Hi my fellow Nairalanders,

I need some serious advice as I can't ask my fellow family members for advice regarding this issue,
Am a 27year old guy, finished university last year awaiting to start my NYSC hopefully this year is all goes to plan. I had the opportunity to school in Canada and while over i discovered a lot about myself. For starters I am naturally a quiet person and prefer chilling at home, that doesn't mean i don't go out but I just feel I have overgrown all those club and partying ways.

Lucky my family isn't rich but we are okay (comfortable) thank GOD, am the last born and only boy of the family. I lost my sister some years ago and its just left my mum and me.

The issue i have is I would love to live in Canada, not full time as I have responsibilities bck here in NIGERIA (NEPHEWS, MUM, FAMILY PROPERTIES AND OTHER ISH). My mum would want to me to live here fulltime and start a family here, but deep down I know i would like to live in Canada.

Before I left Canada I had a gf, whom i think I like and NO am no looking for papers (as i said am comfortable). The thing is she has a kid and she's not ready to move down here. And am not ready to move to Canada fulltime. What do u ppl think is the best course of action for this relationship? (Plus we have nothing in common, no shared vision/value, but somehow we been dating for 3years and going good I guess)

Plus honestly with all the properties and shit, am a very simple guy; I would rather live in a 3B/R flat than a house, if u see me walking on the road u would nvr believe am the same person in the office. Don't get me wrong I would like to have money but just enough to maintain my lifestyle and live comfortably with my family.

However I just feel am not really being honest with myself living in the country full time, Sometimes I feel if I move to Canada am abandoning my responsibility here in nigeria.

Sometimes think if i should wait till I have my own freedom to make certain decisions, I would be able to live the life I want or have in my mind God willing.

So pls fellow naija people, what do u think should be my next course of action? (To me I think am facing a battle between culture and identity)

PS: NO INSULTS AND IF YOU NEED MORE INFO FEEL FREE TO ASK AND I WOULD TRY AND ANSWER.

rickiross: Hi my fellow Nairalanders,



Before I left Canada I had a gf, whom i think I like and NO am no looking for papers (as i said am comfortable). The thing is she has a kid and she's not ready to move down here. And am not ready to move to Canada fulltime. What do u ppl think is the best course of action for this relationship? (Plus we have nothing in common, no shared vision/value, but somehow we been dating for 3years and going good I guess)

.

I do not have enough time to respond fully, will do later but the bolded is a red flag. Why be in a relationship with someone that does not share same life values with you? The relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.

You don't have to live your life pleasing anybody not even your parents. Your mum has lived her life, you have a choice to live yours too. Though I do not know if she has a condition that will require your presence by her side, except for that, do what pleases you in as much as you are not hindering the progress of another.

Live your life to please God (if you believe in one) and add values to the environment/society you find yourself. Your people will sort themselves out.

Firstly I don't see a definite future in ur relationship. From the way you talk about her, it sounds like you two have been together for so long you have become use to each other...the passion is no longer there. Plus u need to be with someone that has similar (not necessarily the same) vision as you.
As for relocating, you can shuttle back and forth between Canada and Nig if you have the means to...you are a grown man...sort out ur nysc first then decide what u really want to do. Do u have a job in Nigera? What are your prospects in both countries...who is going to feed u in nigeria or will you add extra strain to your mother. Consider whether living in Canada for a few years and finding ur feet (if u have a good job tho)...once u save up money, you can go and start a business in Nig. This is if u don't have a well paying job already in Nig after nysc. Cos if you do, then just go to canada for holidays.
You can only live where your heart feels most comfortable living. Don't force yourself to live somewhere becos of family, or a "I guess it's going good" type of relationship. Don't live your life for anyone.
The question is what do you really want and where do I see myself in 5-10years. If u can answer this sincerely, then you are 90% there. Goodluck

OP you just stated how non compatible you are so why lead her on? Just forget it and move on with your life. I know it's hard breaking her heart but better safe than sorry earlier the better.

Good luck.

