Three Americans and two of my friends and I, were traveling by a train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans bought tickets each and watched as the three of us bought only one ticket. One of the Americans asked; How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? I replied; Watch the ride. We all boarded the train. The Americans took their respective seats, but we cram into a restroom and closed the door behind us. Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said; Ticket, please. The door opened a little and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor collected it and moved on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. After the conference, the Americans decided to copy us on the return trip and save some money. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, we did not buy a ticket. One of the Americans asked; How are you going to travel without a ticket. I replied; Watch the ride. When we boarded the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and we cram into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, I left the restroom and walked over to the restroom where the Americans were hiding. I knocked on the door and said; Ticket, please.

Why As A Newly Wedded Couple You Should Not Stay In A One Room Apartment
--------------- ------------

My neighbour who recently got married is regretting why he spent his honey moon in a one room apartment and planned to live in it for a start. I warned him but he felt an advice from a comedian is a loophole and this happened to him. He got married last month to the angel of his life, not mine. And went ahead to spend the honeymoon in a one room apartment and start life afresh on it. To me, that is starting life from the end time, not afresh. So this is what happened, the first night of the honeymoon, as he wanted to test his wife search engine, a bang came from the door, accompanied with a coarse voice like that of Alex Osifo Omiagbo, the Nollywood actor. Apologies to him on this one, just making a reference though. The voice yelled; Open this door! Open the door or, I will

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/why-as-newly-wedded-couple-you-should.html?m=1

Warri Ofego Episode Two
--------------- ------------

As Ofego was blaming sleep for making him to miss out on the freebies the church had shared, a female usher who was about to go home cause the church had closed and people were going home, approached him; Anything the matter sir? She was holding her own share of the rice Ofego had missed on her hand. Ofego replied; No, sister in the Lord. Then why are you crying? She asked. Ofego replied; I dey cry say i sleep off, i con miss the anointing. Ehya, sorry, I can give you my own. She suggested. I go dey most grateful, if you give me. Ofego said, licking his mouth, and

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-two.html?m=1

A 33 year old Beninoise man identified as Brouno Amoussou was today Sept. 11th arraigned before the Igbosere Magistrate Court for allegedly conspiring to steal N10million cash, land documents and expensive jewelries from the home of Senator Chris Anyanwu, a serving senator representing Imo state at the National Assembly. - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/beninoise-man-arrainged-in-court-for.html#more

Samuel Okorie, a 29 Nigerian man based in Brookline, Massachusetts, is accused of grabbing a woman at a public place & sexually assaulting her. The incident took place over the weekend in a residential neighbourhood. - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/nigerian-man-arrested-for-abducting.html#sthash.dZI1Bspz.dpuf

Multiple awards winning artiste, Davido, (real name – David Adeleke) has been nominated by the MTV European Music Awards (EMA), for the Best African Act 2014 Awards. The award presentation is scheduled to hold in Glasgow, Scotland, in November. A statement from Mr Bruse Gillmer, Viacom International Media Network (Europe), organisers of the event, said Davido was the only nominee from Nigeria. - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/davido-nominated-for-mtv-awards.html#sthash.r0Fu2YIo.dpuf

njuwo: I just Noticed that Life is too short to
commit suicide cuz In the year 2002 nokia
3310 was
N75k with N40k econet sim card,
but today its N700 and the sim is free..
In 2003 samsung c100 was N48k and I
must recharge with atleast N1500 airtime
every... two weeks or else my sim will be
blocked. today its N800 and I dont even
need to recharge to retain my sim
{customers are needed}...
In 2004 sendo x with camera and 16mb
memory card {one of the cheapest mp3
enabled phoneback den}was N39k today
its free...
In 2006 sagem my v55 was N30k today
its going for N300...
2008 nko blackberry bold 2
was N135k today blackberry is no more
producing new bold 2... so London used na
N15k.. U can get 9ja used for N6k...
So my friend, if u neva dey use blackberry
porch, htc smart phones, android, ipad,
iphone, playbook or nokia 808, pls, dnt
worry.
Just wait and see, coz before 2015 our
children will be using them as
toys....*smiles
#......Be Patient.
Dis makes me wonder why sum girls go
crazy simply coz of material tins.
U want a bold 5,
U want brazilian hair,
U want LV bag, but remember, Beatles was
d richest car in 1980'z.....THIN K!!!
See d kinda of depreciation it experienced
within short period.
BEAUTY FADES! WEALTH can also be
ERASED.
Jux work hard, Hav a good character and Be
loyal to ur feelings!!!,and lastly rem dos wit d
bests
cars 2day once wlkd on foot,calm down n
Give God ur
time,for only Him can mk............. ........
Time shall favour u.
Can i hear ur Amen??

