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Chai, some girls are very wicked o! What a world!. There is this girl in the next street, she is very beautiful, calm and well behaved. God blessed her with a guy who is handsome, caring and calm, he just completed his masters degree programme last year november and now working with First Bank. I don't know what cause their quarrel o last thursday evening and the guy slapped her, when he left for work last friday morning, this girl went into his room, brought out a file containing his Primary school Certificate, WAEC, Bsc, NYSC discharge letter and masters degree Certificate and she set FIRE on all of them. The guy came back from work in the afternoon only for him to meet all his certificates burnt to ashes. Chai, on seeing this, he fainted and almost died of Shock and High Blood Pressure,
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but thank God this story is not true.

what a touching a story

My daddy was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I am five". He said, "When I was your age, I was six".

My Girlfriend said, ''Ofego, i'm tired of this relationship!. ''Why, what is wrong?''. I asked. She replied, ''Since we started dating, you haven't laughed or smiled at me. Surprised, i replied, ''Was it not you that said that you wanted a serious relationship?''.

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My daddy was driving home after work last friday. He had a happy day in his office, so he forgot to put on his seat belt. He did not know when he ran into a road safety corp. ''Good evening sir!''. He greeted the officer. The officer replied, ''Evening my boy, this one your car is looking so old, i hope the head lamp is working o? ''Ha! Officer na wa for you, you are using style to insult my car abi?''. My daddy queried. ''Anyway, it's working.'' He added. The Officer said, ''Okay, on it, let me see. He on'ed it, and the officer was satisfied with it. ''Press your horn let me see.'' The Officer said. My daddy did that and the officer was satisfied. Still looking for a fault, the officer said, ''Ehmm! I noticed you didn't put on your seat belt. Your fine is 2,000 Naira. No, abeg on this one!.'' ''No way!''. My daddy shouted. ''You are totally wrong on this one!. Was my head lamp and horn, on, when you stopped me?''. The Officer said, ''No!''. My daddy said, ''Fine! What happened was that, i already knew you are going to ask me to put my seat belt on for a check, that's why i removed it when i saw you from afar.''

Differences Between You and Your Boss At The Office!

1. When you take a long time, you are slow. When your boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

2. When you don't do it, you are lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

3. When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

4. When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

5. When you take a stand, you're being stubborn. When your boss does it, he's being firm.

6. When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

7. When you please your boss, you're arse- kissing. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

8. When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

9. When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

10. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

My uncle's wife asked him to drop her off at a friend's house, where a wedding reception was taking place. He responded that he would be too busy throughout the day in the office, and gave her some money to take a taxi. He left for the office. She took a taxi to the wedding reception, there she met a fine girl and they got talking to each other. Soon they became friends. In the evening when everyone was leaving, the girl asked my uncle's wife how will she go home. She replied that her husband was too busy in the office to pick her up so she would take a taxi. The girl responded, "My boyfriend brought me here and would be coming to pick me up. I just spoke to him on the phone and he's on his way. Why don't you join me in his car and we would drop you at your house". She agreed. A few minutes later, my uncle's car arrived. The girl jumped into the front passengers seat of the car and asked my uncle's wife to sit at the backseat, which she did confused and perturbed. Then the girl introduced her new friend to her boyfriend. When my uncle turned around to greet the woman, he recognised her as his wife.

This present day Nigerian girls are like a computer virus. They enter into your life, scan your pockets, transfer your money, edit your mind, download problems, delete your happiness and if you are not careful they may SHUTDOWN your life!.

(mobtvmovies.com)

I entered a bus going from Benin to Kano. After some minutes, i decided to scare the passengers, so i brought out my phone and started faking a call, "Hello oga, i don dey press that button since but the bomb no dey gree bomb. Na the blue one i go press abi na the red one?.'' The passengers started reacting. Igbo man picked up his phone and made a call, ''Hello Nnamdi, run now to Apapa and wait for my containers, is like i will die today but make sure you collect my money from Chukwudi. Yoruba woman shouted, ''Driver, so you no go stop make i come down? Oloriburuku oloshi whe're driver. Me, i was laughing until the Hausa man sitting beside me said to me, ''Oga abeg, that time wey you dey make call so, where dem say make you press so that the bomb go bomb, because i don dey press my own since too, and the thing never bomb. I quickly jumped out of the luxurious bus through the window that was near me and ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Me that was just playing.

gegege uh uh uh gegege

Okay,

1. A girl who asks for money all the time is called "Commercial Bank".

2. A girl who calls you for food always is called "Agricultural Development Bank".

3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other family members is called "National Investment Bank".

