the same thing I will tell them. I want my Children to be Good because God wants them to, not because "mama Nkechi" said it is ok

Your own Personal code of ethics??

Yep.

decided on by yourself

Yep,  after my observations about the world.

,,,,,,inorder words u can change that when it is convinient??

No. Don't assume that everyone who has a personal code of ethics takes it as lightly as you might.

Dude I do not trust u to make that decision on right and wrong ok

That's OK. What's wrong and right to me might not be wrong and right to you.

2nd: Oh yeah,,,,,,it is the fear of God that makes me not do certain things ok. And If I did not have that fear,,,,,trust me I will go wild,,,,,,,,just like the fear of my father's spanking prevented me from breaking into that students locker in high school ok,,,,,,,now that fear has made that behavior of restraint second nature. SO again, it is the fear of God that makes me the man that I am

So you do things because you are afraid of God and don't want to incur his anger,  rather than because you love him and want to do make him happy with your actions.

All riiiight,

No I can't

2cantango:


No I can't

why be more detailed

hydee0k:

why be more detailed

It's not as easy as some have said here - having different beliefs/faiths does create tension.

I have been proposed to by a Muslim man, he is all the things that Seun mentioned, but he lacks understanding regarding my faith. We have been very good friends for several years, but in those few years the topic of religion has reared it's head and it always becomes rather nasty.

When talking about religion he is like a different person - gone is all his sweetness, and every other aspect of his personality that I love, and out comes this person that I feel I don't know at all. He becomes very cruel in his comments, in that he'll go so far as insulting me because of my Christian beliefs. He has admitted that if I were to marry him, he'd go all out to convert me to become a Muslim, and any children in the relationship would be Muslims, no questions asked. He wouldn't visit my Mum because she owns a dog, I'd have to get rid of my dog, I'd have to dress like a Muslim, etc, etc, etc.

As for marrying someone who totally doesn't believe in God, my answer would probably still be no, based on what I have seen and heard from other couples.

Faith is a life choice, it's not a simple thing that can be swept under the rug.

I've yet to meet anyone from a different religion or of no religion who could love me enough to respect my faith and acept that it is part of me, and not try to convert me.

I don't try to convert other people, I don't ram my belief down anyone's throat, so I expect the same consideration and respect in return.

Faith is a life choice, it's not a simple thing that can be swept under the rug.

I agree with you. It's sad, but true, that most people saying "yes" may not actually be able to tolerate the non-believer or respect his/her non-belief enough to create a healthy relationship. Tai Solarin had to import a white german atheist to be his wife, and Nigerians who are non-believers should be prepared to do the same.

2cantango:

I don't try to convert other people, I don't ram my belief down anyone's throat, so I expect the same consideration and respect in return.

Exactly! And that is what we call Tolerance. I think it's selfish to want others to respect one's belief/disbelief when you don't respect others' own.

No.

I said NO , because apart of what I want in a guy is he has to believe in God.

IAH, if you marry a non-believing husband, he has to be tolerant. Let us explore this issue of tolerance.

Does it mean he has to:
- Go to church with you from time to time?
- Let you take the children to church when they'll rather stay at home with him?
- Refrain from teaching the children about evolution or making them doubt the word of God?

It's possible to be tolerant when there are just two of you, but once you have children there'll be no more tolerance!

Yeah ofcourse i can marry her, because the bible made me to understand that He that is in me (Christ) is greater than he that is in the world (Satan), so with Christ in me, i can make her turn to God, because with the power in me i.e power of life and death which is in the tongue, i can speak and it shall come to pass only by faith, and the Bible made us to understand that, any thing bound in earth, is been bound in heaven as well , so by the authority in the word in God, i willl marry her and make her a vessel unto honor.

Hmm. . .never heard it quite like this. . . .