my v 55 was 12,000 as at 2006 not 30k

Got Married Yesterday Got Divorced Today Cause Of This
--------------- ------------

My eldest brother and his new wife went to a bar the following day after their wedding. He left his wife at a table and went to the bar man's desk to make an order. A Lady rushed down to his wife and

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/got-married-yesterday-got-divorced.html?m=1

Warri Ofego Episode Three
--------------- ------------

Night fell and Ofego had no place to sleep. He found his way into the under of a bridge and decided to lodge there for the night. He settled on a spot; Eh-hen, make i settle down here for the night. Tomorrow i go find my square root go back home. As he finished the speech a hot slap was airlifted on his left cheek. He felt the hotness so much that he almost collapsed. Na my house you wan settle down for the night without house rent? A horrible voice inquired. The man with the voice appeared. He was huge. So huge that he could consume a bag of rice just for lunch. Ofego

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-three.html?m=1

Why Stories Are Long When Told By A Woman
--------------- ------------

So, I was sitting down yesterday relaxing and reflecting on this; Why Do Stories Have To Be Long When Told By A Woman? Man telling the story; Hey! You remember that fat guy who was dancing at the party, he is dead. Woman telling the story; for example, my wife, she always does that. She'll start like this; Hi Honey, do you remember my friend Onome from work? The one who invited us to her party. She just

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/why-stories-are-long-when-told-by-woman.html?m=1

This Must Be A Bad Reason To Divorce Him Cause All Men Does This If Not All Some
--------------- ------------

My friend's wife took him to court for a divorce. The Lawyer asked her; What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? She replied; He said where am i, Rose? The Lawyer asked; And why did that provoked you? She

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/this-must-be-bad-reason-to-divorce-him.html?m=1

One day, I did not want to go to school throughout that week. I called our principal. The phone rang. The principal picked the call and said; Hello! I replied; Hello, Ofego will not be able to come to school throughout this week. The principal asked; What seems to be the problem with him? I replied; We are all going to the village for a ceremony. The principal said; Okay, but, who is this? I replied; This is my father!

Nollywood actor and movie producer Desmond Elliot is contesting for Lagos State House of Assembly in 2015 under the APC. Some of you may not know this, but Desmond is from Lagos state. See what he plans to do when elected into office after the cu - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/nollywood-actor-desmond-elliot-to.html#more

A total of N1.62tr has been distributed to the various states of the federation from January to June 2014. Now measure the development in your state and compare it with the allocation received from January to June this year. See how much was allocated to your state after the cut - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/revenue-allocation-what-each-state-got.html#sthash.mC58ylXl.dpuf

Residents in some streets in the Palmgroove area of Lagos are currently living in fear after receiving a letter from armed robbers who said they are coming soon to raid them. (copy of the purported letter above). The letter which was sent to five different streets on Saturday September 6th, reads in part; - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/armed-robbers-write-letter-to-streets.html#sthash.MncBeWQO.dpuf

njuwo: Three Americans and two of my friends and I, were traveling by a train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans bought tickets each and watched as the three of us bought only one ticket. One of the Americans asked; How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? I replied; Watch the ride. We all boarded the train. The Americans took their respective seats, but we cram into a restroom and closed the door behind us. Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said; Ticket, please. The door opened a little and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor collected it and moved on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. After the conference, the Americans decided to copy us on the return trip and save some money. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, we did not buy a ticket. One of the Americans asked; How are you going to travel without a ticket. I replied; Watch the ride. When we boarded the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and we cram into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, I left the restroom and walked over to the restroom where the Americans were hiding. I knocked on the door and said; Ticket, please.