You are both simply not compatible if you cant agree on anything. You have responsibilities in Nigeria, if she cant understand that and support you then you guys should not be together. I am saying this because you really dont want to be one of those guys whose wives live abroad, but you live in Nigeria. It will not work out and most times turn out disastrous. Your wife should be able to make sacrifices for your family within reasonable limits. If she is damn adamant on living full time in Canada, leave her alone. Another girl will come. Is it not foreigners that leave their countries and spend decades in Nigeria? If she truly wants to be with you and loves you, she will move where ever her husbands home is.

jidegirl12: OP you just stated how non compatible you are so why lead her on? Just forget it and move on with your life. I know it's hard breaking her heart but better safe than sorry earlier the better.

Good luck.

Hey!!!

Relationship: Currently the girl in question is about to start university so, marriage is off the table and I myself am definitely not even looking along that line for now, I usually tell her that we both need to get our lives straight before even thinking along that lines.

As far as work, am currently learning the real estate business and i see myself doing it sale/management/letting.

If i may point out, am not your typical guy, I have an open and neutral view on things; like the gf isn't a christian, shes believe in science and am more the christian. However use to follow me to church in canada sometimes and we cool with that.
When talking about a possible future we came to an understand that she would follow me twice a month and she's cool with.
We respect each other beliefs and all that.

What do you mean by we are used to each other? isn't that a good thing?.

the previous posters have made good points..

my own is she has a child and not yet in uni...how come

See Queshon

baby_123:

Hey!!!

Hey is for horses

what's up baby , how body?

jidegirl12: See Queshon



Hey is for horses

what's up baby , how body?

haha! Am doing well, cant complain. We said the same thing about compatibility smae time. How body?

baby_123:
haha! Am doing well, cant complain. We said the same thing about compatibility smae time. How body?

I dey jare... Its sauna out here, I'm on the field today ... can't wait to jump in the pool.

biolabee: the previous posters have made good points..

my own is she has a child and not yet in uni...how come

She was in university while we were both staying in Vancouver, however once I left she moved bck to Toronto to be with her family. She starting in September in a new uni in t.dot.

rickiross:

She was in university while we were both staying in Vancouver, however once I left she moved bck to Toronto to be with her family. She starting in September in a new uni in t.dot.

are u ok with the fact that she has anoda child by anoda man in addition to the seeming compatibiality issues

If u are.. go for it

baby_123:
haha! Am doing well, cant complain. We said the same thing about compatibility smae time. How body?

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I will advise you let go your girlfriend and moved back home.The signs are obvious
1.You don't share same value and vision about life.
2.You don't have any intention of staying in Canada and build a home and future with your girlfriend.
3.She also does not have any intention of building a home and future with u in Nigeria.
4.You have your mother and other responsibility to contend with back home in Nigeria.

It's better you quit the relationship now in a more honourable way than post the day of divorce for tomorrow

Let her go.

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Bros you dey find trouble?

rickiross: Relationship: Currently the girl in question is about to start university so, marriage is off the table and I myself am definitely not even looking along that line for now, I usually tell her that we both need to get our lives straight before even thinking along that lines.

As far as work, am currently learning the real estate business and i see myself doing it sale/management/letting.

If i may point out, am not your typical guy, I have an open and neutral view on things; like the gf isn't a christian, shes believe in science and am more the christian. However use to follow me to church in canada sometimes and we cool with that.
When talking about a possible future we came to an understand that she would follow me twice a month and she's cool with.
We respect each other beliefs and all that.

What do you mean by we are used to each other? isn't that a good thing?.

As far as relationships go, you haven't got a future with her. Your posts infer that, so just let it go. The only thing you two have in common is sex. Probably hot sizzling sex at the moment, hence your confusion.

But you need to ask yourself this: is this physical attraction enough to sustain a relationship? What happens when it eventually fizzles out between you two? What then? You don't have anything in common, no shared values or visions to fall back on when that time comes.

Best to let it go NOW.

As far as your responsibilities go with regards to caring for your family members, you've got to do what you feel is best for you. I think you're main priority as far as 'helping out' goes is your mum. Seeing as you don't have any immediate plans to return back home, why not send for her, in the meantime? Let her spend a couple of months with you?