lil.sweet:
Lovely jokes bro. keep on makeing people 4get their sorrows

In Jesus name Amen.

A woman got on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver said; That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!

The woman went inside the bus and sat down, angry.

She turned to a man Akpos sitting next to her, and said; The driver just insulted me.

Akpos replied; You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.

ADULT:Gospel Singer Turned Ashwo: Maheeda Releases Unclád Pics, Tells Male Fans She Wants Their Tongue

http://clicknewznigeria..com/2013/12/adultgospel-singer-turned-ashwo-maheeda.html

Sorry to derail Click here and represent your section here

Daughter Of A Former Oyo State Governor Kemi Olunloyo Insults Pastor Adeboye Aga by rasqie4me(m): 8:49pm
Controversial activist, Kemi Omolulo-Olunloyo, daughter of a former Oyo state governor, Victor Omololu Olunloyo is in the news again, and this time she talks about Pastor E.A Adeboye.

She took hear Facebook page with over 22,000 followers to warn the people about the upcoming visit of Pastor.
see full gist here....http://clicknewznigeria..com/2013/12/daughter-of-former-oyo-state-governor.html

Son: Dad, what do I give my
girlfriend as a Christmas gift?

Akpos: How does she look?

Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in completion.

Akpos: Give her my number.

Akpos and his
Girlfriend were
taking a romantic
walk down the
beach one cold night.
Akpos grabbed the
girl's hands, drew
her closer to
himself,
kissed her and said;
Baby, you know I
love you so much.
There's no one here,
Its just the two of
us, Let's do
WEWEECHU.
The girl looked
around and said; My
love, I don't want to
do WEWEECHU
please. Let's just
hold
hands and cuddle.
Akpos agreed.
After a while,
Akpos asked her
again; Oh baby, my
love, please Let's do
WEWEECHU!
The girl replied;
Baby, don't rush me.
I don't want to do
it. I just want to be
wrapped in your
arms.
Akpos calmed
down.
After a long
while, Akpos
couldn't hold it any
longer. He said; My
heartbeat, its not
fair oh! Let's do
WEWEECHU na! We
haven't done it since
last year oh! Let's
do it now na.
The girl reluctantly
agreed.
Akpos immediately
grabbed her closer
to
himself, hugged her
tightly, brought out
the guitar strapped
to his back and they
both start singing;
WEWEECHU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS!
WEWEECHU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS!
WEWEECHU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS! AND A
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
See their dirty
minds, What were
you all
thinking WEWEECHU
was? Go to church
jor
and ask God for
forgiveness....
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

3 friends Ochuko, Johnny and Akpos went to a native doctor for ritual to be rich.

The native doctor gave them a charm that will make them to be rich but with a condition that they will not talk on their way home, if they do, the charm will not work.

They agreed and left.

On the way home a man who was owing Akpos saw him and was about to pay back. He said; Akpos please talk the exact amount i am owing you. I have forgotten. I have alot of money here with me now, i want to pay you back. How much is your money?

Ochuko turned to Akpos and Johnny and said; You guys should remember that the native doctor said that we should not talk o.

Johnny said; But Ochuko you have just talked.

Akpos said; Ahhhh! Thank God i did not talk with the 2 of you.

AMERICAN MUMS SAY: Baby, it's night, I think it's time for you to go to bed, I even prepared some fruits for you. Come on let's go.

BUT NIGERIAN MUMS SAY: (Speaking Aloud) You boy you are still watching Mr Ibu. (Calling The Daughter) Onome bring me that belt. I'll flog all the demons out of my son. Have you even urinated. She goes on to pray; FATHER LORD GOD I BEG FOR WISDOM NOT STRENGTH OTHERWISE I WILL BREAK SOMEONE'S NOSE.

Akpos was dragged to church for deliverance by Ofego due to his crazy life style.

On the way back home, Akpos and Ofego were attacked by armed robbers.

The Armed Robbers said; Your money or your life.

Akpos was silent.

Ofego was afraid.

The armed robbers requested again; Give us your money or your life.

