After huge demands from all
husbands, a new application called “Darr” has been launched for iPhone and Android users.

You just say, ‘Wife’ and it closes all websites, hides all chats, shuts down all games, hide all special folders and best of all, puts your wife’s picture as your screensaver.

Ofego was playing on a new golf course at the Ikoyi Golf Club and got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be
on the 13th.

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.

He started a conversation and
asked her what kind of work she did. She said she sells, and he said he sells too. He asked what she sells. She replied, If I tell you what i sell, you will only laugh.

No, I wouldn't, he said.

She said, I sell toilets.

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, See, I knew you would laugh.

That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper seller, so I'm still one hole behind you!

Doctors after operation and students after Exam both tell the same answer when asked how was it,

We tried our best, can’t say anything right now!

u dey form big boi for God to kneel down 4 church na WAEC but u dey lie down beg babe for street.....u get free three bed room flat for hell.....follow on twitter @suregt

Ofego and one of his friend decided to apply for job at a
mine that had just opened near them.

After sitting in the waiting room for a while, his friend got called in for his interview.

The boss asked him if he had worked underground mines before?

He said that he had.

The boss asked him how deep under ground he worked?

He said, Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.

The boss said, Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here, you are not a miner!

Coming out, he told Ofego to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he can get the job instead.

Ofego got called in.

The boss asked him if he had worked underground mines before?

Ofego said, Oh yes.

The boss asked how deep underground he worked.

Ofego said, I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground.

The boss said, 20,000 feet, wow! That is incredible! What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?

Ofego said, Oh, i did not use light, i worked on the day shift!

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common,

They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Ofego rushed to the emergency room in an hospital with his finger which had been shot.

How did this happen? The doctor asked.

I was trying to commit suicide! Ofego said.

Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger? The doctor asked.

Ofego replied, No, i first put the gun on my head and i thought my face would look horrible, so i put it in my mouth, then i remembered i just paid 5,000 Naira to get my teeth straightened, so i put the
gun in my ear, and i thought that it was going to make a loud noise, so i put my finger in my other ear before i pulled the trigger.

I noticed this in church today, people who open straight to the passage in the bible when pastor refers to it, studies their bible at home, but, people who go through the bible's contents page looking for the page the passage is when pastor refers to it do not study their bible at home.

Ofego entered a store that sells curtains.

He said to the salesman, I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

The salesman said, Sir, we have a large selection of pink curtains.

He showed Ofego several patterns, but Ofego seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selected a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked, What size of the curtains do you need sir?

Ofego replied, Fifteen inches.

Fifteen inches? The salesman asked. That sounds very small, which room are they for?

Ofego replied, They are not for a room, they are for my computer.

The surprised salesman replied, But sir, computers do not have curtains!

Ofego replied, My computer has windows!

Be sure there is a problem in the first place
before working hard to solve one, one
morning, Ofego went to the bus garage,
started his bus, and drove off into the road.
No problems for the first few stops, a few
people got on, a few got off, and things went
generally well. At the next stop, however, a
huge man got in. Six feet tall, built like a
wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He looked at Ofego's conductor and said, I do
not pay! and sat down at the back. The
conductor did not argue with him, but he
wasn't happy about it. The next day the same
thing happened. The man got on again,
refused to pay, and sat down. And the next
day, and the next. Ofego felt this, and started
worrying over the way this man was taking
advantage of his small conductor. Finally
Ofego could stand it no longer. He signed up
for body building courses, karate, kung fu,
and all the lessons to get strong. By the end
of the year, he had become very strong, and
felt very powerful. So, the next monday, when
the man once again got on the bus and said,
I do not pay! Ofego stood up, came out of his
driving seat, approached the man and
screamed, And why wouldn't you pay? With a
surprised look on his face, the man replied,
I'm a police officer.

Ofego: My wife how many men have you slept with after we got married?

Wife: (silent)

Ofego: (11 minutes later) I asked you a question!

Wife: Quiet, please.

Ofego: (16 minutes later) Are you afraid to tell me the truth?

Wife: Will you just keep quiet and let me finish counting?

Ofego's Grandparents in their nineties are
both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor told them that
they are physically okay, but they might want
to start
writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, Ofego's
grandpa got up from his chair.
I’m going to the kitchen, do you want
anything from there? He
asked Ofego's grandma.
Ofego's Grandma replied, Get me a bowl of
ice cream? Don’t you think you should write it
down so you can remember it? she asked.
No, i can remember it. He said.
Well, I would also like some strawberries on
top too. Maybe you should write it down, so
as not to forget it! She insisted.
I can remember that. He said. You want a
bowl of ice cream with strawberries.
I would also like some whipped cream. I’m
certain you will forget that, write it down!
She said.
Irritated, he said, I don’t need to write it
down, i can remember it! Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream, I got it, for
goodness sake!
Then he struggled into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, he returned from the
kitchen and handed her a plate of eggs and
jam.
She stared at the plate for a moment and
asked, Where’s my toast?

Pastor: Akpos! where is the Church wall clock?
Akpos: I have taken it home because God's time is the best.

