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Continues

About the political achievements and controversy surrounding the Presidency, I think I have some convincing explanations. First, the stones casted on Dr. Reuben Abati inthe last two years were too much. Though heshould not have dared Nigerians to gather their stones well in his article titled “The Jonathan they don’t know”. I guessed he did geography in school and he should be aware Nigerian stones are terrible when it lands on a person’s skull. Thank God, the stones hauledat him in return were not those form Aja-Okuta, Abeokuta, Idanre hill side and other places with the stone insignia. He was once accused of being uncultured and unrefined in his speech and writings, later hewas called a pathogenic liar just because he was economical with the truth during the first lady’s surgery mission. Sorry, I did not mean that. She actually travelled out of the country to do whatever she told us then and not surgery. That reminds me, how many nations of the world can boast of their first lady waking after death? I bet none. This wasthe woman who fought death and won. May God spare Governor Amaechi’s mother for us.She publicly declared her victory over death atthe Aso rock thanksgiving service. If Nigeria were to be a country where leaders are corrupt or greedy, the First Lady would have become a tourist attraction object. People would have travelled down to Nigeria from allover the world to see the modern Lazarus. As for Dr. Abati, he was not and is not a liar. Sometimes when your mouth is filled with cake, not just an ordinary cake; national cake for that matter, when you talk, people hardly hear you and even when they do, they might misinterpret the little you were able to mutter. If you think power and money have corrupted Dr. Reuben Abati, I think you got it wrong. I have come to realize that as ordinary citizens that we are and that Dr. Abati was, we tend to be lost but when we are invited to have a close look at the nationalcake, we are found. Dr. Abati is found and he no longer sees reason to nail the government. I must not forget to tell Dr. Abati and Dr. Doyin Okupe that this is not a letter ora debate; I am not expecting any reply from them since I am only joining them in blowing the trumpet of their masters. I would not act ignorant of the Governor’s Forum Election and the controversy, but sometimes we have to see from within. Nigeria has advanced more than relying on ordinary mathematics of 1 greater than 2. In Political mathematics, one realizes that one governor duly supported by the President makes 10 of one without that support. I won’t hide words to say the same applies to the Rivers State Houseof Assembly. We should not let other countries see us as less-advanced mathematically. That is how it is done everywhere.

President Jonathan advised foreign investors to shun terrorism in the country and come to invest. Exactly my point! Sometimes a good leader will pretend some great problems are absent and tell people to act as if all is well. I do not know if those foreign investors actually came as advised by Mr. President but if they did not, just because of mere terrorists, then they are cowards. I vividly remember I was taught by my Economics teacher that there are risks attached to every business. So quitting because of ordinary terrorism makes them people with low business acumen. Mrs. Okonjo Iweala will definitely buy my postulation and offer me a scholarship to study Economics at Harvard just like herself and her children. I only pray she sees this. Labaran Maku said it well by thanking Mark Zuckerberg for bringing Facebook to Nigeria. Without Facebook, we would not have known how far the presidentand the other members of the cabinet have travelled in our own interest. I wonder if the minimum payment clause would have been a reality without Facebook. I can’t imagine people saying 11 jets are too much for the Presidential fleet. Is there anything bad in Asorock having a private airport? There is one common saying now among Nigerians, if the President should buy a tissue paper; they shout “tax payers’ money”. Even my kid sister now laments tax payers’ money. Who is asking her for tax? The cry of some people is that most Nigerians find it hard to eat three-square meals a day. Is eating in such voracious manner contained in our National Anthem or Pledge? Are we not the one that said we are ready to serve with all our strength and might? By implication, we have vouched to serve without break, let alone taking three-square meal. I think Nigerians are not also aware of the Bible verse that saysman shall not live on bread alone.

Continues

May I seize this golden opportunity to tell our unique First Lady something about my highly esteemed literary giant and Professor, Wole Soyinka. The Professor was not trying to insult your Excellency by calling you a “shepopotamus”. I know the name was coined by Kongi to show the majesty and greatness of the only African First Lady. If President Jonathan is to Nigeria what hippopotamus is to the sea or ocean, then God bless the great Professor for describing our First Lady as a “shepopotamus”. If Nigeria were a jungle, President Jonathan would be a lion and as the First Lady, you are automatically a lioness. Not to even mention that this lioness is Evans Bipi’s Jesus Christ on earth.
Some people think her grammars are horribleand should be vetoed by the plethora of media advisers at the rock house, but I do tellthem to shut up and learn to have a sense of humour like the First Lady herself. Must people be serious with everything? I can beatmy chest she intentionally create comic reliefswith those grammatical arrangements. I can’twait to hear her speak again to her fellow widows. One more thing in that aspect is thatNigerians want her and Professor Wole Soyinka on AIT or Channels TV to address a national issue. I think the opportunity would have afforded the First Lady the chance to demonstrate her advice that “We should havelove for our fellow Nigerians irrespective of our NATIONALITY” and maybe to remember the nation that “The President and his Vice is a good people, he was once a child and the senators were once a children” but I won’t advise the First Lady to go near anything that has to do with Professor Wole Soyinka or Honourable Patrick Obahiaghon for now. It might end up being suicidal.

I need to drop my pen now since a decade won’t even be sufficient to celebrate President Jonathan and the First Lady’s legacies. However, I suggest Mr. President warn Governor Jonah Jang against visiting the Rock house when he (the President) is not around. The reason for my advice is not far-fetched. Governor Jonah Jang said Governor Amaechi is his son and the First Lady recently claimed the maternity of the Governor. At least, Nigerians are aware now that Governor Amaechi’s parents are into active politics. I am not saying the First lady is unfaithful, but who knows: a DNA test of Governor Amaechi may resolve the matter.

Ogundipe David Oluwasegun is a law graduate of the University of Ilorin. He is a political satirist, a poet, a creative essayist, public analyst, right writer and social critic. Hecan be reached at +2348169276283 or docreativemind@gmail.com.

lemme comment b4 i read d essay...m cumin

I enjoyed this piece. The writer's satirical assessment of our dear president's performance is unique. He should try to get this piece published on a national daily.