Akpos said; I don't have any of the two.

The armed robbers were surprised and asked why?

Akpos replied; On the way to church, beggars asked for my money, and i gave them. At the church, they told me to give my life to Christ, and I have given it to Christ. Armed robbers sorry, beggars and church reach me before you. There's no life and money to give.

njuwo: Akpos was dragged to church for deliverance by Ofego due to his crazy life style.

On the way back home, Akpos and Ofego were attacked by armed robbers.

The Armed Robbers said; Your money or your life.

Akpos was silent.

Ofego was afraid.

The armed robbers requested again; Give us your money or your life.

Akpos said; I don't have any of the two.

The armed robbers were surprised and asked why?

Akpos replied; On the way to church, beggars asked for my money, and i gave them. At the church, they told me to give my life to Christ, and I have given it to Christ. Armed robbers sorry, beggars and church reach me before you. There's no life and money to give.

very funny

Lol

njuwo: Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

hahaha, igbo man and business.

A Man Akpos said; I'm GEJ.
His Wife said; You are kidding. Our President
is GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan).
Akpos said; I mean i'm GEJ - GOING on
EMERGENCY JOURNEY!
The Wife smiled; Oh! You are not serious!
What kind of journey are you going on?
Akpos said; OBJ.
The Wife asked; To meet Obasanjo?
Akpos said; No. It means ON a BUSINESS
JOURNEY.
The Wife exclaimed; Oh!
Akpos said; IBB.
The Wife asked; Babangida?
Akpos said; I'LL BE BACK.
The Wife smiled.
Akpos said; Till then, i'll APC.
The Wife asked; You want to join politics?
Akpos said; I'll ALWAYS give you a PHONE
CALL.
The Wife quipped; Hmmm!
Akpos said; While i'm away, PDP with our
love.
The Wife said; What?
Akpos said; PLEASE DON'T PLAY with our love.
The Wife said; You know i won't. I'll BRF.
Akpos said; What has Lagos State Governor
got to do with all this?
The Wife smiled; I'll BE RIGHTEOUS and
FAITHFUL!
Akpos said; I trust you.
The Wife said; FOOL!
Akpos was shocked and exclaimed; Whaaat?
The Wife said; FOR OUR OVERWHELMING
LOVE!

Doctor: Do you do exercises daily for good health?

Akpos: Yes, I play Football, Cricket and Tennis daily.

Doctor: How long do you play?

Akpos: Until the battery in my mobile phone runs down.

A sick Old Woman in a hospital won 50 Million Naira.

The Doctor Akpos was afraid to break the news to her thinking that on hearing it she might go into coma.

So he went and put it this way to her; If you find out that you've won yourself 50 Million Naira, what will you do?

The Old Woman replied; I'll give you 25 Million Naira.

Akpos went into coma.

A Boy dropped a Girl at home.

He puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support and leaned towards her.

The Boy asked; Can I kiss you?

The Girl replied; No, Not now, I'm at home now.

The Boy said; Please na.

The Girl said; No.

The Boy said; You were too sweet in bed today.

The Girl said; Wow! You too, you were full of energy. I couldn't believe we had 4 rounds.

The Boy said; Let me kiss you goodnight.

The Girl said; Someone might be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home.

This goes on for 10 minutes.

Then the Girl's brother Akpos appeared at the gate and said; Daddy said whether you kiss him or not it's your decision, but tell the bastard to remove his hand from the telephone button. Everybody at home is listening to your conversation.

Ofego told Akpos that most adults are hiding atleast one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying; I know the whole truth.

Akpos decided to go home and try it out.

He got home and ran into his mother and said; Mummy, I know the whole truth.

His mother quickly handed him 500 Naira Note and said; Please don't tell your father.

When his father got home from work, he worked up to him and said; Daddy, I know the whole truth.

His father quickly took him aside and gave him 1,000 Naira Note and said; Don't tell your mother please.

Wow! Amazed by this, he ran out to meet the Gate Man and said; I know the whole truth.