Ofego, a shell oil company worker came home from a two years offshore only to find his wife with a new born baby.

Angry, he was determined to track down the father to take revenge.

Who did this? Was it my friend Onos? He asked.

No! His weeping wife replied.

He asked, Was it my friend Amos ?

No! She said upset.

Well, which one of my no good friends did this? He asked.

She asked, Don't you think i have my own friends?

Ofego and a friend were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them.

The friend threw sand into the lion's eyes, and started running.

Ofego stayed unmoved.

When asked why he is not running, he replied, Why should i be running? Is it not you that
threw the sand at him.

Ofego: Let us go and watch a movie at the cinema.

Wife: I have an appointment with the doctor today.

Ofego: Just cancel it, tell him that you are sick.

Gen.Sani Abacha died some years ago they call him late Gen.Sani Abacha, Michael Jackson died few years ago they call him late Jackson; Mandela died last year they say late Mandela, But over 2,000 years ago our Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross , and no body! not even the devil called him late JESUS... WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What a living Jesus we serve, can someone help me hail Him? He lives!!!He reigns!!!!He rules!!!!!!!!Halleluyah!!!!! 96% of the people won't appreciate it, but if u are 1 of d 4% who love him,share this to ur loved ones. http://laugh247ng..in/2015/03/truth-but-hard-to-belive.html

njuwo:
Naija the only place where
Where a man Happily meet a lady and
when she
goes back to her friends, their only
question was "Is
the guy loaded?
Where a blind beggar will reject a
fake naira note.
Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles
& Waters
sold in Satchets.
Where You Can Be A Driver For Years
Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
Where Presidents and other
government officials
don't know the national anthem.
Where the Police on a road block makes
more
money a day than motorist and their
owners.
Where you are jailed for stealing
Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for
stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
Where we fight for everything. To
gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a
bus!

Read more: http://njuwo.com

where u buy a sachet of water for N5 and pay N30 to pee

The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent,
that it cannot be considered coincidence.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in
1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in
1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in
1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in
1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each
contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil
rights. Both their wives lost their children
while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both
were shot in the head.
Both were shot in the presence of their
wives. The Secretary of each President
warned them not to go to the theater and to
Dallas, respectively.
Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln,
was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy,
was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated
Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated
Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three
names. Both names have 15 letters.
Booth ran from the theater and was
captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was
captured in a theater.
To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were
assassinated before their trial.

Ofego was not home at his usual hour, and his wife was angry as the clock ticked.

Finally, at 3am she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Ofego, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

Do you realise what time it is? She asked.

He answered, Don't get excited. I'm late because i bought something for the house.

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him, halfway, she asked, What did you buy for the house, dear?

Ofego replied, A round of drinks!

One of the best childhood memory,

It doesn't matter if you sleep on the chair or ground, or anywhere,

You will always wake up on the bed.

Latest Hot Jokes: The Monkey Boy


Read the joke here======>>>> http://ayomis..com/2015/03/latest-hot-jokes-monkey-boy.html

Ofego was driving late at night when police stopped him.

Oh boy, where are you coming from? Police asked.

Somewhere or anywhere. Ofego replied.

Police said, Okay, who are you?

Ofego replied, Somebody or anybody.

Police asked, What do you do for a living?

Something or anything. Ofego replied.

Then the police grabbed him and locked him up.

After two days, Ofego cried out to the police, when are you going to release me?

The Police replied, Sooner or later.

very hilarious joke, you dont want to miss
http://exclusively9ja.com/wife-1-0-software/

To every girl suffering from many friend requests on facebook.

Put your real picture 8O% can get rid of this problem.

Girls, think of this, before getting married to that computer guru.

Ofego, a computer guru came back home from work, and said to his wife.

Ofego: Good evening my dear, I am now logged in.

Wife: Did you buy the foodstuffs for this evening?

Ofego: Bad command or filename.

Wife: But i told you in the morning na!

Ofego: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife: What about my new Brazilian hair?

Ofego: Variable not found.

Wife: Okay, give me your ATM card, i want to do some shopping.

Ofego: Sharing Violation. Access denied.

Wife: Do you love me, or do you love only computers, or are you just being funny?

Ofego: Too many parameters.

Wife: It was a great mistake that i married an idiot like you.

Ofego: Data type mismatch.

Wife: You are useless.

Ofego: It is by Default.

Wife: What about your salary?

Ofego: File in use. Try later.

Wife: What is my value in the family?

Ofego: Unknown Virus.

Girl: Hey always smiling and shining teeth guy.

Ofego: Hello Angel?

She: Send me some airtime, it's raining here. I can't go out into the rain to get it.

Ofego: *606#, *665#, *458#, *327#

Girl: What's this for?

Ofego: Codes for borrowing airtime from different networks. Use any of them.

Teacher is teaching tenses.

Ofego: Excuse me Ma, what will be the present tense of samsung?

Teacher: I don’t know.

Ofego: It is very simple Ma. If Samsung is past, then Samsing will be the present.