Full excerpts of the Chapter One of My debut Novel. Please leave a sincere feedback, bad or good.

PETER'S DIARY
Chapter One

Splendid! Please post the rest here

Good story. From a readers perspective, quite captivating. However, I noticed some loopholes in your grammar at the beginning. Your narration is engaging enough, but you could work on it. And your similes, some watered down your story. Try to be more graphically and avoid the similes. Readers would want to use their minds' eye not their imagination.

Superclem: Good story. From a readers perspective, quite captivating. However, I noticed some loopholes in your grammar at the beginning. Your narration is engaging enough, but you could work on it. And your similes, some watered down your story. Try to be more graphically and avoid the similes. Readers would want to use their minds' eye not their imagination.

Graphical*

Nice storyline - i admire your use of similes too, but i must point out that the best way to use simile is to let it flow naturally and graphically with the storyline. That way, readers can impulsively understand the technique of description, Rather than pause to imagine.
You're doing real great o.k? Thumbs up

Superclem: Good story. From a readers perspective, quite captivating. However, I noticed some loopholes in your grammar at the beginning. Your narration is engaging enough, but you could work on it. And your similes, some watered down your story. Try to be more graphically and avoid the similes. Readers would want to use their minds' eye not their imagination.

Thank you very much for these technical advices, I'll take most of them into consideration. As for the grammatical loopholes you noticed, Perhaps that's one of the natural mistake which a writer who has no degree or diploma in english language is bound to make. But, I'll also work on that. Thanks.

Okonjo iweala: Nice storyline - i admire your use of similes too, but i must point out that the best way to use simile is to let it flow naturally and graphically with the storyline. That way, readers can impulsively understand the technique of description, Rather than pause to imagine.
You're doing real great o.k? Thumbs up

I sincerely appreciate your appraisal. I will revisit the similes again. Thank you very much.

Dr. Asiko:

Graphical*

my bad, thanx for the correction

Cityofdavid:

Thank you very much for these technical advices, I'll take most of them into consideration. As for the grammatical loopholes you noticed, Perhaps that's one of the natural mistake which a writer who has no degree or diploma in english language is bound to make. But, I'll also work on that. Thanks.

I understand as I'm also in the same shoes. There's only one way around it, read and read wide.

Okonjo iweala: Nice storyline - i admire your use of similes too, but i must point out that the best way to use simile is to let it flow naturally and graphically with the storyline. That way, readers can impulsively understand the technique of description, Rather than pause to imagine.
You're doing real great o.k? Thumbs up

Retweeting her, let the similes flow naturally, yours seemed forced.

Superclem:

Retweeting her, let the similes flow naturally, yours seemed forced.

You're another very wonderful writer...I admire your works

Dr. Asiko:

You're another very wonderful writer...I admire your works

superblushing

peter