Hahaha

3 robbers where surrounded by the police in a building & there seemed to be no escape. Eventually the first robber had an idea. He came out shouting bomb!!! The police men ran for cover so he used that opportunity to escape. This gave the second man an idea, so he came out & shouted pointing in the distance tornado!!! When the cops looked behind them. He used that opportunity to escape. The last man was inspired by the smartness of his colleagues. So he came out & & shouted, FIRE! FIRE!!!

How I Said Sorry To Auntie Onome After The Act
--------------- ------------

We were together at the sitting room watching a program on T.V. I took my gaze from the T.V set and started staring at Onome, my auntie. She was actually my mother's younger sister, and she had being a bone in my neck ever since she came home for her second semester holiday. She always find fault in anything she asks me to do for her. For this, I looked deep into her. I stopped staring at her and

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/how-i-said-sorry-to-auntie-onome-after_12.html?m=1

Warri Ofego Episode Four
--------------- ------------

Ofego rushed into the streets with only boxer on his waist in search of his clothes. He searched and searched but could not find them. He was about giving up when he stopped to reminisce; Why is all this happening to me? Ofego why is this happening to you of all people. Person wake up for him own town no be say na another person own o. He say make he go hustle, them kidnap am. Kidnap am come Warri, of all places. Warri wey dey try to make friend with peace. Okay, he manage escape. wan come sleep for night. He sleep for under bridge wake up, NAKED! Warri, why? Why, Warri? Why? As he was saying Warri, Why, he sighted

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-four.html?m=1

How I'm Spending This Weekend With My Lover
--------------- ------------

She called me this morning; Hi sweetheart? Hi Angel, where are you? I asked. At home, watching movies. She said. Let me come and chill with you. I suggested. Brilliant idea! She exclaimed, and said, by the way sweetheart, please, bring me TFC fried rice on take away and ice cream. I exclaimed; Junk food, Ice cream? Angel that food is not good for your health. You know i don't want you to get sick. Okay, she said, just get me a

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/how-im-spending-this-weekend-with-my.html?m=1

A mad man was standing on third Mainland bridge shouting; "45! 45!! 45!!! A crowd gradually gathered to watch him. I was in the car with my uncle. He stopped, came down, and went to ask one of the people watching, what the mad man was saying. The person replied; I don't know! My inquisitive uncle went ahead to ask the mad man what "45" meant. As soon as he got close to the mad man, the mad man picked him up and threw him into the river and started screaming; 46! 46!! Everybody, including me, took to their heels.

Jay Z may have subtly announced that he and his superstar wife Beyonce are expecting their second child. While performing his new song 'Beach is Better' at the Paris leg of their On The Run tour, Jay Z changed up the lyrics to make the announcement. - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/jay-z-announce-beyonces-2nd-pregnancy.html#sthash.eCUtW18U.dpuf

A smitten Liverpool fan Emma Dalton (pictured left) thought her dreams had come true when the Premier League club’s new signing Mario Balotelli took her to bed. The £16million striker flirted with ­the hairdresser online before inviting her to a party at his luxury rented home. - See more at: http://naija-gist..com/2014/09/again-how-mario-balotelli-slept-with.html#sthash.N9uwPnYK.dpuf

Marrying An Uneducated And Jealous Woman This Is The Repercussion
--------------- ------------

Marrying an uneducated woman? Is anything wrong in it? Love conquers all, they say, and you know. In this case love actually did conquers all. When there is love, there is hope. Hope that she will be educated as she lives with her educated husband. So we can therefore say marrying an uneducated woman, means you are on a safer place. But marrying an uneducated and jealous woman, means, you are on a no safer place. Why I'm I saying all this, my pastor, he