4. A girl who prefers to have sex after marriage is "Social Security Bank".

5. A girl who is very faithful to you is "Fidelity Bank".

6. A girl who loves every available man is "Access Bank".

7. A girl who dates men from different countries is "Intercontinental bank".

8. A girl who doesn't demand too much money is called "Micro Finance Bank".

9. A woman older than you that you are dating is called "Wema Bank".

10. A girl who is always faithful and trustworthy to her guy is called "Guaranty Trust Bank".

11. A girl whose guy disvirgin her is called, "First Bank".

12. A girl who uses all your money to buy jewelries is called "Diamond bank".

My boss drove a luxury car everyday and it was my duty to greet him and to open the gates for him, as i worked as a watchman in his villa. But he never responded back to my greetings. One day he saw me opening the garbage bags outside the villa in search of any left over food. But, as usual he never even looked at me, it was like as if he never saw anything! The next day i saw a paper bag at the same place, but it was clean and the food inside was covered well. It was fresh and a good food like someone had just brought it from the supermarket. I didn't bother as to where it came from, I just took the paper bag and i was so happy to have it. Everyday i found this paper bag at the same place with fresh vegetables and all that we needed for home. This became my daily routine. I was eating and sharing this food with my mother and siblings. I was wondering who this fool could be! To forget his paper bag full of fresh food everyday. One day there was a big outbreak of tears and sorrow in the villa and i was told that my boss had died. There were too many guests coming to the villa that day and i didn't get any food that day, so i thought that one of the guests must have taken it. But the same thing happened the second day, the third day and the fourth day. It went on like this for a few weeks and i found it difficult to provide food for my family, so i decided to ask the widow of my boss for a raise in my salary or else i would quit my job as a watchman. After i told her, she was shocked, and asked me, how come i never complained about my salary for the last two years. And why was this salary not enough for you now? I gave her so many excuses but she was never convinced! Finally in the end, i decided to tell her the truth, I told her the entire story of the bag of food, and as to how it was my daily provision. She then asked me as to when this stopped. I told her that it had stopped after the death of her husband. And then i realised that i stopped seeing the paper bag immediately after the death of my boss. Why didn't i ever think of this before? That it was my boss who was providing this for me? I guess it was because i never thought that a person who never replied to my greetings could ever be this generous! His wife started crying and i told her to please stop crying and that i was really sorry that i asked for a raise, i didn't know that it was her husband who was providing me with the meals. I promised to remain a watchman and be happy to provide my service. She said to me, "I'm crying because I've finally found the seventh person my husband was giving this bag full of food to. I knew my husband was giving seven people everyday, i had already found the other six people, and all these days i was searching for the seventh person. And today i found out." From that day onwards, i started to receive the bag full of food again, but this time it was the son who brought it to my house and gave it to me. But whenever i thanked him, he never replied, just like his dad! One day, i told him, "Thank you!" in a very loud voice! He replied back to me to please not be offended when he didn't reply, because he had a hearing problem, just like his dad!

I da sing since nobody feel me,one MUMU con sing SHOKI hin con blow if lagos no do me before sunset I go reach village.by S.K money.....

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I have been dating her for over four months now and everything was going fine until this morning when i decided to invite her to my place. And she came! When we were together, her phone rang but she refused to pick her call, and i ask her why she didn't pick, she said nothing. For me to check who is calling her i saw 'Sterling Bank calling', and i begged her to pick, maybe the bank wants to give her money. After that another call entered, 'GTB calling', she ignored it, UBA Followed, and i picked it but the person didn't talk so i cut the call. A minute later, First Bank call entered, she put it on hold, when Zenith Bank called, she shouted at Zenith Bank. An hour later, one call entered her phone singing Lionel Richie song just to check who called her, i saw 'CBN', she picked it and answered the call well. Later when i asked her, she said that her Uncle who is working there was the one that wished to speak with her through the office line, i said okay. Few minutes later World Bank call entered and she was so happy to pick the call. After she had finished receiving the call i picked up my phone to flash her number. Guess what i saw?

