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Sister there is nothing to worry about in this institution "marriage". Don't get urself worked up. I can tell u that marriage is d best thing that can happen to individual who desire such. I enjoy every second of my marriage.

But u see to some couples it's hell on earth. Prepare for the best not worst. Don't allow others' bad experience influence ur marriage. U are getting married to a living being whom I believe will equally be working towards having a beautiful home. So there is no need for all that worries.

When u get there, humble urself to know what he wants and make efforts to do just that, when u do that, u will not only have a peaceful home but, u will equally enjoy ur marriage. All the problems u see and hear abt marriage are caused by husband and wife. So make up ur mind to be a good wife.

There is no space here, I would have love to tell u about my wife. I enjoy her to "pieces" and she does too. Our worlds wouldn't have completed with each other. So, I don't know how others miss it.

Oya, sisters in d house help her remove fears.

49 views .....for now?.... And only one cool married man came up with his own idea on marriage... C'mon , married sisters in da house, where art thou? ..... Don't tell me, happy married women are scarce ....
We are waiting o... Don't fall our hands o..


@ op, hope for the best, work towards balancing your home and career for peace to reign and be humble ,hardworking, selfless and submissive... I bet u shouldn't have a problem , after the whole ceremony, cos u r getting married to a man , u feel u know considerably well...u know , your intending husband weak points, his strong points, use all these to build a peaceful home for new family coming up ....it's not easy....in short, Nothing in life is easy.... So, go girl and be happy u r marrying your love.
Simply put be a good wife and a good mother... It comes naturally from within, even though u love your "Me" time.... With love, u can share.

Best of luck, babes....u sure need it...and congrats in advance

IMO, I believe that when you get to the bridge, you shall cross it.

Stop being unnecessarily panic, disturbed, pessimistic, anxious and fearful.

All these your fears will disappear when you taste the sweetness in marriage. I'm not promising you heaven and earth o, but if you prepare yourself and you are determined to make your marriage work, then, you can.

However, if there are still some vital issues to be sorted out between you and your fiance, you can still give yourself more time to be convinced.
Also, never take the service of pre-marriage counsellor for granted. It helps, IMO
Above all, be yourself, know yourself, know your partner and make God the pillar of your marriage.
It is well.

Op, sometimes, one just has to take a leap of faith. No one is very certain of anything, but we stay positive believing that all things will work out for our good.

Could be pre-wedding jitters though. You will be fine.

Congrats dear.

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Op
That's the best thing that can happen to u!..or do u think God is joking when he said 'He that find a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from God ?..

Double posts.

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Thanks Everyone! I really needed that.

bettymafy: Op, sometimes, one just has to take a leap of faith. No one is very certain of anything, but we stay positive believing that all things will work out for our good.

Could be pre-wedding jitters though. You will be fine.

Congrats dear.

That might be true. Noticed the fear gets worse as the wedding draws nearer.

Phema you're having what we call wedding jitters... It's a normal feeling.

About your patience around kids: Trust me you'll find your balance as long as you're nurturing and this is what you want.

Your privacy: Don't we all ? ... Everything revolves around proper planning and finding your balance -multitasking, it is a life changing phase I tell you, if you have a mindset to make it work, with positive attitude , you will pull it off.. Marriage is continuous education.


It's not my place to assure you'll be fine but like already mentioned , have you seen a counsellor yet? Have you discussed deeply your plans with your fiancé yet? I understand you can't always have everything perfectly in place but at the same time ruling out some concerns ( everything will fall into place) will do you a lot of good sis... This is what a Psychologist said:

What is the plan?

Have you talked through the BIG items with your intended? A few of these big items include: do we want kids and when; where do we want to live; how much money do we plan to make; how will we budget; how much time will we spend with our extended families; who is staying home with the kids; how ambitious are we individually and how are we going to make room in the relationship for this ambition.

When you talk through all of these questions, a picture or plan for your marriage emerges. Many couples don’t discuss their overall plan before they get married because they either don’t know how to or because they already know there is a conflict and they don’t know how to find a resolution.

If you have not discussed the big questions with your fiancé this may be a source of your wedding jitters. There can be the illusion that these conflicts will all “work themselves out.” I will tell you from personal as well as professional experience that they don’t. But I do know that your anxiety will be greatly relieved by beginning this conversation. Consider finding a workbook or a couples counselor who can guide you through this discussion, help you set goals for yourselves and teach you the communication skills you need to negotiate when your desires or needs differ.

Good luck sis and happy married life in Advance, I wish you well from the bottom of my heart .

@Jide . . Hmmn. . .

You're welcome. Men tend to say that alot ( really what do you expect him to say?) it's your home, you build it..this is the foundation.

All you guys have always done is play and joke around...
I think talking about serious stuff is better sooner , than later when it'll be foreign to both of you= Bad Argument

It's nothing serious ( raising voices/ obnoxious) nor ceremonial... Just sit down and talk( heart to heart) simple.

Relax, breathe and focus on having a wonderful wedding. Everything else will fall in place. The opportunity for your me time will come and you will work it out. Everything will work out if you go in with positive expectations . I even thought your problem was a character issue

Just cool down and remember to make your husband your best friend (NO MORE 3RD PARTIES).
Marriage is so sweet and the feeling of being a mother is the sweetest. You will cope when you get there. Stay blessed and hope the preparation is going on well?