The Gate Man quickly dropped the padlock and embraced him tightly and said; Thank God you have known that i am your father.

.
"A REVOLUTION IN POST UTME ADMINISTRATION: GOODBYE TO MISSING SCRIPTS/RESULTS".

https://www.nairaland.com/1573082/revolution-post-utme-administration-goodbye#20541190

Please follow the above link and drop your comment.

njuwo: A woman got on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver said; That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!

The woman went inside the bus and sat down, angry.

She turned to a man Akpos sitting next to her, and said; The driver just insulted me.

Akpos replied; You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.

Must you guys recycle jokes from Google and claim akpos

A Guy was called for an interview by
Chevron based on his performance while
working for Shell.
The Interviewer Akpos asked; What is your
current pay at Shell and what are you
looking at with Chevron?
The Guy said; 9 Million Naira per annum
plus medical and other benefits.
Considering the position here in Chevron,
I'd be looking at 20-22 Million Naira per
annum, a status car, overseas vacation and
medicals.
Akpos said; Today is your lucky day! The
position comes with 35 Million Naira per
annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as
official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as
status car, overseas medical treatment. A
fully furnished house in Lekki, health
insurance for your wife and children, 2
houses to be built for you in any town of
your choice and in your village, annual
overseas vacation for you and your family
fully-paid first class, 2 Million Naira
wardrobe allowance per annum, cook,
steward and 2 drivers, country club
membership, and you are entitled to keep
all that the company gives you if you put in
just 3 years of service.
The Guy in bewildered excitement
exclaimed; Haaaa! Sir, you must be joking.
Akpos said; Of course I am joking. Were
you not the one that started it?

(This Happened Many Years Ago, Enjoy).
Late in 1994, an 87 year old man died in a
village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State.
The late man's grandson, Ufiaka, who was
26 years old and fairly educated, was given
some money and asked to travel to Agbor
to buy a fine casket for his grandpa's
burial.
Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor in
good time to purchase the casket and
make the return journey same day.
He was fortunate to get an open back
white coloured Peugeot 404 pickup
heading for Amai.
He, however, had to ride in the back of the
pickup with the casket because 2 market
women traveling to Amai were already
seated in front with the driver.
On the journey home, they ran
into a heavy rain storm close to Uronigbe
and Ufiaka quickly opened the casket, laid
himself nicely in the well padded interior,
covered the lid and used the folded
newspaper he had with him to leave a
small opening
between the lid and the main
body of the white casket to
ensure adequate ventilation.
The interior of the casket was
very comfortable and Ufiaka soon fell into
a very deep sleep.
The rain had subsided at the time the
pickup van arrived at Umutu and during a
brief stop there, 2 men traveling to Amai
boarded the vehicle at the back and the
same happened at Obiaruku where a man
and a woman traveling also to Amai
entered the vehicle.
All this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his
beautiful sleep inside the Casket completely
unaware of the new passengers who
boarded at Umutu and Obiaruku.
The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5pm
and the driver, who was now very hungry,
stopped in front of a busy buka to have a
quick bite before proceeding
on to the next village.
The sudden stoppage and reviving of the
pickup's engine woke Ufiaka who then
opened the lid of the casket and rose up.
Trouble then started!
The passengers in the back of
the pickup jumped out of the vehicle from
various points and took to their heels in
various directions.
The people eating in the buka including
the owner and her service girls who saw
the white casket open, and a "ghost" step
out, ran off all over the place, some with
balls of eba and akpu in their hands.
Ufiaka, seeing people running
'helter skelter' was convinced that armed
robbers were operating and decided to
take-off in the
direction 3 of the passengers including the
woman were running.
When the 3 passengers realised that
Ufiaka was running towards them, they
increased their speed and shouted "ghost!
ghost!"ghost! and, to further worsen the
situation, Ufiaka was dressed in
white up and down with white shoes to
match that day.
With the shouting of 'ghost', other people
in their homes came out to see what was
going on and on seeing people running at
high speed all over, they joined in the
race for their dear life and the number just
swelled.
The driver and the 2 market
women were the only people who knew
what was going on and they had a hell of
a time calming the people down and
explaining that he merely needed shelter,
while it was raining.