I cant stop laffin...
A girl in her sleep was dreaming. She dreamt
dat she was engaged, still in her sleep,she was
getin married to d same lucky man. After d
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She pushed and delivered a baby but d nurse
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delivered d second baby, and she was told it
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trying to push d third baby out,her room mate
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A White Man visited a Village in Delta State and saw the people carrying blocks on their heads from a far distance to a building site, they were building a town hall. The White Man felt pity on them, donated a wheel barrow and travelled back. One month later, the white man came back. He was surprised to see that the work was still slow, even with a wheel barrow. He looked around and was shocked to see the on-coming wheel barrow with a guy pushing it, and another guy sitting inside it smiling and carrying a block on his head.

My neighbour and his wife went to a bar. The man left his wife at a table and went to the bar man's desk to order. The wife was shocked when a girl ran to her and said, ''Ask for money before
sleeping with him o. I know the man, he doesn't pay.

My Dad was on Ekene Dili Chukwu bus travelling to Onitsha. Co-incidentally, our neighbour Papa Emeka, who had been owing him some money for the past two years was on the same bus with him. Armed robbers waylaid the bus on the road and ordered everyone to lie down flat. They started searching them one after the other, and collecting their money. As it was about getting to Papa Emeka's turn to be searched, he brought out his money and threw it at my Dad who had not been searched, and said, ''Papa Ofego, that is the money i have been owing you for the past two years. I have paid you. Don't disturb me again.

A mad man was just relaxing in his house watching Comedian AY's 30 Days In Atlanta movie when a thief ran into the house and stole his DVD player and took to his heels. The mad man ran after him. The more he ran, the more the mad man ran. So he got tired and stopped. The mad man caught up with him and said, ''Take, you forgot the remote.

My neighbour who is a stammerer was seeking cure to his ailment which has affected his life so much. He went to almost all the doctors around and they told him they had no cure for it. I heard of a Doctor in Ughelli and directed him there. The Doctor tested him and told him he's lucky, that he can cure his stammering. The man asked how? The Doctor explained that his manhood is too big, that is what is causing the stammering. The Doctor told him he will have to exchange manhood with someone that has a small one for his stammering to be cured. The man agreed and the exchange was done through operation. Four months later, the man came back to the Doctor and said, ''Doctor, ever since i exchanged my manhood, my love life with my wife has not been the same. I'm no longer enjoying and satisfying my wife in bed, she's complaining. I want you to call the person i exchanged manhood with, i want to exchange back.'' The Doctor replied, ''That that can can not not be be possible.''

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Three of us, my brother, my friend and i, decided to go for a picnic. I packed the picnic basket full with Jollof rice and carried the basket and we set out for the park which was 10km away. It took us two hours to get there. When we arrived. I quickly spread the mat and set the food. After checking around, my friend found out that i did not pack the spoons. We then begged my brother to go back home and get the spoons. He disagreed. "You people will finish the food before i come back," He protested. "No, we won't", I assured. After some more cajoling from us, he reluctantly agreed to go for the spoons. After three hours, there was no sign of my brother o. We decided to wait for another three hours. Still no sign of him. My friend and i after waiting for this my brother for more than six hours were by now very hungry. So we decided to eat the jollof rice with our bare hands. As we were about to eat, my brother came out of the back of a mango tree which was a little far from the spot we were and shouted, "I said it! I am not going again!''.

My bosom friend and I, after watching a movie at the Cinema in Warri one night were walking down the street to our various homes when we observed a very well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of us. My friend turned to me and remarked, "Ofego I will give 10,000 Naira to spend the night with that girl." Much to our surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I will take you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding me good night, my friend accompanied the young lady to her one room apartment. The next morning, my friend presented her with 5,000 Naira as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating, "If you don't give me the other 5,000 Naira, I will sue you to court for it." He laughed saying, "I will like to see you get it on these grounds." The next day, he was surprised when he received a summon ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented." After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of bushes, a property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of 10,000 Naira. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only 5,000 Naira, half of the amount agreed on. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance." My friend's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore, was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your honour," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labour performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted." The young lady's lawyer answered like this: "Your honour, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the bush, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted." In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the 5,000 Naira or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages." My friend wrote a cheque immediately.