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/marrying-uneducated-and-jealous-woman.html?m=1

Warri Ofego Episode Five
--------------- ------------

Ofego in shock exclaimed; Shit! See Bleep up! It's a night gown i took. Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!! No wonder people have been staring and laughing at me ever since i took to the streets this morning, what will i do now? I will manage it like that jor. Wait o, what if one fine babe sees me like this? No! It's

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-five.html?m=1

Men Are Worst Than Women In Lying See Proof
--------------- ------------

I use to be on the men side, chanting, and raising the bar that, Women are worst than us in lying, until I discovered this, and believe me, it's the truth, I switched sides. I bet you my underpants after reading this, you will switch sides like me if you've not. My wife was not at home for a whole night. She

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/men-are-worst-than-women-in-lying-see.html?m=1

My mum told me this yesterday, and I couldn't help bursting out. She said, when she had me, all her relatives came to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they asked to see the baby, she said; Not yet. A little while later they asked to see the baby. She said; Not yet. They finally said; When can we see the baby? She replied; When the baby cries. They asked; Why do we have to wait until the baby cries? She replied; I forgot where i kept him.

Warri Ofego Episode Six
--------------- ------------

At Cure My Craze Mental Hospital Ofego was installed in a bed and given fried rice, chicken and juice to feed on. As he ate, he stared at the ward. His eyes fell on a mad girl in a bed not too far from his, and he was shocked. She was the former Miss Nigeria, and her name is Igho. She bit her finger, and yanked her hair, behaving abnormally. Ofego ate, this time, like a mad man, while staring at her. He was eloped by

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-six.html?m=1

So, a doctor moved into my area of recent, and opened a clinic. He wrote on it; Any treatment is 10,000 Naira, and if I cannot treat you, I will pay you 20,000 Naira. Wanting the 20,000 Naira for myself, I went to the doctor; Doctor, I can’t feel any taste. He asked one of his nurses to give me a few drops of medicine from box 22. Upon taking the drops, I shouted; It is urine! The Doctor said; Congratulations, your sense of taste is back. I was very angry that I lost 10,000 Naira to him. I came back two weeks later which was last week, determined to get 20,000 Naira. I said to the Doctor, I lost my memory. The Doctor called; Nurse! Please give this man some drops of medicine from box 22. I quipped; Wait doctor! But that medicine is for sense of taste. The Doctor said; Congratulations, your memory is back.

For The Ladies How To Make Guys Wooing You That You Don't Like Lose Interest In You
--------------- ------------

The guys would be angry with me on this. But Ofego has to do what he has to do to help his Sisters in the Lord. Alright, I hear so many Ladies complain of guys they don't like, wooing them, online, when I say online i mean, social media, whatsapp, bbm, even phone calls and so on. And this ladies don't know how to ward them off and make them lose interest. I know how it feels ladies, when someone you don't want, keeps pressing on you. Well, if you are that girl that is been wooed, and you don't want. Here are tips to make that guy lose interest in you. I

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/for-ladies-how-to-make-guys-wooing-you.html?m=1

She Wants Me To Go With This
--------------- ------------

I've disliked lottery for years, but recently, because of the rate at which people win lottery this days, I decided to come out of that shell and try my luck on it, maybe it would pay off. I bought a 100 Naira lottery ticket and, won the lottery, Yipeeeeee!!!!. I went to Lagos to claim it. The Girl

Read more: http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/she-wants-me-to-go-with-this.html?m=1

Warri Ofego Episode Seven
--------------- ------------

Ahn, ahn, shuo! Look at what this guy is doing. Someone that I sent to buy me a wife is pricing her for himself. This is unbelievable. Ofego said, staring at the guy and Igho playing Leke Leke Give Me One One finger. If i spend the next minute here watching them, this guy will steal this girl from me. I have to act. Ofego walked down to them and

Read more http://njuwo..com.es/2014/09/warri-ofego-episode-seven.html?m=1