A 3 years old boy Akpos while waiting with his mother at the doctor's office walked up to a pregnant woman.

He inquisitively asked the woman; Why is your stomach so big?

The woman replied; I'm having a baby.

With big eyes, Akpos asked; Is the baby in your stomach?

The woman said; Yes, he is in my stomach.

The little Akpos with a puzzled look asked; Is it a good baby?

The woman said; Oh yes it's a really good baby.

With an even more surprised and shocked look Akpos asked; Then why did you swallow him?

Akpos farts in the classroom and his teacher got really upset and threw him out.

He went and sat outside the class.

He couldn't stop laughing.

The principal was walking by and saw him sitting outside laughing.

He asked; What are you doing outside laughing?

Akpos replied; I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.

The principal said; Well then, why are you laughing?

Akpos replied; Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class room smelling and enjoying my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean air.

Who can be so dumb to do this

A Man Akpos was having an argument with his Wife.

The Wife called Akpos a fool.

Akpos got angry and said; I cannot be called a fool by a woman, not even my wife. She must therefore leave my house.

Neighbours intervened and the matter was resolved.

But the Wife still nursed anger.

Later that night, it rained heavily.

It was so cold that Akpos wanted to perform his manly duty.

Sneaking his hands to touch his Wife’s laps in the dark, the Wife shouted; Who is that fool?

Akpos replied; It is me!

njuwo: A Young Man Akpos was lost wandering in
a forest, when he came upon a small
house.
He knocked on the door and was greeted
by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard.
"I'm lost," said Akpos. "Can you put me up
for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on
one condition. If you so much as lay a
finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon
you the 3 worst Chinese tortures known to
man."
"Ok," said Akpos, thinking that the
daughter must be pretty old as well, and
entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down
the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and
had a fantastic figure.
She was obviously attracted to Akpos since
she couldn't keep her eyes off him during
the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning, he
ignored her and went up to bed alone.
But during the night, he could bear it no
longer, and sneaked into her room for a
night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so
the old man wouldn't hear.
Near dawn he crept back to his room,
exhausted, but happy.
He woke up in the morning with the feel of
pressure on his chest.
Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on
his chest with a note on
it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock
on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If
that's the best the old man can do then I
don't have much to worry about."
He picked the rock up, walked over to the
window and threw the rock out.
As he did so he noticed another note on it
that read:
"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left
testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the
rope that was already getting close to the
end.
Figuring that a few broken bones was
better than castration, he jumped out of
the window after the rock.
As he plummeted downward he saw a
large sign on the ground that read,
"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to
bedpost."

hahahahahahaha

A little boy Akpos came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad?

She replied; They are up in bed.

Akpos started to giggle, ate his breakfast and went out to play.

He came back in for lunch and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad?

She replied; They are still up in bed.

Akpos started to giggle, ate his lunch and went out to play.

He came in for dinner and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad?

The grandmother replied; They are still up in bed.

Akpos started laughing.

The grandmother asked; Akpos what is going on? Why is it that every time I tell you they are still up in bed, you will start laughing!

Akpos replied; Last night daddy came into my room and asked me for vaseline and I gave him super glue.

A little boy Akpos fell from a mango tree.

He got up and said to his friends; Thank God I did not die. If i had died my father would have killed me.

A man Akpos and his family went to the village to celebrate Christmas.

On Christmas day Akpos asked his son to bring one fat chicken and a knife to kill the chicken.

The son went and did as Akpos instructed.

Akpos had this kind of eyes that is called half past 4 eyes.

Akpos took the knife and asked his son to hold the chicken at the other end so that he can cut the chicken but because he had half past 4 eyes he pointed the knife towards the son rather than on the chicken.

The son screamed in a loud voice; Daddy I am not the chicken. I am your humble son. Please point the knife to the chicken rather than towards your son.