So why do you want to get married?

Is getting phucked regularly your only reason to want to marry?

dayokanu: So why do you want to get married?

Is getting phucked regularly your only reason to want to marry?

Haba...shes 27 na...thats a good age
Moreover sexx drive tends to reduce in matrimony....kids, home cleaning etc

With all I read on Nairaland, I expected this thread to be all about how terrible the institution of marriage is and all what not. I'm so relieved as to the quality of advice being posted here.

I am quite reserved by nature and used to be an extreemly private person. That was before I got married. Tight now, I can't do without having my Lady in close proximity. I'm just not complete without her and vice versa. It's all about making a choice to be the best spouse you can be. Phillipians says that we should consider the other person before ourselves. If you and your guy go into it with that mindset, friends will need a crowbar to pry you guys apart!

jidegirl12: . Marriage is continuous education.


It's not my place to assure you'll be fine but like already mentioned , have you seen a counsellor yet? Have you discussed deeply your plans with your fiancé yet? I understand you can't always have everything perfectly in place but at the same time ruling out some concerns ( everything will fall into place)

Very important to get pre marital counselling. Seriously. It makes a huge difference.

As for the kids, can't help there! 2 years down and I'm still scared of having them!!!!

biolabee:
Haba...shes 27 na...thats a good age
Moreover sexx drive tends to reduce in matrimony....kids, home cleaning etc

SO why is she getting married with all she listed in the original post

You are not scared, you just want some attention. After getting or not getting the attention from here you'd still go and marry your fiancé.

LewsTherin, Rukemi, Baby 123 and Biola, thank you guys. I feel much better.

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dayokanu:

SO why is she getting married with all she listed in the original post

Its a normal feeling...
Even guys feel it too ... like u gonn be on lockdown for life

That's why the bestman was developed- to stop d guy from vamoosing

Its a good step. (Wo)man shd not be alone

Miss bride to be you cannot eat your cake and have it.every of lifes decision comes with its own peculiar responsibilities whether you want to marry or stay single.if you want to marry there is nothing like i dont like kids wahala.they will give you tons of it e.g scaterring the sitting room,pouring food on the chair and when they are still new borns you have to wake up in the middle of the night to breast feed them.there is also nothing like privacy except if you dont want to live under the same roof with your husband.its either you woman up and face the good and challenging sides of being mrs somebody or hold yourself and your privacy.abi you think you marriage is just to explore all the missionary and doggy youve not had the legal opportunity to let me just stop here 8-)

kulyie: Miss bride to be you cannot eat your cake and have it.every of lifes decision comes with its own peculiar responsibilities whether you want to marry or stay single.if you want to marry there is nothing like i dont like kids wahala.they will give you tons of it e.g scaterring the sitting room,pouring food on the chair and when they are still new borns you have to wake up in the middle of the night to breast feed them.there is also nothing like privacy except if you dont want to live under the same roof with your husband.its either you woman up and face the good and challenging sides of being mrs somebody or hold yourself and your privacy.abi you think you marriage is just to explore all the missionary and doggy youve not had the legal opportunity to let me just stop here 8-)

Woman, you are not helping!

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Phema:

Woman, you are not helping!

ok what do you want to hear (read) you want me to lie to you that all this stuffs will not happen in marriage.my dear all this cinderella marriage starts and ends in disney land,you know where that is CARTOONS i am not saying it will be all tough and gloomy,you will have good times too,memorable times and all but its not going to be all rosy,thats the summary of my tale.your husby will annoy you,you will annoy your husby because you are all imperfect human beings but the good thing is that as long as you and your husband know how to have each others back and stay faithful,you'll be fine.ask people like mrs chaircover and mrs great god whether there is any lie in my post especially chaircover because i know she is always very real and factual

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kulyie: Miss bride to be you cannot eat your cake and have it.every of lifes decision comes with its own peculiar responsibilities whether you want to marry or stay single.if you want to marry there is nothing like i dont like kids wahala.they will give you tons of it e.g scaterring the sitting room,pouring food on the chair and when they are still new borns you have to wake up in the middle of the night to breast feed them.there is also nothing like privacy except if you dont want to live under the same roof with your husband.its either you woman up and face the good and challenging sides of being mrs somebody or hold yourself and your privacy.abi you think you marriage is just to explore all the missionary and doggy youve not had the legal opportunity to let me just stop here 8-)

Kulyie has told the cold hard truths o. And that's why Dayokanu was asking you why you want to get married. Lack of privacy, lots of patience and tolerance and in the Nigerian setting, taking care of kids are part and parcel of marriage. However, you did say you would love nothing more than to be a great wife and mother so that statement just leads me to believe it's just pre-wedding jitters you are dealing with and nothing more serious than that hopefully. The marriage counseling is a great idea to make sure you are both largely on the same wavelength. Beyond that, you just have to live one day at a time and accept your new life.

Bride in waiting, I only have one statement for you to ruminate over.

The foundation you lay today will determine the strength and longevity of your marriage. Lay it on a solid foundation to withstand the storm when it comes...